Thoughts and feelings when searching..

[ashy555]

I am starting to find dating to be so draining. I am 26, almost 27. Very independent and live by myself. Have a great job. I consider myself fairly attractive. I'm honest, loyal, down to earth. Sometimes I think I could be a catch. But I can't seem to nail anything down which makes me think their is something wrong with me. I've never been in a relationship (not serious anyway) and I know that was because I always seemed to pursue the wrong men or the wrong men have pursued me. I've been actively working on changing who I date. So I got back onto OLD a few months ago and have been out with a few people. I have found myself to be quite confident and having fun meeting up with people.

 

I actually struggle though to find anyone where I have felt any kind of spark or connection with. I mean I don't even really know what that feels like as I have never been in love, only blinded by lust. I have always thought it must be overrated. Almost 2 weeks ago I met up with a lovely guy. About the same height as me (or a little shorter). Usually height is a huge deal for me as i am almost 6 foot but wasn't bothered in the slightest and neither was he. Hes 29. We had a great time. I left the date feeling totally different. It was a nice feeling I guess, I can't even explain it. He asked to see me again at the end and said he would be in touch. 30 minutes later I receive a text saying how he had such a great time and would love to see me again and to let him know when. We chatted a a bit and he told me how he loved how down to earth and easy going I was. It was nice and he seemed very interested. A few days later I messaged him to figure out a date. We agreed on last Friday. He then asked to possibly rescheduled to Saturday as his Saturday night plans changed to Friday. That was fine with me as he was very communicative. Saturday comes around and he is stuck at work in an emergency(hes a plumber) and was still there at 3.30. I had to be somewhere at 6 so said it would be easier to reschedule and I suggested Sunday night which he said he couldn't do but didn't reschedule and never replied to my last message in the end. I kind of left the ball in his court. I am now on day 5 and haven't heard anything. He liked my post on instagram last night so thought he may just be busy and will try for this weekend. We'll see.. But I am trying to see what else is out there.

 

I find it difficult to date more than one person though as my heart is usually only after 1 in the end. I feel I get one disappointment after the other. Everyone else around me is engaged, married or pregnant. I always get asked 'How are you still single' and I honestly don't know. I am not crazy I swear. I know I will find someone one day but I have never been in a proper relationship, so I don't even know how it is meant to work or feel. I don't usually develop feelings so quickly, but as soon as I do it terrifies me the the core and all of a sudden its like they sense it and back off (even though I definitely don't show it) It's like I almost see strong feelings as a red flag which is silly. Its never worked out in the past so I feel as though I know it won't work out this time. I know how negative that sounds. I try to distract myself but honestly.. I am so over it

[Gloomy]

There is no rush to find someone, you have plenty of time to make a meaningful connection. Don't compare your life to those around you, by doing that you will give yourself anxiety for nothing. Everyone is different, and everyone has different timelines and experiences.

 

There is no pressure to multi-date, but there is also nothing wrong with seeing more than one person at a time, when you are in the early stages. You are only going on first dates. If you find someone who you would like to see more seriously, then you will know and focus on that person.

 

I had many interesting and funny stories when I was on online dating. You never know what kind of people you will run into. They aren't all bad though, I've met a bunch of great people who gave me great experiences. You just need to be open minded, and not take it to heart.

 

Rejection happens on both sides, again, I wouldn't take this to heart either. It's better to be rejected than to spend time with someone who doesn't have the same amount as interest and investment as you do.

 

Don't rush yourself on finding that one crazy passionate connection. It takes more than one date with a person to build it up. When I first met my SO I wasn't 100% convinced that he and I would end up together. I took the time to get to know him, and the more time I spent with him, the more I knew we could pursue a successful relationship.

[Els]

Do you meet guys IRL as well?

 

From what I've heard about OLD, it's all about the quantity. Even the people who met their long-term partner through OLD say that they've been through dozens and dozens of crap dates and ghosters and *******s and god knows what else. It's just part of the process. I wouldn't take your lack of OLD success to mean anything at all about you.