I fear my girlfriend is trying to disguise herself as being single

[maxalton]

To keep this as compressed as I can, this woman was dating somebody in August who she was very into. (She made it clear on facebook pretty much every night attracted to him she was.) They weren't official, they were just dating. He was one of those "pretty boy bad boys." (After we eventually met, in a conversation we had, she told me she had a tendency to go for those guys in the past.) He screwed her over 3 or 4 weeks into them dating. She was sobbing on facebook, asking why she cant meet a good guy. I ended up asking her out on a date a couple of weeks later (I had added her over the summer through a dating site.) About two weeks after we met, we were in a relationship. (This was late September.) It happened so fast. She appreciated how I wasn't one of those punks who was going to screw her over. I'm very nice towards her. I've noticed on facebook she doesn't gush about me the same way she did the bad boy. The only statuses she'll tag me in is if I do something nice for her, she'll gloat about it on facebook. Sometimes she may tag me if we go out to dinner or go out on some kind of date. But she doesn't gush over my attractiveness the way she did with the bad boy.

 

I sent her a relationship status request on facebook when we became official. She accepted the request (making us facebook offical,) but she has her relationship status hidden on her profile. She's even gotten a new job in that time and she changed her workplace on facebook, but still didn't bother to make her relationship status visible. Im not in her profile picture or her cover picture. I've noticed over the last 3-4 weeks her facebook activity including me has gone waaayyyy down. She's tagged me in almost nothing for 3-4 weeks now. Which is uncommon for her with how Facebook-oriented she is. So, I decided to do some snooping. I look at her Recently Added Friends list on facebook, and I see she added a couple random guys. They both live in her area and both of their profiles say they're single. The one guy seems like a typical facebook w h o r e; thousands of friends, mostly females. I look at his profile pic, only to find that she "Liked" his profile pic. She also liked a random status he made sometime after adding her. If any of you looked at her facebook, you wouldnt be able to tell she was in a relationship. And it bothers me because thats what these single guys are seeing. So, I look on her Instagram, she added those same couple guys on instagram along with a few other seemingly random guys. One of them had model-like pictures, but he lives in our area. I'm fearing that she's trying to disguise herself as being single. What are your thoughts?

[GunslingerRoland]

Well first, I think everyone should keep their relationship status hidden on facebook, the last thing you want is a bunch of messages from people asking about changes when they happen.

 

Second snooping her profile for every single person she adds is desperate and sad. You don't know how she knows those guys or why she added them, so what is the point of assuming the worst. She liked one of their facebook profile pics? Who cares? Is that like the gateway to cheating or something, because I like a lot of pictures on facebook and never really think much of it.

 

Avoid tagging you is the only thing I can see a little bit of, but again, not everyone wants their facebook to be a big announcement of their current relationship status, especially when it's very new to dating.

 

Log off the computer, spend time with her, and pay attention to the actual relationship you are having with her.

[maxalton]

Well first, I think everyone should keep their relationship status hidden on facebook, the last thing you want is a bunch of messages from people asking about changes when they happen.

 

Second snooping her profile for every single person she adds is desperate and sad. You don't know how she knows those guys or why she added them, so what is the point of assuming the worst. She liked one of their facebook profile pics? Who cares? Is that like the gateway to cheating or something, because I like a lot of pictures on facebook and never really think much of it.

 

Avoid tagging you is the only thing I can see a little bit of, but again, not everyone wants their facebook to be a big announcement of their current relationship status, especially when it's very new to dating.

 

Log off the computer, spend time with her, and pay attention to the actual relationship you are having with her.

 

 

That would be easier to believe that its "just facebook" if she wasn't so facebook-oriented. But she is. She runs to facebook when something exciting or disappointing happens in her life. So her being neglectful towards me on there, whilst adding other single guys, isn't an encouraging sign. These single guys shes adding have no idea she's in a relationship because there's really no trace on her profile right now that shes in a relationship. And the couple guys she added (in our area) who are really good looking guys with thousands of friends, I doubt she actually knows in real life. Am I right?

[VeveCakes]

She's got other issues if she is so dependent on making her life be known all over Facebook.

 

Why don't you tag her in some statuses and see if she leaves them to show on her wall?

[oldshirt]

She's not disguising herself as single, she IS single.

 

She may be dating you but she is not committed to you and she is keeping her options open.

 

 

.... I suggest you do the same.

