gettingstronger Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 I'm not so sure about that, I've met a lot of men who had cheating wives and they had a very hard time understanding what she saw in MM.....there is an be over in n the Infidelity section now. That's ego talking. It's my opinion for everyone that thinks someone is attractive, there's someone that thinks they're just meh... Very few people are 8+ to many. The idea of attractive varies greatly. That's why comparing and putting too much stock in external validation is so damaging to some. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 The dynamic is as common as MW having affairs with MM and not single men. Unattractive married men pose no threat at first, then one day all of a sudden there is wn emotional attachment and the affair is off and running. Agree with this, i am not attracted to good looking men, i subconsciously see them as a threat, and like someone who is used to female attention and has a lot of choice, and because i feel not good enough i cant see why such a man would genuinely want me, hence the perceived threat of getting hurt. Whereas an average, ordinary man with a boring life and no attention from attractive females brings the promise of awe and adoration of me, and therefore providing the fix of validation and feeling worthy that i so crave Yes, a lot of issues for me to resolve 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Midlifecrisis1 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Whereas an average, ordinary man with a boring life and no attention from attractive females brings the promise of awe and adoration of me, and therefore providing the fix of validation and feeling worthy that i so crave This EXACTLY. And yet this person ended things with me! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Not to be crass, but there is a saying that goes "every hot woman you see, somewhere there is a guy sick for f having sex with her" Meaning, it doesn't matter how good looking you are guys tire of the same thing. Not to mention a little attention is a low price to pay to have a good looking woman at your convenience. Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 This EXACTLY. And yet this person ended things with me! I know! Thats a real blow to my already defeated ego and reaffirms my feeling of not being good enough. A vicious circle Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 I know! Thats a real blow to my already defeated ego and reaffirms my feeling of not being good enough. A vicious circle The best way to get your self respect back and reaffirm your worth is to walk away. The hardest thing to do can become the easiest way to gain back your self respect. You soon start realizing what you deserve and you learn to hold your head high. Link to post Share on other sites
Cyra Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 The best way to get your self respect back and reaffirm your worth is to walk away. The hardest thing to do can become the easiest way to gain back your self respect. You soon start realizing what you deserve and you learn to hold your head high. Oh im already away, no questions there But my underlying issues that got me into it in the first place, they still remain and i feel powerless against them, i hope therapy will help For what it costs me it had better work some magic Link to post Share on other sites
oceansaway Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 My EXmm is unfortunately extremely good looking. Tall, dark hair and very sexy. Immediately attractived...first time in my life. I just confused lust for love. I get past the pain by "finally" realizing he is a liar and a cheater. Took me a long time but I'm not jealous of his wife...I feel bad for her. I would never tolerate a liar and cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 I have gone on and off to therapy. It really didn't help because truthfully, I know the answers. I was basically paying someone to listen to me, plus she did not feel I would ever get better having to see him (its only once a week, but still). She said I should quit. I want someone who teaches me how to be strong. I am not sure what that person would be called. I had a session at a hypnotist and she was really strong and no nonsense. She did not think I should run but stay and fight. She was in a different part of my organization, which is how I met her. She was expensive though and my H flipped out on me. He does not like therapy or believe in it. I've been on meds and they do work but they only numb you up. You are grieving the loss of a 2.5 year affair and your marriage though. That is huge. I actually have a suggestion for you - and maybe for me. When I was separated and alone in this state, I was really depressed. I bought a puppy. You can't be sad and lie around with a puppy because they don't allow it. Today he is 13 years old. (now he is the one lying around). If you like dogs, think about it. I love dogs! That's a great idea. I actually spent time with a friend last weekend and she has a 4 month old puppy. He was the sweetest thing! I haven't smiled that much in a long time I know I've got a lot happening right now. It'll take time to work through it all. It's just the weight of it and the sadness that comes over me is overwhelming. I don't want to be numb though. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 (edited) Sorry, I haven't read the rest of the posts.... Just had to say not me!!! My "married man" was a 9 years younger, hung, hottie! I got all of that ego boost stuff the MM get for cheating up I suppose. I never loved him, I lusted for him. No contact has been pretty easy, except for when I see him in passing which seems to make me insta horny. Edited November 10, 2016 by RecentChange Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 (edited) Not much left of this thread after the off-topic content was removed (107 posts) so we will leave this one closed. ~T Edited November 11, 2016 by William 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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