The dragon of the fairy tale

[Uhh]

Hello everyone. I'm new here, and I'd like some advice, if possible. My situation is not very unusual: I fell in love (or at least that's what it seems) with a friend of mine. Problem is: She's dating someone else. I knew that from the beginning, and I never even expected to have feelings for her. Yet now here I am, thinking about her everyday. So, here's my situation explained a bit more:

 

We met some time ago on college, and we became friends very fast. We talk everyday, sometimes we hang out, and we have a lot of fun together. She's an incredible woman, who sticks strongly to what she believes and isn't scared to say what's on her mind. I find amusing the way she gets into an argument with someone so quickly for stating her opinion so bluntly.

 

However, sometimes she gets sad all of a sudden. As a gentleman (or so I like to think) and as someone who cares for her, I'm always there to show her my support. She's the kind that stubbornly refuses to tell what's bothering her. But I do know that her boyfriend is part of the reason she suddenly gets gloomy. I don't seem to recall a single time where she spoke of this guy and actually said something positive about him or their relationship.

 

I've been the typical "Nice guy". I came to realize that after doing some research on my own behaviour. I do touch her everyday, I tease her and I often give subtle hints that I'm interested. But I don't know. I don't feel a romantic interest from her, or even sexual. I fell like I've been just her emotional support.

 

But of course, I'm not interested in being "just friends" anymore. I want to reach out to her and make her see me in a different way. I want her to look at me as more than a friend. She became important to me, so if I'm supposed to move on, I'd like to fight first. I want to invest in her. I want her to know how I TRULY see her. I think I've been lying my way into the friendzone, but I want to leave it. I want to grow up, so I want to face my fear.

 

What should I do? Should I invest some more time on her, this time being more "shameless", direct and honest about what I feel? Should I just move on and end this amazing friendship? I haven't spoken to her for the past 3 days to sort out my feelings. Should I stop completely? Please tell me what to do. Knowing she's with someone else, and unhappy, makes me so confused. I want her to run to my arms not for comfort, but also for love. How can I attract her sexually? Should I even do it? Am I being needy?

 

In our fairy tale, I'm the dragon. How can I be the knight, instead? Thanks in advance.

[eye of the storm]

Why don't you tell her honestly how you feel. Tell her that you feel more for her than friendship. Some people worry that doing that will damage the friendship but the way you feel is already doing that. You have cut off contact with her for 3 days.

 

Now, here is the tricky part. She is in a relationship. Good, bad, or indifferent...she is in a relationship. So you need to have respect and care for her and for YOURSELF by being clear that you and she cannot start anything until she ends her current relationship.

 

Do not get into a OM situation.

[Poppy47]

Please be very careful.

 

She might very well decided to keep you in her thrall.

 

Make it very clear that you are not happy with being a friend and would like to have a different relationship with her.

 

Don't start a romantic relationship while she is dating somebody else. It will end badly for everybody. THEN, you really will be the dragon.

 

Poppy.

[Miss Clavel]

well, well, well.

 

you do understand that her boyfriend ain't gonna like this very much?

 

she belongs to someone else. read that again. how would you feel if she was yours and her "friend" decided that you were not good for her and worse, she would do better with you?

 

ya.

 

anyway. i'd just stop talking to her. stop hanging around her and see what happens.

 

if she gets in touch, if she notices, (be prepared that she might just let you go) and she ASKS you, wtf? then show her your heart.

 

put it on her.

 

even if she does break up with her boyfriend, it will be months before she's "free".

 

you realize that, right?

[elaine567]

even if she does break up with her boyfriend, it will be months before she's "free".

 

you realize that, right?

 

Good point, getting involved with people fresh out of other relationships is very often a recipe for disaster.

[BuddyX]

"You've always been such a nice guy to me. We should date"...Said no woman ever.

 

You're her pillow. A shoulder to cry on.

 

Unless you grow a pair, you'll always be a female best friend. Nothing more. Now, I'm not saying go wreck her relationship, but stop being a doormat.

 

I would tell her how I feel. Give her 24 hours and then move on. Like, separate myself from the friendship as well. Find women who are interested in you. Because, before you know it, you'll be at the end of your "career" and still on the sideline- hoping to get into the game.

[Uhh]

I'd like to thank everyone for replying. But it turns out things went from bad to worse.

 

I had made my decision. I wanted to start building a connection with her. I had plans to start being more honest with what I felt for her. But she knew it all along. She knew I was into her. How could she not? I never hid my emotions from her. It was pretty obvious that I liked her and that I really wanted to be together with her. But she didn't see it that way.

 

She was really cold at me today. She angrily told me to respect her. She said that if I respected her indeed, then I wouldn't be doing this. She was disappointed, because she thought we were friends. But now that it's clear that I wanted more than friendship, she says that she prefers that I stay away from her.

 

I'm heartbroken. I'll never understand how being honest with myself can lead to such painful results. Now our long-lasting friendship is most likely over. She clearly doesn't want to see or talk to me again. And who can blame her? I'm a guy who knew all along about her relationship and still went for it.

 

I'll never be ashamed of what I felt. I followed my heart, but that doesn't give me the right to be unethical. So maybe I deserve this in the end. She was the best female friend that I've ever had, and I'll never forgive myself for ruining this. But, let's move on. There will be others.

 

Thanks everyone. Sorry for not bringing good news.

[Poppy47]

I think she has enjoyed your attentions and used you, just because she could.

 

Pick yourself up and cut ties with her.

 

You will find other girls who like you.

 

Poppy