realsmles07 Posted November 9, 2016 Share Posted November 9, 2016 I need help. About 2 months ago I caught my long-time boyfriend on a dating site and another chatroom talking to other girls. He immediately apologized and begged me not to leave. He said that it was something that he did when he was afraid I was going to leave him... He has had a considerable amount of abandonment in his life. He said he thought I would leave him because a lot of people in his life have and that I was too good to be true. I've decided to work it out with him and he has given me full access to all of his devices but I still can't sleep... constant nightmares and waking up with severe panic attacks. I'm so tired. We are making an appointment with a couples counselor but are both so busy that it hasn't been set in stone yet. I just feel so alone. I never really expressed all of the emotions that this made me feel and don't necessarily want to do so because, as much as I hurt, I don't want him to hurt. What is the best way to manage soooo many emotions at once: insecurity, betrayal, anger, defeat, guilt, sadness. My whole body aches. Link to post Share on other sites
LastAcorn99 Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 I’m sorry about your situation. Your concern for your boyfriend is encouraging; however, I think you should let him know how you’re feeling. Given the past hurts that he’s carrying, I feel that he really needs to see a therapist. I hope you both make the time to see a counselor soon. All the best! Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 I think you definitely need to see the couple's counselor. Your BF has been honest about his abandonment issues, which is good. A counselor can give him ways to work through those feelings. A counselor can also help you with your feelings and the panic attacks. It seems you both love each other and can work this out if you talk to one another and are honest. Link to post Share on other sites
266696687 Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 The thing about cheaters is that they lie when caught. He is guilt tripping you in to staying by placing the blame at your feet. He thought you was too good to be true. That you would leave him. I personally wouldn't believe a word of it. He cheated because he wanted too, It wasn't a mistake it was an outright deception and if you believe he did it because of abandonment issues or any other reason other than because he wanted too prepare yourself to be cheated on more and he will continually guilt you in to staying, The fact that he hasn't found time in his busy schedule to actually go to couples counseling suggests he isn't truly sorry either. Just sorry he got caught. Someone who makes excuses for cheating isn't really sorry. It's a lesson you should learn now rather than 6 months more down the line when he does it again. If he was truly and genuinely sorry he would have taken full responsibility for his own actions rather than making his cheating about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts