How to deal with Sexless Marriage? Wife is sick

[What-2-Do]

Oh dear....I wish you hadn't bought the house.

 

I thought you knew not to allow yourself to be sucked in by short lived changes which were never going to stick.

 

Now the trick is to go through with the divorce and refrain from going back to your wife. I wish you the best.

 

It totally sucks. As she was getting better things quickly improved. The stress of buying the house and moving has been insane. I know this has caused a lot of the relapse. I will see what happens over the next 2 weeks and see if things improve. We have the other house until the end of April which I can extend if needed.

[BettyDraper]

It totally sucks. As she was getting better things quickly improved. The stress of buying the house and moving has been insane. I know this has caused a lot of the relapse. I will see what happens over the next 2 weeks and see if things improve. We have the other house until the end of April which I can extend if needed.

 

You're going through the same cycle again, W2D.

 

Since you insist on repeatedly making excuses for your wife and giving her a million chances to make changes which never last, it's quite obvious that you're just going to end up staying in this unhappy marriage. How many trial periods does it take for you to learn?

 

Be honest with yourself. You'll never leave so just stay and put up with your wife. Be aware that people whom you confide in will eventually grow weary of sympathetically listening to you when you complain.

[What-2-Do]

You're going through the same cycle again, W2D.

 

Since you insist on repeatedly making excuses for your wife and giving her a million chances to make changes which never last, it's quite obvious that you're just going to end up staying in this unhappy marriage. How many trial periods does it take for you to learn?

 

Be honest with yourself. You'll never leave so just stay and put up with your wife. Be aware that people whom you confide in will eventually grow weary of sympathetically listening to you when you complain.

 

You know you're prob. right. As I've said from the beginning I do love her. Tonight she was feeling good and we had a great night together as a family. When my wife was healthy and things were good I could never experience that with someone else. The connection we had was so strong and we had a ton of passion. I know I keep holding on to how things WERE but every now and again that side of her comes out as it did tonight. I just want some consistency.

 

The reality is that I'm too afraid to leave. It's not because I'm afraid of being alone because I'm very outgoing and am in the best shape of my life. At the end of the day I want to love my wife and want our old life back. Will that ever happen? Who the hell knows. It does from time to time. The past several weeks have been the most stressful in our lives with getting the house. We had the mortgage and the day we were set to close we lost it. Went 4 days before we got it corrected and were able to close.

 

That stress is what I believe set her back.

[BettyDraper]

You know you're prob. right. As I've said from the beginning I do love her. Tonight she was feeling good and we had a great night together as a family. When my wife was healthy and things were good I could never experience that with someone else. The connection we had was so strong and we had a ton of passion. I know I keep holding on to how things WERE but every now and again that side of her comes out as it did tonight. I just want some consistency.

 

The reality is that I'm too afraid to leave. It's not because I'm afraid of being alone because I'm very outgoing and am in the best shape of my life. At the end of the day I want to love my wife and want our old life back. Will that ever happen? Who the hell knows. It does from time to time. The past several weeks have been the most stressful in our lives with getting the house. We had the mortgage and the day we were set to close we lost it. Went 4 days before we got it corrected and were able to close.

 

That stress is what I believe set her back.

 

Okay so you're not going to leave. Time to accept your lot in life then.

[whichwayisup]

The reality is that I'm too afraid to leave. It's not because I'm afraid of being alone because I'm very outgoing and am in the best shape of my life. At the end of the day I want to love my wife and want our old life back.

 

What are you afraid of then?

 

It takes TWO to make the marriage work. If she is unwilling to meet you half way and do her part, then your marriage is the way it is and you need to accept things as they are or divorce or possibly tell her it's time to have an open marriage since you can't live without sex and want to find it elsewhere.

[BettyDraper]

You can have the best of intentions and make a million wishes for your old wife to come back as well. None of that is going to change your marriage. In order to see changes, you will have to be willing to lose your wife in order to keep her. You can always separate without getting divorce and then see if that makes your wife see how serious you are.

 

I don't understand...based on what you have shared, you have every box ticked to be an Alpha male. You're in great shape, you seem confident and you're financially stable. I don't understand how a man with such high sexual market value can approach his marriage with overly accepting beta sensibilities. Your wife is not the best that you can do.

