Why I ask/wonder "why are you still single"

[JuneJulySeptember]

Maybe.

 

 

I do think the best items on the shelf do sell out quickly.

 

You missed my point. Some women think outside the box ... the box that binds us all like lemmings to want the same things that everybody else wants.

 

Granted, it's not many women, but there are a few. The fact that I have had relationships is evidence that there are a few.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I also think that the woman usually has the power in the relationship. I feel like most men are sex/physical affection relient and they don't have women fawning for them all the time. A man will hit on a woman sooner than a woman will hit on a man. Its just the nature of things.

 

It's only power if she allows it to be though.

 

There are women who 'could' get a lot of attention from men, but decide to deflect it. See it as a nuisance. Others use it to pump up their ego and use it as leverage as against their partner.

 

How does that Beyonce song go? I could have another you in a minute?

 

I really think it's bad to think like that. It really shouldn't matter if you or your partner doesn't have ANYBODY else who wants them. You're a person, not a job on Monster.com. Do you think like that about your parents or friends?

[LookAtThisPOst]

It's only power if she allows it to be though.

 

There are women who 'could' get a lot of attention from men, but decide to deflect it. See it as a nuisance. Others use it to pump up their ego and use it as leverage as against their partner.

 

How does that Beyonce song go? I could have another you in a minute?

 

I really think it's bad to think like that. It really shouldn't matter if you or your partner doesn't have ANYBODY else who wants them. You're a person, not a job on Monster.com. Do you think like that about your parents or friends?

 

Unfortunately, most relationships are disposable these days and can't be compared to blood (family members). Finding "another you" has become commonplace.

 

Usually these women already have someone lined up before she dumps you. It's called monkey branching.

[elaine567]

Finding "another you" has become commonplace.

 

Usually these women already have someone lined up before she dumps you. It's called monkey branching.

 

...and men don't do the same?

 

Dating is all about finding people you are compatible with, the best fit, so why wouldn't "these women" want to move on to something they see as "better"?

 

Men in general have always be particularly good at "monkey branching", ie looking around for younger, fitter, sexier, "better" model to take the place of the current wife/gf/partner, so I am not sure why "these women" are being singled out.

[SwordofFlame]

I also think that the woman usually has the power in the relationship. I feel like most men are sex/physical affection relient and they don't have women fawning for them all the time. A man will hit on a woman sooner than a woman will hit on a man. Its just the nature of things.

 

Most men I know. They all just want a woman that they can have physical and verbal affection. Some laughs and interesting conversations. Thats about it. They are not looking for a female friend where there is no affection.

 

Couldn't agree more. People value in relationships what they have difficulty finding the most. For some men, that is certainly sex and physical affection. For women, it's usually not sex.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

Dating is all about finding people you are compatible with, the best fit, so why wouldn't "these women" want to move on to something they see as "better"?

 

 

That's the problem, regardless of men or women doing it, these personality types will never find something "better" so they'll just keep monkey branching it all the time. Finding the "Bigger better deal" when there's simply nothing out there as they'll never be satisfied.

 

Now, this is a good arrangement for someone who is commitment phobic though.

 

Not if you're in a long term, monogamous relationship. So no.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Unfortunately, most relationships are disposable these days and can't be compared to blood (family members). Finding "another you" has become commonplace.

 

Usually these women already have someone lined up before she dumps you. It's called monkey branching.

 

So what?

 

F@ck those women. Find somebody who doesn't think like that.

[NuevoYorko]

Men in general have always be particularly good at "monkey branching", ie looking around for younger, fitter, sexier, "better" model to take the place of the current wife/gf/partner, so I am not sure why "these women" are being singled out.

Don't sweat it. I get the distinct impression that blanket statements like that one are made by men who have no experience with women in real life; it makes them feel better to imagine all the callous "monkey branching" going on out there.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Don't sweat it. I get the distinct impression that blanket statements like that one are made by men who have no experience with women in real life; it makes them feel better to imagine all the callous "monkey branching" going on out there.

 

What does such a statement have to do with men lacking experience with women in real life? Please explain. If anything, this IS the part of the experience. Trying to create an argument where none exists?

 

I'm not sure why you would think it's a blanket statement, as it's only exclusive to men, women...people in general that do this.

 

If it makes you feel better to say it makes those men feel better saying that, what you refer to, as a "blanket statement" then have at it.

[Mysterio]

To be Frank with everybody. Part of me feels sick to my stomach when I hear people younger than me act like not having a love partner is like basically being starved to death.

