Transitioning out of boyfirend/girlfriend?

[Sunlight72]

A beautiful, mostly positive woman and I 'dated' for just over a year. She was basically living with me for most of that time.

 

We both enjoy each other, and the sex was quite good for both of us.

 

I'm an artist, and she is a business woman, so we do have a different perspective on how you treat people (other people, not each other. We treat each other well).

 

She decided she's had enough of me as a boyfriend, and she broke up with me. The bottom line is that what support means to her is someone to fight on her side, against whomever.

 

I generally think people are people and if we can talk, we can usually go our separate ways without it escalating to lawsuits even when we disagree. That just does not work for her.

 

During our ending talk, she said, "the way you are isn't going to change. That would be fine for friends with benefits - you could have 3 or 4 women..." at which point I cut her off. I've only been in monogamous relationships, and framed us that way (as she did as well).

 

Now I'm wondering if she was opening a door to that idea for us.

 

I think she's had several FWB relationships in the past - they're long distance, and could start up again if they come to town or she travels there.

 

We're on friendly terms. We just split this weekend.

 

a) How might I go forward in the next weeks and see if we would be FWB?

 

I suppose ideally, I'd like to date, but not live together, and if she or I meet someone more compelling we would stop seeing each other.

 

I agree with her, I wouldn't honestly want to be committed to her indefinitely (she's opposed to marriage, so that was never on the table), but we really do enjoy doing activities together, and sleeping together is sweet, and the sex is good. We've traveled quite a bit together, and I'd like to do more of that too.

 

I'm not delighted to be split, but I'm not crushed either.

 

2) How am I setting myself up for trouble if we do become FWB?

 

I'm not interested in pussy footing around, and I'm not worried about embarrassing myself. If I read this wrong, and she's not interested, OK.

 

She is an intelligent, capable woman, and I'd like to not insult her by making her feel cheap or something.

 

Thanks for any input,

Sunlight

[jen1447]

Hmm, just based on the little info here, the FWB comment sounds benign to me. She sounds direct and determined so I doubt she'd beat around the bush if that's what she wanted. (But you know her, so you tell me.)

 

Anyway you could still float it to her, but you have to be respectful, which just means be honest and do it on her terms. She's direct and all business so again she'd prob want to here it direct and undisguised and not like a sales pitch.

 

You've got your head on straight from what I've seen of you here (tho artists tend to 'feel' more than most), so I think you'd be ok as a FWB if you kept it together. If you're not devastated right now you'd prob be a good candidate for sth casual.

 

Anyway the best respect is honesty. Good luck.

[Sunlight72]

Yep, thanks Jen, that's what I was thinking too.

 

I'm not in a rush, and I appreciate the reinforcement from you.