Caring for you Partner when they are Sick - Food Poisoning in this case

[secondNature]

The situation

 

My live-in girlfriend of two years is out with a friend about 1.5 hours away from home. I am at home with my two girls laying around the house. My stomach was not feeling well all day.

 

Then I begin to vomit, become very lightheaded, body aches etc. My ex-wife comes and gets the kids and leaves me to being sick.

 

At this point I had been vomiting for about an hour solid, unable to do nearly anything - I contact my girlfriend and tell her what had been going on and see if she could come home as soon as possible. I was concerned, I could not hold down water or even walk.

 

The Issue

My girlfriend let me know she was on her way to eat, but would be home as soon as possible. Given she was 1.5 hours away I was not consoled very much but at least she would be home soon.

 

She then ordered dinner and tried to hurry things along, when I contacted her to see how far out she was she told me she was still waiting for her food.

 

My Problem

I could not believe given the situation and what I relayed to her that she would then even think about going to dinner given she was 1.5 hours away and knew how I was feeling. I can not imagine doing this.

 

I just can't get past the idea of it all that given the information she reacted the way she did. I do so much for her on a daily basis without being asked because I love her - so this hurt.

 

Thoughts

What would you have done, how do you react to your partner when they are sick or need to consoled or attended to?

[RecentChange]

I don't consider myself a very "nurturing" person, its a big reason I do not have kids.... But, for whatever reason that instinct kicks into over drive when it comes for caring for a sick or injured loved one.

 

Me, personally - first if you called me with this info I would have given you a barrage of questions - triage it - asked about your vital signs, would have given you a few things to do to test your hydration level and see if we are in some sort of red alert situation where you need to to the hospital before I could get there.

 

Then if we decided you were stable, and just needed some in house care - I would have high tailed it home, stopping by the pharmacy on the way to load up on pedialyte and meal replacements - then home to care for you.

 

I do not think your upset is unreasonable. Her actions sounded selfish.

[Gloria25]

Well, what kind of meal was she having? With friends, family? Were reservations made?

 

I mean food poisioning sucks, but it's not like she didn't come to see you, right? Did she come eventually?

 

Your ex wife didn't see you grave enough to tend to you and/or seek medical attention, so how is your gf following through with a planned dinner an issue?

 

Geesh, reminds me of a Seinfeld where some guy got bent out of shape cuz he was upset that Elaine got candy at the movie theater where they were supposed to meet - instead of running to the hospital upon hearing he was in an accident. Geesh...all she did was take 15 min to grab a candy...not like 15 minutes would change a thing.

 

My sister died a few decades ago. When I got the call, I went right back to bed. Why? Cuz nothing I could do at 11PM at night. Early morning I got up, got a loan, requested leave from the job and flew to the state she died in (she literally lived on the other side of the country). So, again, not sure what your gf following through with dinner was so offensive to you...IMO, her dropping her dinner plans wouldn't have made a difference.

[ASG]

People react differently to illness, particularly when it's not really serious.

 

I'll be honest, I'm not sure I would have reacted any different to your girlfriend... I don't tend to have a whole lot of empathy when it comes to going home to consolo someone because they're ill... Mostly because I kinda hate being fussed about when *I* am ill. Sure, I'll text my mom and tell her I'm ill... But then get fed up when she texts me every few hours to ask if how I'm feeling.

 

So maybe your gf thought the same... There's not a lot that she COULD do... is this a friend she doesn't see often?

[Hopeful714]

I really don't see this a big issue either.

 

What exactly if she would have came home...would you expect her to do?

 

No offense but this is pretty needy. "If" I had a partner I would assess the situation but most likely wouldn't have immediately come home unless it became apparent you needed to go to the emergency room.

 

What would you have done if you were single? Call your mom to come over? Just sayin.

[Satu]

Are you sure you didn't mistake her for your mother?

[Gloria25]

Are you sure you didn't mistake her for your mother?

 

I'm sorry, but if you're calling your mother for food poisoning, then something's wrong.

 

I've been ill to the point where I stumbled around dizzy, thought I was dying, etc. I didn't call my mom, dog, etc. I did pray to God and that's about it. I don't know, maybe I'm made of tougher stuff.