 

I had a great childhood. My love life if I really had to grade it would be a C+. I barley get anything on a regular basis. If I go by the year 2000. I have physically been with 6 women. A combo of making out and sex. That does not mean I have not tried to be with other women. I am 45 yr old. I can't even say what the future holds.

 

I am more about the compatablity than the quantity and I have to throw out age as well. I feel like I am going to make it to 90 anyways. So if I settle down. In my head. My own timeline would be 3 yrs. Unless she is super charming. She may be able to make it two. We would have to be very compatable for that.

 

I think its better to have the right kind of love than any type of love. I don't have a problem being single. I more have a problem with dating. It seems like when I look at myself. All my choices never pan out. When the universe bring someone to me. It feels a bit more solid. Yet Short lived.

 

I am not a ladies man. I am not a Jughead either. When I look at my male friends. It seems like all the women dropped into their lap. Thats why they are successful for the most part.

 

Think tanking myself. As I may have said before. I have to let the universe bring her to me. Its happened before. I just now have a tool to discern who I would be good with and learn to grow with. I basically need more the Girl Next Door type. So think Renee Zelwagger in Jerry McGuire. Betty from the Archie Comics.

 

It is hard not having someone to come home to and love me up. I have a friend G. He did nothing and it all came crashing down on him love wise. His GF adors him. They are expecting their second kid. I feel like underneath it all. He is actually overwhelmed. He was used to all his dgital entertainment and watching a lot of TV/Movies/The Net. Now he has a son. Dogs/GF's 2 kids and by 2017 one more.

 

I am just going to tough it out. No one can make me feel bad about being single. Unless someone can introduce me to a great woman that is very comptable to me and vice versa. It is what it is. So the younger people than me and I. We all need to put things in perspective. Truthfully. I doubt we will be on hear in 40/50 yrs and say we had absolutley nothing.

[Mysterio]

Another as well. Society reinforces the desire for love. Through Music/Art/Movie/TV. There really is not outside source that does not showcase it. Its what makes us human.

 

We have to just tough it out and make out lives a bit better. A great relationship should be a great addition. Not something that was lacking. I also wonder if the sex thing is more about hormones than anything else.

[ZA Dater]

...and men don't do the same?

 

Dating is all about finding people you are compatible with, the best fit, so why wouldn't "these women" want to move on to something they see as "better"?

 

Men in general have always be particularly good at "monkey branching", ie looking around for younger, fitter, sexier, "better" model to take the place of the current wife/gf/partner, so I am not sure why "these women" are being singled out.

 

I agree compatibility is important but what is it really? The point being made here does physical attraction form part of being compatible? Or is compatibility merely another way of saying "I'd like to sleep with someone different"?

 

Much of my searching has been around compatibility, the sense that we actually get on well enough to get along long term. However, the kicker here is I feel some people use compatibility as an excuse to move onto someone better looking, wealthier rather than any personality specific traits.

 

I often think how wonderful it must be to be able to choose a date. Honestly it must be so nice , as opposed to having to make do with begging and grovelling.

[Weezy1973]

I agree compatibility is important but what is it really? The point being made here does physical attraction form part of being compatible? Or is compatibility merely another way of saying "I'd like to sleep with someone different"?

 

Yes, mutual attraction is part of compatibility. Similar values and similar life goals would be the other major areas of compatibility.

 

That's why I don't understand why so many men on LS get so focused on the women that aren't interested in them. Rejection is good. Once a woman rejects you, it usually means she wasn't attracted to you which means you weren't compatible and allows you to focus your attention on other women that might be compatible.

[TheWhittler]

I am single because I prefer to be on my own than with someone I do not love or who does not love me just for the sake of being socially acceptable and in a relationship.

 

I don't need a relationship to complete me. I am complete. I would just like to have someone special in my life. Mind you I would also like to have a curry takeaway for supper tonight but that isn't going to happen. Is my life going to end because I am probably going to have beans on toast for supper? I doubt it. Same with love.

[GoodOnPaper]

Yes, mutual attraction is part of compatibility. Similar values and similar life goals would be the other major areas of compatibility.

 

That's why I don't understand why so many men on LS get so focused on the women that aren't interested in them. Rejection is good. Once a woman rejects you, it usually means she wasn't attracted to you which means you weren't compatible and allows you to focus your attention on other women that might be compatible.