 

It's fine if you want to take her out on a Sat night date. But I think you would be wise to not be putting all your eggs into her basket and don't be making any wedding plans or buying any rings or anything.

 

You would be wise to start backing off the throttle significantly and start gearing this relationship down. If you keep thinking of her as your one big love and as your one and only, you are setting yourself up for a big fall when she friendzones you completely and starts crying on your shoulder on how the next bad boy is treating her badly again.

 

Start disengaging your heart and start putting yourself back out on the open market and looking at other opportunities and keeping your options open.

 

She is simply not anywhere near as invested in this as you are. You need to start disinvesting yourself as well.

[oldshirt]

She's not disguising herself as single, she IS single.

 

She may be dating you but she is not committed to you and she is keeping her options open.

 

 

.... I suggest you do the same.

 

It's fine if you want to take her out on a Sat night date. But I think you would be wise to not be putting all your eggs into her basket and don't be making any wedding plans or buying any rings or anything.

 

You would be wise to start backing off the throttle significantly and start gearing this relationship down. If you keep thinking of her as your one big love and as your one and only, you are setting yourself up for a big fall when she friendzones you completely and starts crying on your shoulder on how the next bad boy is treating her badly again.

 

Start disengaging your heart and start putting yourself back out on the open market and looking at other opportunities and keeping your options open.

 

She is simply not anywhere near as invested in this as you are. You need to start disinvesting yourself as well.

 

..... I am not suggesting you do any of this stuff as a game or a way to manipulate or get her back, but I do need to point out that once you disengage your heart from her, start dating other girls and come around for periodic booty calls with her, then you will be "her type."

[maxalton]

She's not disguising herself as single, she IS single.

 

She may be dating you but she is not committed to you and she is keeping her options open.

 

 

.... I suggest you do the same.

 

It's fine if you want to take her out on a Sat night date. But I think you would be wise to not be putting all your eggs into her basket and don't be making any wedding plans or buying any rings or anything.

 

You would be wise to start backing off the throttle significantly and start gearing this relationship down. If you keep thinking of her as your one big love and as your one and only, you are setting yourself up for a big fall when she friendzones you completely and starts crying on your shoulder on how the next bad boy is treating her badly again.

 

Start disengaging your heart and start putting yourself back out on the open market and looking at other opportunities and keeping your options open.

 

She is simply not anywhere near as invested in this as you are. You need to start disinvesting yourself as well.

 

thanks for your honesty. I had a question on why you say she IS single. did the adding random single guys (and liking one of their profile pictures) as well as not posting much about me the past 3-4 weeks have to do with it? what bothers me the most is that these few single guys she's recently added all have no idea shes in a relationship just by looking at her facebook because shes not leaving traces of it. if you were to look at her facebook, you wouldnt be able to tell she was in a relationship. we did get together pretty quickly, and looking back, im worrying that maybe im her rebound guy. she was hurting from the last bad boy who she liked who screwed her over, then we met a couple weeks later, and a couple weeks after that we're in a relationship. she's said how she wants stability for herself and her daughter (i have a child too) but this facebook activity overall raises my eyebrow. we still see eachother very often but im sure you can understand the questions/doubts I have now..

Edited November 14, 2016 by maxalton

[oldshirt]

thanks for your honesty. I had a question on why you say she IS single. did the adding random single guys (and liking one of their profile pictures) as well as not posting much about me the past 3-4 weeks have to do with it? what bothers me the most is that these few single guys she's recently added all have no idea shes in a relationship just by looking at her facebook because shes not leaving traces of it. if you were to look at her facebook, you wouldnt be able to tell she was in a relationship. we did get together pretty quickly, and looking back, im worrying that maybe im her rebound guy. she was hurting from the last bad boy who she liked who screwed her over, then we met a couple weeks later, and a couple weeks after that we're in a relationship. she's said how she wants stability for herself and her daughter (i have a child too) but this facebook activity overall raises my eyebrow. we still see eachother very often but im sure you can understand the questions/doubts I have now..

 

Actions mean everything. She is acting like a single woman.

 

And let's be honest - she IS a single woman.

 

You two may be dating and seeing each other regularly but she is a single adult and is able to do as she pleases.

 

You are also a single man, but you are investing yourself into this this way more than she is.

 

My reccomendation is to dial it way back and view this a lot more casually and conduct yourself thusly.

 

Do not put all your eggs into this one basket.

[maxalton]

Actions mean everything. She is acting like a single woman.

 

And let's be honest - she IS a single woman.

