luvflower Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Hello all. I recently started working with a guy who's married, but he's been giving some weird/interesting vibes. When I first started working at this place of employment he was already there. We work on a team together periodically. He's started the conversation about family, asked about whether or not I was married ,have kids, etc. Cool. We had the discussion about us both and family in general...no big deal. But periodically I'll ask about his family and he will make reference to his kids and never his wife. Early on he made a comment implying that there was a strain on the relationship w/wife but nothing further since then. We find out we have a similar interests in music. He plays guitar. I play piano.So he invited me to his home to create some music. I suggested he could create before I got there but he insisted he wait for me so that we could create together. So I agreed ,thinking I'd meet his family and all. It ended up being super late like 10:30 but it's normal for me since I'm single and have played in clubs and what not. But when I got there, no one else was around plus it was all dark... He had a studio on one end of his home. I never saw or heard anyone. What's with all that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 I wouldn't go over there again if I were you. I don't know if he wants to have sex with you or what but if you feel he is giving off those vibes you know yourself that this would be wrong so stay away from him. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Madame_Noire Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 He is trying to test the waters, get the feelers, things could have gone alot worse when you at his place. Don't do it again and steer clear of him. If he has a strain in his marriage, that is for him to address and the only third party he should be involving is a marriage counsellor or a divorce lawyer! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 I agree with you both and I don't plan on going back again. A different male coworker confided in me when he was a little tipsy at a staff gathering that he himself will go out with other women and that the coworker in question was also having some issues in his relationship and considering straying... Yes, both sound really stupid and mind you a female coworker at this job has spoken negatively about both these guys. I feel like I'm so naive sometime,hence me coming in here to get advice. Glad I did. I feel like both of them are testing me ...like they have some sort of "bet" going or something. The thought of that pisses me off! I've never dated a coworker and men have had a hard time understanding that I guess. At a previous job, I got word that a few guys mentioned how I was the only female that no other male "could get". Yes, I'm proud of that. But wtf is wrong with men...?!?! it's like females are literally prey....meat...game... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Madame_Noire Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 (edited) I know exactly what you mean, there is a guy at my job who has a gf working there as well, he said he likes 'variety' I tell him to try an re-ignite the spark with her. He is fully aware I have a man in my life already. I have no respect for this guy, I just see him as a weirdo. I have also found out that another man (MARRIED) at work (who is very much in love with himself and thinks he is some sort of Romeo) is preying on a married woman who is having marital problems of her own... She is overdoing it with her hair and make up for work to get him to notice her and they are also texting eachother. He has slept with many different women there (He would not dare try it with me) I do not know how people can sh*t where they eat. Edited November 13, 2016 by Madame_Noire 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 I know exactly what you mean, there is a guy at my job who has a gf working there as well, he said he likes 'variety' I tell him to try an re-ignite the spark with her. He is fully aware I have a man in my life already. I have no respect for this guy, I just see him as a weirdo. I have also found out that another man (MARRIED) at work (who is very much in love with himself and thinks he is some sort of Romeo) is preying on a married woman who is having marital problems of her own... She is overdoing it with her hair and make up for work to get him to notice her and they are also texting eachother. He has slept with many different women there (He would not dare try it with me) I do not know how people can sh*t where they eat. Wow... that guy at your job sounds like the pure devil. I don't understand it either. What I do know is some people just have no ethical compass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Madame_Noire Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Don't beat yourself up over what happened at work, it is a good thing nothing happened sexually otherwise you will really feel bad and cheap. Not to mention how awkward you would feel at work. I want to know where his wife and kids were, that is if that was his home he took you too, it could be a friend's place that he managed to borrow. Sorry, I am a very cynical and skeptical person by nature. It is a good thing you are aware of what sort of person he is. Anyone who comes off with a sob story to me about their marital problems, I tell them to sort it out with the relevant party or call it a day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 Woooow..... You know what,I didn't even think about the fact that it may have not even been his real home until now. In retrospect, I'm thinking about how non-homely the house looked and felt. There was no furniture in the living room. There was a clean and tidy movie room. I saw no toys, smelled no food, perfume, or evidence of a family with kids....young kids at that....smh... I think you're on to something. I'm a bit skeptical usually too, but in this case I was gullible enough to think that just because I work with this guy he is completely honest about...everything. Silly me. I feel really dumb right now. I'll find a subtle way to tell him that he can just keep whatever we started and that I'm on to his game. Not showing anger toward him, but just a cool subtle yet clear way that I didnt fall for the Okey doke that evening and never will. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 I agree with you both and I don't plan on going back again. A different male coworker confided in me when he was a little tipsy at a staff gathering that he himself will go out with other women and that the coworker in question was also having some issues in his relationship and considering straying... Yes, both sound really stupid and mind you a female coworker at this job has spoken negatively about both these guys. I feel like I'm so naive sometime,hence me coming in here to get advice. Glad I did. I feel like both of them are testing me ...like they have some sort of "bet" going or something. The thought of that pisses me off! I've never dated a coworker and men have had a hard time understanding that I guess. At a previous job, I got word that a few guys mentioned how I was the only female that no other male "could get". Yes, I'm proud of that. But wtf is wrong with men...?!?! it's like females are literally prey....meat...game... Why don't you have a boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 Why don't you have a boyfriend? Good question. I was engaged. Didn't work out. I left him. He was bitter over the breakup. But it was a decision I had to make. I'm still getting over that. Another guy recently hit on me and one of the partners my company works with. But guess what he eventually tells me after the 3rd date. He tells me he's engaged, but still wants to see me. Needless to say I had to back away from him. ..Honestly, I'm nor sure what type of energy I'm giving off. That's been my luck recently. So im not rushing into anything until I feel like my trajectory changes. Thanks for asking, but I'm not sure anybody every knows WHY they're single. