Flirting? "Would you like to see me without a shirt?"

[PFPunks]

Ok, so my last post magically disappeared so im going to write it again. So Yesterday was my birthday and my gf cooked me meat loaf, which was awesome, and we were just chilling when one of our guy friends came over. So were all stanging in the kitchen when she turns to him and says

 

"want to see me without a shirt?"

 

We're both kind of like, what? and dont know what shes talking about, then she brings out a picture of herself as a kid topless. Kind of funny, except she knew that I was warry of the two of them because when we were at a pool party a few weeks ago, they had been wrestling when this guy ducked under the water and she just screams that her top is coming off. It never did but she seemed to show her dissatisfaction of the situation by pantsing another guy and pulling the drawstring off of this girls bikini bottom. She said that it didnt actually come off, but that was because the chick had good reflexes.

 

So when she shows him the picture he says something to the affect of

 

"Oh shoot I was surprised you asked me this in front of your boyfriend, but im a guy, you know I'd like to see you without a shirt."

 

Happy Birthday!!! The night proceeded with them playing footsies, she did announce it so they werent being sneaky, as I left the room to go to the bathroom. Is it just me or does a guy not deserve to be treated like this? She says its all in good fun. Not that im big on" its my birthday I get it my way" but I know she wanted to make it great for me and it just plain sucked.

 

Shes mad at me now because I told her I didnt have a happy birthday, quite gently I might add, and says im just being jealous again.

 

Her arguments, that were made before the post dissappeared.

The guy is 300lbs

"He is a good friend of BOTH of us. He is very outspoken and honest person when it comes to stuff like that(which should be taken into accound before getting angry"

"the shirt comment was only said for shock value and humor. no water testing here people. I am devoted more to PFpunks then I have ever been to any one person"

"Say what you will your opinions are yours and I will not hate you for them. I just feel the need to put my 2 cents in. Jealousy is a vicious cycle and I would rather not have it fueled here If you do see anything qrong with my actions, please let me know and if there is any misunderstanding about "how" or "what" happened I will let you know or apologize for whatever the offense is and truly try to change my behavior thank you"

 

I asked her to look at this thread so, just so you all know. Please let us know what you think we both think the other person is being unreasonable. Also take into account that there are alot of other arguments on both sides.

 

Also if there are moderators erasing peoples posts please let someone know so they can modify it to your liking.

 

aj

[westernxer]

Your last post disappeared because you sabotaged us by having your girlfriend give the other side of the story...

 

Don't do it again. This isn't some social experiment.

[listiebelle]

Sorry--I will leave this one alone. Didn't know that was "against the rules" I thought this was relationship advice.

I am part of the relationship in question. I wanted advice just the same and wanted to give my side of the story so any advice given would reflect what I thought AND what he thought. I wasn't angry at anything anyone said--those are opinions and I respect them as such. We just wanted to hear---or see what others thought, from an objective point of view. And he didn't HAVE me reply, he told me that it was up there and I was free to look and comment as I wished. Jus so you know. Sabotage is a bad word. Anything anyone said was not taken as bad, just as thier point of view, to reflect upon, and to look at ourselves from how others see us. I am sorry if we cannot do this here.

Please do not erase this because of my post. I will remove it if necessary. I just wanted to extend my apologies for it.

I had no intentions of arguing with any member for any comment they made. I just wanted resolution to our situation.

[Zaira]

My opinion is: If you love, respect and care for your boyfriend you would cease this behaviour with his friend, because it is obviously upsetting him.

[Merin]

Originally posted by ~Zaira~

My opinion is: If you love, respect and care for your boyfriend you would cease this behaviour with his friend, because it is obviously upsetting him.

 

Word.

 

Thats pretty much what I had said in the thread that I guess was deleted..

Perception is Reality.

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by ~Zaira~

My opinion is: If you love, respect and care for your boyfriend you would cease this behaviour with his friend, because it is obviously upsetting him.

 

Totally!!! I'd move on if I were you!

[RecordProducer]

If you know that your GF is not attracted to this guy then it's okay to even flirt innocently. But I honestly don't think she flirted with him. Actually the joke about the shirt off is really funny and I would use it too. I might some day.

My BF would never be mad at me after he figures that it was a mere joke. You base your feelings on the logic that she teased him and wanted to make him think about her breast. I would say we all know that guys love seeing women topless, but your GF seems to be a bit naive in that respect. What she thought was just funny was actually sexy. You see the withdrawal part (when she disappointed him with the kid picture) as a huge tease while she sees it as a little innocent game.

