When the search is worthwhile

[DV1979]

I have the same problems.

 

Trouble is when I think I started a connection with someone they rarely feel the same at all.

[Mrlonelyone]

I don't think that Dating is a numbers game. I think its someone picks up on romantic vibes. Then they act on it. Sometimes the person you like acts on it. Sometimes they are not into you.

 

Suppose there is a 2% chance they will be into you.

 

Interact with enough people feel enough vibes and act on it .. eventually they will be into you ergo numbers game.

 

When people hear "numbers game" they think of lots of sleeping around and multidating. Not necessarily. It could just be a matter of circulating around the world you live in. You know going to more places than home, work/school, then one other place (the gym, or the same hangout spot).

 

The hardest part is getting into social situations were a new connection is likely.

[ZA Dater]

The hardest part is getting into social situations were a new connection is likely.

 

Absolutely true. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this, perhaps ice breaker is too colloquial but how do people get it right?

[LargoLagg]

It is a numbers game. A way that helps me to think about it is to consider the odds any given person would be someone I'd like and who would like me.

 

List just five things you would like in a woman (or man if you like) then find out what % of the people have each of those qualities.

 

Say 50% are the gender you want. Then you want someoen who is college educated (33%) , not obese or underweight (66%), of reprodictive age (33%), Not married (50%) has a job 95%.

 

.33*.66*.33*.50*.95 that gives 0.0017 or 3.4% of women are all of those things. Drop requiring healthy weight and college education and that number goes up to 15.6%

 

In short if you have standards that have nothing to do with being "hot" just healthy, educated, employed, not married, and of child rearing age ... you have a 3.4% chance of meeting someone.

 

So, your challenge is to go out and go on 100 to 200 dates this year mathematically you will meet 3 to six compatible women.

Almost. If you prequalify your women, like any competent salesman should do, you could fairly accurately determine schooling, marital status, approximate age and employment status before you ever go on that date, even if you're doing online dating. Not that people don't lie, but some people don't so that helps. If you meet in person, you should be able to get all of that information. I would assume you can instantly filter out the men in either case.

 

So the challenge is really to go out and meet 100 to 200 women this year, and 30 to 60 will be dateworthy. Be a little selective about your venues, and you should be able to ramp that number up by checking the chemistry. Women who don't give you the time of day are another step to success, as all good peddlers will tell you.

 

How do you do find that many women? Be creative! Just as an example, me and some friends decided that we'd host two big parties each year, one in July and one at Christmas. In July, we went to the beach, rented a house, bought some kegs and played some music. We also created a name for the house and bought some of those paper wristbands with our party's name printed on it. Same thing at Christmas. We rented out a small bar, walked the streets for a few weeks beforehand and handed out fliers to mostly women. We even went to the auto show and invited the car models. We had a theme, black tie, and we named the party (branding).

 

In the first year, I think we got maybe 20 - 30 people at each party. Within 5 years, people waited in line to get in, and we were able to charge a cover, so that we actually made a little money. We met tons of girls and dutifully gathered names and contact info on our "Do you want to come to other parties?" signup sheets. Sure, it was slow going at first, but it wasn't long before we had more people than we knew what to do with.

 

You gotta want it. You have to get creative. You've got to try stuff and be willing to build on small results. You can't just sit back and expect people will come to you. You have to make them WANT to come to you!

 

Who's with me?!?!? Let's go!!!!

[ZA Dater]

Almost. If you prequalify your women, like any competent salesman should do, you could fairly accurately determine schooling, marital status, approximate age and employment status before you ever go on that date, even if you're doing online dating. Not that people don't lie, but some people don't so that helps. If you meet in person, you should be able to get all of that information. I would assume you can instantly filter out the men in either case.

 

So the challenge is really to go out and meet 100 to 200 women this year, and 30 to 60 will be dateworthy. Be a little selective about your venues, and you should be able to ramp that number up by checking the chemistry. Women who don't give you the time of day are another step to success, as all good peddlers will tell you.

 

How do you do find that many women? Be creative! Just as an example, me and some friends decided that we'd host two big parties each year, one in July and one at Christmas. In July, we went to the beach, rented a house, bought some kegs and played some music. We also created a name for the house and bought some of those paper wristbands with our party's name printed on it. Same thing at Christmas. We rented out a small bar, walked the streets for a few weeks beforehand and handed out fliers to mostly women. We even went to the auto show and invited the car models. We had a theme, black tie, and we named the party (branding).

