xyz12345 Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 You tore up the last one. I know deep down you loved it, you should always have it. So my LD boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5yrs. First things started GREAT. He was sweet, attentive, loving. We first met online and then face to face about 6mths in. He is 10yrs younger than me, but says he wants family and kids. So in the first year he did most of the pursuing cause I was getting out of a marriage and processing that. I was thankful for the LD cause it gave me time to heal. So after a year or so I placed my second foot and committed myself to the relationship as he was just sweet. It feels like AS i placed my other foot, he has slowly turned. He's sometimes gets very angry and causes fights over the stupidest things and can be verbally abusive and calling me names. YET he says he loves me and wants to be with me. The reason we are LD is we were trying to confirm who would go where, he is in the US and I'm not. I have a successful career and he is NOW starting out. While i was dealing with my divorce, and when i first met him. He was unemployed, living home at 24. I helped him redo his resume. I spent hours online looking for jobs and applying for him. He would start to get angry at me whenever I would ask how the job hunt was going and told me not to bring that up. He felt I was judging him. I just felt he was being picky about where he applied and he couldnt be cause he has no real work experience. He also felt that I judged him for his weight. He was 250lbs when I met him and he is about 5.7, Since we met he gained to 290 over xmas and then down to 278 when last i knew. He always felt because I said things like he should go to the gym or when I touched his stomach and said he should do something cause he’s young and I care about him. He felt insecure and that I dont find him attractive. No matter how many times i tell him if i didnt find him attractive or if his weight was an issue I would have left after the first trip. Cut to the 2nd yr to now. The fights are increasingly insane. During our relationship he has lied a few times to me also. The major lie was coming to me saying he took a pic of me without my knowledge or consent, it was a personal pic. I was furious and blocked him. He begged and i forgave him and started back talking to him. About 4mths ago the fighting was so bad and primarily started by him that I lied saying I didnt love him and said it was over. He begged and pleaded saying how he would change and I wasn;t having it. My goal at the time wasn’t really to end it, but to set the relationship back to basic and start over. I really do love him. We did go no contact for about 2 weeks then he contacted me when my grand mother died and was texting ever since. He was trying to work things out and I wanted to go slow. He would say he didnt want anyone else and I said I didnt want anyone else. So we texted friendly. He would start a fight here and there and set us back. The last one which is what lead to the after break up break up was he started talking dirty and I had a hell of a day and was not in the mood. He got MAD and ignored me. Then I got mad and texted him 3 days later asking ‘why is he ignoring me’ Since then he acts like he hates me. Says hes done and its over. During a fight I also lied saying I was going on a date with someone. This was to shut him up as he was spamming my phone with angry messages and it worked, he shut up. He ALSO held it over me. Week after this, I come to learn he was chatting up some girl on facebook and was going to HER and talking about us, she was at first apparently trying to ‘help’ him get me back and they are now starting a relationship. She doesnt seem to be in the same state as him i think so its another LDR. I could be wrong. I flipped when i found out and SHE was the one that told me they were together. So I blew up at him angerily and then begged to make us work, I came clean saying i DID love him and and he is hearing none of it. All he is saying is I left and abandoned him and how he was so heartbroken. He says how does it feel cause he was right where I am now. I went so far to say I was buying a ticket to come see him and work things out and he says no. He will file a restraining order if I do. I feel that cause of my fears, I have pushed someone that loves me away. Is there any chance of salvaging this? I'm very heart broken ATM. I have gone no contact since Sunday I'm doing 30 days to try no contact. Thoughts advice and support is welcomed. Thank you in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xyz12345 Posted November 9, 2016 Author Share Posted November 9, 2016 Anyone?..... Link to post Share on other sites
xxcazaxx Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Do you really want to be in a relationship where you fight all of the time? Honestly I would be thinking that now is a good time to be moving on as harsh as it sounds. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 what's the point of being in a ldr that isn't even pleasurable? Why do you want to be with an abusive loser who still lives with his mommy? He abuses you, he doesn't have a job, he's not attractive, he lives far away. what exactly are you doing with this guy? this one is a no brainer. dump him and move on Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 The real question here is why are you so desperate that you even consider wasting your breath on a mean, unstable, fat, unemployed, man-child that isn't even in your location? Why aren't you out dating employed, independent, attractive, age-appropriate men in your own city??? Find out why you are not doing that and correct it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xyz12345 Posted November 17, 2016 Author Share Posted November 17, 2016 (edited) He did start working last year and I told him I was happy for him. Now he says all I do is judge him and how I changed him. He then moved out from his mom to move in with his uncles and rent a room. Well, if you call it that. Since he's started working I've noticed the change. And he would feel upset that I wasn't saying I was proud or happy. And in my mind, I am happy for him, but I'm not going to praise someone for being a working adult...I work my butt off since I was 15yrs old. Thing is the first year he was sweet and now its all I think of. The sweet loving guy I met the first year. But it seems AS he started to work and grow up, he changed into this mean, grumpy, abusive jerk. The second year he just started to turn. When I told him months ago he, acknowledged and said he would change and then proceeded to start fights after that. And the fights were for the stupidest things. Me saying "ok" in a conversation to sending him smileys in the morning. it was just draining. And what hurts is how he just tossed me. He called me trash, B***, said I was a cold B***. How I only judged him and nothing he did was up to my standards. My asking a simple question of "So how was gym?" was met with a severe attack. And now he maybe into someone else. He says he's taking things slow as they both have piece of Sh*t exes . In his mind I basically did nothing for him. Ive gone NC for 7days now. He has lurked on my IG page and asked his mother about me. His mother btw has said she was so disappointed in his behavior, but is YET to speak with him about how he treated a woman. I didnt go to her to bash him. I went to her cause we spoke and she was the only other person I knew that knew him. My feelings change, one day Im over it, the next I feel sad that its over and then other times I feel I'm to blame if i did somethings differently. Why did I stay? I kept hoping he would change and grow up. I kept thinking when we would be together it would be different. But my last trip in xmas I wound up in the bathroom crying on xmas day. Its hard when a guy promises over and over he would never hurt you or stop loving you to do just that. Edited November 17, 2016 by xyz12345 Link to post Share on other sites
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