Wanting a married coworker. Wtf is wrong with me.

[DongDiggity]

I'm in the military and work with a girl who is married. We're friendly, but don't interact a lot. Or much at all besides work/group setting. We have worked together for over 2 years and she has shown signs of interest in the past few weeks. However, she is married, and I would never undermine a relationship. Military marriages (especially young) tend to not be as symbolic as normal marriages seeing as most people "marry" their bf/gf to avoid getting separated by the military which was her case. It's all the same to me.

 

 

Anyways, Idk the status of her marriage and it's none of my business. And while this girl is an extreme extrovert and I am on the other side of the spectrum, I have had interest in her for a few months now, and it's (unfortunately) got worse seeing (imo) interest back. But it doesn't help that she is married, and almost every dude on work would try and get with her if she was single, especially a few dudes she hangs out a lot with and want her bad. Real bad. Her husband left to go home (other side of the country) for a few weeks and took one of their dogs with him (idk), and these horn dogs are losing their minds trying to get with her in his absence. Ofc they arent so obvious to her face. W/e.

 

 

It had gotten to the point where we were catching each other's eyes every time we were in the same room. I would catch her staring at me, sometimes with some derpy look on her face. Or randomly small talk me for no reason and be all flustered. So this has led me to be awkward. I avoid her at work and find excuses to preoccupy myself when she's in the room. It's really bad. For example she came up to me today while I was working and said "Hey [My Name]... haven't seen you at all today.." (yes you have I just avoided any interaction), and just stares at me a bit and I go "I'm right here". That's it. My social awkwardness does not help, she lingered around a little bit to say something else then walked off. She seems to get upset when I talk around her. Except, I think I've always done this. Not only to her, but to most people, since I really don't like talking to most people at work. Except now I'm mindful of what I'm doing if that makes any sense. Not sure if she ever cared before.

 

I don't mean to be such a dick, but I can't build a relationship, even a friendship with someone I have feelings for. It's like someone telling me to hold a bottle of water when I'm dehydrated. If I can't have it, I don't want to tempt and torture myself.

 

So now I feel like I'm tearing myself apart. I want to shove her away so these feelings can go away, but I also don't want to do that because this girl interests me (despite the fact most of her friends are dudes who want her and she's ****ing married).

 

I'm a little mad at myself as well. The fact she is married should squash all my feelings from the get-go, but I guess in my head I figure if she's showing interest than maybe her marriage is coming to an end? Which doesn't sit well with me either, but I think I'm all sorts of ****ed up at this point.

 

And wtf is up with her? She does not seem the cheating type at all.

 

Is the right thing to do here is keep doing what I'm doing?

[niji]

Is the right thing to do here is keep doing what I'm doing?

 

Yes. What else is there to do?

 

Obviously you don't want to be the cause of a ruined marriage - even if it's broken, don't become the excuse people have to leave each other.

 

There's nothing wrong with having crushes on married people. Just because they are taken doesn't take away the fact that cool people will still be cool, and you're allowed to think they're cool and all. Just don't act on it.

 

Or you can be like me and fail to say no to be friends with such taken people, then fall hopelessly for them and have your heart shattered. Nothing wrong with unrequited loves; they're romantic in their own way and are a good experience (pain and suffering contribute to life experience after all, I'm not being sarcastic one bit, I firmly believe this), but once in a lifetime is quite enough.

Edited November 16, 2016 by niji

[Sweetfish]

I know men who when they do these things... they build less respect for women.. they become paranoid when they get married or have a gf

[oldbutcurious]

DongD

 

Maybe, if she was insistent on talking with you, you can request to have a short discussion - just ask, maybe, spend lunch together- it's a safe time and place.

 

Tell her she's attractive and all, and although you are beginning to like her, you cannot do anything about it because she is married. So, her being friendly with you is - tell her you are not encouraging it. Otherwise, you might do something you will regret.

 

If she opens up, then, take take it from there. Maybe, she is just being friendly. Say stop it.

 

Maybe, yes, her marriage is falling apart. Tell her you want to have nothing to do about it.

 

If she's had divorce, then, tell her, maybe, you'd want to restart friendship from there, just not at the moment.

 

I hope I make sense.

[Mysterio]

I am semi going thru that right now. There is a girl at my gym that I am crazy about. She is GF material for me. She is Married. Yet I don't see a ring. I don't know what the state of her marriage is.

 

I will not have an affair. So the only way its going to be explored is if she lets me know she is breaking up with her husband. I don't know if they are common law or not.

 

To me if things are not built up solidly. Then they collapse. If I want Gym girl. I have to pray to the universe to make it happen or put me in a situation with a woman that is similar but single.

 

In my mind. The only thing that will work for me is a woman that single/divorced/widowed-childless. Or with one kid. Possibly two. Thats it. Nothing else will work.

[CommittedToThis]

The only thing that will work for me is a woman that single/divorced/widowed-childless. Or with one kid. Possibly two. Thats it. Nothing else will work.

 

Siamese twins would be OK? I know just the woman for you.