 

You two may be dating and seeing each other regularly but she is a single adult and is able to do as she pleases.

 

You are also a single man, but you are investing yourself into this this way more than she is.

 

My reccomendation is to dial it way back and view this a lot more casually and conduct yourself thusly.

 

Do not put all your eggs into this one basket.

 

 

thanks for the advice. i mean she refers to me as her boyfriend, but the shadiness is looming..

[VeveCakes]

You could always catfish her....lol

[Gloria25]

I wouldn't date someone puts their life on Fakebook like that.

 

Now worse, I'm assuming that she had her meltdowns, bfs, dating woes, etc. made "public" (cuz you saw it before she made you a "friend"?)...

 

Wow, I don't find idiots desirable...but that's me.

 

BTW, I don't find checking out someone's social media as stalking or weird - especially if they make it public. Back in the day you'd ask someone who knows them about them...now we have the Internet. I keep private stuff I don't want people to know about me and I don't include my relationships on Fakebook and don't intend to unless I'm getting married. I barely go on Fakebook anyways...just got it to simplify keeping in touch with family and friends.

[CommittedToThis]

Hey man,

 

I'm a lot older than you and I have far less patience for stuff like what you are going through but here is some advice I have learned the hard, hard way my friend:

 

Trust your instincts. If something tells you she's deliberately projecting that she is single/available, then act on it. Either ask her why she isn't making you a FacePriority™ like she did BadBoy, or dump her instantly.

 

Listen, any time you find yourself having to "play detective" in the early stages of a relationship, it's a sign things aren't going good and likely won't.

 

It's easier to end things earlier than later if it comes to that.

 

All the best.

[smackie9]

If you are finding yourself stalking her FB page excessively, and not liking what you see.......end the relationship. Your expectations are not being fulfilled, she isn't acting like what you would expect a GF to be.

 

Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated.

[MrBossMan]

Break up before you get attached.

 

Some of the advice here isn't helpful ("it's just FB"). Ignore those people. Your concerns are very valid. It isn't about the medium, it's about the inconsistent behavior. There's a reason she was excited for others but not as much for you. You're the rebound in her mind. You've lost before it began.

 

Break up with her, please. The signs that you're not meant for each other don't get much more obvious than this. This is the only warning you ever get. Just end it. If you don't do it now, you'll be sorry.

[JoeSmith357-1]

Well first, I think everyone should keep their relationship status hidden on facebook, the last thing you want is a bunch of messages from people asking about changes when they happen.

 

I disagree with this. As much as I think Facebook is dumb, from what I gather, she used to have it visible, and now does not. She strikes me as the type of person who proudly displays this sort of thing. And doesn't with him...

 

So to me, I would read into this as she is hiding it

 

Second snooping her profile for every single person she adds is desperate and sad. You don't know how she knows those guys or why she added them, so what is the point of assuming the worst.

 

I would agree with that

 

She liked one of their facebook profile pics? Who cares? Is that like the gateway to cheating or something, because I like a lot of pictures on facebook and never really think much of it.

 

I would look at this two ways... check to see if there is a pattern. If she's consistently "liking" or "loving" a lot, or all of the posts by some random dude, that would send me a message that she's interested in him

 

Avoid tagging you is the only thing I can see a little bit of, but again, not everyone wants their facebook to be a big announcement of their current relationship status, especially when it's very new to dating.

 

Again, just like "hiding" the relationship status, I think there's more to this... and it's purposeful

 

Log off the computer, spend time with her, and pay attention to the actual relationship you are having with her.

 

Agree with this, although I think it's a lost cause

 

 

Break up before you get attached.

 

Some of the advice here isn't helpful ("it's just FB"). Ignore those people. Your concerns are very valid. It isn't about the medium, it's about the inconsistent behavior. There's a reason she was excited for others but not as much for you. You're the rebound in her mind. You've lost before it began.

 

Break up with her, please. The signs that you're not meant for each other don't get much more obvious than this. This is the only warning you ever get. Just end it. If you don't do it now, you'll be sorry.

 

I agree with this

[oldshirt]

thanks for the advice. i mean she refers to me as her boyfriend, but the shadiness is looming..

 

Anyone can say anything but we are what we do, not what we say.

 

If she is meeting and flirting and going out with and hooking up with other guys, then that is the reality and not what she says.

 

Additionally, I think you are being somewhat naive to assume that these guys are complete strangers and that there is no interaction between them.