 

My husband and I just went out on a dinner date and we were talking about a friend of mine who is getting divorced. While I am sympathetic to my friend, I can't ignore the fact that she did allow herself to become obese after her second child. She had a personal trainer and then abandoned all weight loss efforts. When my friend complained to me about her weight, I offered to bring her along on my 5K speed walks since I became far more toned because of them. Her excuse was that she "didn't have time." The truth was she just didn't care and then complained when her husband stopped being romantic. I'm know pregnancy causes weight gain and I've heard that baby weight can be hard to shed but effort is imperative.

[What-2-Do]

You can have the best of intentions and make a million wishes for your old wife to come back as well. None of that is going to change your marriage. In order to see changes, you will have to be willing to lose your wife in order to keep her. You can always separate without getting divorce and then see if that makes your wife see how serious you are.

 

I don't understand...based on what you have shared, you have every box ticked to be an Alpha male. You're in great shape, you seem confident and you're financially stable. I don't understand how a man with such high sexual market value can approach his marriage with overly accepting beta sensibilities. Your wife is not the best that you can do.

 

My husband and I just went out on a dinner date and we were talking about a friend of mine who is getting divorced. While I am sympathetic to my friend, I can't ignore the fact that she did allow herself to become obese after her second child. She had a personal trainer and then abandoned all weight loss efforts. When my friend complained to me about her weight, I offered to bring her along on my 5K speed walks since I became far more toned because of them. Her excuse was that she "didn't have time." The truth was she just didn't care and then complained when her husband stopped being romantic. I'm know pregnancy causes weight gain and I've heard that baby weight can be hard to shed but effort is imperative.

 

I still don't know what to do. I'm really frustrated right now. We got into a big fight tonight because she was pissed at me for taking a nap. We finished moving the rest of the furniture from our other house today. Mind you, she did NOTHING while we packed and unpacked everything from the Uhaul. I was frustrated after we were done and I went upstairs to take a nap. When I came down she was giving me an attitude and then made the comment that "must be nice to take a nap" so I replied that "it must be nice not lifting a finger to help move anything." Things obviously progressed and I told her how disgusted I am with our relationship and how nothing will ever change.

 

She started saying that it must be nice that I'm so perfect etc etc. Again, we have no sex life, no relationship, etc etc. I explained how I'm sick of living like this and she keeps saying that because she is sick she is unable to do anything. I asked her why it's been 2.5 years like this when she's been sick for about 10 months?

 

As for being an Alpha Male I am but i feel that being an Alpha Male you also need to take care of your family. I'm so frustrated to say the least and I know things are never going to improve. Bitching about it will never change anything and I should just stop complaining about ti because I've accepted this crap. It sucks and I honestly can't understand why she's unwilling to put any effort into this relationship. She complains that she doesn't feel good but it's been that way since we've been married.

 

I guess it doesn't matter I made this bed and need to either lay in it or sleep elsewhere.

[BaileyB]

I have absolutely no idea why you stay with this woman and allow yourself to be treated like a doormat.

And, I have absolutely no idea why you bought a new house with this woman.

 

I'll say it again, she is manipulative and she has no need to change her behavior because you are allowing it. In fact, you are enabling it by giving her what she wants - the house.

 

You are in a vicious circle... She treats you well, you get your hopes up, she treats you badly, you get frustrated and complain... So, she treats you well, you stop complaining, she treats you badly...

 

You have made your own bed. Either you lay in it, or you challenge your fear and go sleep somewhere else.

[BettyDraper]

I have absolutely no idea why you stay with this woman and allow yourself to be treated like a doormat.

And, I have absolutely no idea why you bought a new house with this woman.

 

I'll say it again, she is manipulative and she has no need to change her behavior because you are allowing it. In fact, you are enabling it by giving her what she wants - the house.

 

You are in a vicious circle... She treats you well, you get your hopes up, she treats you badly, you get frustrated and complain... So, she treats you well, you stop complaining, she treats you badly...

 

You have made your own bed. Either you lay in it, or you challenge your fear and go sleep somewhere else.

 

This!! W2D, an Alpha male is never a doormat who allows himself to be manipulated. You can take care of your family while not being with your wife.

 

A spouse who refuses to pull their weight should not be rewarded for their lazy inaction. You have taught your wife that you will give her whatever she wants even though she is only a wife in the legal sense of the word.

[What-2-Do]

Well, all we do now is argue. I can't even stand to look at her anymore. It's been 2.5 years and we haven't even been on a date. I mentioned it tonight and she uses the excuse that she's been sick.

