Mizz Layta Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 Ok, I know this comes down to the person, the situation, etc. etc. etc.But I'm curious, when a dumper says things like "hopefully we can try again in the future" or "when my life is better balanced, maybe then we'll actually have a chance"... do they really mean it? My ex who is 4 hours away said this because of the distance between us since he isn't ready to settle down.I'm no by any means going to wait around for him.He has been coming in and out of my life for few years now --has pattern of blowing hot and cold and indecisive. Do issues like this get resolved Are they trying to let us down easy? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imaginarium Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 When my ex and I broke up after high school, he had turned into a jack*** druggie and I was a clingy, insecure mess. We wouldn't have worked, in surprised we made it 2 years. In our mid-30s, we have reconnected and it's been amazing. We can't believe how we used to treat each other and take each other for granted, now that we have a stable and honest relationship. So yeah, totally possible but don't wait around. I really think now if it's meant to be it finds its way. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 It just means they want to keep you on the back burner in case they need you later on. I think it's a very small amount of people who say that and actually hope that they can be a better person or different person in order to make the relationship work later on down the road but it never happens. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 Are they trying to let us down easy? I know when I've said this that was the case. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 Its time to activate your self respect and remove this guy totally from your life. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 No they do not mean it, it's simply a platitude. Like a rainbow colored fart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 I'm curious, when a dumper says things like "hopefully we can try again in the future" or "when my life is better balanced, maybe then we'll actually have a chance"... do they really mean it? No, they are just saying it to make you feel better, to help you accept the break-up. Nobody wants to hear "it's over forever". 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 It means no. Or it means they want to keep you hanging on until they make sure they find someone else. I've been there and done that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VienneseCoffee Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 My most recent experience would signify no they don't really want you but will keep you around until they find something better. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 It means many different things - - they don't want to see you cry in front of them. - they don't want you to think they are a cold, heartless, monster. - they don't want you to talk bad about them. - they may be really horny and need a booty call some time when all their other FWBs are busy. - They want to keep you addicted to Hopium so they can keep you on reserve on the shelf. - They are too weak to make any decisive decisions themselves. - They want to see other people but want you waiting by the phone for them in case the other people they are seeing ditch them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 ....and even though you did not ask about this, I will add my $-02 anyway. I do not believe that people are "not ready" and I do not believe that they need any self-discovery or work on themselves or any of that other babble that people use for not entering into a more serious and committed relationship. I think that for 95% of the people 95% of the time, if someone is not moving forward with a relationship is because they do not think that the other person is "the one." It's not that there is really all these barriers or circumstances that cannot be overcome, it is that they simply are not that into you. When people are in love and sincerely believe that someone is "the one" they will swim through shark and venomous snake infested waters, clime the highest and coldest mountains, crawl through the hottest deserts etc etc to be with that person regardless of the hardships and challenging circumstances. People do what they want 95% of the time of find excuses for the things they don't want. If someone is not slaying dragons to be with you, they are not your knight in shining armor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pete2304 Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 I've just written and then subsequently deleted a long post about how sometimes relationships can battle through things like this. And they can. But, it's only ever clinging in reality and that's why I didn't hit post. Honestly, chances are you're screwed here. I know that's not what you want to hear but it's likely the truth. If you love someone four hours is nothing at all. You could fight and keep it going and you probably will but.....ah you're in trouble here and you know it, you're just hoping someone says fight for it I guess? Link to post Share on other sites
