Why remove an FB photo of an ex THREE YEARS after you broke up or had ANY contact?

[lana-banana]

Because if I really could let him go in my mind, I would have.

 

Do you see how this is a self-fulfilling prophecy? You say you can't move on, so you excuse yourself when you backslide like this, and ultimately you don't try. There's nothing wrong with hurting. But when it's been over three years and you're devastated to learn he's dating again, you can be honest about the possibility that what you're doing now isn't working. Think about it: if you'd blocked him on Facebook long ago, you never would've noticed that he'd unfriended you or deleted your pictures, and spared yourself this pain.

 

Do you think you could genuinely accept that he's moved on and open yourself to doing the same?

[stillafool]

I'm sorry if this has already been asked as I didn't read the entire thread but have you tried therapy to help you get over him?

[NopeNah]

I'm not trying to be mean here. If the photo meant that much to you, you should have 'right clicked' and saved it. Sorry it's causing old memories/feelings for you. Take care!

[Dis]

Hey Girl

 

I'm really sorry you're hurting so much and I know you're looking for answers...seeing I can relate to the way your ex cut ties maybe I can offer some insight

 

I broke up with my ex over a year ago, right off the bat I went NC, blocked him on social media...I have an android so I unfortunately cant block him on my phone...I have no desire to reach out...to keep in touch....to chat....to anything. He never stops sending me texts...to which I dont reply

 

(There is one exception to this...I just created a thread two days ago and someone said something very wise that got me thinking...so I acted on the advice and sent ONE text to let him know that I know he was cheating on me during our 2.5 year relationship...however...this one time break in NC was thought out and much needed as there was unfinished business...now I've gotten my closure....end of story....happily resuming NC)

 

You say that you're dissapointed that he doesnt reach out...you're hurt he deleted the pic...you're surprised by his indifferent behavior. The reality is...its not healthy to maintain contact with an ex in most cases....the way we heal is by moving forward without hearing from them...seeing them on social media etc etc

 

I know its hard for some people to understand that, including my ex....he said I have a cold heart because of the way I moved on....but really we just want to cut out the old and tattered... and make room for the new....it has nothing to do with trying to make our exs feel bad...we just want to start fresh...and you deserve the same!

 

I think he did you a favor by not communicating with you....can you imagine where you would be in the healing process if he was still in contact with you?

 

Maybe it would help you to try to adopt the same attitude....ridding yourself of the past and all thats hurt you so you can move forward with a clean slate

[springy]

I cannot speak to what is in your ex's mind, that's really anyone's guess. This has come up for me recently so I will chime in on why *I* have recently done this 3+ years after the fact.

 

When my ex and I first broke up I couldn't bear the thought of deleting our photos on FB. I unfriended him and hid the photos so that none of my friends would see them if they decided to cruise through my photo albums. In the past few years I've only glanced at those photos a handful of times.

 

The last time I looked at one of the photos (this has been several months ago now) I looked into his eyes and felt nothing. It was surreal as I looked at the photo that I once loved him in the romantic sense of the word. It kind of had me in awe, that I had finally arrived at that place. I knew I was completely over my ex. I logged off, not really thinking any further, and don't use FB much at all myself...but just in the past few days I've been thinking - ya know, it's time. Speaking for myself, I have arrived at the place where after a long journey I have purged my heart of him in the romantic sense. So I don't "need" those pics anymore. It's kind of representative of a cleansing for me, I don't know how else to explain it.

 

Does it mean I don't care about him? Absolutely not. I hope he is happy with the choices he has made...but for me, it was just time. This was not done out of spite or malice. I don't know how to explain it, except that I don't need them there anymore.

 

Yes some people keep those things up on FB and that's fine for them...but I am not them, I manage my wall in the way I see fit. No cookie cutter way to manage old relationship photos on FB.

 

I want to re-stated that it's anyone's guess why he did what he did and I'm not trying to imply that my reasons are his. I decided to share since this has recently been an event in my life. There was a time when I really struggled with the fact that he never reached out, but he did what he had to do for himself to heal, and it was more beneficial to me as well. The relationship was over. Continuing communication would have only served to keep the wounds festering.

 

I'm sorry you are still struggling so much. Maybe the deletion of this photo will aid in helping you move forward. Complete removal - no more FB, twitter or whatever else "stalking" and managing my thoughts is what helped me to get to this point. It was a battle, but well worth the fight. I wish you well.