 

Unless you find that she is actively deceiving you and lying to you and is outright cheating on you, I'm not sure you need to literally break up with her per se, but I do think you should accept that she is not fulfilling your expectations as a GF and adjust yourself accordingly.

 

Don't treat someone as a priority that only sees you as just another option.

 

You can keep her around as a booty call/FWB if you want and can still take her out on a Sat night date if you want, but don't think of her or treat her as a GF if she is not behaving in that capacity.

[Space Ritual]

With so little time invested in this relationship, and given that her FB activity is the main bone of contention between you two. I'd venture a guess that your little romance has gotten about as good as it's gonna get.

 

 

I have been around the block enough times to know when a girl says to you that you are the exact opposite of what she is used to dating and that you are such a"nice" of "good" guy, that is akin t the Kiss of Death.

 

That's her telling you that she'll keep you around as long as you keep going out of your way to do things for her, but that she will be free to bang whoever she wants and you are just going to have to accept that if you stay in this farce for very much longer.

 

She is single, except for the fact that she has yet to inform you, her boyfriend, of that.

 

So if you will indulge me, young man, allow me to spell out to you what is going to happen next:

 

1. You are going to see FB Hooah Guy or some other Alpha type liking a couple of other things on her page and vice versa.

 

2.You'll get pissed even more than you are now and ask her about this guy and she'll not only really give you any answer,she'll question why you are so obsessed with creeping her page. I want to point out to you that you may or may not be creeping her page, but this will be her reaction and a justification in her mind to hasten the end of your romance.

 

3. You'll realize that she is distancing herself in person to you and beginning to make you feel like she doesn't want you anymore. Then maybe on a Friday afternoon or early evening you two will have some sort of argument and she will use that as an excuse to "go out with the girls". And yo will not hear anything from her for the balance of the weekend.

 

4.When you do, you'll cave and tell her what a jerk you've been and be Mr. Nice Guy again until the Friday argument happens yet again, then it is lather, rinds, and repeat.

 

5. Eventually you will catch wind of something she is doing IRL or she'll slip up by leaving her FB open or her phone unattended. At that point you will be so consumed with finding out just what she is up to, that you will have have "just a look" at her phone or laptop.....and then you will find it. The The message thread, the texts, the whole shebang.

 

6. Upon confronting her, you will discover that she has quite a mean streak as she admonishes you for "invading her privacy" and "you aren't who I thought you were". It will boil down to her gaslighting you and making you think you are crazy and another weekend apart will follow and commence the next Friday.

 

7. So you finally figure out she is banging some Alpha bad boy guy on the side. You'll beg, you'll plead, you 'll do anything to make this work, especially after she says to you "I never wanted to hurt you". When you hear that sentence, your relationship has seen it's last sunrise.

 

Young man, if you want to know why I would write out what some will consider a Seven point diatribe about you and this girl, it is because I, and thousands of past and current members of this forum have seen this movie many times before, with literally the same script every time.

 

Skulduggery rarely deviates.

 

So now you have a snapshot of your future. Only you can decide what you are going to do now. But I urge you to make a choice, and stick with it.

 

God Luck.

[TheAntiHero]

With so little time invested in this relationship, and given that her FB activity is the main bone of contention between you two. I'd venture a guess that your little romance has gotten about as good as it's gonna get.

 

 

I have been around the block enough times to know when a girl says to you that you are the exact opposite of what she is used to dating and that you are such a"nice" of "good" guy, that is akin t the Kiss of Death.

 

That's her telling you that she'll keep you around as long as you keep going out of your way to do things for her, but that she will be free to bang whoever she wants and you are just going to have to accept that if you stay in this farce for very much longer.

 

She is single, except for the fact that she has yet to inform you, her boyfriend, of that.

 

So if you will indulge me, young man, allow me to spell out to you what is going to happen next:

 

1. You are going to see FB Hooah Guy or some other Alpha type liking a couple of other things on her page and vice versa.

 

2.You'll get pissed even more than you are now and ask her about this guy and she'll not only really give you any answer,she'll question why you are so obsessed with creeping her page. I want to point out to you that you may or may not be creeping her page, but this will be her reaction and a justification in her mind to hasten the end of your romance.

 

3. You'll realize that she is distancing herself in person to you and beginning to make you feel like she doesn't want you anymore. Then maybe on a Friday afternoon or early evening you two will have some sort of argument and she will use that as an excuse to "go out with the girls". And yo will not hear anything from her for the balance of the weekend.

