lynxpilot Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 We've been married for quite some time (36 years) and been through some ups and downs, but we've had a sexual mismatch from day 1 that just doesn't want to go away. I have a typical guy drive and would like to have sex somewhere between daily and every 3 days. She has never been there from day 1. We have had stretches in our marriage where we didn't have sex for up to 2 years. I brought that up the other day and I was shocked to realize that she never even noticed it. There was another stretch of 1 year. To me, that just ain't right. I'm imagining all sorts of solutions, but none of them are Christian. Could use some help here. Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 We've been married for quite some time (36 years) and been through some ups and downs, but we've had a sexual mismatch from day 1 that just doesn't want to go away. I have a typical guy drive and would like to have sex somewhere between daily and every 3 days. She has never been there from day 1. We have had stretches in our marriage where we didn't have sex for up to 2 years. I brought that up the other day and I was shocked to realize that she never even noticed it. There was another stretch of 1 year. To me, that just ain't right. I'm imagining all sorts of solutions, but none of them are Christian. Could use some help here. Well divorce is an option, but I'm guessing you don't want to go there. Low drive vs high drive or even normal drive really doesn't work itself out from what I've seen. What I don't get is two years and she didn't notice. That means you have never brought this issue to light. How do you go THAT long without sex and not say a damn thing? These are discussions you have BEFORE marriage. You can try a sex therapist. You can try all kinds of things, but I've not seen much that makes any difference. Sorry bro. All I can say is exhaust all options, but keep divorce in the back of your mind as a certain one if you want sexual fulfilment in a relationship. There is something in the Bible about wife's not meeting the needs of men or something. I'm sure a Christian can elaborate better. I don't follow books as a way of life myself, so idk the exact quote or scripture. Good luck. Keep stocked in lotion and tissues lol. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 In all fairness, I'm not sure it's realistic to expect that you can change someone's sex drive, especially after 36 years of marriage. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 In all fairness, I'm not sure it's realistic to expect that you can change someone's sex drive, especially after 36 years of marriage. This is something you deal with before you get married. Not 36 years into a sexless marriage Sorry, at this point there's nothing you can do. And divorce will leave you penniless... Link to post Share on other sites
KimJ1234 Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 It's important to discuss issues like this with your partner before 36 years pass by. Why not speak to her about what options she's comfortable with? She needs to understand that this is important to you, don't let it slide under the rug for another long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 In all fairness, I'm not sure it's realistic to expect that you can change someone's sex drive, especially after 36 years of marriage. Agreed, lynxpilot this is as much about you as it is her. Why stay 36 years is a relationship which, according to your description, doesn't meet your needs? Also, seems a little cold to label it "the contract". If you thought the deal included unlimited sex, perhaps should have been in writing... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 Hi Lynxpilot... You said "I'm imagining all sorts of solutions, but none of them are Christian." Well, I spoke to Christian, and he says, you need to speak to your misses, and see why she don't.. Then tell her why you need to!. Wow, 2 years, man, you you've been a monk and didn't even know it. Stop your chanting, and start you griping.. Ted. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 We've been married for quite some time (36 years) and been through some ups and downs, but we've had a sexual mismatch from day 1 that just doesn't want to go away. I have a typical guy drive and would like to have sex somewhere between daily and every 3 days. She has never been there from day 1. We have had stretches in our marriage where we didn't have sex for up to 2 years. I brought that up the other day and I was shocked to realize that she never even noticed it. There was another stretch of 1 year. To me, that just ain't right. I'm imagining all sorts of solutions, but none of them are Christian. Could use some help here. Options- - suck it up and live with it (after 36 years, the chances of anything changing are essentially nonexistent) - Divorce and find someone compatible that is sexually attracted to you. - Get your needs met elsewhere (either with or without her knowledge and consent) - Transform into someone else that she is sexually attracted to (but again, after 36 years, that would involve completely changing your physical appearance and personality) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 Options- - suck it up and live with it (after 36 years, the chances of anything changing are essentially nonexistent) - Divorce and find someone compatible that is sexually attracted to you. - Get your needs met elsewhere (either with or without her knowledge and consent) - Transform into someone else that she is sexually attracted to (but again, after 36 years, that would involve completely changing your physical appearance and personality) These are your only options. Talking to her or seeing doctors (you or her) or taking meds (you or her) .... none of that stuff works. Time just passes and things remain the same. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 These are your only options. Talking to her or seeing doctors (you or her) or taking meds (you or her) .... none of that stuff works. Time just passes and things remain the same. Yeah, this is how it's been since the beginning. This is how it is. This is how it will be. There isn't anything that a therapist will say that will make her desire you and there isn't any kind of pill or medical treatment that will make her desire you. (sometimes Hormone Replacement Therapy will restore some of a menopausal woman's libido, but the fact that she did not desire you in her youth or for 36 years of marriage means that even if she gets some hormonal therapy and gets a boost in her libido, she won't be horny for you, she will be horny for someone else) Link to post Share on other sites
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