Illyboy Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 So this will be a bit long and I apologize in advance. Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over a year and there have been a few things that make me feel uneasy. This could just be me being insecure, actually some of it is definitely that but I wanted to get your advice on it. First. Before we were a couple she told me an ex wanted to get together with her. I told her that it made me uncomfortable but we weren't officially a couple so I said go for it. Her response was that if I didn't like it she wouldn't do it and we made plans for the day she was supposed to get together with him. Anyways the day arrives and something comes up and she can't meet up with me. That day I don't hear from her for about 8 hours which is uncommon, the next morning for about 5 hours when she would have normally text. She said she lost her phone. This incident I mostly brushed off since we weren't together yet. Next. After being a couple for about 3 months I noticed a text from the same guy that left a bit to the imagination. After trying not to for a few days I caved in and checked her phone. It wasn't as bad as I thought but it was still not appreciated. He would constantly say how hot she was and she also sent him a picture of her because of a new look she was trying. After the picture he asked if they could get together, briefly after she told me she couldn't hang out as late because she had to get up early. I brought up the texting (not that I checked her phone) and she said it bothered me so she would stop. Last. This one I imagine is probably insecurity or paranoia but here it is. We have an apartment together and work about the same distance away. There have been a few times where I have seen her on the way home where she has passed me by quite a lot. This wouldn't bother me except for the fact that she still gets home a half hour or more after me. There is no explanation to it but I never ask, she normally tells me the little details about her day. Now I want to say I haven't really mentioned anything except for the texting because I feel it is just paranoia. I try to brush it off and usually I'm fine within a couple days. I just wanted to get your advice. Thanks for the help! Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 It could be nothing. When a girl did this to me she was uh, taking a ride with someone else so to speak. I've learned that if the ex is still in the picture to just let it go. Too many convenient excuses, and too many "oops his dick fell into me" moments have taught me that it isn't worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Anyways the day arrives and something comes up and she can't meet up with me. That day I don't hear from her for about 8 hours which is uncommon, the next morning for about 5 hours when she would have normally text. She said she lost her phone. This incident I mostly brushed off since we weren't together yet. You're one hell of a lot better at brushing-off than I would be. He would constantly say how hot she was and she also sent him a picture of her because of a new look she was trying. After the picture he asked if they could get together, briefly after she told me she couldn't hang out as late because she had to get up early. Well, it's impossible for us to say with any certainty what she's up to, but I'm with Paper Crane on this... if she's still entangled with an ex then it's going to be nothing but misery for you. If she's shady/disingenuous, nothing but misery. You can't get people to change fundamentally –– you have to figure this stuff out and make your choices. Sooner is better. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Why don't you ask her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Illyboy Posted October 27, 2016 Author Share Posted October 27, 2016 Thanks for the replies so far. As far as the ex thing goes I have seen the last text he sent and it hasn't changed for a couple of months so she might have actually stopped talking. In what I've read she doesn't say anything sweet back to him, and just brushes off the compliments but it was still bothersome because she felt the need to. That and the fact that I rarely get pictures anymore yet this guy gets one without even asking for it. The most recent event was probably the car thing but I wasn't sure if that was overreaching. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 First 2 red flags: So this will be a bit long and I apologize in advance. Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over a year and there have been a few things that make me feel uneasy. This could just be me being insecure, actually some of it is definitely that but I wanted to get your advice on it. First. Before we were a couple she told me an ex wanted to get together with her. I told her that it made me uncomfortable but we weren't officially a couple so I said go for it. Her response was that if I didn't like it she wouldn't do it and we made plans for the day she was supposed to get together with him. Anyways the day arrives and something comes up and she can't meet up with me. That day I don't hear from her for about 8 hours which is uncommon, the next morning for about 5 hours when she would have normally text. She said she lost her phone. This incident I mostly brushed off since we weren't together yet. Next. After being a couple for about 3 months I noticed a text from the same guy that left a bit to the imagination. After trying not to for a few days I caved in and checked her phone. It wasn't as bad as I thought but it was still not appreciated. He would constantly say how hot she was and she also sent him a picture of her because of a new look she was trying. After the picture he asked if they could get together, briefly after she told me she couldn't hang out as late because she had to get up early. I brought up the texting (not that I checked her phone) and she said it bothered me so she would stop. Then we have the unexplained hour walking home from work!!! Last. This one I imagine is probably insecurity or paranoia but here it is. We have an apartment together and work about the same distance away. There have been a few times where I have seen her on the way home where she has passed me by quite a lot. This wouldn't bother me except for the fact that she still gets home a half hour or more after me. There is no explanation to it but I never ask, she normally tells me the little details about her day. Do you really not know what it going on here? She is screwing her ex. No doubt about it. Come on man! It could be nothing... And I could take a dump on Mars this afternoon. But neither is very likely. Dump her yesterday... Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Based on what you've written, I don't think you have any real reason to believe something is up.. I mean, she stopped the messaging when she said she would, sounds legit. Is there anything else that's causing you to feel paranoid? I really doubt the ex is the issue, if something was going on, then her part of the convo you read would be very different. And just ask her about what she was doing when you saw her pass you - seems reasonable to be curious about something like that, see what she says. Just don't act overly insecure or paranoid (unless more stuff piles up). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Illyboy Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 Based on what you've written, I don't think you have any real reason to believe something is up.. I mean, she stopped the messaging when she said she would, sounds legit. Is there anything else that's causing you to feel paranoid? I really doubt the ex is the issue, if something was going on, then her part of the convo you read would be very different. And just ask her about what she was doing when you saw her pass you - seems reasonable to be curious about something like that, see what she says. Just don't act overly insecure or paranoid (unless more stuff piles up). Yeah, I'll admit that I'm probably in my head more than I should be but 90% of the time I just let it go. It's only when it's something really obvious that I bring it up. My only problem with the texting was that she felt the need to continue texting him knowing what he thinks. At that point why is it important for her to continue talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Illyboy Posted November 9, 2016 Author Share Posted November 9, 2016 So an update to my situation which I posted on here recently. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/600282-am-i-just-being-paranoid I ended up talking to her about it and she gave me a reason for the later arrivals. The reasons she gave could be used at anytime, like stopping to see her cousin who lives close by (she constantly tells me she hates seeing her). It happened again the next few days, when I asked if she stopped to see her cousin she said yes and ended it. This went on a few days before I told her that I asked because I was worried about how she was doing emotionally. She broke down in tears and I left it at that. Afterwards the problem stopped. Fast forwarding to now. She texts an ex bf of hers she has known for a very long time. I've known this and was okay with it given their history. There have been other exes she talks to but that has stopped. Anyways every now and then I glance over at her phone, and I've realized they talk a lot more than I thought. Needless to say my mind started to wander with things like... Does she talk to him when at work for the few hours she's too busy to talk to me? Does she go to him for advice if we're having problems in the relationship? She used to send me many pictures of herself, I wonder if she sends them to him now. Does she get more excited to give news to him than she does to me? I wonder if they text more frequently than me and her when we're not together. And the last one that's daunting to think about.... We have a snake. A few nights ago she was taking pictures of it down in her shirt resting right on top of her chest. This picture was not sent to me, which I don't really care if it was, but I can't shake the feeling that she sent it to him or someone else. Yep, more paranoia on my part. All but the last have me thinking that I'm just being insecure. Anyways sorry to sound like a broken record but I would love any feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 Whether she's cheating or not, the fact is - you don't trust her. This is a problem. You've been together for over a year. You shouldn't still be worrying about whether she is trustworthy or not at this stage. You should talk to her and tell her that you are having trust issues. Tell her the reason why. If she is trustworthy then she will respond in a caring and loving way, appreciate your feelings and show you that you have nothing to worry about. If she is not trustworthy then she will take on a confrontational tone, will "explain" and make excuses for everything under the sun and will tell you that you're being ridiculous/crazy/paranoid. In the latter case I would run for the hills. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 (edited) []you don't trust her. We can't fix this for you. You either talk to her about it or breakup with her. [] Edited November 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Topical content Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 I still think she is cheating... At some level I believe that she is cheating on you. I think the trips to see her "cousin" are me ups for sex, but who knows. When she broke down, that is a sign to me that she wanted to tell you but she is scared to. I kind of think it may be time to dump her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miyoko Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 I think she's cheating, I'm with blues power on this one cut your losses. Link to post Share on other sites
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