Ending the Wait - Great is What Comes After

[Hobart_Carboys]

I see all sorts of messages asking "What should I do?" "How long do I wait?" "How much do I have to put up with?"

 

I tried hard, too. I was patient, I let her lead. I told her what I wanted, and I must say she took her own sweet time while the years passed and I got old. Meanwhile, I tried to be the man she wanted, gentle, patient, still desiring her--in short, "the fool she wanted to walk on." For decades I waited. You know what? Nobody changes. She didn't; she got worse. I tried to change my desires, to want less, be less, care less, to cease wanting. All that happened is things got worse and worse. Her anger, hostility, and puffed up arrogance got so bad I couldn't stand to be with her in public. When I left, people I thought were close to her said to me, "We wondered why you didn't leave sooner."

 

Leave your fool hubby. Dump that wife. Oh, yes, to be sure, give them some time--say, a year. Some things take that long. But after a whole year, stop. Turn your back on those sentimental memories, those rotting dreams and hopes. You've gone to enough trouble. Stop trying. Face the future. It's there. Someone is waiting for you. Someone will love you. Someone is missing you. And that person is not your spouse. Not yet anyway.

 

I dumped mine. Yes, I gave the brown helmet to my wife. It felt good to do. It felt great, in fact. And, the great plus was, I dumped her without warning (how many times had warned her already?) with lots of vindictiveness and anger--MY ANGER FOR ONCE, in it-- I do feel good about it. I feel wonderful, in fact. She went off on one of her solitary trips, and I packed up and the process server came to wait for her return--not me, I wasn't waiting, and I drove off forever. She got "gob-socked" by me. I got back at her for once. I'm proud it hurt the arrogant conceit of that woman. I'm sure she remembers it in great detail! I'm so much better off today in every way, and I've never been so loved and adored and desired as I am now, today. I'm ashamed that I waited so long and let those precious years pass me by.

 

Let's hear from others who are so glad they finally left but who regret wasting precious years of their little life being patient for nothing.

Edited November 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[LancasterAmos1966]

 

Leave your fool hubby. Dump that wife.

 

 

 

 

I consider my marriage vow to be "until death do us part" -- that doesn't give me a license to stalk or mistreat my estranged wife --- but being honest is a big part of my life. I desire to honor my word even when it's not convenient. When I made my vow/promise, I meant it. When times got tough in my marriage, I still meant my vow.

 

Even though I lost my wife of 20+ years, I have many wonderful memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

 

And my love is deep enough to wish her well in her Journey.

 

Marriage requires the wife to give 100 percent of her very best, and the husband to give 100 percent of his very best. When my wife went to Zero percent, that did not give me the right to take my participation level to Zero.

 

And once she walked out, I had a choice to become bitter or to say "thank you" for the 20 years she shared with me. I chose to say "thank you."

 

Our stories are different, Hobart_Carboys, but we wound up at the same location. Each of us lost our wife.

 

I'm sorry your marriage did not work, and I'm sorry your wife did not show love and kindness the way that you deserved.

 

Even though your wife hurt you, I doubt she intentionally wanted to do that. Her upbringing, her temperament, her mental/emotional/physical health, and her life experiences caused her to act in a certain way. I think if she wanted to intentionally hurt you, there were a few criminal methods that she could have come up with.

 

Everyone is on a Journey in life. We all have have the same basic desires --- to be loved, to be healthy, to have a happy life, etc.

 

I wish you well and if your ex-wife would post on here, I'd wish her the same.

Edited November 13, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Noideanow]

So happe for you and the Lucky woman by your side:) such a heartwarming story:love:

[Popsicle]

Good for you, OP. I left too, but I don't regret all the time I spent married. I have no regrets. There were good things I learned from it and good things that came out of it, the most obvious being, my two beautiful children. Like you, I am happier being out of the marriage with my ex-H, so that is something we agree on. It makes me sad to see people unhappy in their marriage and staying because they are too afraid to leave.

[Marc878]

A bad marriage may not be intentional but it is done with the knowledge of what you're doing to someone else is harming them. Which in itself is intentional. Doormatish behavior always begats more of the same treatment.

 

However, it is your life to waste away if that's what you choose.

[LancasterAmos1966]

An Eye for an Eye Will Make the Whole World Blind......no one is exactly sure who made this comment, but I see it as a good quote to apply in friendships, between neighbors, parents and children, and even marriages.

 

For myself, I'd rather choose a path that does not include getting even and paying them back for the wrongs they did to me.....in other words, I would rather forgive even when the offender doesn't deserve it.

[Marc878]

An Eye for an Eye Will Make the Whole World Blind......no one is exactly sure who made this comment, but I see it as a good quote to apply in friendships, between neighbors, parents and children, and even marriages.

 

For myself, I'd rather choose a path that does not include getting even and paying them back for the wrongs they did to me.....in other words, I would rather forgive even when the offender doesn't deserve it.

 

I think you're missing the point. It's not about revenge or getting even its about moving on. In order to do that you have to cut the ties that bind you. Which is where most have trouble doing. Everyone has the choice to choose their own path.

[LancasterAmos1966]

I think you're missing the point.

 

 

I'm sorry you feel this way.....but it is your right.

[mrs rubble]

I have just come back from the courts to file for divorce with my ex husband.

We have been separated for 10 years, living apart. It was awful in the beginning and we both held a lot of resentment for each other. It slowly got better as the years progressed and we are now on friendly terms.

We have a wonderful son together, who turns 18 soon. He came to court with us today, it was a weird sort of family outing.

Peaceful and happy to be moving on formally.

[Hobart_Carboys]

My previous message was flagged for "ranting." I'll put this again very mild-manneredly. Don't be patient with stonewalling.

 

What's stonewalling? Opposing discussion and change by not changing and giving trivial repetitive excuses for that. "I don't want to discuss this right now." (You end up never discussing it.) "We'll talk when I get back from New York." (By then your bottling up the topic will have poisoned your soul) "I told you before I don't feel the same way about this." (So you're supposed to suffer). Etc. etc. "You want me to do that, but I won't because you've done this." (An endless exchange follows...)

 

To thwart this treatment, just act. Act in some way that will improve your position and self-respect in the long run. In the long run of life, you want to fulfill your dreams. With a stonewaller, you're never never going to fulfill them.

[LancasterAmos1966]

In the long run of life, you want to fulfill your dreams.

 

With a stonewaller, you're never never going to fulfill them.

 

 

Yes, you are so correct on both points.