How to deal with Sexless Marriage? Wife is sick

[beautifulinside2]

She hasn't reacted because she doesn't believe you will do it. You have threatened too many times. File the papers, start to plan your future, and then see if she fights for her marriage. If yes, stay and fight and if no keep moving. I also don't think there is anything wrong with dating someone you are looking to hire, what if it's your future wife? You meet people like you doing the things you like to do and if she can be your help mate in the gym even better.

[BettyDraper]

As I've said before I've never slept around and would never because it's just not who I am. I would never intentionally use someone to make myself feel good etc. I will take time to be single even though that's pretty much what I've been for the past 2 years. I will def. date and hopefully I can find someone great again. As I said before I don't regret marrying my wife I just regret sticking around as long as I did. We had a great relationship for many years and I'm happy and thankful for that. Whatever changed over the past few years I can't seem to fix so I have no other option. I mentioned the counseling thing again tonight to her and she just blew me off. That tells me she's no longer committed and just doesn't seem to care. Just makes this decision easier for me to be totally honest.

 

When you're son gets old enough to understand relationship dynamics, at least you can tell him that you tried very hard to make the marriage work.

 

It's great that you're going to take time to be single. I think at least a year would be helpful.

[What-2-Do]

When you're son gets old enough to understand relationship dynamics, at least you can tell him that you tried very hard to make the marriage work.

 

It's great that you're going to take time to be single. I think at least a year would be helpful.

 

I will take some time to be single but I will def. date. I won't be single for a year. That's just not realistic for me. I always prefer to be in a relationship and share things with one special person but I also need to find myself and get excited about things again. This week away has been good. I don't miss her and I haven't called her once. We've chatted a bit thru text but that's it. I go home tomorrow night so that should be interesting.

[BluesPower]

WTD, take your time with that..

 

Man, I was out tonight watching my boys play and good grief they were all over my, with my soon to be ex wife in the same room. I was just strange.

 

They see a decent looking guy and they are just so forward. There must really be a shortage of decent guys out there these days.

[whichwayisup]

I will take some time to be single but I will def. date. I won't be single for a year. That's just not realistic for me. I always prefer to be in a relationship and share things with one special person but I also need to find myself and get excited about things again. This week away has been good. I don't miss her and I haven't called her once. We've chatted a bit thru text but that's it. I go home tomorrow night so that should be interesting.

 

I hope you take my suggestion into consideration. Writing your wife a heartfelt and honest hand written letter. Tell her how you feel and why you want to file for divorce. That you love her and care about her but can't live life with her as things are now because she's not doing anything to better herself or with you and the marriage.

 

Maybe too much damage has been done to salvage anything but i'm hoping this is a wake up call for your wife and she reacts to your letter (meaning she will want to go to counseling with you and on her own) in a mood to want to fight for you and the marriage.

[BettyDraper]

I hope you take my suggestion into consideration. Writing your wife a heartfelt and honest hand written letter. Tell her how you feel and why you want to file for divorce. That you love her and care about her but can't live life with her as things are now because she's not doing anything to better herself or with you and the marriage.

 

Maybe too much damage has been done to salvage anything but i'm hoping this is a wake up call for your wife and she reacts to your letter (meaning she will want to go to counseling with you and on her own) in a mood to want to fight for you and the marriage.

 

He has already brought up counseling several times.

His wife has not been receptive to that. Look how indifferent she was to the news that W2D was filing for divorce.

It's obvious that his wife just doesn't care.

[What-2-Do]

He has already brought up counseling several times.

His wife has not been receptive to that. Look how indifferent she was to the news that W2D was filing for divorce.

It's obvious that his wife just doesn't care.

 

I've been gone for 6 days and I just got back home. When I first got home she acted excited to see me. Now that I've been home for an hour and a half she's being a bitch toward me. I'm filing tomorrow and moving on asap.

[What-2-Do]

I ended up hiring a girl that my wife does not like for whatever reason. She's been giving me a hard time about this for weeks now and just won't let it go. She started a big fight with me tonight about it. I told her that it doesn't concern her and she doesn't have to work with the girl. She won't let it go no matter what and now I'm so aggravated before I go to bed. How is it that someone can be gone for a week and if you wanted to fix that relationship but you start a fight instead?

