asking [married man] about other woman

[Lovecali]

I met this guy at networking party. We hit it off and spend several hours together. He lives out of town and is married. He is open and honest. We agreed to stay in touch. We have texted a bit and flirted. He lives a few hours away. My friend says I should add him him on facebook to keep connected, thoughts? I don't want to come across as stalker and creepy. I have nothing to hide from him on mine. Thanks!

[ChickiePops]

I met this guy at networking party. We hit it off and spend several hours together. He lives out of town and is married. He is open and honest. We agreed to stay in touch. We have texted a bit and flirted. He lives a few hours away. My friend says I should add him him on facebook to keep connected, thoughts? I don't want to come across as stalker and creepy. I have nothing to hide from him on mine. Thanks!

 

He's open and honest..so I'm assuming he's in an open marriage and his wife is fully aware of you? And that you've spoken to her to confirm this?

[Chica80]

I met this guy at networking party. We hit it off and spend several hours together. He lives out of town and is married. He is open and honest. We agreed to stay in touch. We have texted a bit and flirted. He lives a few hours away. My friend says I should add him him on facebook to keep connected, thoughts? I don't want to come across as stalker and creepy. I have nothing to hide from him on mine. Thanks!

 

Why do you want to keep contact with him?

He is married... nothing good can come from this.

Take some time to read OW stories

[DarrenB]

Considering it was a 'networking' party where you both met, I don't see any problem in why involvement of social networking especially should matter.

 

After all, it is one of the better ways to stay in touch with someone of whom you want to, if it's mutual then it should be easy to maintain contact with him.

 

Yeah, go for it!

[Gloria25]

Are you going to add his wife too?

[aileD]

He's open and honest..so I'm assuming he's in an open marriage and his wife is fully aware of you? And that you've spoken to her to confirm this?

 

This this this

[hippychick3]

Pretend you're asking his wife that question.

 

There's your answer.

[ShatteredLady]

Please read around this forum & then read the infidelity forum. They're the closest you can get to a crystal ball of your miserable desperate future & the blind agony you will be complicit in causing his wife & family.

 

You are blessed! You are so very lucky!

 

You are right at the start. Are you married or single?

 

Good, kind, moral MM do NOT start flirting & priming a woman to amuse them. He is NOT open & honest....unless he & his wife have some strange kink where he pulls some woman & they both play with her affections...this is not the behavior of an honest man.

 

What do you want from this situation? Honestly? Do you want to be his mistress? Are you desperate for any male attention? Are you already telling yourself the GREAT LIES of the agony affair....he can't be happy if he's chasing me? We have an amazing connection? You know, all that bull???

 

My advise?

DON'T add him to Facebook.

Loose his number after blocking him.

Never talk to this man again unless he comes back in a couple of years, divorced & settled into being single.

 

You are standing on the precipice. You could continue all this fun titilation with your friend. Play with him on Facebook. Keep flirting. Invite pain & misery like you can't imagine into your life. Devastate & break his wife, destroy his family. Have fun!!

 

Why on earth does anyone start flirting with a married man? REALLY!!!

 

Please tell us why you think that any of this is a good idea? Honestly. I'm interested to know what's going through the potential OW's head at this part of the story....How are you convincing yourself that this is anything but a horrible, cruel road to choose?

 

Two paths divergeged in the woods.

I took the WRONG one

And it made all the difference.

 

I'm now lost, broken, humiliated & in agony.

His wife has lost her faith & innocence in love & marriage.

She wants to die.

 

And it made all the difference.

[RecentChange]

Do you really think this married man is being open and honest with his wife about texting and FLIRTING with a woman he met on a business trip!?

 

I have an idea - add him and his wife on Facebook - might as well send her a little message as well to introduce yourself and let her know how you have enjoyed flirting with her husband.

 

I am sure being as he is so open and honest she has already heard about you from him right!?

[jenkins95]

Lovecali. Massive credit to you for posting this early in an affair..... Yes, what you have done would already be considered by many as the early stages of an emotional affair - and they can very quickly become physical, even if you don't think you are capable of it.

 

Please learn from our bitter painful experiences....... Walk away right now and have no more to do with him or any other attached man, ever again. You would not believe the world of pain that you could be opening up for yourself, his wife, his kids, etc if this goes any further.

 

There are so many single guys out there! Don't do it - please!

 

You have dodged a bullet by coming here - well done!

Edited October 14, 2016 by jenkins95

[Sharona21]

Hi. I was in a similar situation, but we did talk for several months (in person) and flirted during that time. Both of us are married. I was able to stop it before we crossed the line, but I regret not recognizing what was going on earlier.

