mewox Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Hi! I'm new to the forums and getting ready to ask my husband of 6 years for a divorce. I don't think either of us is happy, I don't love him nor do I feel any romantic feelings for him anymore. I've tried to recreate what we had in the beginning but I feel like I was so young (22) when we got married that I didn't really know who I was or what I wanted. One of the major issues we have is that he's a touchy feely kind of guy, where as I am the opposite. I enjoy being by myself and have tried to make the effort to show him more affection, it just doesn't feel natural to me and almost feels forced. It's been more than a year since we have been intimate and I'm okay with that, but I know he's not. I have not talked to him whatsoever about divorce or leaving thus far, so I feel like this is going to be earth shattering to him, but I feel like he deserves somebody is capable of giving him the attention and love he needs. I've been contemplating divorce on and off for a couple of years, but finally am at the point where I'm ready to move forward with it. My problem is I am unsure of what to say to him to get my point across without seeming cruel or heartless. Also, has anybody remained friends or lived with their ex-spouse in a roommate situation and had it not end badly? We currently live paycheck to paycheck so having him stay would be helpful financially, but I'm not sure that's something he could handle. Help!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 I have not talked to him whatsoever about divorce or leaving thus far, so I feel like this is going to be earth shattering to him You haven't slept with him for a year, don't even like to get touchy/feely with him and you think news you're considering divorce will take him by surprise ??? If he's a normal young man, he's been getting "affection" somewhere. Don't know if it's your intent to come across quite as cold-blooded as you seem, but I'd doubt continuing to support you will be high on his list... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 It's very wrong of you to let things get this far without raising a discussion. Without giving him a chance to fix things. How could he even address your concerns if you didn't tell him what was wrong? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LastAcorn99 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 I’m so sorry your marriage has reached this point. I would strongly suggest that you seek the help of a marriage counselor. Sending you prayers. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 (edited) You don't ask for a divorce. You tell your spouse that you will be filing, then you see a lawyer and you file. How to tell him? "Husband, I am not happy in this marriage and I don't feel it is possible to fix it. Therefore I will be filing for divorce. I hope we can end this marriage amicably and fairly for both of us." I feel like he deserves somebody is capable of giving him the attention and love he needs. having him stay would be helpful financially, but I'm not sure that's something he could handle. These two statements will certainly not mesh well together. If he gets a new partner then she will NOT like him living with his ex wife. It will either ruin his new relationship or it will cause your roommate-type situation to end badly. Edited November 9, 2016 by PegNosePete 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 It seems you are already living as roommates and not a couple so maybe he won't mind still staying with you for a while. Just come out and tell him the truth of how you feel. I'm sure he isn't happy either. Link to post Share on other sites
LilyMila Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 You sound exactly like my husband except for the intimacy part. I have to agree that it is very wrong for you to wait this long and let the situation deteriorate this bad to tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
puppy1031 Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 As the wife of a man who waited for it to get too bad before giving me a chance to work on things, I would also agree that you shouldn't have let it get so bad before trying to say/do anything about it. But, I'm biased because of my situation, I wish he had told me while there was a chance to fix things together. As for living together, my husband and I still live together as roommates though he filed for divorce in July. Really, all it does is prolong the pain. Every positive encounter we have gives me hope that he might yet come around and want to work on things. Every day he closes himself up in "his" room and doesn't interact with me it hurts that he's so close yet so far. Would you trust him not to go through your things when you weren't home? I try not to snoop, but if I'm being honest I go in his room sometimes and wish some clue would jump out at me about how to fix things. It depends how much he still has feelings for you. If he's feeling distant too then maybe it won't hurt him as much as it hurts me. Link to post Share on other sites
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