what is your take on this?

[MidwestUSA]

OP is IN the wedding party. Finding a hot chick is only going to result in her being bored and getting trashed; she won't be spending any time hanging on him. I'd rather stay home and stick toothpicks in my eyes than go as a date of a member of a wedding party. A shame the BF of the ex doesn't feel that way.

 

It would be rude to back out at this point. Suck it up, stay sober, and leave as soon as your duties are done.

[Toodaloo]

I want to attend and as of now I plan to. Just asking for help how to handle it. As we both are in the wedding party.

 

Stay sober.

 

Take regular breaks away from the crowds so you can keep yourself composed.

 

Stay quiet and rub your stomach a lot. Then bow out as soon as you can and use the excuse that you have a stomach upset.

 

Force a smile if you have to.

 

Stay away from your ex.

 

Your mutual friends can not help that they were friends with her as well and they are in a really awkward position. They can't take sides.

 

As far as your ex goes she was not your best friend. She was the Trojan horse. I also suspect that it was going on for a long time with the other guy before you broke up, as people do not tend to move on that fast unless they are already emotionally checked out of the relationship and ready to go. It is more common with women to emotionally check out, test the waters and then speak up when they have made their final decision than with men. Simply because women tend to be more "emotional" than men. So she was "gone" a long time before she actually left. What you are going through now? She went through it months ago. That is why she is so far ahead.

 

Do not try to be friends with this girl. She is not your friend.

 

Stay away from her. Do not ring or text, no more flowers. In fact change her name on your phone to "Cheating B****" so if she does contact you you know to ignore it. It will also put you off calling her if you have that reminder there.

 

Good luck. You will get there. Just takes time.

[Zahara]

You're upset at your friend for entertaining your ex and her boyfriend because of what she did to you but you continued to engage with this woman even when she cheated on you, even when you knew who she was cheating with?

 

You don't get to decide if you yourself have no boundaries.

[wiseman6716]

I tend to disagree, along with others I have talked too. I have not held this against my best friend since he was not aware, the parents were going to be there. This I'm almost sure was the first time the parents of the new bf and my ex girlfriend got together. I think if my best friend would have had prior knowledge they were going to be there, it would have been wrong for him to be there. I expressed to him, It was none of my business who he hung out with and if he hung out with my ex, i would not be upset. I just think my best friend of all my life having dinner with my ex's new boyfriends family after a month of seperation if he knew they were going to be there would have questioned his loyalty or thought of our friendship, just a bit. The convo was very calm, again I explined I was not upset, just where I was coming from, from my perspective.

[Toodaloo]

Your friend is stuck in the middle.

 

He wants to be "loyal" to you and blank her but at the same time also has to talk to her because of the other friendship.

 

Take a break from facebook.

 

Remove yourself from her life as much as you can and do not blame your friend for still speaking to her.

 

She cheated on you not him.

 

Your ex is putting him in a really awkward situation and there is sod all he can do about it so forgive him for being social with her.

[wiseman6716]

Talked to my good friend (the groom) last night. Explained I will be going to the wedding. I did tell him I would not be on the party bus for pictures, between wedding and reception, if my ex's new bf would be present on the bus as well. He explained that would not be an issue, but he would be at the reception. I said thats not a problem. I cancelled my room where everyone is staying afterwards and plan to stick around for a small amount of time after speeches and leave. I know it will be a tough day seeing my ex, but I plan to get through it. I have not decided if I will ask a date or not. I am leaning towards doing so.

[Toodaloo]

Talked to my good friend (the groom) last night. Explained I will be going to the wedding. I did tell him I would not be on the party bus for pictures, between wedding and reception, if my ex's new bf would be present on the bus as well. He explained that would not be an issue, but he would be at the reception. I said thats not a problem. I cancelled my room where everyone is staying afterwards and plan to stick around for a small amount of time after speeches and leave. I know it will be a tough day seeing my ex, but I plan to get through it. I have not decided if I will ask a date or not. I am leaning towards doing so.

 

I would see if you can take a friend just so you have some support there for you.

 

Sounds like your friend is trying to make it as easy as possible for you. I do not envy him at all in his position.

 

I think the pair of you should go out for a drink together when the whole wedding thing is over.

[wiseman6716]

I just talked to my good friend (the groom) I insured him i was not mad or upset, and that I was not trying to cause drama for him. I said I know its just as ackward for him as it is me. Never will I ask him to choose sides, that I was just a bit bothered, not knowing the background of the situation. He said he understood, where I was coming from and we moved on.

 

I'm sure my ex thinks I was being over dramatic about it, but I feel along with some close friends and family that know the situation in full, that I was not.

[Toodaloo]

I just talked to my good friend (the groom) I insured him i was not mad or upset, and that I was not trying to cause drama for him. I said I know its just as ackward for him as it is me. Never will I ask him to choose sides, that I was just a bit bothered, not knowing the background of the situation. He said he understood, where I was coming from and we moved on.

 

I'm sure my ex thinks I was being over dramatic about it, but I feel along with some close friends and family that know the situation in full, that I was not.

 

Truth is that it really hurts!

 

So don't worry about what you are feeling, that is normal.

 

Instead worry about your actions and ensuring that you behave with dignity and grace. Then when you have healed you can look back in be proud of yourself.

[aloneinaz]

Again, the focus on YOUR life is to move forward like she's doing. I know it's not easy but read the NC thread as it offers excellent advice. Clearly, stay off social media unless you like the pain that is like hitting your fingers with a 5 pound hammer.

 

I'd drop any further conversation about this ex with ANYONE who has contact w/her. It will get back to her and stroke her ego. She'll continue to think you're pinning over her and that she's all that and a bag of chips. DON'T provide that to her.

