hayhay2593 Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been arguing all week about sex. We have argued about sex in the past but this week was on another level. He asked me to take libido pills so that I will want to have more sex with him. We have sex at least three times a week every week. He says that he can tell that I'm not always into it and I understand why that would bother him but it also bothers me when he tries to talk me into doing it more than I want to and asking me to take the libido pills is something that upsets me in a way. I don't know how to feel or how to even respond to him during the arguments because he does make valid points about how our sex life is an important part of our relationship and things like that. I just get so mad that he gets so upset/mad and makes such a big deal out of sex. Earlier today we talked about having sex but then he gave me the option of not doing it and I chose to not do it, then he had a crazy fit about it and we ended up having a huge argument and he was threatening to put my clothes outside of the apartment along with all my other stuff. We've been together for two years by the way and have been mostly happy until recently. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Goodness, I wouldn't stand for his behaviour! First up, there is no female viagra. No magic pills. Second, pressuring and bullying you into sex is NOT OK. He is abusing you in order to get more sex! Would you be OK if this was happening to your daughter or friend? Sure, sexual compatibility is important. But rest assured that 3x per week is well within the realms of 'normal'. If he has an insane libido, he has two choices: 1. take care of himself when you're not into it. 2. end the relationship. But this bullying is and abuse is not OK. I wonder if he notices the irony of being horrible to you when he wants sex. Last comment: if anyone threatens to throw your clothes outside in an argument, do it for them. Pack your bags and leave. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 There would be no sex with anyone who threatens to put my clothes out on the lawn during a fight. Talk about a mood killer! But seriously, don't let him pressure you into having more sex. Pressuring you and bullying you is not going to help to increase your interest or desire to have sex with him. There is really no magic pill. I agree with basil, three times a week is quite reasonable. If he wants more sex and you feel like this is not something you can give, then this is an incompatibility. He has two choices - take care of it himself or end the relationship and find someone with whom he is more sexually compatible. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 It's his job to make you feel comfortable, safe and aroused and horny. He is obviously failing at all of those things. This is likely the beginning of the end of your relationship. Start looking for a new place and start getting your ducks in a row to be single again. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hayhay2593 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 Thanks guys. This just really sucks because I have nowhere to go and don't know anyone here. We just moved to Houston a month ago. He's been yelling at me to fix things or I'll be kicked out. He threw my stuff outside today and I called the police but they couldn't do anything to help. He's going to keep yelling and doing these things until I can find somewhere to go which I don't know when that will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hayhay2593 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 This morning attempting to keep peace, I was going to have sex with him because he claimed it would fix things. Then I just couldn't get into it because of what's been going on so he yelled at me more and still tried to convince me to have sex so I tried but ended up crying and then he said our relationship is done since I can't "fix this." My life is falling apart. I really don't know what to do at all, 'y life has bee catered to him for the past 2 years. I don't even like my family and don't want to go to them. (They're in another state) Link to post Share on other sites
Author hayhay2593 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 I've considered a hotel, airbnb, etc. but I have $133 to my name right now because he's wanted to "take care of me" and I just now got a job but it's a low paying one at a grocery store. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 How could the police not help you? This is pretty clear-cut abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Where are your parents? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Please contact these agencies https://www.hawc.org/ https://www.womenshelters.org/cit/tx-houston The Salvation Army Greater Houston Area Command Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 I've considered a hotel, airbnb, etc. but I have $133 to my name right now because he's wanted to "take care of me" and I just now got a job but it's a low paying one at a grocery store. You can find a Women's Refuge. Do that NOW or like yesterday! You are BEING SEXUALLY ABUSED and it's PLAIN WRONG. This SHOULD be a MAJOR red flag signifying to you that this man is an abuser. I'm sorry but you are looking at this kind of treatment for ever with this abuser. It usually escalates and can get WAY worse than this. Sure I believe sex 3x a week is also very acceptable IN A HEALTHY relationship but NOT in an abusive one. A wonderful partner WILL make you want to have sex ALOT and probably alot more than 3x a week. But this man is repellant to you and now you feel forced to have sex with him just for a place to live. I know PLENTY of women who've reduced their worth to this disgusting level. If they KNEW what real love felt like then they wouldn't stand this for one nano second. There's a better life for you in stall. You need to work on yourself (which the refuge may help with). Once you GET IT, you will hopefully never allow this to happen again. ALWAYS look after Number 1. Always be independent of a man, even your H. Get a good or AWESOME Career so you never feel the need to be financially dependant on a man. Easier said than done after children especially in M so be VERY CAREFUL to guard these. Best wishes Lion Heart 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Abusers often like to isolate their victims so they have nowhere to go and are thus weak and helpless - that is exactly what has happened here. He moved you to Houston away from everyone you knew and now he is yelling at you and demanding sex and throwing your clothes out of the window. He knows in the face of all that, you will capitulate and thus he controls you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 This is pretty clear-cut abuse. Agreed, except it doesn't meet the standards for police involvement. Were they involved in every break-up (regardless of how justified), little else would get done. hayhay2593, you're going to have to help yourself. You've been given resouces, other ideas are - - get a second job ASAP - look for a room to rent rather than apartment or house - check the YMCA or hostels - ask your church for help Be strong... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Hi Hay Hay, I agree with the other posters that your boyfriend is abusing you. As Mr. Lucky said, be strong and self dependent. The resources he mentioned for you to look for to be able to stay would all be within your budget. If you need cash immediately to be able to make separate arrangements for stay can you ask your family or friends for a loan? Whatever it is do not be helpless or give the appearance of being helpless. In a way it is a good thing your BF has shown his true colours now. Imagine if he was doing this after you had been married for ten years and had kids to boot. Just tighten your belt, be pragmatic and proactive about securing your welfare and move ahead in life. You cannot let yourself be derailed by selfish, self interested people in this world. Warm wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 This morning attempting to keep peace, I was going to have sex with him because he claimed it would fix things. Then I just couldn't get into it because of what's been going on so he yelled at me more and still tried to convince me to have sex so I tried but ended up crying and then he said our relationship is done since I can't "fix this." My life is falling apart. I really don't know what to do at all, 'y life has bee catered to him for the past 2 years. I don't even like my family and don't want to go to them. (They're in another state) Are there no women's shelters that will take you in temporarily? Needless to say, you need to break up with this douche. I'm amazed you even managed to have sex with him 3x/week with that kind of behaviour, how repulsive! Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 "he does make valid points about how our sex life is an important part of our relationship and things like that" ok, so why do get mad? "I just get so mad that he gets so upset/mad and makes such a big deal out of sex" he will prolly leave you if you "just" get so mad/upset, for a more compatible partner, getting mad at somebody gets you nowhere just to a shelter and a crap job Link to post Share on other sites
MarkIVSteel Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 I love how everyone conveniently ignores the part where the boyfriend brings up valid points and she just gets mad at him. They've been together for two years. He has probably tried to put up with her behavior and done all sorts of things but she won't budge. He has reached his breaking point and I don't blame him. Leave him so he can find a woman who doesn't have a hang up over sex. Link to post Share on other sites
rick2016 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 I love how everyone conveniently ignores the part where the boyfriend brings up valid points and she just gets mad at him. They've been together for two years. He has probably tried to put up with her behavior and done all sorts of things but she won't budge. He has reached his breaking point and I don't blame him. Leave him so he can find a woman who doesn't have a hang up over sex. That is not called for, she was having sex 3 times a week, how is that a hang up over sex...She is being bullied into more sex...nobody likes to be bullied. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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