feeling depressed ****Updated**** Telling his wife

[drypuddle]

LC since Nov 17, NC since Dec 1.

[crazyinlove27]

So i wrote a thread about me wanting to tell his wife about our affair. I decided against it as I would be telling her for the wrong reasons.

 

On the 10th December I broke NC and we started messaging as friends. Nothing more. I few times I would get jealous and say that I was going to tell his wife but obviously was just very angry. We managed to stay friends and he messaged me regular to see if I was OK as I had recently had some bad news.

 

Well anyway I had a phone call tonight off private number. I never answer private number normally but for some reason I did.

Well it was my xmm wife. She was screaming saying she knows everything. The phone cut off. (My signal is awful). I haven't got a number for her as she rung off private and I'm too scared to ring him or message him. He's blocked me on whatsapp and deleted me as a friend on Facebook.

 

I'm really stuck at what I should do. I'm in pieces. I've actually been physically sick.

[Survivor12]

There is nothing you can or should do. Do not attempt to contact him. He has blocked you for a reason. In fact, I would advise against answering if he calls or responding to any message he may send. He is not your friend. He is her husband. Let him deal with it.

[goodyblue]

Do nothing!! Batten down the hatches, protect yourself and don't let them drag you in. Now is the time to protect you!!

[Tayla]

Here are your choices:

Pick up and say thanks for calling St Anne's reform school. we are closed for the holy days of our savior. Please keep the donations coming! *click*

 

Or... Answer it will the full knowledge of owning your poor choices. Listen to her and admit everything. (That's what adults do). Then leave the conversation with a sincere sorry. *click*

 

Or: avoid the calls til you can be strong enough to be accountable.

[sandylee1]

Keep your head down.

[Lady2163]

I would avoid answering the phone for a while if you don't know the number.

 

She may want the truth, but that is her husband's place to tell her. She may want confirmation from you, but your truth may not be her husband's truth - intentional or not. I don't think men are as detailed as woman in these situations. In my case if there was a DDAY and XMM told his wife we had sex 6-7 times a year for a period of about seven years, he would sort of be correct. I was long distance and traveled to him every few weeks for a couple of days. Since there were multiple times over multiple days, if confronted, I'd be also telling the truth if I said we had sex around 20 times in a year.

 

So, I've never been a fan of confirming a lot of details. If you must talk to her, keep it simple. Don't get overly detailed. Confirm the time frame. Apologize. Then, ask her to refrain from contacting you again (if that's what you want).

 

Did he tell you he loved you - definitely say NO if he didn't.

 

Did you do XYZ together? If this is a graphic sex act, tell her she needs to talk to her husband. It's easier to hate you when she hears it described in your voice rather than his - and lets him avoid the conflict.

 

Were you with him and such and such a time? Again, I'd avoid details.

 

As always, if you live in a place where you can be sued for alienation of affection, ADMIT OR CONFIRM NOTHING!!!

[aileD]

You do nothing. It's over. You weren't "friends". His wife found out so now all bets are off and you'll never hear from him again (unless things settle down and he feels safe enough to cheat again---then he'll call you).

 

Consider this a blessing. Move on with your life