Edited November 17, 2016 by springy

[Zapbasket]

Hey Girl

 

I'm really sorry you're hurting so much and I know you're looking for answers...seeing I can relate to the way your ex cut ties maybe I can offer some insight

 

I broke up with my ex over a year ago, right off the bat I went NC, blocked him on social media...I have an android so I unfortunately cant block him on my phone...I have no desire to reach out...to keep in touch....to chat....to anything. He never stops sending me texts...to which I dont reply

 

(There is one exception to this...I just created a thread two days ago and someone said something very wise that got me thinking...so I acted on the advice and sent ONE text to let him know that I know he was cheating on me during our 2.5 year relationship...however...this one time break in NC was thought out and much needed as there was unfinished business...now I've gotten my closure....end of story....happily resuming NC)

 

You say that you're dissapointed that he doesnt reach out...you're hurt he deleted the pic...you're surprised by his indifferent behavior. The reality is...its not healthy to maintain contact with an ex in most cases....the way we heal is by moving forward without hearing from them...seeing them on social media etc etc

 

I know its hard for some people to understand that, including my ex....he said I have a cold heart because of the way I moved on....but really we just want to cut out the old and tattered... and make room for the new....it has nothing to do with trying to make our exs feel bad...we just want to start fresh...and you deserve the same!

 

I think he did you a favor by not communicating with you....can you imagine where you would be in the healing process if he was still in contact with you?

 

Maybe it would help you to try to adopt the same attitude....ridding yourself of the past and all thats hurt you so you can move forward with a clean slate

 

Thanks for this, and...I do hear you. I have outgrown relationships and gotten to a point where I'm not interested in any contact. But most often that's with people who hurt me so badly that I finally just snapped and couldn't justify giving them one more iota of my care or time. That I haven't reached this point with this ex, who hurt and disappointed me more than anyone ever has, is something I genuinely don't understand--but this is beside the point at the moment.

 

I do notice you saying that this ex cheated on you, and that's one of the things that hurts so much with this ex: I didn't do anything to him. I loved and supported him and yes, I got frustrated and angry when he seemed to prefer staying stuck and had this side of him that derived perverse enjoyment from getting under my skin, even when I told him how much it bothered me. But I look back and I can say I was truly a great girlfriend. His mom said to me one Thanksgiving, in front of their whole family, "You came into our lives for a reason, and we are so lucky to have you as part of our family." It was the sentiment that by everyone's response to me seemed to be shared by my ex as well as his whole family, from his grandparents down to his little nieces, who even two years after our breakup, my ex's sister emailed me and said they still ask about me. Of course, this broke my heart. I mean, I truly never imagined it would all have come to this.

 

Now, this idea of ridding yourself of the past and clean slate and all that--has that really worked for you? Because in my life, I've re-located and/or cut off from aspects of my past in hopes of a fresh start, only to find that there is no fresh start available to me until I deal head-on with the things I wish to be free from. That's why I didn't just immediately pick up and move after this breakup. I really leaned in, and I did so precisely because it was the opposite of what I'd done in the past, and that hadn't really "worked" for me in terms of resolving the deeper-seated issues.

[Blanco]

I've been trudging through your main thread, and some things have stood out to me:

 

- You've had numerous people pour thousands of words into that thread all in the name of trying to help and guide with your situation and hopeful recovery. A handful of people look to have been frequent contributors throughout. With that in mind, your comment in a now-deleted post about how you shouldn't have expected any more than a lack of empathy from LS forum members seems even more flippant than it originally did.

 

I'm not sure how you earnestly make the inference that no one on this forum is interested in being helpful or compassionate when there's documented proof that quite a few members have been just that toward you and your situation over two years.

 

- I'm still well over two years behind in your thread, but even going back that far, it seems like you're still ruminating over the same things. People were pointing out more than two years ago that you put an inordinate amount of your attention on him and what he's doing, thinking, or feeling. This is completely common following a breakup, but for it to still be such an occupier of your focus more than three years after the split is not healthy.

 

No, people don't heal at the same pace, and I actually think it's perfectly fine to still feel some twinges of remorse and sadness all this time for the relationship. What isn't fine is that you are still so invested in his motives. As someone mentioned, the reality is, you don't really know him anymore. And even if you did, he has no role in your future. Someone who has no role in your life going forward doesn't warrant so much mental space from you.

[Els]

Sometimes people just forget about pictures until later when they do profile housekeeping.

 

Honestly, it really saddens me that you would be this strongly affected by the actions of an ex of 3 years. I know it's hard but you need to block him (so you don't get any notifications) and move on. Remaining in contact is OK if you have no feelings left, but clearly that isn't the case for you, so why do this to yourself?

