Relocation..... Freedom from "hot & cold" EA partner...

[MsHopeful0208201689]

So as some of you know from my previous posts I have been in an on & off emotional affair for a little over 3 years now.... It feels weird to admit because for so long I was in denial and tried to rationalized our conversations and interactions as a friendship with an undertone of emotional, mental, and some physical attraction.....

 

Fast forward, I just relocated about 2 or so hours away to a new city & he seemed distance and a bit unhappy for my relocation and my new job opportunity... he has stated that he wanted me to have his kids but in the same breath claims he respects and values me too much to have sexual with me or put me in a position as the mistress/side piece...

 

My question is when (I know how he operates) decides he is over the initial shock of me uprooting my life, should I try to be friends under conditions of meeting his wife or should I just let bygones be bygones... I truly consider him a friend BUT not sure we could ever been genuine friends because of the deceit and omission of lying he brought to me in the beginning...

 

Not sure if I am feeling a sense of nostalgia or if I truly care for this person.....

 

Also, why do you think he'd be unhappy that I am having a great amount of prosperity in my life? If he is truly my friend and cares about/loves me like he claims........

 

Sorry for the rant but I just don't get him..... Besides all of the attraction that we are aware of, in my heart I feel like he is my friend, first and foremost.... He even said thats what he liked about me is that we were truly genuine friend despite all of the flirting and attraction...

 

Just feel like I am losing a friend more than anything....

[Adoraxx]

So as some of you know from my previous posts I have been in an on & off emotional affair for a little over 3 years now.... It feels weird to admit because for so long I was in denial and tried to rationalized our conversations and interactions as a friendship with an undertone of emotional, mental, and some physical attraction.....

 

Fast forward, I just relocated about 2 or so hours away to a new city & he seemed distance and a bit unhappy for my relocation and my new job opportunity... he has stated that he wanted me to have his kids but in the same breath claims he respects and values me too much to have sexual with me or put me in a position as the mistress/side piece...

 

My question is when (I know how he operates) decides he is over the initial shock of me uprooting my life, should I try to be friends under conditions of meeting his wife or should I just let bygones be bygones... I truly consider him a friend BUT not sure we could ever been genuine friends because of the deceit and omission of lying he brought to me in the beginning...

 

Not sure if I am feeling a sense of nostalgia or if I truly care for this person.....

 

Also, why do you think he'd be unhappy that I am having a great amount of prosperity in my life? If he is truly my friend and cares about/loves me like he claims........

 

Sorry for the rant but I just don't get him..... Besides all of the attraction that we are aware of, in my heart I feel like he is my friend, first and foremost.... He even said thats what he liked about me is that we were truly genuine friend despite all of the flirting and attraction...

 

Just feel like I am losing a friend more than anything....

 

Hi MsHopeful,

 

I just relocated too and I'm about 1 1/2 hour away from xMM now. Before the move, he pretty much ignored me most of the time - which was one of the reasons for me to move (in the beginning of the A he would stay in touch) ; and now I'm gone from our old town and he's been emailing me some.

 

I really wanted to do what one of the longtime posters here suggested (Privategal) and that is to make it a clean break and cut off all contact immediately. That was my plan but I happened to run into xMM a few days before I left, and he also came to my house to give me a personal goodbye, so now I find it too hard to cut off all contact right away. Ugh...

 

I can't really give you much advice on this, but I think your xMM is very jealous of all the new opportunities that you have. Your life is going to be full of new exciting things, and he'll be stuck in the 'same old, same old'... So that's why I think he isn't too happy about your relocation.

 

Did you use to live very close to him?

[elaine567]

I truly consider him a friend BUT not sure we could ever be genuine friends because of the deceit and omission of lying he brought to me in the beginning...

 

 

In a nutshell.

You are not friends, you are in an affair.

Pretending you are now "just friends" will not make it so.

The plan to involve his wife is an attempt to somehow legitimize and continue the affair...

How would that work anyway?

 

"Hi dear, let me introduce you to Mshopeful, we have been having an EA for 3 years behind your back. Yes, she is at least 15 years younger than me, but there is nothing going on..."

NO wife would buy that and want to be friends with you.

 

You are fooling yourself if you think he doesn't want to sleep with you, he is just playing the long game here.

I guess the distance you have introduced by moving away, may "force" him to make a move.

[aileD]

You can't go backwards in an affair.

 

The "just friends" ship had already sailed.

 

What kind of man tells someone he wants to have children with her when he's married to someone else? Gross

[goodyblue]

In a nutshell.

You are not friends, you are in an affair.

Pretending you are now "just friends" will not make it so.

The plan to involve his wife is an attempt to somehow legitimize and continue the affair...

How would that work anyway?

 

"Hi dear, let me introduce you to Mshopeful, we have been having an EA for 3 years behind your back. Yes, she is at least 15 years younger than me, but there is nothing going on..."

NO wife would buy that and want to be friends with you.

 

You are fooling yourself if you think he doesn't want to sleep with you, he is just playing the long game here.

I guess the distance you have introduced by moving away, may "force" him to make a move.

 

Yeah, this pretty much sums it up.

[MsHopeful0208201689]

Hi MsHopeful,

 

I just relocated too and I'm about 1 1/2 hour away from xMM now. Before the move, he pretty much ignored me most of the time - which was one of the reasons for me to move (in the beginning of the A he would stay in touch) ; and now I'm gone from our old town and he's been emailing me some.

 

I really wanted to do what one of the longtime posters here suggested (Privategal) and that is to make it a clean break and cut off all contact immediately. That was my plan but I happened to run into xMM a few days before I left, and he also came to my house to give me a personal goodbye, so now I find it too hard to cut off all contact right away. Ugh...

 

I can't really give you much advice on this, but I think your xMM is very jealous of all the new opportunities that you have. Your life is going to be full of new exciting things, and he'll be stuck in the 'same old, same old'... So that's why I think he isn't too happy about your relocation.

 

Did you use to live very close to him?

 

Thanks for your input. It is very much appreciated. He reached out to me via texts today while I was at church. I did not respond.

 

Yes we lived in the same city. Now I am about 2 hours away..

[freengreen]

We will NEVER know what they think of us.. esp in an EA.. ugh I know it. Are they good to us because they are just good or because they are taming us to eventually sleep with us?.. only they know.

 

What I know is that as much as all this is soo addictive ( God I am trying every cell of mine by NC but still long way to go); as much as we think this is love, when you look back on all the times it ripped your heart, theres is something not right.

After 9 months of EA I have decided to stop giving this relation any benifit of doubt. I want to just stop it and move on. What he wants to do with his life, let him do, I want to be outta it.

 

In my case, a HUGE amount of lying to my family who were the ones who bailed me out of so many difficult situations all my life, people I know I can count on. And theres this man who doesnt give a clue on what he is made of. I dont say for sure that my OM is an assh0le, but you never know, he hasnt proved that he is countable either. Even if he was, its unfair to just go after him. Where was all this 'light' before 9 months?.. I wil tell you when I figure it out.

 

I think we must stop to decipher what they think, its too draining and whats the point anyway?

Edited November 13, 2016 by freengreen