 

Sex, yeah that's never happening. I joined a few websites for cheating spouses. I'm going to have an affair and I need to leave. I can't live without sex and I can't live like this esp. where she thinks this is normal.

 

I'm beyond miserable and I have nobody to blame but myself and of course my "wife."

 

She tried to say that my vows mean nothing because "in sickness and in health" has no meaning to me. I replied that only applies if you're still my WIFE which you haven't been in years.

 

It's getting really ugly and I resent her so bad.

[Mr. Lucky]

Sex, yeah that's never happening. I joined a few websites for cheating spouses. I'm going to have an affair and I need to leave.

 

You're about to make a bad situation worse. If you have problems now, think about the type of women you'll meet through these websites. If there's one thing you don't need, it's more drama.

 

Get your affairs in order and make the changes you need to move forward. Plenty of chances to make up for lost time when you're single...

 

Mr. Lucky

[What-2-Do]

Divorce her - then date.

 

Proper order helps with self respect.

 

You're totally right. I've never cheated on her so why start now. Worst part is next week is our 13 year anniversary and things still suck. We are actually sleeping in separate rooms now. The reality is that this relationship cannot be fixed and I need to just come to terms with that.

[BaileyB]

Don't cheat - it is the easy way out and it just complicates an already bad situation.

 

Do what is right, separate and divorce your wife. Leave her to her misery.

[BettyDraper]

You're totally right. I've never cheated on her so why start now. Worst part is next week is our 13 year anniversary and things still suck. We are actually sleeping in separate rooms now. The reality is that this relationship cannot be fixed and I need to just come to terms with that.

 

You are well aware that this marriage is dead yet you refuse to leave.

What can anyone do to help since you insist on allowing your wife to take advantage of you like this? Crappy spouses do not deserve to have houses bought for them to live in. Marriage is supposed to be about give and take.

 

I'm sure your wife didn't even acknowledge your anniversary with loving actions such as, I don't know, having sex with you like a real spouse does.

 

People will lose patience with someone who complains but does nothing to change his situation.

[BettyDraper]

Well, all we do now is argue. I can't even stand to look at her anymore. It's been 2.5 years and we haven't even been on a date. I mentioned it tonight and she uses the excuse that she's been sick.

 

Sex, yeah that's never happening. I joined a few websites for cheating spouses. I'm going to have an affair and I need to leave. I can't live without sex and I can't live like this esp. where she thinks this is normal.

 

I'm beyond miserable and I have nobody to blame but myself and of course my "wife."

 

She tried to say that my vows mean nothing because "in sickness and in health" has no meaning to me. I replied that only applies if you're still my WIFE which you haven't been in years.

 

It's getting really ugly and I resent her so bad.

 

Having an affair is just as cowardly as staying in a marriage with a spouse who only cares about what you can provide for her.

 

Be an honorable man and divorce your wife already.

 

We've all read your complaints on numerous occasions. Nothing has changed.

[Mitxy]

I am living in a sexless marriage myself and losing my mind.

[What-2-Do]

You are well aware that this marriage is dead yet you refuse to leave.

What can anyone do to help since you insist on allowing your wife to take advantage of you like this? Crappy spouses do not deserve to have houses bought for them to live in. Marriage is supposed to be about give and take.

 

I'm sure your wife didn't even acknowledge your anniversary with loving actions such as, I don't know, having sex with you like a real spouse does.

 

People will lose patience with someone who complains but does nothing to change his situation.

 

Tomorrow is my Birthday and next Monday is our anniversary. We've more or less been fighting all day except for when I left to go to the gym. She offered sex tonight and I declined so now she is ultra pissed at me. Another night with her sleeping in the other bedroom. I need to figure out her finances so she doesn't lose her house. I want my son to have the security of a home esp. since we've moved several times in the past few years.

 

I need to figure out my way out and I know this marriage can't be fixed. I posted on FB yesterday about how we haven't gone on a date in 2.5 years and people were blown away by it. She tried replying that it's because she's been sick and even her friends replied that she hasn't been sick for 2.5 years. She's given up on life and is dragging me down with her.

 

This sucks.

[BaileyB]

Complaining about your wife on Facebook like that is an incredibly passive aggressive thing to do. If you were my husband and you did that to me, you would be out on the streets, looking for somewhere to sleep that night...