If you become Facebook friends, you will have opened the door of communication with posting and messages back and forth. You already have a connection, so Facebook will just enforce that.

 

You have a chance to stop this right now before either or both of you develop feelings. if you choose to ignore the advice, then you may be a future poster who will say, I can't believe this happened to me. Ignore the temptation, so not worth it.

 

Even though it got stopped, I still have remorse, guilt and shame associated with my behavior (and his).

 

Hope this helps. Take care.

[Lovecali]

Please no negative judgement here I already know about him being married and not looking for that lecture.

I met someone at a party. He is married. I am ok for now being the other woman but not ok if there is a ton of other women and this is something he is constantly doing with a lot of women. Whats the best way to find this out?

 

When did most people talk about what they wanted out of the affair (i.e just sex, relationship, friendship, travel...etc) and why the other person is doing it?

 

Are there any other hard questions I should find out sooner than later?

 

Thanks in advance for the insight!

[Lady2163]

Please no negative judgement here I already know about him being married and not looking for that lecture.

I met someone at a party. He is married. I am ok for now being the other woman but not ok if there is a ton of other women and this is something he is constantly doing with a lot of women. Whats the best way to find this out?

 

When did most people talk about what they wanted out of the affair (i.e just sex, relationship, friendship, travel...etc) and why the other person is doing it?

 

Are there any other hard questions I should find out sooner than later?

 

Thanks in advance for the insight!

 

The standard school of thought is: if he will cheat and lie to the woman he supposedly loves and promised to love in front of all his friends and family on his wedding day, he will lie and cheat with/on an OW.

 

I don't know your MM, so I speak in generalities.

 

He wants sex. He wants good sex. He wants sex with someone who won't blow up his perfect world. He wants sex with someone who doesn't expect anything else from him. He doesn't have to be a provider, he doesn't have to be a co-parent. Your car breaking down during the middle of the championship game is not his problem. The cost to repair your broken down car is not his joint financial burden. He doesn't have to spend money on you for extravagant dates or presents. He can be an hour late or leave 3 minutes after sex is done and you won't fuss. He can just not show up or call and you will swallow your anger the next time he gets in touch with you with whatever excuse or reason.

 

In many instances the Other breaks their standards faster than they can lower them.

 

I was fortunate that I had really good communication skills with the MM. Yet, closer to the end, there were two times we had a quickie, he jetted out the door with the promise of returning in 2-3 hours, only to get tied up with something. I would be insanely horny and aroused. After this happened enough times, I started to refuse to have sex if there wasn't enough time for me to enjoy it. There were limits to the affair, but I needed to keep my wants and needs first.

 

It's tough for you. I know you want answers, but I'm cynical enough to say he's just gong to tell you what you want to hear and stay on that track.

[Birdies]

If you just met a guy at a party and he wants to have an affair with you.....then yes, he has other women on the side and/or he has done this a lot before and will continue in the future, and he will drop you like a hot rock when he's tired of you.

 

The ONLY way you can vaguely trust a MM to be "faithful" to you is if you have a deep connection that he's never had with anyone else besides his wife. And sorry girly, that is not you.

[ChickiePops]

I mean..you can ask, but what on earth makes you think he'll be honest with you?

[Poppy47]

Please no negative judgement here I already know about him being married and not looking for that lecture.

I met someone at a party. He is married. I am ok for now being the other woman but not ok if there is a ton of other women and this is something he is constantly doing with a lot of women. Whats the best way to find this out?

 

When did most people talk about what they wanted out of the affair (i.e just sex, relationship, friendship, travel...etc) and why the other person is doing it?

 

Are there any other hard questions I should find out sooner than later?

 

Thanks in advance for the insight!

 

Yes.

Ask him what STDs he has to share around, whether he is till having sex with his wife, when he is going to leave, and get him to tell you how awful his wife is to him.

 

Travel??? You are not dating him, he is a married man. What on earth makes you think he will ever be able to travel with you.

 

Ask him how much time you will be taking away from his family while you are together.

 

That should just about cover it.

 

Poppy.

[BTDT2012]

I would bet that he will decline a Facebook request from you. Sure, you can ask him about other women. And he will lie and tell you that you are the only one. Why are you happy to be a hidden sidepiece?

[Grapesofwrath]

We talked about that early on, but what does it matter? How could you believe what he says? He tells a lot of lies in order to be with you. He will lie to you with the same facility that he lies to his wife and others. This is especially true if he lives in another city. How would you ever know the difference?

 

You can ask him, if you like, but he will say what you want to hear and you will need to take that answer. A man who does not cheat regularly is not going to smoothly pick up a woman at a networking event. He has done this before.