 

Your life is yours to command, don't give an ex so much power over it.

[Zapbasket]

I've been trudging through your main thread, and some things have stood out to me:

 

- You've had numerous people pour thousands of words into that thread all in the name of trying to help and guide with your situation and hopeful recovery. A handful of people look to have been frequent contributors throughout. With that in mind, your comment in a now-deleted post about how you shouldn't have expected any more than a lack of empathy from LS forum members seems even more flippant than it originally did.

 

I'm not sure how you earnestly make the inference that no one on this forum is interested in being helpful or compassionate when there's documented proof that quite a few members have been just that toward you and your situation over two years.

 

Those people on that thread were wonderful. I've never felt otherwise about that. Unfortunately because I didn't post on that thread for several months, I couldn't reactivate it to post this most recent update, and admittedly I felt wary about going into something that has so deeply overtaken me in a new post that new people seeing it wouldn't know any backstory. Despite my fear I posted anyway because I needed to articulate what I was feeling and I was hoping that some of the same people from the old thread would find this thread. Sometimes people do respond callously to threads on here, and there are folks who love to latch on to someone who is hurting and shame them for feeling down / confused / forsaken / what have you. That's more what I was speaking to. Honestly, there was a point when I started that main thread that I was truly suicidal for the first time in my life, and it was people's responses to me on that thread, as well as a couple of very good friends and my therapist, that gave me strength to go on.

 

- I'm still well over two years behind in your thread, but even going back that far, it seems like you're still ruminating over the same things. People were pointing out more than two years ago that you put an inordinate amount of your attention on him and what he's doing, thinking, or feeling. This is completely common following a breakup, but for it to still be such an occupier of your focus more than three years after the split is not healthy.

 

I would strongly disagree with any claim that i haven't made progress (not saying that's what you're saying). There are a lot of factors in all this that made coping much harder, and I can see and feel how far I've come. At the same time, yes, it freaks me out that this person has such a hold on me who objectively I should have long been done with. And well before we actually broke up: I should have ended the relationship within the first several months. I do believe that now, faced with the same situation and behavior, I would have. But I didn't know better then. This relationship was a cruel lesson in what happens when you're too nice, and make endless excuses for crap behavior from others. I grew up making excuses for others' crap behavior without knowing I ever did so until I had to deal with the fallout from this relationship.

 

No, people don't heal at the same pace, and I actually think it's perfectly fine to still feel some twinges of remorse and sadness all this time for the relationship. What isn't fine is that you are still so invested in his motives. As someone mentioned, the reality is, you don't really know him anymore. And even if you did, he has no role in your future. Someone who has no role in your life going forward doesn't warrant so much mental space from you.

 

It doesn't matter, really, but...I think when you spent a long, intimate time with a person, you always do know the core of them, even if the more surface vicissitudes--new hobbies, new career path, new living situation, etc.--we no longer know. People really don't change that much. It's very hard to truly CHANGE. So, yes, I do think I know the core of him, even if I don't know what's going on in his life right now. Again, though, as I said I live in a small town, so I do know more than I otherwise might. Truth is, not much has changed at all.

 

I think he takes mental space because I have been alone with my deeper feelings--about him and in general--for a long time now. Nothing and no one has "replaced" him and his family...and since I committed to a hard slog through old family-of-origin ("FOO") issues that got triggered through this relationship and its end, I've spent a lot of the past three years in some very dark places emotionally. And again, this process would have been easier if I'd had even ONE friend here where I live with whom I could have shared even a whiff of this emotional undertaking. But I didn't, and especially after this trigger of the photo, I can see what a toll the emotional isolation has taken on me. I've been wondering why I've been "in love with" so many dogs lately. My office has more dogs than people at times, and the only time I have felt connected and loved in the past three years has been when I've been petting or playing with some of those dogs. I just feel so under-loved, having to put a smile on my face to meet and connect with all the new people while going through things that are so painful, there are just no words.

 

I guess the question is, has anyone had that person that they just Could Not Get Over?

 

Or I don't know what the question is. I'm just exhausted, and I could really use a friend here where I live, that gets me, and knows about my history with my ex. Because everyone I know knows his family.

[Zapbasket]

 

Your life is yours to command, don't give an ex so much power over it.

 

It's just...how will I ever trust anyone ever again, after this? I really TRUSTED him. I thought...I felt that he loved me. I just didn't see any of what resulted. I'm terrified of opening my heart again, and feeling and thinking and believing that the other person is as loyal and dedicated to me, and to us, as I am to him and to us, and finding that the person barely ever cared. I'm terrified, and I so wish I weren't.