 

I'm glad I decided to proceed with the divorce. Being away all week and flirting with girls at my training made me realize I can easily find someone else that will bring excitement back into my life.

[What-2-Do]

I had my follow up with my shrink this morning. I told him about everything going on with my wife and he said that she sounds like she's just given up and doesn't care about anything anymore. He said this will always cause problems in a relationship and seeing that I'm a positive person and she's totally negative it's prob. the right thing to separate.

 

I also told him about her ripping her fingers apart and how much it disgusts me. He agreed that's a sign of depression and when I told him she won't do anything about it and actually calls him my crazy dr he was pretty shocked.

 

She's been giving me a hard time regarding the new girl that I hired but I worked with her today and she's going to be awesome.

[BettyDraper]

I had my follow up with my shrink this morning. I told him about everything going on with my wife and he said that she sounds like she's just given up and doesn't care about anything anymore. He said this will always cause problems in a relationship and seeing that I'm a positive person and she's totally negative it's prob. the right thing to separate.

 

I also told him about her ripping her fingers apart and how much it disgusts me. He agreed that's a sign of depression and when I told him she won't do anything about it and actually calls him my crazy dr he was pretty shocked.

 

She's been giving me a hard time regarding the new girl that I hired but I worked with her today and she's going to be awesome.

 

It's great that your shrink has confirmed that your decision is for the best.

Please be careful with that new employee. You're very vulnerable right now because you have been in an unhappy and mostly sexless marriage for years. Keep it professional with the new employee and spend some time being single.

[Mz. Pixie]

I had my follow up with my shrink this morning. I told him about everything going on with my wife and he said that she sounds like she's just given up and doesn't care about anything anymore. He said this will always cause problems in a relationship and seeing that I'm a positive person and she's totally negative it's prob. the right thing to separate.

 

I also told him about her ripping her fingers apart and how much it disgusts me. He agreed that's a sign of depression and when I told him she won't do anything about it and actually calls him my crazy dr he was pretty shocked.

 

She's been giving me a hard time regarding the new girl that I hired but I worked with her today and she's going to be awesome.

 

Why don't you try saying " I fail to see how this is your concern?" Or "we are divorcing because you won't seek help for your depression and lack of intimacy issues".

 

Put it back on her

 

Of course she's jealous. She's afraid she's losing her babysitter and

Maid.

[Mz. Pixie]

It's great that your shrink has confirmed that your decision is for the best.

Please be careful with that new employee. You're very vulnerable right now because you have been in an unhappy and mostly sexless marriage for years. Keep it professional with the new employee and spend some time being single.

 

Agree.

 

To bring this into focus. She's ill. Should you stumble she could use this against you in the divorce and it could cost you.

[What-2-Do]

I know everyone says to stay single but honestly I've been single for the past 2 years. I'm excited to start dating again. Like I said I would never take advantage of anyone and I would be totally transparent. I'm excited to start feeling alive again. Been a long time.

[Mz. Pixie]

I know everyone says to stay single but honestly I've been single for the past 2 years. I'm excited to start dating again. Like I said I would never take advantage of anyone and I would be totally transparent. I'm excited to start feeling alive again. Been a long time.

 

You're married. Despite the fact you've been physically single for two years on paper you're not.

 

Trust me I cheated once in the past. It's not something I'm proud of and it's taken me many years to forgive myself. As it stands right now you're part victim here. It won't be that way if you cheat. She will become the victim once again. And it could cost you financially.

 

Depending on adultery laws in your state wait until you're divorced. Or ask your attorney about dating. See what they say.

[What-2-Do]

You're married. Despite the fact you've been physically single for two years on paper you're not.

 

Trust me I cheated once in the past. It's not something I'm proud of and it's taken me many years to forgive myself. As it stands right now you're part victim here. It won't be that way if you cheat. She will become the victim once again. And it could cost you financially.

 

Depending on adultery laws in your state wait until you're divorced. Or ask your attorney about dating. See what they say.

 

If I file for divorce and I move out I wouldn't consider that cheating. The relationship at that point is over.

[Mz. Pixie]

If I file for divorce and I move out I wouldn't consider that cheating. The relationship at that point is over.