As much as it might have been inappropriate it's not a big of a deal, in my opinion. I as a woman can tell you that a tease like that doesn't mean anything unless she is sexually attracted to this particular guy.

I wouldn't be jealous if my BF flirted with a woman he finds completely unattractive.

Happy Birthday to you!

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by westernxer

Your last post disappeared because you sabotaged us by having your girlfriend give the other side of the story...

 

Don't do it again. This isn't some social experiment.

 

what's wrong with that?? I don't get it?? Both sides of the story? I missed something.

[Merin]

Originally posted by SummerRae

what's wrong with that?? I don't get it?? Both sides of the story? I missed something.

 

I don't know what the problem was with that.. but BOTH sides of the story are now in the OP thread...

 

*Merin shrugs*

[midori]

Originally posted by listiebelle

Sorry--I will leave this one alone. Didn't know that was "against the rules" I thought this was relationship advice.

I am part of the relationship in question. I wanted advice just the same and wanted to give my side of the story so any advice given would reflect what I thought AND what he thought. I wasn't angry at anything anyone said--those are opinions and I respect them as such. We just wanted to hear---or see what others thought, from an objective point of view. And he didn't HAVE me reply, he told me that it was up there and I was free to look and comment as I wished. Jus so you know. Sabotage is a bad word. Anything anyone said was not taken as bad, just as thier point of view, to reflect upon, and to look at ourselves from how others see us. I am sorry if we cannot do this here.

Please do not erase this because of my post. I will remove it if necessary. I just wanted to extend my apologies for it.

I had no intentions of arguing with any member for any comment they made. I just wanted resolution to our situation.

 

Hi listiebelle,

 

LoveShack.org is a place for individuals to seek advice on relationship issues, from people who are not part of their real-world lives. An important element of this community is the anonymity of its members. Obviously two people who know each other personally might both be members of our community, but this is not the place to conduct personal interaction.

 

Likewise, LoveShack.org is not structured for couples counseling. Conversations between two individuals involved in a real-life relationship are better conducted in real-life.

 

If a member you know in real life has opened a discussion here about a problem they are experiencing, you must respect their anonymity by not revealing personal facts to which you are privy. If they choose to present to the community here what you believe to be a skewed, or incomplete, or even false picture of their circumstances, that is their choice -- and the feedback they receive will be affected by that. That is their choice, and you must respect that.

 

Best regards,

midori

LoveShack.org Site Director

[Merin]

Originally posted by midori

Hi listiebelle,

 

LoveShack.org is a place for individuals to seek advice on relationship issues, from people who are not part of their real-world lives. An important element of this community is the anonymity of its members. Obviously two people who know each other personally might both be members of our community, but this is not the place to conduct personal interaction.

 

Likewise, LoveShack.org is not structured for couples counseling. Conversations between two individuals involved in a real-life relationship are better conducted in real-life.

 

If a member you know in real life has opened a discussion here about a problem they are experiencing, you must respect their anonymity by not revealing personal facts to which you are privy. If they choose to present to the community here what you believe to be a skewed, or incomplete, or even false picture of their circumstances, that is their choice -- and the feedback they receive will be affected by that. That is their choice, and you must respect that.

 

Best regards,

midori

LoveShack.org Site Director

 

Makes sense to me.

[Sal Paradise]

I think the chick should cut this crap out if it makes her bf uncomfortable. She should know better.

[Iluvsiamese]

I think that it may have started out as a harmless joke, but sometimes those jokes hurt and go too far. This one did. In a relationship, there is reality and perception. The facts stated plain and simple, do not always cover the tones of a conversation or the innuendoes and atmosphere of the whole situation. When those are added in, it changes the entire picture. You need to consider how your SO is going to feel in that situation--how would you feel if it was reversed? To destroy trust, all that is required is the appearance of wrongdoing.

 

I realize that this is not a marriage situation BUT I think that this is relevant. Which marriage vow is the most important and why? Many people after they enter into a marriage (and this can apply to any relationship IMO) seem to forget the rest of the vows and recall only one--the one to remain faithful. And so they may technically remain faithful, but they forget to love, respect, cherish their partner. If both are loving, respecting and cherishing their partners, you will not likely have a problem with the faithfulness.