whatdeww18 Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Well for me, I'm pretty blunt for the most part. I've said it a couple times, and I've actually meant it when I said it. One time, I just saw we both had a LOT of growing up to do... Yet to see it on their part. The other, I think it was bad timing and we didn't have a lot of time to focus on the relationship. Said it, and actually meant it because this person was amazing, but we both could not commit to the relationship as much as we should have. Unfortunate. But a couple of my friends broke up and said that they wanted to let the person down easy. I guess it just depends on the person, it's your guess and I suggest just leaving it at that. Don't over analyze that single statement, although it may seem like your future depends on it haha. For real though, don't. If I had to guess, I would think most people do kind of mean it but more so like I'll get back to you when the other prospects have failed and you are ready to take me to bed Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 NO. I really could stop there, but LS requires more text than that, so let me repeat. NO. S/He does not really mean it. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 No reason to believe them. No reasonto wait for one hot second! Just respond "ya, that's not happening". Any person that REALLY wants to be with you = nothing stands in the way, NOTHING! Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 It means many different things - - they don't want to see you cry in front of them. - they don't want you to think they are a cold, heartless, monster. - they don't want you to talk bad about them. - they may be really horny and need a booty call some time when all their other FWBs are busy. - They want to keep you addicted to Hopium so they can keep you on reserve on the shelf. - They are too weak to make any decisive decisions themselves. - They want to see other people but want you waiting by the phone for them in case the other people they are seeing ditch them. Pretty much this is what I thought too. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 I think I'd prefer to hear 'It's over, forever' Oh... but I already did. They both have conflicting but similar outcomes: hopefulness/hopelessness. Link to post Share on other sites
TooRational Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 I think I'd prefer to hear 'It's over, forever' Absolutely. My ex left me while leaving the door open for the future and it was a nightmare. To this day, I still don't know if she said that to let me down easy or if she really meant it, but whatever her reasons, the effect was the same. Torture for me. Link to post Share on other sites
George9 Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Absolutely. My ex left me while leaving the door open for the future and it was a nightmare. To this day, I still don't know if she said that to let me down easy or if she really meant it, but whatever her reasons, the effect was the same. Torture for me. She was not brave enough to say it to your face. If you can't deal with it and accept the "no final answer" as an answer, then it is not her problem but yours. Link to post Share on other sites
RealGood Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Ok, I know this comes down to the person, the situation, etc. etc. etc.But I'm curious, when a dumper says things like "hopefully we can try again in the future" or "when my life is better balanced, maybe then we'll actually have a chance"... do they really mean it? No they don't. What that means is I am going to do be with other people and when I am desperate and don't have anyone I might contact you for some rebound sex and attention. Make a clean break and move on. No future plans for someone who doesn't want you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 No they don't. What that means is I am going to do be with other people and when I am desperate and don't have anyone I might contact you for some rebound sex and attention. Make a clean break and move on. No future plans for someone who doesn't want you. I just went through something similar. Dude said he'd keep my digits 'just in case, you never know in the future...'; and, he recently threw me under the bus and told everyone I was the one into him and he wanted me to just go away. If someone isn't prioritizing you - all this "coulda, woulda, shoulda" isn't worth your time. Tell them "no thanks, but no thanks". Link to post Share on other sites
DumpedGuy9617 Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 I would not say that it means for sure he doesn't mean it. I would say almost anything said in the heat of the break up should be taken with a grain of salt - whether it sounds good to you or not. In my experience, after any break up, no matter what the reason, odds are about 50/50 you will get back together. It depends on the dumper and the dumpee. Best thing. You can do is speak your mind right away (tell them how you honestly feel) and break contact as soon as possible. Focus on yourself and don't contact them unless you understand why you broke up and why you want them back. The only way a renewed relationship works imo is if you broke up for bad reasons, or you fall in love again and truly start fresh. The latter is hard to do, because usually one or both parties moves on and is no longer interested. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted December 23, 2016 Share Posted December 23, 2016 My ex said this to me no less than 15 times on the day she was moving out which was also coupled with heavy makeout sessions, oral sex, and hysterical bouts of her crying and loosing it. She was the dumper. It's been 104 days since any communication with her; I told her specifically not to call UNLESS she wanted to work on our RL. My conclusion, she may have meant it at that particular moment but it doesn't mean *****. Actually, saying this to someone is probably the most hurtful thing you can do. Anyone who thinks it is "letting them down easy" needs to know it prolongs pain and suffering for the dumpee. So no, I would not put any stock in those words. Link to post Share on other sites
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