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Well you will meet the right man in time. It is best not to get involved with co-workers anyway because it can get too messy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 He waited until his wife was out of town or something hoping to get laid, I imagine. I mean, can't be sure, and maybe he just wanted to do music, but you should be able to tell by how he acted and whether he flirted or came on to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 A married guy who just wants to do music at home, would make sure his wife and kids were there or would invite you to a music club or some other public venue and be open about it. A married guy who takes you to a deserted appt/house does NOT want to just do music... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 He waited until his wife was out of town or something hoping to get laid, I imagine. I mean, can't be sure, and maybe he just wanted to do music, but you should be able to tell by how he acted and whether he flirted or came on to you. "Perhaps", to everything you just said. Men (people) can be very careful (slick) when they don't wanna get caught. He's very easy going. He kept asking me if I needed anything. He offered me fruit, something to drink and asked several times. Thankfully I don't drink. He would've offered me that and I may have done something stupid... The other coworker though, has flirted with me. I just think people know that about him because of the way I've noticed others talking about him. Me being the newbie of the crew, I have a positive rapport with everyone thus far. Once I tell this coworker (s) to keep it moving, our rapport may change, but whatever.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 A married guy who just wants to do music at home, would make sure his wife and kids were there or would invite you to a music club or some other public venue and be open about it. A married guy who takes you to a deserted appt/house does NOT want to just do music... I agree. And this is why I started this thread. I'm not the drama queen type...I'm really not. So when my gut starts telling me something isn't right about this, I want to make sure I'm not being too sensitive. Sometimes, people give men (people in general) too much benefit of the doubt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 Now that I think about it, I recall inviting him to a party that a male friend of mine was having. He said he didn't want to impose on anything. I told him it was no imposition or problem and that he could bring his wife to make him more comfortable. His response was along the lines of, "...na, I don't need to bring her to feel comfortable.... I'll try to make it and thanks for inviting me...." This thread was so helpful in allowing me to really vent and think things through before agreeing to continue doing music with him, which I'm 99.9% likely NOT to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Even in the best-case scenario where his invitation held no deeper motive, he's a damn fool for inviting a woman into his home while his family is not there. Those are the actions that look bad to the outside eye and become difficult to explain to the spouse if they find out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 He's grooming you for his side piece nothing more. If you're entertaining thoughts of grandeur know what's coming. He's not going to leave his wife and family for you. When he's had enough of what he's looking for he'll move on and you'll have wasted time with a MM that you never had a future with. Plus you stand the chance of her and her kids showing up at your work confronting you as a home wrecker. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
surferchic Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 OP, its a good thing you're paying attention to your instincts. I think you're right about him playing it safe in all regards. He's not trying to risk you saying he's coming on to you, you rejecting him, harassment (worse case), getting caught trying to cheat on wifey, etc. He's smart, but he's stupid. You're probably one of the more attractive women at your job, but even more alluring to men is a challenge. Unfortunately, your non-attention to both these men is causing them to be even more intrigued by you. Stay smart! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 He's grooming you for his side piece nothing more. If you're entertaining thoughts of grandeur know what's coming. He's not going to leave his wife and family for you. When he's had enough of what he's looking for he'll move on and you'll have wasted time with a MM that you never had a future with. Plus you stand the chance of her and her kids showing up at your work confronting you as a home wrecker. You must have not read my posts... I have NO intentions of entertaining this dude(either dude). My loint for thos thread was to male sure I wasn't being hypervigilent . I don't bother with married men. Never have, never plan to. I believe in karma too much. You almost sound like either a woman scorned or a man who has side pieces on the regular. Thanks for your concern though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Wow... that guy at your job sounds like the pure devil. I don't understand it either. What I do know is some people just have no ethical compass. Many people just go through life acting like Genital Collection Agents I was surprised to find his many did, and still expect to have a "family on the side." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 He'll probably act all innocent this week. So far, he's asked me twice when we could finish. But he never responded when I told him which day. I told him this passed weekend would've worked but earlier in the day,plus I was going to suggest another studio cost to me that I'm familiar with. All things happen for a reason. I'm sure he'll ask at least once this week AGAIN, "hey luvflower when do you want to finish...my bad about not responding". I think he's trying to upset me or see if I'm emotionally invested. I'm annoyed by him, yes. But not invested. At this point he can keep whatever we've completed so far. He just meets top have common sense to not try and use it for any monetary gain. Will keep LS posted. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 I'd just decline every invitation from him and don't mention anything about being onto his game. Sleazy characters like that could very well slip a date rape drug into your drink, even a non alcoholic one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyLadyLove Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 I think you should not hang out with this man ever again. Married men that cheat are very manipulative and it is much harder to get out once you have feelings for them. I know you haven't confirmed he's a cheater, but your instinct is tell you something is off, and usually it's right. There's a likely chance if he is a cheater that he's done this before. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvflower Posted November 15, 2016 Author Share Posted November 15, 2016 I'd just decline every invitation from him and don't mention anything about being onto his game. Sleazy characters like that could very well slip a date rape drug into your drink, even a non alcoholic one. What's so ironic is that he asked me so many times if I wanted/needed anything: wine(but he realized I don't drink), fruit, water, "are you sure? ....are you sure you're sure??" Something that nighe told me to grab something to eat and drink before I got to his place... So glad i did. Even when he kept asking if I needed stuff,something told me to refuse... Wow @ retrospective thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
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