 

In this situation, she failed to show love and respect to her bf. It may not have been intentional, but thats how it felt and so that becomes the reality.

[PFPunks]

Update Yeah!

 

Ok so tonight she was singing that "Put it in my mouth" song with him. Its great. She's such a tease. I told her that if she wanted to have an "open", being very relative, relationship, that I would oblige and treat her with the same respect. So now I dont shy away when women are topless on the tv, I talk without the guys about fine butts, not because I really care to but because I feel that if she can flirt and lead on that im not going to withold a damn thing. Heres the kicker, I've dropped porn completley for her and she still brings it up. I dont think that I'll be with holding much longer if she keeps this up. Anyways, since I started just being a guy again she shy's away anytime I'm being that way and starts to tear up like im hurting her. What a load?! She asked for it. It's like she wants a guy that will be there, watch her tease these guys then she can come back to and have my full undivided loving attention. Life is great when you dont feel special. Yeah!

 

"She spreads her lovin' all over and when she gets home there's none left...for me"

[Zaira]

If I were you I'd dump her and move on. Find someone who respects you because she obviously doesn't. Double standards suck, and she is making you act like someone you are not.

[Iluvsiamese]

Oh that's rich! She objected to you having porn (which is very impersonal, relatively speaking) but she is having a big flirt which includes alot of sexual innuendos with a particular individual??? She is allowed to carry on like this but you aren't allowed to even look and comment?? Major double standard. I get the feeling (could be wrong, but maybe not) that she is hanging on to you just in case she doesn't get the other guy. Very bad form under any circumstances, but especially so as he is one of your friends. Not cool. It would be different if she were treating you as she wants to be treated, but that's not what is happening. I have to concur with the rest--let her go and find someone else.

[ReluctantRomeo]

I agree with the consensus - this kind of flirty behaviour is unacceptable. The girl is playing mindgames with you.

[Cecelius]

Originally posted by PFPunks

It's like she wants a guy that will be there, watch her tease these guys then she can come back to and have my full undivided loving attention.

 

I believe that defines 90% of modern women. Go look for the other 10%

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Cecelius

I believe that defines 90% of modern women. Go look for the other 10%

 

Issues with fathers. This thing ain't gonna go away

 

90% is pessimistic though - it's more like an irritating and visible minority.

[Cecelius]

Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo

Issues with fathers. This thing ain't gonna go away

 

90% is pessimistic though - it's more like an irritating and visible minority.

 

Maybe but the OP deserves the best, not a girl who needs to rub up against every male on the planet for validation.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by Cecelius

Maybe but the OP deserves the best, not a girl who needs to rub up against every male on the planet for validation.

 

Agreed. I think most of us guys have been on the wrong end of this at some time and it really sucks.

[PFPunks]

he (the friend) kept mentioning that song --put it in your mouth (she didn't respond--and refused to sing the lyrics even though we asked her to, (maybe because I wanted to get pissed at her for knowing that song)and later, after he left, I tried to stick my c*ck in her mouth while we were in bed, saying "do you want to sitck THIS in your mouth?!!??!!? Well do you, I know you want to you were singing that song" she bit my hand (really hard because she was sooo pissed)

[SummerRae]

Originally posted by PFPunks

he (the friend) kept mentioning that song --put it in your mouth (she didn't respond--and refused to sing the lyrics even though we asked her to, (maybe because I wanted to get pissed at her for knowing that song)and later, after he left, I tried to stick my c*ck in her mouth while we were in bed, saying "do you want to sitck THIS in your mouth?!!??!!? Well do you, I know you want to you were singing that song" she bit my hand (really hard because she was sooo pissed)

 

That's mature! You two seem perf for each other...

[clandestinidad]

woah woah....I was totally with you until that *ock in the mouth thing!!! what the hell was that?!?! waaaay over the line, Mr. Dont abuse ANYONE like that EVER again!!!!

 

I dont think she wants anything sexual w/ your friend. I DO think she needs to grow up and realize that flirting like that w/ people other than her boyfriend makes her look shallow, easy, untrustworthy, cheap, etc....it shows low self-esteem...as if the only attention she can get to feel good about herself is sexual. She might think she comes across as cute and fun, but she doesnt...and I hope she's reading this

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by SummerRae

That's mature! You two seem perf for each other...

 

A match made in heaven... or maybe in the other place