 

Look, I'm all about nurturing men and I hate how now a days a lot of women do not understand and/or care to nurture their men. But, really, I don't see this being an issue here.

 

I hope the OP responds to let us know if she did eventually show up.

[ASG]

"If" I had a partner I would assess the situation but most likely wouldn't have immediately come home unless it became apparent you needed to go to the emergency room.

 

.

 

This is the crux... If it was life or death, I would drop everything... but I also wouldn't expect to meet my partner at the house, if I was 1.5h away... I'd expect to meet them at the hospital. For your run of the mill illness... just deal with it.

 

I mean, if you were single, what would you do???

 

I was very ill in bed last week. Spent 2 days in bed mostly unable to move. I texted one of my housemates to bring me some paracetamol, as I'd run out and was in no fit state to leave the house, which they did bring me, but other than that, I fended for myself... Ordered pizza and stayed in bed.

[Satu]

I've never asked anyone but my doctor to take care of me when I've been ill.

 

As an adult, I take care of myself.

 

I do a good job of it, too.

[Hopeful714]

Everyone needs to know how to take care of themselves to some extent. Did you look up your symptoms on the internet to see what you could have done to treat yourself and/ or see if this was hospital worthy?

 

Again, no offense, but you can't guarantee you will always have someone in your life to care for you, and every adult needs to learn methods of self soothing. Especially if it's a case of the vomits and poops.

[basil67]

If you were in such dire need of care, you should have called someone closer in proximity. Or an ambulance.

[MidwestUSA]

OP, you're 44-45 years old?

[Blackened Heart]

This seems like an over reaction to be honest with you. If I was ill over food poisoning, I certainly wouldn't expect someone to drop everything and rush over right away. Honestly I wouldn't even bring it up, I'd take care of it myself.

 

Just last week I got a fracture in my elbow from a sport I do, took myself to urgent care after work the next day (didn't know of the fracture at the time), got x-ray and it was found. Got my silly little sling and been keeping movement to a minimum as it heals.

 

Sure it's nice to be taken care of and I enjoy doing it to people also, but you got to be able to take care of yourself also and not get so easily hurt when the world doesn't just stop for you.

[aileD]

You're over reacting.

[Els]

If she was 5 minutes away from home, then she should probably have dropped in on you first.

 

But she's 1.5 hours away with her friends and you're expecting her to ditch everything and drive back to you??? Yeah, no, not unless you were hospitalized. If you were that concerned, why didn't you call an ambulance?

[Got it]

I do unto others how I would want done to me. So I would have been concerned and I would have come home unless you had stated that you wanted to be alone. While one assumes food poisoning one doesn't know without medical treatment so I would not assume that everything is okay.

 

I just couldn't imagine my loved one not feeling well and not being there if they wanted me to.

 

I like being taken care of, when I want it, and so I like taking care of others. And puking, etc. is awful, you feel out of control, and it's nice to have someone there to take care of you if you need it.

[anika99]

Well what exactly can someone do for someone who is barfing? It seems to me that an adult should be able to handle minor illnesses on their own. Nausea and vomiting sucks but there is very little one can do to make it better other than ride it out. It's ridiculous to expect others to drop everything so they can come watch you throw up. Don't people have jobs? I can't leave work because an adult in my family has an upset stomach. Mild food poisoning isn't an emergency. I'm guessing everyone here has gone through it at least a couple of times. The worst of it usually passes within 12-24 hours.

 

Sure it's nice to get a little extra attention when you're sick and if I were sick and a loved one just happened to be there then having them fuss over me a little bit would be okay. They might make me tea or bring me a blanket, but I wouldn't expect anyone to drop what they're doing and rush over to be with me. If they said they had dinner plans but they would be over to see me in a few hours I would be more than happy with that.

[GorillaTheater]

If my wife asked me to come home because she was sick, I'd be off like a shot whether I thought there was anything I could do or not, so depending on the length and depth of your relationship with your gf, I get that part of your concern.

 

 

But at the same time, I behave like a wounded animal when I'm sick; I don't want to be around people at all. So that part of the equation I absolutely don't get.

[Popsicle]

Forgive her. People are just people.