 

In the first year, I think we got maybe 20 - 30 people at each party. Within 5 years, people waited in line to get in, and we were able to charge a cover, so that we actually made a little money. We met tons of girls and dutifully gathered names and contact info on our "Do you want to come to other parties?" signup sheets. Sure, it was slow going at first, but it wasn't long before we had more people than we knew what to do with.

 

You gotta want it. You have to get creative. You've got to try stuff and be willing to build on small results. You can't just sit back and expect people will come to you. You have to make them WANT to come to you!

 

Who's with me?!?!? Let's go!!!!

 

I think that is all fine and well and congratulations.

 

 

Would have been able to accomplish that as a shy person with no friends, I suspect the results would not quite have been the same. I admire people like you who are able to do this, its not something I could ever do as the shy quiet guy.

 

 

My world pretty much has me window shopping, sure sometimes OLD will dish up something not what I want but not totally bad and I will try but its half hearted because she wasn't what I wanted.

 

 

To be able to network the way you do is admirable as I say I wish I had maybe 5% of that ability. I cannot fault your method and I am sure you had good results.

 

 

The bold part is especially true but its how to build up any confidence to actually do something, that's really hard, more so when every time you have its been a kick in the face.

 

 

If I meet three people a year I am doing well.

[ZA Dater]

When there are lots of girls around but you cannot approach any of them because your self confidence is so low. I have been through some tough times, mid last year was the worst and I had to really try pick myself up because I felt so alone and just totally and utterly hopeless.

 

 

Pouring myself into work seemed to cure that but now I have two more weeks of vacation and I feel every bit as bad as I did then.

 

 

I am keeping busy, working out, getting a good tan, enjoying the beach but I cannot get rid of this lonely feeling no matter what I do. I guess when I see someone stunning I just wish I was with her. Then of course reality sets in

 

 

1: I have no confidence

2: There is nothing interesting about me

3: I have no experience.

 

 

My question to the wise people here is how do you deal with this, I am not looking for a solution because there isn't one but rather some possible way to just feel a bit better. I have been hitting dating sites, signed up to 3 and am using Tinder and no surprise every match is terrible, That probably magnifies the issues further.

 

 

Do I just go back to work early to try and feel better again. I am seriously considering this because while I enjoy the leisure time I don't enjoy the feeling of being outside a locked candy store.

[Simple Logic]

When there are lots of girls around but you cannot approach any of them because your self confidence is so low. I have been through some tough times, mid last year was the worst and I had to really try pick myself up because I felt so alone and just totally and utterly hopeless.

 

 

Pouring myself into work seemed to cure that but now I have two more weeks of vacation and I feel every bit as bad as I did then.

 

 

I am keeping busy, working out, getting a good tan, enjoying the beach but I cannot get rid of this lonely feeling no matter what I do. I guess when I see someone stunning I just wish I was with her. Then of course reality sets in

 

 

1: I have no confidence

2: There is nothing interesting about me

3: I have no experience.

 

 

My question to the wise people here is how do you deal with this, I am not looking for a solution because there isn't one but rather some possible way to just feel a bit better. I have been hitting dating sites, signed up to 3 and am using Tinder and no surprise every match is terrible, That probably magnifies the issues further.

 

 

Do I just go back to work early to try and feel better again. I am seriously considering this because while I enjoy the leisure time I don't enjoy the feeling of being outside a locked candy store.

 

If you invite a few of the not quite so terrible matches out, you will no longer be inexperianced. Think of it a dating practice. You might figure out you are not as uninteresting as you think and gain some coinfidence.

Edited January 4, 2017 by Simple Logic

[ZA Dater]

If you invite a few of the not quite so terrible matches out, you will no longer be inexperianced. Think of it a dating practice. You might figure out you are not as uninteresting as you think and gain some coinfidence.

 

Been there done that, probably one of the most unfulfilling things I have ever done.

 

 

I think its starting to grate me to a huge extent that I have to seemingly make do with such physically unattractive ladies whilst seemingly everyone else can pick and choose and at least find someone attractive.

[WitlessFool]

If you have two weeks of vacation, that is such a luxury. Why don't you visit another country?

I love travelling by myself. You can go anywhere and do anything.