js_77 Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 We were together in bed watching TV and suddenly she caught me looking through her phone, I saw she was texting on WhatsApp and she got really upset because she said I don't respect her privacy, that everytime we're together I spy her texting! I said "Why are you so angry? There's no need! If you're so angry now maybe you're cheating on me, I think you're texting other guys!" She said "I never look through what you're texting and I always respect your privacy!" Anyway I'm ok we don't share each other email and social media passwords, I never asked to see her phone neither she, I respect her privacy and she respects mine. I know respecting your partner's privacy is crucial to a successful relationship but I can't trust her after that, we had a fight and I left her place! I think she's cheating on me! Link to post Share on other sites
Joga_31 Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 I wonder what she is hiding, I mean why is she so defensive? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 "you don't respect my privacy" That's what cheaters say... Been there, done that. You can say you trust someone but if they act defensive and subvertive, where there's smoke there's fire. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Absolutely one should respect privacy, then again if she was texting something innocent it wouldn't be an issue right? If she demanded you hand over your phone and nothing was there then you wouldn't be worried. Once those niggly little things start to set in, mainly distrust, it's a long long road back. What's happening is she's saying my phone is off limits. Once that happens it's goodbye. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 It could be about just the fact you wanted to look or was glancing, and not that she is cheating or has anything to hide. If my old man did that I would get irritated too, even tho I have nothing to hide. I don't glance down at his s^&%. I think It's rude TBH. I have a co-worker that looks at what I am typing, like watches me, when she comes over to talk to me about something.....drives me crazy. So when I see her I close it down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Yes that is right. Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. All that is total crap. She is talking to someone that she does not want you to know about. Total cheater speak. Time to end it, it looks like... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Edited: nvm, reread the op and it answered my question Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Reading someone else's phone is beyond rude. Even if I had nothing to hide, I would be furious with a person who felt they had the right to examine my phone. If they then start blaming my reaction as having something to hide, I'd probably end the relationship. My husband and I both have access to each other's phone and use them when required. Sometimes I hear a message and if he's near the phone, I will ask him what it was. But we'd never deliberately open an app and read each other's conversations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 If she demanded you hand over your phone and nothing was there then you wouldn't be worried. A person who demands the partner hand over the phone? Total dealbreaker. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Doesn't sound like you respect her privacy at all going through her messages.. Anyone would be annoyed. Surely she's allowed to talk to her friends without you reading those PRIVATE conversations? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 We always have a debate about this. It usually is young vs. older folks. Let me see if I can explain this. When you are in an exclusive relationship, you have the right to look. Especially if you have a feeling. These boards are replete with cheaters clinging to their phones like their life depended on it. This is always what happens. She is cheating on him, I would bet 100.00 on it. Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. It really is that simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 We always have a debate about this. It usually is young vs. older folks. Let me see if I can explain this. When you are in an exclusive relationship, you have the right to look. Especially if you have a feeling. These boards are replete with cheaters clinging to their phones like their life depended on it. This is always what happens. She is cheating on him, I would bet 100.00 on it. Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. It really is that simple. I disagree. If my partner asked to see my phone or had any real concerns, I'd happily talk it over and help put his mind at ease, even if that would mean showing him my messages. Now, this would make me feel uncomfortable - because it's my private conversations with my friends, but it wouldn't be a big deal, because I have nothing to hide. And yet, if I found him looking through my phone behind my back, without my consent, I would be upset, because it's a sign that he doesn't trust me and I can't trust him. I also acknowledge that at times I can feel insecure and anxious and be tempted to look at my partner's private conversations. I know rationally that I can trust him, but that doesn't change my irrational feelings of anxiety.. I think there's a healthy medium here of acknowledging your weaknesses or reservations, discussing with your partner and coming to a healthy compromise where - if that's what it takes and you both are comfortable with that - you agree to allow each other to look at your partner's phone or whatever works for you, without sneaking around. Because that kills the trust in relationships. But yeah, cheating does happen and reading this forum sometimes gives me the impression that everyone does it and it's always the worst case scenario and being paranoid is the only way to protect yourself. But I don't think that's a healthy way to approach a relationship. Cheating is a big deal, I feel like there would be more signs about the person in addition to just liking their privacy and not wanting to share every little aspect of your other friendships and conversations with your partner.. because neither do I. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 I understand you thoughts Empyrea and I see where you are coming from. But I ask you this, what is so private that you would not want to show your SO? If there is something there that you are hiding from them then I suggest that you reevaluate your relationship. Maybe they are not so significant??? Here is the deal for me, if I am in a relationship with a woman and she does not want me looking at her phone for some reason, OK. Then I will be packing her bags up and she can hit the road. It is really that simple. I realize that it may be draconian, but if a woman does not want to be open with me like I am with her, she can get lost. There are just too many out there to put up with that kind of stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 I understand you thoughts Empyrea and I see where you are coming from. But I ask you this, what is so private that you would not want to show your SO? If there is something there that you are hiding from them then I suggest that you reevaluate your relationship. Maybe they are not so significant??? Here is the deal for me, if I am in a relationship with a woman and she does not want me looking at her phone for some reason, OK. Then I will be packing her bags up and she can hit the road. It is really that simple. I realize that it may be draconian, but if a woman does not want to be open with me like I am with her, she can get lost. There are just too many out there to put up with that kind of stuff. But what about if she's open in her everyday life. She lets you use her phone. She tells you where she is. She leaves her phone lying around unlocked. She's where she says she is. If she's an open book and has given no reason for mistrust, why would you also feel the need to go through her phone? On top of being open and honest, must she also submit to having her private messages perused? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 OP If you Google the signs of infidelity, the first one on the list or close to it is GUARDING THE PHONE. So she's bent out of shape because she is using an app that disappears and is adamant about you not seeing it. Don't by into the bull **** that you have no right to ask her who she is texting or communicating with if you are in an "exclusive" relationship. Like you have been told, those with nothing to hide do not react like that. From what you described, I'd be willing to bet that if you got hold of her text history you will find some numbers that belong to guys that you have no idea who they are. The old saying is "trust your gut". And your gut brought you to this forum. Do not suck it up and let it go without some real serious thoughts. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author js_77 Posted November 9, 2016 Author Share Posted November 9, 2016 Guys I won't be a hypocrite, I respect our privacy but why she was so angry with me? I didn't even touch her phone, didn't take it "with my hands", I just looked through her when she was texting and she caught me! I don't trust sluts, I must break up! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 If my old man did that I would get irritated too, even tho I have nothing to hide. I don't glance down at his s^&%. I think It's rude TBH. I agree (almost). But if i caught my partner spying on my phone, suspecting i'm cheating, I would get irritated because of the spying but at the same time, and maybe first, I would try to calm her suspicions down and make efforts to make her feel secure. But if she is focused only with the spying, I'm sorry, her demand for privacy looks more like manipulation than a real concern for her privacy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Lola is correct about her cheating and manipulating. Bottom line is she is cheating on you. Question is what are you going to do about it? I say move on, but that is just me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Lola is correct about her cheating and manipulating. Bottom line is she is cheating on you. Question is what are you going to do about it? I say move on, but that is just me... Were this me in this situation, I'd wait for her to come to me with an explanation....you don't IMO owe her anything due to this shady behavior. Dating is like a test drive...don't buy a car that you don't like the ride.....goes both ways though......maybe she's looking for a BF that's okay with her sketchy ways.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author js_77 Posted November 9, 2016 Author Share Posted November 9, 2016 Yeah it sounds like I should end this relationship! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 You should The debate over privacy versus secrecy will rag on long after this thread. What you need to understand is that a long term relationship is an audition for a life together for many years to come. Life is too short to make a mistake like the audition more than once. Her defensiveness says a ton about where her head is at. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author js_77 Posted November 9, 2016 Author Share Posted November 9, 2016 Dating for a year and a half but feeling very confused, we've been fighting a lot. I dont trust her and her sexual past bothers me, she had sex with my cousin in the past before we met, I don't want to get married, don't want kids. I'm divorced, she's 35 with no kids and has been twice divorced (red flag), she's manipulative, she's bipolar and has depression issues. She has her exes one night stands hookups FWB as friends on facebook, instagram and whatsapp,etc! Her pets are annoying! Anyway I'm tired, feeling no strength! Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Then break up with her. By no means should you cheat on her and break up. That would be a no no. So please do not think of cheating on her. No one deserves that, ever. But if you feel so strongly about this then you know your only course of action is to end it now before you are at cross purposes to such a degree that you destroy each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Dating for a year and a half but feeling very confused, we've been fighting a lot. I dont trust her and her sexual past bothers me, she had sex with my cousin in the past before we met, I don't want to get married, don't want kids. I'm divorced, she's 35 with no kids and has been twice divorced (red flag), she's manipulative, she's bipolar and has depression issues. She has her exes one night stands hookups FWB as friends on facebook, instagram and whatsapp,etc! Her pets are annoying! Anyway I'm tired, feeling no strength! So end it. Frankly, it sounds like you should have ended it long ago. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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