How to deal with Sexless Marriage? Wife is sick

[What-2-Do]

I've decided to file for divorce. I can't live in this prison any longer. I already started the paperwork and will complete it before this week is over. I simply can't live like this any longer and I choose to be happy again.

[BettyDraper]

I've decided to file for divorce. I can't live in this prison any longer. I already started the paperwork and will complete it before this week is over. I simply can't live like this any longer and I choose to be happy again.

 

I'm glad that you've finally made a decision. It's sad that your marriage has to end but it will be for the best. I know that's such a cliche but you've done all that you can.

 

Try to get custody of your son because it doesn't look like your wife is capable of being a good parent at this time.

I know the courts often favor mothers but based on what you have shared, it's possible that you could make a convincing case for full custody.

[What-2-Do]

I'm glad that you've finally made a decision. It's sad that your marriage has to end but it will be for the best. I know that's such a cliche but you've done all that you can.

 

Try to get custody of your son because it doesn't look like your wife is capable of being a good parent at this time.

I know the courts often favor mothers but based on what you have shared, it's possible that you could make a convincing case for full custody.

 

It's a difficult decision to make but it's one I've been thinking about for 2 years now. I just need to decide how I'm going to bring this up to her. I'm still thinking of writing the letters she can't argue with me and I will be able to explain all the reasons why. She will flip it on me and say that I'm only leaving her because she is sick and that's not the reality. The sickness hasn't helped but it's everything else that's wrong with our relationship.

[BettyDraper]

It's a difficult decision to make but it's one I've been thinking about for 2 years now. I just need to decide how I'm going to bring this up to her. I'm still thinking of writing the letters she can't argue with me and I will be able to explain all the reasons why. She will flip it on me and say that I'm only leaving her because she is sick and that's not the reality. The sickness hasn't helped but it's everything else that's wrong with our relationship.

 

Your wife is a woman who doesn't want to take responsibility for her actions and her behavior. She also expects everyone to tolerate whatever she does. It's impossible to have a successful marriage with someone like that.

 

I sympathize with your wife's illness. What annoys me is your wife is able to go to work which should be impossible if she is as sick as she says she is. Your wife is also able to have pity sex when she senses that you are tired of her coldness. Lastly, your wife is a selfish and cruel mother which is the final straw. If she cared about your son, she would do whatever she could to be an active parent. I think your wife's illness is selective and convenient. She just trots it out as an excuse whenever she feels like being lazy.

 

My guess is when your wife seems that blaming you for the divorce won't help, she will panic and start doing everything that you asked as a last ditch attempt to save the marriage. I believe this based on her past behavior. I hope you won't be swayed by that because I guarantee that if you end up staying, your wife will revert back to her selfish laziness and piss poor parenting.

[BaileyB]

Your wife is a woman who doesn't want to take responsibility for her actions and her behavior. She also expects everyone to tolerate whatever she does. It's impossible to have a successful marriage with someone like that.

 

My guess is when your wife seems that blaming you for the divorce won't help, she will panic and start doing everything that you asked as a last ditch attempt to save the marriage. I believe this based on her past behavior. I hope you won't be swayed by that because I guarantee that if you end up staying, your wife will revert back to her selfish laziness and piss poor parenting.

 

This is the truth.

 

Just tell her. Make your decision, put your plans in place, and serve her the papers. The time for talking is done.

[What-2-Do]

She clearly knows something is going on. She said she was super horny tonight and wanted to have sex. I turned her down and she's so pissed off at me. She told me to sleep on the couch. I just told her I was tired and just not in the mood and had a headache.

[BaileyB]

Sex is her currency. Her negotiations have begun.

 

As a woman, I have no respect for a woman who uses sex as currency and then pouts and passive aggressively seeks to punish you when she doesn't get her way.

[BettyDraper]

She clearly knows something is going on. She said she was super horny tonight and wanted to have sex. I turned her down and she's so pissed off at me. She told me to sleep on the couch. I just told her I was tired and just not in the mood and had a headache.

 

See? I'm not surprised that your wife is suddenly feeling sexual. Doesn't that seem convenient to you?

[What-2-Do]

See? I'm not surprised that your wife is suddenly feeling sexual. Doesn't that seem convenient to you?

 

Funny how that works. Now that her bargaining tool isn't working who knows what will happen.

[BettyDraper]

Funny how that works. Now that her bargaining tool isn't working who knows what will happen.

 

Maybe your wife will start attending counseling, getting manicures and taking medication to see if that will make you stay. Again, I assume that if those changes are made they will be short lived.

 

Good for you for no longer allowing yourself to be manipulated with sex.

[Mz. Pixie]

She clearly knows something is going on. She said she was super horny tonight and wanted to have sex. I turned her down and she's so pissed off at me. She told me to sleep on the couch. I just told her I was tired and just not in the mood and had a headache.

 

Okay so see? She can feel bad for months at a time but when she wants to have sex which is clearly manipulation on her part she gets pissed if you have a headache.

 

When is the last time she's said "super horny"?

 

She's not the first woman to manipulate a guy this way. It's horrid. Sex is not currency.