[Blanco]

Up to Nov. 2014 on your old thread, and this post jumped out at me because it seems to relevant right now.

 

And by chance I checked his FB and saw that he had one less picture on there, and I looked, and it was the second of three pictures of me that he has on his FB, that is me in profile from a distance, in the woods, and he had a caption that read, "A beauty amongst beauty."

 

Why now? Why would he take it down now? He took one down last December, just before New Year's, that was of the two of us. Then these other two have stayed up, among his 30 total pictures (he doesn't post a lot on FB). And if he took that one down, why not the third one, as well?

 

...

 

My thought is that just because he took a picture of me down doesn't mean he has moved on or doesn't care. He friended two guys and his grandmother this past weekend, and maybe one of them asked who that woman was, and he was embarrassed he still had that photo up and took it down?

 

I could use some guidance.

 

It's almost eerie that you posed your latest question almost two years to the day of posing a similar one.

 

This isn't an attempt to make you feel bad, but rather, emphasis how much you have let seemingly every insignificant move this man has made rock you to your core. Between the above and this thread, it's almost like each picture of you was a petal on a single flower and you sat by achingly watching each petal fall one after the other; every fallen petal another near calamity.

 

Block this man's Facebook and be on with it. Three years is quite enough self-inflicted torture.

[Zapbasket]

Between the above and this thread, it's almost like each picture of you was a petal on a single flower and you sat by achingly watching each petal fall one after the other; every fallen petal another near calamity. .

 

That is exactly it. Yes, I did sit by and watch. And I felt some small encouragement that he kept that last photo, with his enthusiastically supportive comments. It meant there was at least *something* in all the nothing this relationship turned out to be.

 

He was handed a beautiful bouquet. And he never put it in a vase. He never trimmed the stems and let them drink up fresh water. The flowers were hearty and tried to stay supple, but inevitably, they began to wilt. Sometimes, he looked upon the bouquet as though he truly appreciated it; as one of his long-time close friends observed to him, "You are totally ga-ga over GreenCove." And that was enough for one flower to stubbornly persist in being bright and alive in his hands, even as the rest of the bouquet bowed to the deprivation and died.

 

I've seriously never encountered someone like him--and I mean in the good as well as the bad sense. Never in my life.

 

It seems that usually, exes block immediately after the breakup and then maybe later on accept one another as friends or otherwise connect in some way. It's hard to think that if I block, that's truly it. I didn't ever want him to just not be in my life at all, forever. And I never expected that he would ever want it, either.

[marky00]

with all the emotional energy being expended here....maybe u should contact him?

 

 

All these theories and questions could all be nullified in a matter of minutes if u were to contact.

 

 

Normally, Id say breaking NC is a bad idea but if after 3 years, this is still going on, maybe its an idea???

[PegNosePete]

Normally, Id say breaking NC is a bad idea

Breaking NC is only a problem if you're in NC in the first place!

[JellyTot]

I guess the question is, has anyone had that person that they just Could Not Get Over?

Yes. In my case it took 11 years after the breakup to have genuine feelings for someone else. I'm still not 100% over it, and probably never will be. The Someone Else also dumped me and 8 years later I'm still not over that, and probably never will be.

 

Sometimes you connect so deeply with someone that you never really get over it. The best you can do is accept that they will always hold part of your heart, then pack it away and try not to think about it so you can get on with your life. If he's gone and it's out of your hands, there's nothing you can do except learn to live with it.

[elaine567]

Breaking NC is only a problem if you're in NC in the first place!

 

Agreed NC is designed to stop over-analyzing meaningless posts and actions on FB.

 

OMG he posted a pic of the park, we used to walk there all the time, he must be thinking of me...

Truth - He takes all his dates for a walk in the park, he loves the park.

 

OMG she is wearing the necklace I gave her, she is sending me a sign...

Truth - her favourite necklace broke and she found this one in the bottom of a drawer. She has no idea who gave it to her, she thinks it may have been one her mum bought her...

[stillafool]

It's just...how will I ever trust anyone ever again, after this? I really TRUSTED him. I thought...I felt that he loved me. I just didn't see any of what resulted. I'm terrified of opening my heart again, and feeling and thinking and believing that the other person is as loyal and dedicated to me, and to us, as I am to him and to us, and finding that the person barely ever cared. I'm terrified, and I so wish I weren't.