 

If you view yourself as a "struggling guy" when it comes to attraction and dating, the idea that some woman you haven't met will actually be attracted to you can seem far-fetched enough that it feels more pragmatic to try and win over the woman in front of you.

[hotpotato]

The ex wondered that when we met. His friends asked him if i was so great why was i single.

 

I'm very introverted and very happy alone. I usually only have a bf every few years. I can go a year or two or more without so much as i date. I do a lot of solitary activities. I'm not so open and bubbly as many other women so i can seen boring to many guys. The last ex was very extroverted and could bring out my funny side better.

 

I go out and do things but those are not places where id meet someone-like going out to eat by myself on a friday afternoon, going to the movies by myself, walks near the beach, going to bookstores. In most of those places, people are already with their significant other.

 

I also have my quirks and foibles, which don't help.

[thecrucible]

The ex wondered that when we met. His friends asked him if i was so great why was i single.

 

I'm very introverted and very happy alone. I usually only have a bf every few years. I can go a year or two or more without so much as i date. I do a lot of solitary activities. I'm not so open and bubbly as many other women so i can seen boring to many guys. The last ex was very extroverted and could bring out my funny side better.

 

I go out and do things but those are not places where id meet someone-like going out to eat by myself on a friday afternoon, going to the movies by myself, walks near the beach, going to bookstores. In most of those places, people are already with their significant other.

 

I also have my quirks and foibles, which don't help.

 

You sound so much like me . I could absolutely write exactly what you wrote here. It can be really hard for me to get interest in the initial stages because I worry I won't look very fun to some guys, who assume I'm boring. But yeah like you, certain people bring out a different side of me. It depends on the social situation and who I'm spending time with.

[Mysterio]

Here is who I am in my most rawest form.

 

I am a 45 yr old Black Canadian Male. 5'9. Fit Build. Shaved head and clean cut look. My Co workers nick name me Denzel. I love Rock and Roll/Soul/Jazz/Heavy Metal. I love going to see live music acts. I watch a little TV. I like movies as well.

 

I love my Parents/Brother. Cat I have fostered for 7 yrs.

 

I live in a Condo and I am down the street 15-20 minutes to work by bus with a 4 minute walk to my Condo to the bus stop.

 

I have 18 people I call friends. They range form age 25-65. Men and Women. Although its more male dominated.

 

I love interesting conversations and laughs. My personality to me is I am in the middle. I am not scowling or angry. I am not giddy and gregarious.

 

The words that would describe me are. Introspective/Socially Dynamic/Warm/Sharp/Clever.

 

Why am I still single. I won't just take anything given to me. If I am going to be in a relationship and even possibly bring kids into the world. My Romantic female partner and I have to be at least 90% insynch and have the personal tools to be able to weather out the ups and downs of life with each other. as well as care for our kids as well. Not just provide them with food/clothes/shelter. Love and guidance for the most part. So they can hand it down to their kids as well.

 

When I really assess myself. I have a high calibre of sense of selfworth. The Women I have been exposed to or try to explore a romantic relationship with me. We are mostley off in that sense.

 

There are two groups that I feel are coming to me. Group A is the women I go after. The Group B is the women that come to me. Group B is really the Universe giving me these women and I don't have to really work it as much. I broke up with my last GF, because she wanted to fast track having kids with me and we were only 5 months in. I feel like things should be a natural progression.

 

My buddy G is expecting kid #2 in Feb of 2017 with his GF who is till legally married to her ex. He is stressed. He allowed his GF to call the shots so much, that they are in this situation. Plus she has two big kids that are teenagers living with them. G and the Son are not really that close.

 

Anyways. I feel the best match for me all around. However it manifests. Is a woman that is Late 20's to late 40's. Single/Widowed/Divorced-Childless. or maybe has 1-2 kids. I can't do the 5 kids thing. Its too much. Thats a basic frame for me.

 

I really think too much of this Single business is made out more than it has to be. Realistically. 60 % of us are going to to go in and out of relationships until we pass on. 20% will have it for life when they get hitched. the other 20% may not have it at all, and that may be only that they never got married and stayed long term.

Edited December 3, 2016 by Mysterio

[hotpotato]

Well...I"m just a loner.

Recently i went on my first vacation by myself. I don't know if it was a good thing! I feel like i need a partner even less. I drove around, went to attractions iliked.I relaxed when i wanted. i feel like i crossed some kind of threshold, like i'm becoming more and more solidified in being single.