reckoner Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Hi I am 30 years old and always have had this issue. While getting older and after a relationship of almost 4 years I hoped this had passed, but it didn't.... This weekend it happened again. Whenever I date someone, especially after sex, I get feelings of attachment often and usually very early. I hate this and don't want it, because it changes my personality completely. I can get insecure, jealously paranoid and sometimes a little obsessed. It's not the same feeling as being in love, for me it seems more similar to having a crush on someone. I don't even want to be serious with anyone at this point in my life, but these feelings show the opposite.I try hard not to show it and got better at that part, because I pushed away multiple women in the past with this childish crap, sometimes with much regret afterwards. What usually happened was that I boiled up all these feelings to a point that I just ask for some kind of confirmation in a weird way.... It's like a self-fulfilling-prophecy, 'does she like me?' 'did I do something wrong'? I know it is seen as 'normal' for people to get feelings after intimacy, but how do you people deal with this? I mean, this girl I dated this weekend is self-destructive, we have a very nasty influence on each other, but still I care for whatever reason... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 Whenever I date someone, especially after sex, I get feelings of attachment often and usually very early. I know it is seen as 'normal' for people to get feelings after intimacy, but how do you people deal with this? You are proposing a fight against biology my friend. You are designed to get those feelings. Of course, plenty of people move on without a care. How strong is your own life outside of the relationships? Is your infatuation a means of escape? Are you satisfied enough that you can lose out on a fairly new relationship and go back to 'normal' with no damage done? Link to post Share on other sites
Author reckoner Posted November 15, 2016 Author Share Posted November 15, 2016 You are proposing a fight against biology my friend. You are designed to get those feelings. Of course, plenty of people move on without a care. How strong is your own life outside of the relationships? Is your infatuation a means of escape? Are you satisfied enough that you can lose out on a fairly new relationship and go back to 'normal' with no damage done? Thanks for your reply! I know it is human nature, but still.. I can fall for someone after spending a first night, and it always backfires because I start acting clingy etc. I do better in this aspect than before, I know how to bite my tongue and limit the contact more from my side, because I'm fed up looking like an idiot. Think you touched a good spot with the life outside of relationships. I have a good social life, have a number of close friends. Yet there are things to improve which I set goals to (for example, get a bigger place for myself to live). Maybe these sexual escapades are, for me, a way to escape these insecurities about myself and a way to get positive confirmation from an external factor. I don't know... Link to post Share on other sites
Offspring Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 How strong is your own life outside of the relationships? Is your infatuation a means of escape? Are you satisfied enough that you can lose out on a fairly new relationship and go back to 'normal' with no damage done? Great question! Link to post Share on other sites
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