[aileD]

Please no negative judgement here I already know about him being married and not looking for that lecture.

I met someone at a party. He is married. I am ok for now being the other woman but not ok if there is a ton of other women and this is something he is constantly doing with a lot of women. Whats the best way to find this out?

 

When did most people talk about what they wanted out of the affair (i.e just sex, relationship, friendship, travel...etc) and why the other person is doing it?

 

Are there any other hard questions I should find out sooner than later?

 

Thanks in advance for the insight!

 

Almost everyone that's here is here because the affair they were in put them through hell. You aren't going to get many responses with positive outlooks on this.

[eye of the storm]

Please no negative judgement here I already know about him being married and not looking for that lecture.

I met someone at a party. He is married. I am ok for now being the other woman but not ok if there is a ton of other women and this is something he is constantly doing with a lot of women. Whats the best way to find this out?

 

When did most people talk about what they wanted out of the affair (i.e just sex, relationship, friendship, travel...etc) and why the other person is doing it?

 

Are there any other hard questions I should find out sooner than later?

 

Thanks in advance for the insight!

 

Lovecali, I got into an A with a MM 6+ years ago. I was ok being the OW. He had other OWs. I was ok with that too because I was just working out issues. But over time, things changed. He dropped the other OWs. And we eventually fell in love.

 

And now I am suffering. He is to but I can't worry about that anymore. We both made our choices.

 

it is so easy to think that you can get in, get laid a few times and get out with no scars. But, over time...the feelings develop and then bam. Pain.

 

Please, if you can get out now, do it. You are in a forum with so many OWs who would give anything to go back and stop.

[Forever broken]

No judgement from me because I used to be one. I know this will not answer your questions but trust me his other women will feel the same way about you.

 

I will bet you my last dollar that he's done it before. If he hasn't he will drop you immediately another one comes along. Don't waste your time on him.

[Osmium13]

"Networking Party"? What sort of networking?

 

If it was a professional thing and you both just hit it off, I can understand. No reason not to add him on FB and see where it goes.

 

If it was more of a social party... well, why would he be there in the first place...? Why would he be there without his wife - and in another town as well! If that's the case, I think it's likely he does that kind of thing on a regular basis.

 

Have fun whatever. Just don't go in with high expectations of this man - and expect to get burned.

[BluesPower]

What does he want out of the affair?

 

I'll get to that in a moment. So you know, I was this guy that you just met.

 

I have been this guy for a lot of women, married and single. It is good that he was honest about being married. You will just have to see how long it takes him to tell you how much he loves you. That is when you will know that he is just like all the other MM on LS. He will lie to keep you hooked.

 

You will want to believe it and fall in love and really get hurt. Oddly enough, to in therapy I started to realize how badly I had hurt the women that fell in love with me, I am not sure I had ever felt that emotion from that perspective before.

 

What a horrible person I was.

 

The people that you think are judging you here are really just trying to help you not get hurt. Hopefully, you will realize that and stop this before you do really get hurt.

 

To answer your question, he wanted to get laid. So I am guessing that you two has sex. And if it was good, he will be contacting you and keeping you on the hook for the next time he is in town or you can travel to meet him and have a few nights together.

 

If you just want to have sex with him and you can manage to NOT fall in love, go for it.

 

I am assuming that you are not married, because if you are that is a whole other conversation.

 

Tread carefully...

[burnt]

I am ok for now being the other woman

 

You have NO idea what being an other woman does to the psyche of a woman. If you are that desperate to become one, no advice from anyone can stop you.

 

It is unfortunate that you are seriously asking for help from people on this site to be an expert other woman?

 

Try to recognize that most people who post on this forum are or were OW and know first hand the unimaginable suffering that comes at the end of the affair. When the people here are advising you to not enter into an affair, they are doing so to save you from a kind of pain you cannot imagine even exists.

 

But by all means, if you are that determined to cause your own demise, keep doing what you are doing and you will soon find out why everyone here is pleading you to not get involved with a married man.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I met this guy at networking party. We hit it off and spend several hours together. He lives out of town and is married. He is open and honest. We agreed to stay in touch. We have texted a bit and flirted. He lives a few hours away. My friend says I should add him him on facebook to keep connected, thoughts? I don't want to come across as stalker and creepy. I have nothing to hide from him on mine. Thanks!

 

Okay. No. I do a lot of networking and I do use FB for business but total strangers, I add them to my Linked In. Then again, I actually am there for business.

 

As someone who played with this like you are, I have wasted the last 18 months in tremendous pain. You think you are in control and can handle it. You can't. The reason everyone is saying to walk away is because you are basically considering injecting heroin, not realizing how addictive it is. One hit and you are an addict.