 

Unfortunately we have no gurantees in relationships. There are people who have been married for years, own property together, kids, dogs and thought they would be together for life and one spouse all of a sudden wants a divorce. Can you imagine how hard that is? Still, they grieve, accept it and move on. There are no guarantees in love. Have you been in therapy to help you get over him?

[stillafool]

 

Normally, Id say breaking NC is a bad idea but if after 3 years, this is still going on, maybe its an idea???

 

Yes why don't you call him, meet up and find out if he will ever get back with you again. At least this way you will know the truth so you can move on or get back together.

[Zapbasket]

Yes why don't you call him, meet up and find out if he will ever get back with you again. At least this way you will know the truth so you can move on or get back together.

 

But I don't want to get back with him. That's not what this is about; it's not so black and white. I'm well past the point of yearning to get back with him.

 

And I've stated for a long time why even though I would love to contact him, I can't. What's the point of asking someone "why" when the relationship with them demonstrated that they lack that fundamental capacity for genuine self-awareness?

 

I have to run but I will write more later. Yes, I have been in therapy to help me understand my longstanding pattern of standing by for bad treatment from others while simultaneously blaming myself for it.

[Dis]

Thanks for this, and...I do hear you. I have outgrown relationships and gotten to a point where I'm not interested in any contact. But most often that's with people who hurt me so badly that I finally just snapped and couldn't justify giving them one more iota of my care or time. That I haven't reached this point with this ex, who hurt and disappointed me more than anyone ever has, is something I genuinely don't understand--but this is beside the point at the moment.

 

I do notice you saying that this ex cheated on you, and that's one of the things that hurts so much with this ex: I didn't do anything to him. I loved and supported him and yes, I got frustrated and angry when he seemed to prefer staying stuck and had this side of him that derived perverse enjoyment from getting under my skin, even when I told him how much it bothered me. But I look back and I can say I was truly a great girlfriend. His mom said to me one Thanksgiving, in front of their whole family, "You came into our lives for a reason, and we are so lucky to have you as part of our family." It was the sentiment that by everyone's response to me seemed to be shared by my ex as well as his whole family, from his grandparents down to his little nieces, who even two years after our breakup, my ex's sister emailed me and said they still ask about me. Of course, this broke my heart. I mean, I truly never imagined it would all have come to this.

 

Now, this idea of ridding yourself of the past and clean slate and all that--has that really worked for you? Because in my life, I've re-located and/or cut off from aspects of my past in hopes of a fresh start, only to find that there is no fresh start available to me until I deal head-on with the things I wish to be free from. That's why I didn't just immediately pick up and move after this breakup. I really leaned in, and I did so precisely because it was the opposite of what I'd done in the past, and that hadn't really "worked" for me in terms of resolving the deeper-seated issues.

 

Hey Girly

 

I think for me, a clean slate is more of a state of mind. It happened to me because like you said, I had been hurt so much by him...I kind of shut off

 

Now that is not to say that I still dont ache from it from time to time. You can read the thread I started. Its been a year since I broke up with him and I still felt like I hadnt healed fully. My dad told me he saw him at the grocery store with another woman and that did hurt. The thing is, once I settled the unfinished business I had with him...I finally felt clean...I felt healed

 

I think it would be smart if you could figure out a way to do just that....get your closure. A lot of the time the closure we need comes from within ourselves...like when I sent my ex that text, telling him I knew he was cheating on me....just by sending that.....getting it out into the open...that healed me. His reply didnt really matter....I had no desire to open a dialog...I spoke my peace and closed the door.

 

Maybe you should figure out what you can do to get that healing and closure, however I do not recommend contacting him because it seems you would be too effected by any communication with him...it might end up delaying your healing process rather than finishing it

 

Maybe write him a very very long letter over the course of days or even weeks....whenever you feel like you have something to say..start writing and keep doing it until you have nothing left. But....dont send it....just burn it. I think I read from your previous thread that you're a writer??? This might be right up your alley then!

 

But the clean slate thing, like I said, is a state of mind. I think you when you relocated you were hoping for the "demographic cure" but there is no such thing. True healing comes from within...not our surroundings

 

GC, I really do hear the pain in your posts and I want to tell you that I really do feel for you...I'm so sorry your hurting so much

 

I think its time to get to work...start writing that letter and please do block him everywhere. Write the letter for months if you have to. You dont have to stay in limbo like this....I know for some its very very difficult to move on but with work....you CAN do it. Its just time to change up your strategy

 

Sending lots of love, warmth and healing to you

 

Keep posting girl

[PinkElephants]

Yes. It didn't occur to me that he'd do it to "hurt me" or be "calculating"; I seriously doubt he'd think I'd even notice.