 

4.When you do, you'll cave and tell her what a jerk you've been and be Mr. Nice Guy again until the Friday argument happens yet again, then it is lather, rinds, and repeat.

 

5. Eventually you will catch wind of something she is doing IRL or she'll slip up by leaving her FB open or her phone unattended. At that point you will be so consumed with finding out just what she is up to, that you will have have "just a look" at her phone or laptop.....and then you will find it. The The message thread, the texts, the whole shebang.

 

6. Upon confronting her, you will discover that she has quite a mean streak as she admonishes you for "invading her privacy" and "you aren't who I thought you were". It will boil down to her gaslighting you and making you think you are crazy and another weekend apart will follow and commence the next Friday.

 

7. So you finally figure out she is banging some Alpha bad boy guy on the side. You'll beg, you'll plead, you 'll do anything to make this work, especially after she says to you "I never wanted to hurt you". When you hear that sentence, your relationship has seen it's last sunrise.

 

Young man, if you want to know why I would write out what some will consider a Seven point diatribe about you and this girl, it is because I, and thousands of past and current members of this forum have seen this movie many times before, with literally the same script every time.

 

Skulduggery rarely deviates.

 

So now you have a snapshot of your future. Only you can decide what you are going to do now. But I urge you to make a choice, and stick with it.

 

God Luck.

 

Hey Space Ritual, you're on point buddy.

[Space Ritual]

These type of threads seem to always have a similar ending. It is like people are taking an online course in gaslighting and they all are trying to get a score of 100 on the first activity at the end of section 1. lol

[maxalton]

These type of threads seem to always have a similar ending. It is like people are taking an online course in gaslighting and they all are trying to get a score of 100 on the first activity at the end of section 1. lol

 

you think its the fact that she hasn't been tagging me in anything for like a month now and the fact that shes added a few random single guys?

[Superchicken]

As some have mentioned, and I agree that nice guys come last.

She obviously like the bad boy persona, and just has you to take up the slack.

Again, like another post mentioned, maybe catfish her, and prove it to yourself if she's a player, and a time waster.

 

 

Although, I don't like using women just for "Booty Call", this may be something you may want to pursue.

 

 

I also find that people who complain about people snooping on their spouse, have themselves something to hide. I don't care a less if my spouse spent weeks snooping on me. If I have done nothing wrong, then there's nothing to find.

 

 

If I where you, I would be looking for a new spark...

 

 

Ted

[OatsAndHall]

I won't date anyone that has a strong, personal presence on Facebook. There is absolutely no reason a person needs to air their dirty laundry out on social media for the world to see. It is childish, attention seeking behavior and I don't find it acceptable. Would you be okay with going out to dinner and having her openly compliment another guy's looks in public? I sure as hell wouldn't.

[maxalton]

As some have mentioned, and I agree that nice guys come last.

She obviously like the bad boy persona, and just has you to take up the slack.

Again, like another post mentioned, maybe catfish her, and prove it to yourself if she's a player, and a time waster.

 

 

Although, I don't like using women just for "Booty Call", this may be something you may want to pursue.

 

 

I also find that people who complain about people snooping on their spouse, have themselves something to hide. I don't care a less if my spouse spent weeks snooping on me. If I have done nothing wrong, then there's nothing to find.

 

 

If I where you, I would be looking for a new spark...

 

 

Ted

 

 

Thanks for your honesty. So you think the fact she's been neglecting me on social media (which she normally doesnt do) and the fact that I see her adding random single guys is an indicator that I should bail? Ive been letting this play out, not mentioning anything Ive found out yet. I see that yesterday she added another single dude who Im pretty sure she's never met before (he has a bunch of party pictures on his page)

[Superchicken]

Mate, my heart just sank for you after reading your post that she's friending all these guys.

That alone is not a deal breaker, but that she also doesn't give you any attention, is.

 

 

I would do a Kamikaze attack on her. Only works ONCE I'm afraid.

 

 

Open a fake Facebook account, put up a image of a good looking bloke, with a six pack, etc.. Then attempt to friend her.

Start a little chat, and maybe ask for extra "Spice" in your chat.

If your lucky, you will get blocked, or told where to go.

However, if she messages back with, hmmmmm, yeah, then its KAMIKAZI time, and tell her where and how to go.

 

 

I think your done. So you may wish to say goodbye in a normal way, like many do, but I'm a "Prick", and I get even, NOT mad.

Well, actually, I get mad too.

 

 

Ted