 

Quit complaining and make a decision.

Edited April 10, 2017 by BaileyB

[BettyDraper]

Tomorrow is my Birthday and next Monday is our anniversary. We've more or less been fighting all day except for when I left to go to the gym. She offered sex tonight and I declined so now she is ultra pissed at me. Another night with her sleeping in the other bedroom. I need to figure out her finances so she doesn't lose her house. I want my son to have the security of a home esp. since we've moved several times in the past few years.

 

I need to figure out my way out and I know this marriage can't be fixed. I posted on FB yesterday about how we haven't gone on a date in 2.5 years and people were blown away by it. She tried replying that it's because she's been sick and even her friends replied that she hasn't been sick for 2.5 years. She's given up on life and is dragging me down with her.

 

This sucks.

 

Posting on Facebook about your marital problems is gauche and solves nothing. You're a grown man and not a child in middle school.

 

I'm getting the impression that you're a weak person. You allow your wife to walk all over you while constantly whining. Part of the reason she doesn't respect you or your marriage is she sees that your behave like a doormat. We women do not find doormats sexy.

 

You mentioned struggling financially in the past.

It seems like you enjoy that lifestyle or else you wouldn't buy your wife a home prior to divorcing her.

Of course, you're probably not going to leave your wife. You're just going to keep whinging on LS until one of you dies.

 

Sorry W2D. I find it hard to have much compassion for you given your poor decisions and victim mentality.

[Mr. Lucky]

She offered sex tonight and I declined so now she is ultra pissed at me.

 

How does this help you ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[whichwayisup]

Many moons ago you said you were filing for divorce. You're still in the exact same spot as you were before. Nothing has changed.

 

Sad to say but I think you (both) are addicted the drama in your marriage. Or you're just too scared to be alone and on your own. It's easy to stay with what you know and the comforts of your home etc, rather than to push forward and start over again.

 

You did a big mistake by posting about it on your fb page.

[What-2-Do]

UPDATE: Thank you for the tough love it is what I needed. I'm moving out on Saturday morning. You are all right. This relationship is doomed and it is toxic. Time to move on. I'm glad she bought the house because it will give her and my son some stability. I will be stuck helping pay for it but I'm OK with that so long as our son is taken care of. I have a temporary place to live and will be looking for a townhouse in the meanwhile. Hoping I can sign a lease to move in on May 1st.

 

I hate the drama and I'm def. afraid to leave. There are a ton of comforts here like being with my son all the time and that's going to change. I'm afraid how this will impact him as he's had a lot of recent stresses. He doesn't know what's going on between my wife and I because we never argue in front of him or around him. We don't get along but at least we are civil.

[BettyDraper]

UPDATE: Thank you for the tough love it is what I needed. I'm moving out on Saturday morning. You are all right. This relationship is doomed and it is toxic. Time to move on. I'm glad she bought the house because it will give her and my son some stability. I will be stuck helping pay for it but I'm OK with that so long as our son is taken care of. I have a temporary place to live and will be looking for a townhouse in the meanwhile. Hoping I can sign a lease to move in on May 1st.

 

I hate the drama and I'm def. afraid to leave. There are a ton of comforts here like being with my son all the time and that's going to change. I'm afraid how this will impact him as he's had a lot of recent stresses. He doesn't know what's going on between my wife and I because we never argue in front of him or around him. We don't get along but at least we are civil.

 

I thought that you bought the house...? I'm confused.

Here's hoping that you and your wife stay apart this time.

Your son will be hurt but he will get past his parents' divorce eventually.

[BaileyB]

I'm sorry, but it is for the best.

 

Someday, you will look back and see things with more clarity. You will have another relationship with a woman who treats you well, and your son will be well adjusted... and you will know that you made the right decision.

[BluesPower]

I'm sorry, but it is for the best.

 

Someday, you will look back and see things with more clarity. You will have another relationship with a woman who treats you well, and your son will be well adjusted... and you will know that you made the right decision.

 

Even more than that..OP and Bailey.

 

You will find that a huge weight will be lifted off of your shoulders. It may take a few days, but one day your step will be lighter and you will feel like the world is you oyster, and it is.

 

Please, please do you marry the first woman that you like and is compatible with your sex drive. Please don't.

 

At your age, they will fall in love in a heartbeat and want to get married at the drop of a hat.

 

Enjoy your new life and live a little...