Mzcleopatra87 Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Oh my goodness, This man has really done a number on me. I am 29 years old and he is 27. We met in 2010 married in 2014 & now he is rushing for a divorce. We have one child together and I have 2 others from separate relationships. When we first met he accepted my kids with the exception that if he took over my eldest there would be no contact with my elders bio dad. My 6 year old is a special need child and he was ok with his dad helping him as long as I didn't talk to him. He was always very jealous and never had complete trust in me after I cheated once in the 1st 3 weeks we met. Ever since then I have been hand in foot trying to prove my worthiness. I moved my kids to P.A after I cheated since he was attending UTI. When we were headed back to nj we got engaged. After marriage he was less jealous but more controlling . Get forward to 2016... things began to change with his new salesman job. Late hours at work. He didn't like me ever going out so he wouldn't either. It was always work home and sleep. I noticed he was getting distant and just looked bored around july. He missed my birthday dinner and he began carrying his phone everywhere with him. I was such an enabler because once he started his car sales job he would disappear sometimes and I'd always catch him lying about being at work. Well.... 2 weeks ago all hell broke lose and he disappeared again,he had been at a bar in hoboken . He came home angry because I caught him and saw the bar charges on his account. But this time something was diffent. We hadn't been intimate since September and he just seemed tired or bored with me. When I finally caught him the following day again he finally admitted he was with a girl and they just met. Come to find out he had took her out to eat and when I called he was at a hotel with her. She's a young 20 yr. Old girl from paterson. He came home the next day angry again and saying he has accepted that all he will do is be unhappy and for to work and come home from now on. I couldn't believe he was acting like this,he was so blank. Things got heated that night and he reached for some cocaine!! Never in my life did I ever see him use. He said he needs to numb himself to be with me. The next day I went into his tmobile account and saw the history of texts he had with this girl. 4 months of texting her and another girl too. His mom was just left by his father ND is the same situation as me. She is disgusted by her son being that he made such a big deal about his own father infidelity. His mom was diagnosed with cancer recently so we finally spoke ND decided to divorce. He said he loved me until my dad said he couldn't take my older son. The I found the texts I went crazy and ended up in the psych ward. My dad was pissed and didn't allow him to take my older son due to him doing cocaine recently. I went out nov.4th with some guy friend because it was his b day ND I knew he would be out too. I also reintroduced my eldest to his bio father as he asked me too. Between the picture at the bar he saw and my son meeting his bio dad he said that's what killed his love for me he says. So now he is officially with this girl and even introduced her to his girl. Tonight my 3 year old was so sad and crying so he called daddy. He's currently living around the corner from us at his moms. My son call when the 9:20 and this guy was so busy out eating with his girl that he didn't get here until 1130 to pick up his crying son. I sacrificed my time my body my kids happiness and family members to this man and all if it in the trash for a nobody. Am I crazy here Link to post Share on other sites
aurelius99 Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 The fact that he wanted to cut off all ties to your eldest's bio dad is concerning. What is he, a male lion entering a new pack? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mzcleopatra87 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 I was stupid for allowing it. I just wanted a stable home for my kids and making him happy became my priority because him gone meant no home. I see now that it was dumb of me to give him that much power. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 I was stupid for allowing it. I just wanted a stable home for my kids and making him happy became my priority because him gone meant no home. I see now that it was dumb of me to give him that much power. I'm trying to be gentle here and this is pretty much what I would tell my dearest friend. In fact, I did. * Judging by phrasing, you have 3 kids with 3 different fathers * You cheated on your H when you were committed, but not married yet. * You say you want a stable home for your children, which may be especially important for your special needs child. If you want to provide your children with a stable home, STOP looking for the next Baby Daddy. You do NOT need a man to create a stable home environment. And, frankly, it seems your relationships are the opposite of stable, anyways. Your "picker" seems to be in need of repair. Stay single until you have created a stable life and then, slowly, carefully, consider dating again. If the kids fathers aren't paying support, get that taken care of ASAP. If you suspect any of the kids fathers are using, notify the courts and/or Children's Services so that they only get supervised visitation until they get themselves clean. Counseling for yourself might be a good idea, too. The counselor can help you figure out your previous relationships, why your picker is broken, why you cheated, and help you cope with the challenges of raising your kids as a single mother as well as help you cope with the extra challenges of parenting a special needs child. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mickeyanne12 Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 This sounds like a lot for you to deal with, especially while having your children to take care of. Most important would be to make sure you and your kids are in a safe environment. Finding some help, whether from family or a counselor would probably be a next best step. A counselor can really help you sort through everything, heal and figure out what to do next. I'm sorry you're going through all this, and hope you and your kids stay safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 I'm trying to be gentle here and this is pretty much what I would tell my dearest friend. In fact, I did. * Judging by phrasing, you have 3 kids with 3 different fathers * You cheated on your H when you were committed, but not married yet. * You say you want a stable home for your children, which may be especially important for your special needs child. If you want to provide your children with a stable home, STOP looking for the next Baby Daddy. You do NOT need a man to create a stable home environment. And, frankly, it seems your relationships are the opposite of stable, anyways. Tough love but all true. OP, the majority of the drama and chaos in your life is self-generated. If you want less "crazy", focus on your kids and stay single for a while... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts