I'm a yoyo

[LeathernLace]

Where do I start? My ex and I had been together for almost 30 years. In the last 6 years we separated 3 times...all his doing. Everytime we seperated it was for the same reason. He felt the chemistry/connection was missing, wasn't sure he was in love with me anymore. Few months go by and he would tell me he was wrong, loves me, doesn't want to lose me and i would give in. Here we are, 4th time now. He gave me the same story, told me this wasn't something that could be fixed..but this time he said divorce. 2 weeks later, we are officially divorced. He is back pedaling again one month later. Saying he wants to be with me, he misses me, doesn't want to be without me.

 

I love this man with every fiber in my soul....but i have felt like a yoyo for years. My heart desperately wants to be with him, but my head says "are you freakin kidding?" I don't trust him with my heart anymore. He has broken it so many times. I feel w h at he feels today is temporary and that if I give in...he will break my heart again....but i miss him so much and want to be with him. He has always been my forever, my feelings for him have never changed.

 

I hate this so much. My head says no, not again...but my heart says yes. And I'm afraid if I don't give in, I will really lose him forever, even as a friend and he is my best friend. Even now still after the divorce.

 

Don't know what to do.

Edited November 11, 2016 by LeathernLace

[skywriter]

If I were to give you any advice, it would be, it's time to love yourself more, and put yourself first. He divorced you, let that reality sink in. In order to do this you need to politely request that he not contact you, and allow you time.

 

You've given him many opportunities as you stated to make a decision, and as you say, he continues to be indecisive. It's okay to love him from afar, and also make a decision for yourself. Listen to your head, your heart is causing you to feel like a yoyo.

 

Quite possibly, if you don not give in, he can actually commit eventually, without the yoyo effect. Don't settle for the back and forth effect, he's been putting you through, demand a final decision and expect him to stick to it. Life is far too short, for not being able to move on.

[LastAcorn99]

I’m so sorry about your situation. I can understand how difficult and confusing this must be for you. Given what you shared, I think you do need to practice tough love with your ex. I would strongly suggest you seek the help of a counselor. Please take good care of yourself. Hugs and prayers to you.

[Mr. Lucky]

Here we are, 4th time now.

 

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 4 times...

 

Have the two of you been to MC? What happens with other partners during these separations?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Just a Guy]

Hi Leather lace, you seem to be really caught between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Skywriter got it right when he said that you should love yourself first. Also listen to Mr. Lucky. A lot of wisdom there. It seems to me that (a) Your husband knows you love him deeply and that he can have these epiphanies which turn out to be wrong and at the end of the separation when he starts feeling lonely, he can dial you and you will take him back no questions asked and (b) You do not hold it against him for letting you down so badly because as far as he is concerned your love trumps(pardon the pun) your self esteem. It is obvious that you are running short of self esteem which is why the comment "Love yourself" makes sense. Every time he had deserted you and then had a change of heart., you have let him go without a whimper and every time he has come back you have taken him in. This recurring pattern has made him realize that he can actually swing you like a yo yo on the end of a string and that you will always forgive him and take him back no questions asked.

 

What you need to do now is to break that pattern and tell him you are done and that while you will always hold him in regard you do not want to be with him anymore. Tell him you gave him enough chances to decide what he wanted in life and now he does not get another chance with you. Your heart is in the wrong place while your head is absolutely correct. Tell him hr should have thought things through a bit more deliberately before filing for divorce and that by that action of his he has sealed the deal for you. For yourself , you need to attend IC to determine where your weaknesses are and how you can overcome them so that this kind of thing does not happen again whether with your ex or any new relationship that you may have. Thirty years is a long time and one does not lightly throw away a relationship that HSS lasted that long. I am guessing that both of you are in your late forties or early fifties. If that be the case both of you will find it difficult to find new partners but in your ex's case the problem is magnified. You will still be able to find a good guy to settle down with but he will find it infinitelyore diificult to do so. As such let him sweat it out while you work on improving yourself personality and self esteem wise. Buy yourself some new and attractive clothes which enhance your personality and get a new snazzy hairdo, experiment with new make up styles to present a radiant persons so that you attract new and personable guys who ate highly eligible and who gel with you. You deserve this after the shabby way your ex HSS treated you. Let him realize what he has lost. Hope some of this helps. Warm wishes.