 

You need to ask your lawyer. Because it depends on what the law states. Because it would suck to have to pay out more than you're going to have to.

 

See the big picture. Victory at the end.

[What-2-Do]

You need to ask your lawyer. Because it depends on what the law states. Because it would suck to have to pay out more than you're going to have to.

 

See the big picture. Victory at the end.

 

I will def. ask my lawyer. Def. don't want to get screwed over. You just have no idea how eager I am to start dating again. I'm at such a different stage in my life now and feel I have so much to offer. Going to be great meeting new people and truly finding out what I want.

[Mz. Pixie]

I will def. ask my lawyer. Def. don't want to get screwed over. You just have no idea how eager I am to start dating again. I'm at such a different stage in my life now and feel I have so much to offer. Going to be great meeting new people and truly finding out what I want.

 

I understand but what I'm saying is for you're benefit.

[BettyDraper]

If I file for divorce and I move out I wouldn't consider that cheating. The relationship at that point is over.

 

It doesn't matter if you consider it cheating or not. There are divorce laws around infidelity. Be careful.

 

I feel like your chomping at the bit to date again. That's understandable but it's probably not the healthiest choice for you or anyone you get involved with during this sensitive time.

 

Please take some time to heal and regroup. I know you're relieved to be rid of your wife and you're excited to start seeing other women. However, most divorces come with some grief and sadness which needs to be addressed.

[BettyDraper]

Ugh...I've made two "your" and "you're" mistakes in this thread.

 

I'm not illiterate. I promise!

[What-2-Do]

I met with a lawyer today and discussed everything going on. He said if I move out and file dating isn't an issue. He said in this state it really has no bearing on anything. He did say technically it's infidelity but it won't have any bearing on an uncontested divorce.

 

We talked a lot about the Lyme Disease and I told him we have her follow up with her Lyme Specialist tomorrow morning and she should be coming off the antibiotics because she's pretty much back to normal. The lawyer recommended waiting a few weeks to see how she responds to coming off if she start wanting to live life again. He said I might get my wife back and that it's common to go thru major depression with her illness.

 

Not sure what to do. I'm going to go to her appointment with her and see what happens. I have a follow up call with the lawyer next Friday.

[elaine567]

I met with a lawyer today and discussed everything going on. He said if I move out and file dating isn't an issue. He said in this state it really has no bearing on anything. He did say technically it's infidelity but it won't have any bearing on an uncontested divorce.

 

We talked a lot about the Lyme Disease and I told him we have her follow up with her Lyme Specialist tomorrow morning and she should be coming off the antibiotics because she's pretty much back to normal. The lawyer recommended waiting a few weeks to see how she responds to coming off if she start wanting to live life again. He said I might get my wife back and that it's common to go thru major depression with her illness.

 

Not sure what to do. I'm going to go to her appointment with her and see what happens. I have a follow up call with the lawyer next Friday.

 

YOU have already been told depression is common with her illness.

[What-2-Do]

YOU have already been told depression is common with her illness.

 

Believe me I know she has depression because of it. That's not the problem. The problem is that she doesn't see it nor will do anything about it. I will see how the appointment goes tomorrow and take it from there. I've said it all along that if I could fix my marriage and get my wife back that would be my #1 choice.

 

Just not sure if she's going to change back to her old self. I'm thinking if she's not longer suffering from Lyme she loses that backup and safety net she can always rely on and hopefully she starts wanting to be human again.

[BluesPower]

WTD - I don't think that her coming off of the AB's will change anything.

 

She has checked out of life in general IMHO.

 

I think you should just go full speed ahead, I am and buddy it just feel like a million pounds has been lifted off my shoulders.

 

Stay strong...

[What-2-Do]

WTD - I don't think that her coming off of the AB's will change anything.

 

She has checked out of life in general IMHO.

 

I think you should just go full speed ahead, I am and buddy it just feel like a million pounds has been lifted off my shoulders.

 

Stay strong...

 

You're prob 1000% right. This is the furthest that I've gone with this so pretty close to completion. I wish there was a way to know 100% for sure I'm making the best decision. I can only imagine another year going by and having the same problems. If we stay together we have to buy a house this year but I think we are just going to put it in her name so if there is an issue I can easily leave.

 

Obviously, that scares the crap out of me