 

So you saw this post as a connection to him. You dated and broke up but the FB posts remained. You said you saw them as a sign of good will and that he'd contact you one day.

 

The relationship ended but you had the posts. He wasn't someone healthy enough to date but you always had that connection. The posts were something you could look on as a sign of hope and, as you said, good will. It was a connection to someone you loved.

 

Then, over the years, he clipped the posts one by one until you still had the last one. Then he deleted it. The last silvery strand of connection has been snipped.

 

It seems that you issue is that you need to matter. You saw the posts as signs that he bore you no ill will and that he'd ultimately reach out but he deleted them and signed up for a dating site.

 

Until the posts were deleted you could believe you mattered because he kept them. You could look at the post and believe he cared. Then it was gone which suggests he doesn't care and you don't matter to him.

 

Well, that's simply unacceptable so you twist the logic around. If you don't matter then he'd keep you so that he deleted you means you matter! No, the LS community won't cosign that one sooooooo...... his future gf! He deleted the post because it's threatening to his future gf. Therefore you matter to her and if you matter to her, you matter to him. That still doesn't make sense and the logical leaps are exhausting so you resort to rage.

 

You believed that he was too damaged to date but he'd reach out when he was healthy.... but he didn't. You believed that he'd reach out as a part of the moving on process but he didn't.

 

He moved on and signed up for a dating site which suggests that he's undamaged enough to date; he just doesn't want to date you. He's healthy enough to move on without reaching out. He can move on; he just won't with you.

 

I'm willing to bet he saw the post, realized he forgot to clean out some old clutter and deleted it. He forgot about it the moment he did it. So why do you feel the need to obsess about someone who isn't thinking about you?

Edited November 18, 2016 by PinkElephants

[PinkElephants]

it's hard for me to imagine someone acting as he did and not reaching out or trying to in some way or other as part of the necessary process of being able to move forward. You read about that kind of thing all the time.

Nah, it's not necessary.

 

I've brought up a couple personal anecdotes in this thread but allow me one more. My relationship with my ex started off great but it slowly deteriorated. He still thought we'd be together forever.

 

He proposed. I said no. We stayed together because I wasn't unhappy enough to leave and he thought I'd change my mind.

 

I moved. He followed. He proposed again and I said no again. I left again and met the love of my life.

 

He reaches out every now and then. He likes to try at the holidays so I should be expecting my yearly dose of emails soon.

 

When we were together he said he thought I loved him too much to leave. He thought I'd always reach back when he tried. The truth is I don't need him. He's in my past and I don't need to talk to move forward.

 

Why don't we talk? I don't need to. He wasn't what I wanted and there's no need to discuss it. Why aren't we friends? I have friends and he's not objective enough to be a good one. Why don't we have closure? I already have it. He wasn't what I wanted. The relationship ended. The end.

 

You're trying to make this complicated in an attempt to prolong the connection but it's unrequited.

 

He's like a high school outfit. It fit well, looked great, felt great at the time but not anymore. Now that outfit doesn't fit well and looks totally dated. It belongs in your closet. You can look at it and chuckle because you never thought shoulder pads would go out of style but you'd never take it out again.

 

Tuck him in the corner where he belongs. He doesn't fit anymore. Doesn't look good anymore. You can do better now.

 

And after THREE YEARS, why does it even matter?

IT DOESN'T!!! You're 40! It's FB. FB doesn't matter! You're insisting this post is so insignificant that it should stay but you're posting about his FB activities for 3 years! It does not matter. Stop trying to pretend it does.

[stillafool]

 

And I've stated for a long time why even though I would love to contact him, I can't. What's the point of asking someone "why" when the relationship with them demonstrated that they lack that fundamental capacity for genuine self-awareness? .

 

If you have come to the above conclusion then let it go. You don't want him back so why don't you forget him and move on. Like the other poster said you are now 40 do you still want to be doing this when you are 43. Block all access to him, stop talking to his mom about him, stop wasting your brain space about him and heal.

[BC1980]

There is a contradiction that I have noticed for a long time now. You describe him in negative terms, but you still give great weight to what he does or how you think he perceives you and the relationship. If I remember correctly, you've said you think you were a good catch for him, and he was lucky to have you. The meaning being that he was lucky to catch you because he clearly isn't on par with you.

 

So my question is: why do you care what he does or thinks?

[jen1447]

^ Because love isn't rational.