Husband separated me from my best friend & am deeply depressed

[Terrible situation]

I love my husband a lot but I have a deep resentment towards him because he separated me from my best friend. He hated my best friend and I ended up having a fight with her. After about an year, she reached out to me showing interest to be friends again and my husband threatened that our marriage will be deeply affected if I dare try to be friends with her again. My best friend and I didn't have a major fight either. It's just that her husband cheated on her and they ended up reconciling and getting back together. And because her husband cheated on her, my husband did not want to be friends and hated her husband. Because of my spouse's hatred towards my best friends husband, I had to choose between my marriage and her. I chose my husband and that was three years back.

 

My best friend and I got along so well, we had a wonderful friendship. I feel that whatever happened between her and her husband was never a matter that should have come between me and her friendship. I supported her all throughout those bad times when her husband left her for someone else. But then, things changed and he realized that he made a mistake and she took him back. Taking her husband back was her decision. So why should that have become a reason for my husband to give me an ultimatum? He says those two things are related but I think they are not. She was my best friend and I had accepted her the way she was. But I feel that my husband judged her and her husband because of the cheating. My husband says he is on the side of morals and that her husband has no morals (as he cheated) and that he absolutely does not want those people in his life who have no morals. He was hell-bent in making sure that I either cut off all contact with her or leave this marriage. I chose to cut off contact.

 

But now, three years later, I deeply resent that I had to let go of my best friend because of my husband. My best friend and I were like a house on fire. I have never had a friend with whom I got along so well. I don't know how to deal with it. I am extremely depressed and on a downward spiral. Its been three years and I miss her so much.

 

Can anyone tell me what to do and how to deal with this? I would appreciate any help. Thank you so much

[MJJean]

After reading your other threads, I suggest you divorce your H and reconnect with your friend. Your H sounds like a nightmare.

[mrs rubble]

I just had a look at one of your other threads too.

You sound too obedient to me. I think you need to find your voice, stand up for yourself and stop doing what you're told to all the time.

 

If my partner doesn't like my friends, I'll go and visit them without them. He doesn't have the right to tell me who I can be friends with. I wouldn't tell him either who he can be friends with (although I have told him he can't see the female friend he flirts with without me being around)

[BaileyB]

Agreed, after reading your other posts, your husband sounds like he has some issues with anger.

 

No way would I ever want to be with someone who tells me who I can and can not be friends with... He don't have to agree with their choices and you don't have to spend time together as couples. But, you should definitely be able to maintain a friendship and spend time with your friend, if you so chose.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Your husband is in the wrong here. What an incredibly judgmental and controlling man he is.... I bet there are more issues than this particular one in your marriage. Larger issues I'm sure.

 

While I understand that your husband does not want to associate with your friend and her husband due to his "moral beliefs" he should not make you choose to do the same. You are an individual with your own moral compass and your own thoughts and beliefs. Why is he so threatened by this other couple? Does he fear that you'll be influenced by them?

 

So, your husband is willing to break up the marriage for this issue? He's willing to lose you for that? Doesn't that tell you all you need to know? He is basically telling you that he will break up because you won't do what he says.

 

Beyond the friend issue, your husband's controlling behavior is what you should have a problem with.

 

My best friend is like my sister and I would never give her up for anyone. You exchnaged vows and married this man..for better or worse...

 

On the other side, is he honoring his vows to you? No.

 

He would divorce you if you chose to reconcile with a dear long time friend.

 

For better or worse, huh?

 

Think long and hard. Your husband doesn't seem to mind breaking up the marriage and losing you.

[basil67]

FFS why haven't you made him go into therapy??? He sounds like he's severely bipolar.

 

Where did you see the bipolar symptoms? I seem to have missed them.

[BettyDraper]

I looked at your other threads. It seems like your husband and your mother know that they can bully you because you're very passive and malleable. Nothing will change until you learn to stand up for yourself. Have you ever thought of seeing a counselor?

 

Unless a friend tried to make sexual advances towards me or she was very toxic, I wouldn't cut off a friend just because my husband said I should.

Edited November 13, 2016 by BettyDraper

[NTV]

I think I'm missing some of the picture here can you give me some more details... ?

 

Have you cheated on your husband?

 

Did you flirt or laugh or joke with this guy in the past?

[Cephalopod]

Visit with your friend, hang out with her. Tell your husband if he doesn't like it he can divorce you.

 

He's all bluster. He won't do anything except pout and maybe sulk.

[dichotomy]

I dont get it. Your GF did not cheat on her husband (I might understand that concern about not being friends if she was the cheater)... but she was cheated ON - she did nothing wrong.

 

Can't you just avoid seeing or being with your GF's husband? Wouldn't that be enough for your husband - to isolated the cheater and not the one cheated on. Promise you will not go to her house or see the husband - just the GF for coffee or in isolation?

 

Maybe your husband worries your going to get exposed to the cheating husband of your GF ?

 

Maybe he has anger your GF was weak in taking him back ?

Edited November 14, 2016 by dichotomy