 

You want to have sex with someone who desires you. And is enthusiastic about the process. Not someone who throws it out as payment for you holding all the responsibility.

 

She just in general rubs me wrong. She can work but then clearly believed she's on a vacation after that.

 

And don't listen to whoever said you don't get kudos for being a parent. You absolutely do. What you're doing is what most single parents do. Not most married-unless your marriage is unbalanced. If you're going to have to do everything like a single dad you might as well be one without listening to her whining. I think you're a good dad. This has clearly been a struggle for you.

 

Stay strong!!!!

[Mz. Pixie]

It rankles me to think she sulks away from chores and her kid and possibly lays up in the bed and watches TV or plays on her phone.

 

While you're a single parent.

 

Her sense of entitlement is huge!

[Bufo]

I'm late to this thread. Do you plan to hire an attorney? It would not be difficult for her (helped by a sympathetic doctor) to claim disability and therefore claim a right to have you continue to support her during and after the divorce.

[NuevoYorko]

The intervention will never work. My wife can't take any criticism in any way shape or form even if it is with good intentions. She's very combative and close minded.

Interventions are a last resort and nobody ever knows if they will "work" or not. People on the receiving end of interventions are AWAYS unable to take criticism; that's why it has gotten to the point of an intervention.

 

Either have one or don't, but you are really way past your "right" to complain about your wife so much. As long as you're doing your part by staying there, or not trying new approaches (like intervention) you are responsible for your own misery.

[What-2-Do]

Needless to say New Years was a total bust. I'm heading to New York on Tuesday until Sunday so I won't be around. When I get back Sunday night I will start planning my next steps. 2017 is going to be about ME and my happiness. I'm not going to live like this any longer that's for sure.

[BettyDraper]

Needless to say New Years was a total bust. I'm heading to New York on Tuesday until Sunday so I won't be around. When I get back Sunday night I will start planning my next steps. 2017 is going to be about ME and my happiness. I'm not going to live like this any longer that's for sure.

 

I'm not sure why you were expecting NYE to be any different.

It doesn't even matter at this point because you're leaving your wife.

Good for you for focusing on your happiness. Enjoy NYC!

[What-2-Do]

I'm not sure why you were expecting NYE to be any different.

It doesn't even matter at this point because you're leaving your wife.

Good for you for focusing on your happiness. Enjoy NYC!

 

I didn't expect NYE to be any different I was just making a statement. haha NYC will be fun even though it's for work. It will just be great getting away from all the negativity and B.S. around here.

[Mz. Pixie]

I didn't expect NYE to be any different I was just making a statement. haha NYC will be fun even though it's for work. It will just be great getting away from all the negativity and B.S. around here.

 

I'm sorry you're still at this point. But I am glad you are getting away.

 

How will she function without her babysitter etc there?

[What-2-Do]

I'm sorry you're still at this point. But I am glad you are getting away.

 

How will she function without her babysitter etc there?

 

I'm in New York now until Sunday night. I finished all the divorce paperwork. We're not going to go thru lawyers. She's going to keep the house we're living in, I will find a townhouse to move to. She can keep 95% of our furniture I will just take the extra bed a TV or 2 and obviously my clothes. I have 3 cars which I will take with me and she will keep her car. We will split custody 50/50 with our son.

 

Thank god we don't have a lot of debt so I will continue to pay it all off and I will help with some of her household expenses. Other than that we simply split our money and move on. She keeps her retirement and I keep my business assets. It sucks it has to come to this but at the end of the day I know it's the right decision.

 

The past few days she has been telling me she loves me and I've just been shrugging her off. I mentioned this morning that this doesn't feel like love and she got pissed off. She was also pissed the other day because I made a comment about Cindy Crawford still looking hot for being 50 and she got pissed at me.

 

She finally came to my business on Monday and the new girl I was thinking of hiring came in. I worked with her on technique and getting her to learn the ropes. When I got home my wife told me I can't hire her because she's too cute and she's way to into me. She proceeded to say that the girl was giving my wife the hairy eye. This I don't believe but whatever. Also, at the gym today I was getting several smiles from different girls there and I'm not shy so finding someone else shouldn't be too difficult. However, I would love to be in a serious relationship so that's always a challenge. I've never been one to sleep around.

 

The only reason I didn't file the divorce papers today before I left is I wanted to spend the week away from her with little to no contact and be 100% certain this is the right thing to do. I know it is in the long run.'

 

Here's to a new me for 2017

[Mz. Pixie]

I'm in New York now until Sunday night. I finished all the divorce paperwork. We're not going to go thru lawyers. She's going to keep the house we're living in, I will find a townhouse to move to. She can keep 95% of our furniture I will just take the extra bed a TV or 2 and obviously my clothes. I have 3 cars which I will take with me and she will keep her car. We will split custody 50/50 with our son.

 

Thank god we don't have a lot of debt so I will continue to pay it all off and I will help with some of her household expenses. Other than that we simply split our money and move on. She keeps her retirement and I keep my business assets. It sucks it has to come to this but at the end of the day I know it's the right decision.

