Space Ritual Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 i am very worried that this will damage me - i am not a liar and have never kept anything from him before and im already struggling. Actually, you are lying by omission. So that kind of makes you a ...wait for it.... wait for it.....That's right...A Liar. If you haven't figured this out by the time you've almost reached 30 years old I highly doubt you'll have the light bulb go on now. Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for our actions. Again, if you haven't learned it by now.....[Cue light bulb flickering and zapping out in short order]. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubblegum1234 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 But, what if Phil was telling the truth. She states that they were partying so we can assume Phil was drunk too. What if she reached out to Phil first? Does that mean she sexually assaulted Phil and he just went along with what's going on? Too many holes in this story. to clarify - according to my uber history i got home 3 hours before this happened so hadnt been drinking for a while - this is how i know i was asleep. it wasnt like i was drunk and it happened and thats why i cant remember - i cant remember because i wasnt awake. i remember everything clearly from the moment i came to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubblegum1234 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 im going to do the right thing and tell my bf exactly what happened. hopefully he will understand there was no intent from my side and as soon as i knew what was happening it stopped immediately. if he doesnt understand and ends it with me i need to accept that. i will tell him after i have spoken to the therapist on wednesday 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gorf Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 If my GF told me this same story, honestly I would say asleep or not, it was consensual. -in bed with another man -drunk and medicated -that is a situation that promotes sex -and she put herself in that situation If you love your bf, stop getting in bed with other men. Call them friends or whatever, you are in a relationship now. Thats got to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 Sorry Bubblegum, but I would NOT accept another guy sleeping in my GF's bed, PERIOD. Second, you said " in hindsight i shouldnt have shared a bed with a male friend - i honestly had no idea that anything like this would ever ever happen", well, the same could be said for a Dug addict shooting up for the first time. You knew exactly what can, and will most likely happen in your state, before you even became drunk.. So, this is rubbish !. If you want the truth, tell your boyfriend what happened, then tell both you want to make a complaint to the local police. Then tell Phil, that the police will do a lie detector test on him, and of course on yourself. If Phil avoids, and rejects this idea, you have your answer !. If you however you reject this, then WE have our answer. No other avenue, you need to call police if your sure about what you said. If there's no guilt, Phil should be willing. Ted Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 to clarify - according to my uber history i got home 3 hours before this happened so hadnt been drinking for a while - this is how i know i was asleep. it wasnt like i was drunk and it happened and thats why i cant remember - i cant remember because i wasnt awake. i remember everything clearly from the moment i came to. I have never once been such a deep sleeper that a hard dick forcing its way into my sleeping, dry vagina has not woken me up. You were either drugged and raped or so out of it that it didn't matter to you. No offense but you really need to look at your life choices. At your age, having to look at your uber history to figure out what you did while you were wasted is not an attractive thing. Plus sleeping in beds more than once with men who aren't your boyfriend, and mixing xanax and alcohol...you need to seriously question yourself. I'm glad you're going to be honest with your boyfriend but it's time to start being honest with yourself about where you want your life to go 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 i will tell him after i have spoken to the therapist on wednesday Just remember that therapists are not only a dime a dozen, but their main goal is to keep a patient coming back because like any other job, they want to get paid.. If you are putting off telling him until after you speak to your therapist, I will say with a fairly high level of confidence that your therapist will advise you to just keep your mouth shut and that since you had no intention in your mind as it pertains to your friend, that it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. I know you probably think I am way out of line and harsh, but so be it. You run the risk when you come to LS of receiving advice that you can either take or leave, as in reality, the only person you will have to answer to is yourself. My intention is to try to get you to pull your head out of the sand and give you some practical advice free of charge. The longer you procrastinate on this, and think that all of this is not so bad, the more likely the chance is that you will never tell him until it's too late, or you are forced to. At that point your friend will have told the wrong person what happened and it will get back to him. Then you are sunk. I hope it all works out for you. I see a whole Mess O Potamia coming your way though with your current strategy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LD1990 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 If you want the truth, tell your boyfriend what happened, then tell both you want to make a complaint to the local police. Then tell Phil, that the police will do a lie detector test on him, and of course on yourself. If Phil avoids, and rejects this idea, you have your answer !. If you however you reject this, then WE have our answer. Polygraphs are notoriously inaccurate. Whether I was guilty or innocent, I wouldn't take one of those, and if Phil has a brain, he wouldn't, either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 Polygraphs are notoriously inaccurate. Whether I was guilty or innocent, I wouldn't take one of those, and if Phil has a brain, he wouldn't, either. True. I beat a police administered polygraph once and I was guilty as hell. I guess George Costanza put it best. "It's not a lie if you believe it, Jerry." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 Another example of keeping orbiters goes bad. This friend has been playing I want to be your friend game with the end game being to get into your pants. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 How long have you been with your boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 im going to do the right thing and tell my bf exactly what happened. hopefully he will understand there was no intent from my side and as soon as i knew what was happening it stopped immediately. if he doesnt understand and ends it with me i need to accept that. i will tell him after i have spoken to the therapist on wednesday I'd suggest taking him to a public place to break the dramatic news –– maybe see if you can get a police officer to sit at a table nearby. I just can't imagine him keeping a lid on it when you say that you accidentally woke up with Phil's dick inside you... and you better warn Phil as well so he can make himself scarce for the next decade or two. I'm really interested to hear how you intend to explain it... "well, we were in bed together, spooning, and it wasn't anyone's fault –– his dick just sort of got misplaced or something. It's really no big deal. Phil didn't mean to phukk me and I didn't even realize Phil had a dick until I woke up stuffed full of it. It's fine bf, no need to be upset." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 So did you 'accidently' take off your clothes too? I've done a lot of things accidently, and taking my clothes off was not one of them. Did it occur to you that it is totally inappropriate to get into bed, especially with only panties on, with someone that is not your boyfriend? This sounds like alot of 'day after' regret where you are concerned word will get out you slept with someone besides your boyfriend. Ruining Phil's life with possible rape allegations is ridiculous - and that is what will happen. If you put his hands anywhere on your body then only a mind reader could know your intentions were otherwise (if they were at the time). You slept with someone. 100% voluntarily. Barely clothed. You put his hands on you. That has consequences. Do everyone a favor and own up to that. Phil absolutely is NOT a rapist. That is ridiculous. You put his hands on you. How is he supposed to interpret that? I hope you break up with your boyfriend. Spare him the angst of this. Never (keyword) sleep in the same bed with a guy that is not your boyfriend / spouse ever again. Learn from this. Seriously consider your drinking and drugging. You DO have a problem with it. This is proof. Don't ruin Phil's life because you screwed up your own. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 No means no - right? And as soon as you told him "no" he stopped. The guy did nothing wrong. Really shouldn't have to say this but....if you don't want sex then don't go to bed with a guy wearing only your panties. Wake up already... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Phil sleeps over all the time and you guys share the bed often. Something tells me your boyfriend is unaware of this. Would you be ok with your bf sharing a bed with a female friend..? If the answer is no... than you known for a long time that this was wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Phil sleeps over all the time and you guys share the bed often. Something tells me your boyfriend is unaware of this. Would you be ok with your bf sharing a bed with a female friend..? If the answer is no... than you known for a long time that this was wrong.not just a female friend but a female friend in her underwear..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 For future reference, don't invite guys back to your house, and don't ask them to sleep in your bed with you. I don't think it was rape based on the info given. Just shaking my head... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 (edited) No means no - right? And as soon as you told him "no" he stopped. The guy did nothing wrong. Really shouldn't have to say this but....if you don't want sex then don't go to bed with a guy wearing only your panties. Wake up already... I so agree with your post Drifter, especially the part where you say "if you don't want sex then don't go to bed with a guy wearing only your panties". As a reminder, the OP stated that wearing only her panties she willing shared a bed with the other man (OM). She also said when she "woke up and felt him have spooning me having sex with me - I was still dazed as had taken a Xanax and when I properly woke up I stopped it. phil said I initiated it as I had grabbed his hands and put them down my pants". She went on to say that "I didn't know it was phil I thought it was my bf. it must've lasted less than 30 seconds in total. (I've had an std check and im fine)." Breaking this down to the facts as confirmed by her: 1) She went home with Phil after begin out late into the night. 2) She went to bed with Phil wearing only her panties. 3) That she woke up to them spooning and having sex. 4) That she "thought it was" her bf and had sex with him for "less than 30 seconds" before she put a stop to it. 30 seconds is actually a long time when it comes to having sex (look at your watch for 30 seconds to see what I mean). 5) That it went on long enough that she thought that an "std check" was required. 6) Phil claims that she initiated it by by "grabbing his hands" and put them down her pant, a fact that makes sense if she thought that it was her bf until 30 seconds into them having sex. Let us also add to this the fact that she is not married and only has a boyfriend. This makes Phil just another orbiter that poses as her friend in hopes that when her relationship with her current boyfriend weakens, he will get a shot at her; Phil knows this, the OP's bf knows this, and the OP knows this even if she does not want to admit it. The fact that the OP stated that her bf "hasn't tried to have sex with me for a few weeks now too and i just feel a bit distant from him" only confirms Phil's orbiter strategy makes sense. As a 29 year old, she is and adult. I consider women to be equal partners to me in life, and find it amazing that some women on this site still try to act as if women need to be treated as children by men, with comments that presume that only men can be held responsible for the actions that they both took. The OP needs to take responsibility for her actions in all of this, and stop try to put it all on Phil. Edited November 23, 2016 by Try 3 Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Why haven't you said what you're going to do about your "friendship" with Phil. Is he still around and if so why? Twosadthings Link to post Share on other sites
fenix Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I'd suggest taking him to a public place to break the dramatic news –– maybe see if you can get a police officer to sit at a table nearby. I just can't imagine him keeping a lid on it when you say that you accidentally woke up with Phil's dick inside you... and you better warn Phil as well so he can make himself scarce for the next decade or two. I'm really interested to hear how you intend to explain it... "well, we were in bed together, spooning, and it wasn't anyone's fault –– his dick just sort of got misplaced or something. It's really no big deal. Phil didn't mean to phukk me and I didn't even realize Phil had a dick until I woke up stuffed full of it. It's fine bf, no need to be upset." Couldn't say it better :lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Rubix Cubed Posted December 4, 2016 Share Posted December 4, 2016 So how'd the reveal go Bubblegum1234 ? Link to post Share on other sites
Joga_31 Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 For future reference, don't invite guys back to your house, and don't ask them to sleep in your bed with you. I don't think it was rape based on the info given. Just shaking my head... OP cheated it's not rape, she has no courage to tell the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Since the OP hasn't been around we'll close this one up for now. If Bubblegum1234 would like to update, they can request the thread reopened via the Alert Us button. ~T Link to post Share on other sites
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