Struggling to cope

[opalmind]

Hi everyone, I'm feeling like an emotional wreck right now and was hoping I'd be able to get some advice from some people on here

 

My boyfriend and I have been in a LDR for nearly 2 years and we've met which was amazing. The first year of our relationship was fun, exciting and pretty much perfect. He's a great boyfriend. He went through a rough patch of depression back in January which nearly broke us up, but we got through it and things got better. However, a few months afterwards he got a new job which we was both excited about as the pay was good and he could finally have a routine again. However, as the laws where he lives is very different to where I am, they basically treat him like a slave, and he works incredibly long hours, every single day of the week quitting isn't an option as he has to pay his mothers medical bills but he tells me he is actively looking for another job. He literally wakes up, works, rings me and falls asleep exhausted. This has been going on for months and months and I'm struggling to cope x

 

Because of these awful hours he comes home every night exhausted, stressed and downright feeling awful, understandably. I know he loves me because he calls every night before bed, even if it's just for 10 minutes and sends me a little message during work when he can. His hours has taken such a toll on both of us. It's making him exhausted and stressed and it's making me so upset and it makes me miss him so awfully bad. He doesn't wanna work this much but he basically has to. We haven't Skyped since July and we barely have any quality time to speak. Because he's so exhausted he hasn't had a sex drive for countless months which makes me feel awful and frustrated. Again I know this isn't his fault, and he feels bad about not having one. Basically I'm struggling to cope with these hours and how little we speak. I miss everything we used to do. I miss talking, I miss the sexual side of things. He used to be so much more affectionate when he wasn't stressed. I have no doubt he will go back to normal (at least a little) if he finds a new job. But for now..it's killing me. It kills me not speaking to him, and it kills me never knowing just how long this will go on for.

 

I love this man with all my heart, I want a future with him and I never want to lose him or break up with him. This isn't his fault and I know that. I just need advice on coping with everything because some days all I want to do is lay in bed and cry (like tonight). I miss him. What can I do? Both to help him, and stop myself going completely crazy. Please don't comment about breaking things off because that's the last thing I want to do: Sorry this is long X

[stillafool]

Perhaps get a second job or a hobby so you won't have so much free time on your hands.

[emi]

The best thing you can do is be positive. For you and for him.

You should arrange a trip to him. To spice things up before it get too bad and you may end up breaking up. There are unfortunately nothing else you can do. What about your plan of an end date?

[Els]

Is your bf in an Asian country? If so, I empathize, the expected work hours in some of them are incredibly rough. I know people who had to work from 8am - 11pm 6 days a week, and it certainly took a toll on the other aspects of their lives.

 

That being said... it's admirable that you want to support him through this, but you also need to give consideration to what you yourself want and need in a relationship. We could give you plenty of suggestions on having friends and hobbies and such... but at the end of the day I think very few of us would be able to cope with only having 10 minutes a day on the phone with the person we love, and even then have them unhappy/stressed/upset. For a short term period of time like a few months, it could be doable, but indefinitely? It's normal and human to be unhappy in a relationship like that.

 

How often have you met over the two years? Are there any plans for a future visit? What about an end date for the long distance? How old are both of you?

[Vernd423]

The best you can do in this situation is look for the silver lining. You may not be able to talk much, but you are still together. You cannot focus on the bad or it will tear you apart. I would do anything to have my LDR back even if it was just what you have right now. Love him, but take this time to love yourself even more. You now have more time to do the things you love. Occupy your time with new things. Go out and help someone, but don't mope. That's the worst thing you can do for yourself. I know this isn't much help, but hopefully it makes you feel a bit better. Just appreciate what you have while you have it or youll regret taking it for granted when its not there anymore.. Great relationships aren't great because they don't have problems. Great relationships are great because both people choose each other every day even in the toughest of situations. Sending you alpha love and panda hugs <3 Chin up Darling.

[ElizabethIII]

At the risk of sounding unpopular, I dont get LDRs or understand why people do this to themselves.

 

if you have to be apart for a few months in a relationship that started out not a LDR then ok. you adapt but this is 2 years and you dont speak of any plans to be together or to move or change the dynamic from it being a LDR.

 

Assuming it has only ever been a LDR, how do you know you would even work together full time?

 

It doesn't sound like a very amazing relationship. He has had depression, is always on about work stress. And for all this, you get a 10 minute phone call and a text if he can during the day. Is that enough for you?

 

Your old post back in May of this year, said he wasnt skyping with you much anymore and hadnt done anything remotely sexual for 5 months....and you havent even been in the LDR long at that point. Other posts speak of his depression and medication.

 

Here you are again posting about him and how you are struggling to cope.

 

I dont get why people do these non existent relationships when there are so many people close to home they could be with.

 

You have to ask yourself if it is worth it. When he stopped skyping you much and didnt do anything sexual for 5 months, that is a major sign that he was seeing someone else.

 

This so called relationship sounds like fresh hell to be in. I'd cut my losses personally. While you are laying in bed crying yourself to sleep about him, you could be out having dinner with a much nicer, local and less complicated man.

Edited November 20, 2016 by ElizabethIII