Hell, I was alone and in labor and asked my neighbor for a ride to the hospital and she told me she couldn't because she was on her way to church (it was a Sunday morning).

 

Anyway, Life goes on and you forget about these things.

[Popsicle]

I would have probably raced home but if I thought they were fine I wouldn't have. Are you sure you communicated your state to her clearly?

[BettyDraper]

My husband and I are very attentive to each other when either of us is ill.

Both of us would have come home for each other in this situation unless one of us was attending an important occasion or working.

[spideywoman]

Wow. I'm one of the few who are responding that agrees with OP _ I would be very upset as well with my partner. And had I been in his GF's shoes, I would have driven home without ordering dinner. Doesn't matter whether it's a life or death situation _ he needed consoling and company. It's a very human reaction to need someone we love beside us when we're feeling out of whack and not ourselves, feeling vulnerable.

 

For me, it's not a matter of what partner can do, their presence is what would give me peace of mind. I'm sure he's able to take care of himself and would have had he not had a partner. He basically did that until she arrived. I don't think that's the point he's making (sorry OP if I am assuming things here.) I think his point is, I have a GF, I was feeling very sick and was feeling temporarily needy and I wanted her by my side. That's it. I think it's a normal and healthy emotional reaction.

 

I remember like yesterday an event that happened about 15 years ago. I found a lump in my breast one night. I freaked out. My BF at the time was with me and while he tried to be supportive, he just wasn't getting what the "fuss" was about. I told him I would make a doctor's appointment in the morning and could he please come with me. He said he had to go to work and couldn't. Could I have walked out my apartment, taken the subway, and walked into the doctor's office by myself? Gone through the ultrasound and mammogram by myself? Sure I could and I did. But the issue was that I needed emotional support, someone to literally hold my hand and tell me I would be OK. That's it. I'm definitely not needy _ it's just that sometimes we react with vulnerability to certain situations. That was the beginning of the end of that relationship for me _ I couldn't be with someone who had repeatedly shown a lack of sensitivity to and was dismissive of my feelings.

 

So, OP, I get you. How are things now? Talk to her. Tell her how that made you feel and try to explain why.

[olivetree]

I agree that it is a normal human reaction to be needy when you feel sick and vulnerable. But you are responsible for your own emotions.

 

If your gf was at home and said "see ya!" while you were vomiting without seeing if you needed any care, you would have more of a point. But expecting someone to drop their friend immediately while she is 1.5 hours away because you came down with a common illness is unreasonable and actually quite selfish. Why not put her needs first? And what about the friend? There really isn't much your gf could do for you anyway.

[secondNature]

Hey All, Thanks for the replies -

 

I must have missed all the replies once the first one came in. A few clarifications to start I presume are in order.

 

My GF was 1.5 hours from home and did not plan to have dinner but at the point I contacted her she was planning to already be home.

 

I communicated very clearly what was going on and that I was concerned and that I may have to go to the ER if it occurred for much longer.

 

I was violently ill - I when I say that I mean I was unable to not take a sip of water without throwing it up straight-away. I was in a great deal of pain, could hardly walk and injured myself going from room to room and honestly was looking for someone to accurately judge my well being other than myself.

 

I understand there would have been little that she could do for me at the time other than be present and ensure that I did not have to call an ambulance if I needed to go to the hospital.

 

I don't care if it is rational, makes sense, or makes me a child - I wanted someone with me at the time. I got my kids out of the house so they didn't have to deal with it and I took care of myself as best I could until she arrived.

 

For me it is a matter of expectations. I can not imagine her calling me and expressing what I did and me telling her that I was on my way to dinner and would see her when I got there. I presume I did not expect her response to be what it was, for I would not feel the same way and given the "emergencies" I have attended to for her in the past - I found it disturbing.

 

I know I would not be able to sit down at dinner and eat knowing that she was home and miserable by herself throwing up and in the condition I was.

 

If anything it gave me a better understanding of what I can expect or how I should act during a situation should arise in the future, I can not expect others to react the same way I would - even if they are very close to me.

[secondNature]

Now that you mention it, they are the about the same height. I could have mistaken the two, but I am pretty sure I had the right number.