What to do now?

[Orion]

I met this woman this past January, after about a month we professed our love for one another .... we were very much in love. She wrote me poetry, gave me inspiration and I have never loved or felt this strongly towards another person in my entire life. Everything was great in our relationhip, we were very happy. Then out of the blue, without warning, this past Saturday she came over and said "I do not think this is going to work because I do not believe we have enough common interests and I think we should not continue our relationship". I was shocked because days earlier she was telling me how much she loved me and she was always saying thatshe thought fate had brought us to one another. How can someone have a change in heart that quickly, over a period of days literraly?? I am just devastated at this point because I have never loved anyone or cared this much. I am just confused. I have attempted without being too pushy to figure out in more detail how she came to this conclusion and why she wanted out. And the only answers I get from her is that we did not have enough in common. How is that possible? I thought true love and finding your soulmate were the best things that could ever happn to a person. I have had my heart broken before but this time it hurts so much more because of the amount of love that was there and the way it ended. What do I do at this point I am just so confused and distrought.

 

Thanks

 

Orion

[Tammie]

This is so sad.

 

You got caught up in an infatuation. Love does not happen that quickly. That's infatuation. You may not recognize it as lust/ infatuation, but that's what it is.

 

This is the first person you cared about, so this makes it hard for you, but you need to move on from this, and carry a valuable lesson: the phrase 'I love you' means different things to different people. Often it is overused. It turns into just words with no meaning.

 

Do a search on love vs infatuation online.

 

Good luck.

[Sally]

I know it hurts, but unfortunately people sometimes throw around the "love" word without meaning to hurt anybody. She felt such strong feelings for you at the time, that she felt it had to have been "real" love. "Real" love (relationship wise) takes time, not just a month. You have to know a person before you can feel what real love is. I don't doubt that this girl really and truly felt that she was in love with you, but over time, realized it was an infatuation or the excitement of a new relationship. Once those feelings faded, she may have realized that she wasn't in love at all.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but I was guilty of doing that to a guy I had dated for 3 months. I thought I was so in love with him, because I felt so strongly. I had even gone so far as to tell him I though we were soulmates. All of a sudden I started looking around and I realized, this guy is nice, but it's not all there. I started meeting other people and realized I didn't have enough in common with this guy to continue a relationship and commit to him. It was nothing personal, it was just that the my square peg didn't fit into rectangle whole. He was devestated, but what could I do? I felt so cruel, but I really did feel strongly for him. 2 weeks after I broke up with him, I started feeling for him again. I got back with him for another 2/3 weeks and then realized, I just didn't feel it. I broke up with him and tore his heart out. I felt terrible. I didn't mean to hurt him. I just wanted him to understand that I didn't feel complete with him. It wasn't his fault - I liked him, I just didn't love him.

 

I know what has happened is killing you, but look at it from a different point of view. Don't take the rejection personally, it's not you. It was her fickle feelings. She just didn't know what she wanted obviously. You're probably sitting there trying to figure out what you did wrong, and the answer is - NOTHING. Take it from someone who was there. She is no better for you than you were for her, you just can't see that yet, but you will. When you finally meet someone else that makes you feel even more than you possibly could imagine (and believe me it will happen) - you look back and thank this girl for ending it , because now you can be with this new girl you're going to meet in the future. It's just going to be a matter of time, so relax. At least now you know to take things slow with the next girl, so as to protect yourself. It was another lesson that you've learned in life.

 

If this present girl comes back (which she may - like I did) I suggest you don't get back with her. She's only going to hurt you again.

 

I hope some of what I've said has helped, though no advice is going to take all the pain go away, only time will. You'll make it and you'll get over it - everyone in this world has been there, in one way or another. If you read a lot of the postings, you'll see that you're not alone.

 

Good-luck and I hope everything works out.

[Orion]

Sally,

 

Thank you .... I know you are right about all this, it is just really hard to deal with because of how much I truly loved & cared for her.

 

Many thanks,

 

Orion

 

I know it hurts, but unfortunately people sometimes throw around the "love" word without meaning to hurt anybody. She felt such strong feelings for you at the time, that she felt it had to have been "real" love. "Real" love (relationship wise) takes time, not just a month. You have to know a person before you can feel what real love is. I don't doubt that this girl really and truly felt that she was in love with you, but over time, realized it was an infatuation or the excitement of a new relationship. Once those feelings faded, she may have realized that she wasn't in love at all.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but I was guilty of doing that to a guy I had dated for 3 months. I thought I was so in love with him, because I felt so strongly. I had even gone so far as to tell him I though we were soulmates. All of a sudden I started looking around and I realized, this guy is nice, but it's not all there. I started meeting other people and realized I didn't have enough in common with this guy to continue a relationship and commit to him. It was nothing personal, it was just that the my square peg didn't fit into rectangle whole. He was devestated, but what could I do? I felt so cruel, but I really did feel strongly for him. 2 weeks after I broke up with him, I started feeling for him again. I got back with him for another 2/3 weeks and then realized, I just didn't feel it. I broke up with him and tore his heart out. I felt terrible. I didn't mean to hurt him. I just wanted him to understand that I didn't feel complete with him. It wasn't his fault - I liked him, I just didn't love him. I know what has happened is killing you, but look at it from a different point of view. Don't take the rejection personally, it's not you. It was her fickle feelings. She just didn't know what she wanted obviously. You're probably sitting there trying to figure out what you did wrong, and the answer is - NOTHING. Take it from someone who was there. She is no better for you than you were for her, you just can't see that yet, but you will. When you finally meet someone else that makes you feel even more than you possibly could imagine (and believe me it will happen) - you look back and thank this girl for ending it , because now you can be with this new girl you're going to meet in the future. It's just going to be a matter of time, so relax. At least now you know to take things slow with the next girl, so as to protect yourself. It was another lesson that you've learned in life. If this present girl comes back (which she may - like I did) I suggest you don't get back with her. She's only going to hurt you again.

 

I hope some of what I've said has helped, though no advice is going to take all the pain go away, only time will. You'll make it and you'll get over it - everyone in this world has been there, in one way or another. If you read a lot of the postings, you'll see that you're not alone.

 

Good-luck and I hope everything works out.

[Orion]

Tammie,

 

I have to say thanks for your insight .... but have a hard time thinking it was only infatuation. I Really "Truly" loved this person with all my heart and soul ... that is why it hurts so badly. And we both said, felt & knew the word 'Love' should never be thrown around lightly. So I think we were on the same wavelength there.

 

Thanks,

 

Orion

 

This is so sad. You got caught up in an infatuation. Love does not happen that quickly. That's infatuation. You may not recognize it as lust/ infatuation, but that's what it is. This is the first person you cared about, so this makes it hard for you, but you need to move on from this, and carry a valuable lesson: the phrase 'I love you' means different things to different people. Often it is overused. It turns into just words with no meaning. Do a search on love vs infatuation online.

 

Good luck.