[wiseman6716]

Been NC 1 week after 2 weeks of trying to get back with my ex. We have been split for almost 2 months and she immediately started seeing someone else. My intentions were to try and get back with her after a month or so 1 last time.

 

We are in a wedding party together and, I told the groom my good friend, that I did not want to be on a party bus with her and her new BF, and that I preferred not to walk with her in the wedding.

 

I wanted to send a message, I was not desperate to be with her, whatever the circumstance was. Not sure if this was the correct move or not?

[petroff]

Correct move is to delete her completely from your life. I suppose it was her choice to split? Or she wanted it more than you?

 

Most of the time after break-ups people look for a "rebound" relationship in order to forget about the previous relationship. Same going on with my ex now, whereas I miss her and I'm suffering.

 

Have some dignity, and self respect. Don't be this clingy guy and don't contact her. If she misses you, she'll probably try to get back with you. But trust me, you'll not even want to look at her then Try to get yourself together. Time heals and you will see that all your memories will vanish sooner or later.

[wiseman6716]

So in your opinion, I made the right move? It was a hard decision to make. I wanted to very badly, but know I had to send a message.

[wiseman6716]

My other question is do I Break NC a couple days before this wedding, so it's not ackward for us all day, and for the bride and groom

[VeveCakes]

My other question is do I Break NC a couple days before this wedding, so it's not ackward for us all day, and for the bride and groom

 

No. You go to the wedding and ignore her best you can. She has a new bf right? Time to let it go...

[Zahara]

My other question is do I Break NC a couple days before this wedding, so it's not ackward for us all day, and for the bride and groom

 

You've received good advice on your past threads and that would be to avoid any communication or any kind of engaging with her. Pre-wedding, during the wedding and post wedding.

 

The truth is -- it's going to be awkward. There is nothing you can say to make it not awkward. That's unfortunately what you have to face since you have chosen to go to the wedding.

 

She's with another man. She cheated on you. Grasp those two important facts. There is nothing more to say to her but for you to get through the wedding and continue strict NC.

[Fatty23]

Why would her new bf be invited to the wedding? If he's not gonna be there I think you should suck it up for your friend. I know it sounds harsh but it's (hopefully) the one time they get married. Even if he is there it kind of sounds like she would be bringing him to make you jealous. I know I wouldn't bring my new bf that I'm genuinely interested in to an event that my ex will be at. I wouldnt want him to feel awkward (new guy, not ex). If you really care about your friend you'll try to put your feelings aside. It's just one night to you and the start of a lifetime for them. Good luck to you!

[aloneinaz]

My other question is do I Break NC a couple days before this wedding, so it's not ackward for us all day, and for the bride and groom

 

Haven't these questions been answered in your other threads about this same wedding?

 

Stop looking for reasons to contact her. Seriously.. Find your pride and self respect my friend.

[Pit92]

Going through the same problem now with the contacting yet i cant take my own advice. We look for any small excuse to contact them that we can find just so we can contact them. Its definitely best to stay strong and stick with NC. Ive been in NC for 3 weeks and whats making me stay strong is the fact i came so far i dont want to feel worse after contacting her.

[Toodaloo]

Wise. I know this is playing on your mind. I know you are stressed and worried about it.

 

Did you ask that friend of yours to be your date?

 

You have your plan. Stick to it.

 

In case you have forgotten.

 

You ignore her and the new beau as best you can. You stay sober. You stay away from her as much as possible (literally turn your back so you do not have to look at her). You smile. You take regular breaks to yourself to keep yourself composed. You do your duties. You get the hell out asap with the excuse of a stomach upset. You thank your hosts (Bride and Groom) for their generous hospitality and wish them the best then you get the hell outta dodge.

 

Keep to the plan.

 

Do not over think.

 

Imagine a day where you hold it together, have fun and ignore her. Visulize it in your head over and over again that you enjoy the wedding and have nothing to do with her. Visualize yourself being happy and generous and gracious. Visualize yourself acting with dignity and laughing. Visualize yourself standing up straight with shoulders back. Visualize yourself dealing with it all really well in a very grown up fashion and being cool, calm and collected. Imagine these things over and over and over again.

 

You are going to go and you are going to stand out because you are going to be proud of yourself and stand up straight shoulders back. You are going to smile and be happy and enjoy your time there. You are going to go home and breathe a deep sigh of relief that you behaved so well and held it together and when you do that you are going to realize that you can do this with out her. You do not need a woman that can go skipping off with another bloke at the drop of a hat. You need and deserve better so you are going to go out and get better...

 

Visualize positives in this difficult situation.

[wiseman6716]

THanks so much. I do feel better about my decision I made about not walking with her. I Truly wanted to, but I felt it would do me no good, and only boost her ego that I still decided too.

[wiseman6716]

Quick update.

 

I have not contacted her. Have not received anything from the wedding party until today. Rehearsal is day before, and then groom wants to groomsman to go out that night with him. I will be at rehearsal and rehearsal dinner with ex, and all day the next day for wedding, pictures, party bus, and wedding. I still have second guesses of not walking with her, just as I might look petty. But I just felt it would not do anything good for either of us right now. We needed as much space as possible.

[Been]

Actions speak louder then words. Anyone can write how much you mean to them,how they love you etc but in the end it's the actions you should judge.She cheated on you. I understand the void in your life-you get used to a person being there and then they are gone. It's hard but deep down you know you can't be friends.

[elaine567]

...and then groom wants to groomsman to go out that night with him..

Hopefully that group will not contain the ex's bf.

[bummer]

I assume they are re-arranging the walking pairs or lineup so you walk with someone?

 

It sounds petty to not walk. Remember this is your friend's wedding and big day, not yours. Be the gentleman the day of (dont break NC), and make sure you bail at a reasonable time.