 

The past few days she has been telling me she loves me and I've just been shrugging her off. I mentioned this morning that this doesn't feel like love and she got pissed off. She was also pissed the other day because I made a comment about Cindy Crawford still looking hot for being 50 and she got pissed at me.

 

She finally came to my business on Monday and the new girl I was thinking of hiring came in. I worked with her on technique and getting her to learn the ropes. When I got home my wife told me I can't hire her because she's too cute and she's way to into me. She proceeded to say that the girl was giving my wife the hairy eye. This I don't believe but whatever. Also, at the gym today I was getting several smiles from different girls there and I'm not shy so finding someone else shouldn't be too difficult. However, I would love to be in a serious relationship so that's always a challenge. I've never been one to sleep around.

 

The only reason I didn't file the divorce papers today before I left is I wanted to spend the week away from her with little to no contact and be 100% certain this is the right thing to do. I know it is in the long run.'

 

Here's to a new me for 2017

 

She knows she's losing her husband and she's not doing anything?

 

She's not crying? Asking for another chance?

Saying she will go to counseling? Her head really is up her butt.

 

I know it feels good to have cute girls flirt with you but you need to focus on yourself and your son until the divorce is final. I say this for your benefit.

Get some space and get your head right first. You may think it is but it isn't.

[whichwayisup]

She knows she's losing her husband and she's not doing anything?

 

She's not crying? Asking for another chance?

Saying she will go to counseling? Her head really is up her butt.

 

I know it feels good to have cute girls flirt with you but you need to focus on yourself and your son until the divorce is final. I say this for your benefit.

Get some space and get your head right first. You may think it is but it isn't.

 

Something tells me his wife doesn't know yet, he's just drawn up the paper work and has assumed it will go as planned. Even the details, not sure if his wife knows that either.

 

Yep, agreeing with the don't get involved with anybody right now. It isn't fair to the girl to drag her into a possible messy divorce and fallout. Also your focus has to be on your son and helping him adjust and making him feel loved and secure.

[What-2-Do]

She knows she's losing her husband and she's not doing anything?

 

She's not crying? Asking for another chance?

Saying she will go to counseling? Her head really is up her butt.

 

I know it feels good to have cute girls flirt with you but you need to focus on yourself and your son until the divorce is final. I say this for your benefit.

Get some space and get your head right first. You may think it is but it isn't.

 

I haven't told her yet. I was planning on telling her when I got back home on Sunday night. I'm going to work on the letter to her while I'm away this week and not sure if I should send it before I get home or when I get home. The reason for the letter is because when I spring it on her she's going to flip and I won't be able to get a word in.

[What-2-Do]

I ended up telling her tonight that I was planning on divorcing her when I got home from my trip. She said she didn't want to fight and I explained to her that it isn't a fight it's what's going on. I told her that I can no longer live like this and of course she blamed everything on the Lyme. I told her if it was just since she's been sick that we haven't had a relationship then I would be more understanding but it's been over 2 years now and I just can't continue.

 

She pretty much just shut down and didn't say much of anything except "you're gonna do what you want to do and I can't stop you." She didn't seem like she was going to try to stop me so whatever.

[ShatteredLady]

Never, ever, never have any kind of relationship with a "girl at work" or even 'A woman at work'!!!! Think with your big head & not the little one!

 

You've made your choice. Haven't you? Do the decent thing & be single for a little while. Date & have fun (BUT NEVER S**T WHERE YOU LIVE!) while you 'find yourself' & get-over your marriage. Learn to truly KNOW your new single self before you get into anything serious.

 

It's going to be time to decide who you are & what kind of man you want to be. I know that sex is a priority to you but PLEASE don't hurt women. Be a good guy! Make your son proud. This is going to be very hard for your little family. Get your priorities straight. How you behave now WILL effect the rest of their lives.

[What-2-Do]

Never, ever, never have any kind of relationship with a "girl at work" or even 'A woman at work'!!!! Think with your big head & not the little one!

 

You've made your choice. Haven't you? Do the decent thing & be single for a little while. Date & have fun (BUT NEVER S**T WHERE YOU LIVE!) while you 'find yourself' & get-over your marriage. Learn to truly KNOW your new single self before you get into anything serious.

 

It's going to be time to decide who you are & what kind of man you want to be. I know that sex is a priority to you but PLEASE don't hurt women. Be a good guy! Make your son proud. This is going to be very hard for your little family. Get your priorities straight. How you behave now WILL effect the rest of their lives.

 

As I've said before I've never slept around and would never because it's just not who I am. I would never intentionally use someone to make myself feel good etc. I will take time to be single even though that's pretty much what I've been for the past 2 years. I will def. date and hopefully I can find someone great again. As I said before I don't regret marrying my wife I just regret sticking around as long as I did. We had a great relationship for many years and I'm happy and thankful for that. Whatever changed over the past few years I can't seem to fix so I have no other option. I mentioned the counseling thing again tonight to her and she just blew me off. That tells me she's no longer committed and just doesn't seem to care. Just makes this decision easier for me to be totally honest.