Jc nico Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 I'm very close to my parents. Unfortunately, I know a few more things about their relationship than I would like to. For the last few years they've been S&M... I walked in on a conversation my mom and my aunt were having about. [i'm in my 30s] it was awkward but they know I know. It was strange because my dad is a really laid back, go with the flow, never say anything bad about anyone type of guy. He smokes pot and goes surfing with me and my buddies on occasion. My mom is a little more controlling, and aggressive, but I've never seen anything like that from either of them. Well, my dad came over yesterday to watch a game and was quiet and distracted and usually we talk a lot. I asked him what was wrong and he started crying. My mom is taking the whole thing too far and wants him to do things he thinks are too extreme. I guess she was trying to get him to hit her in the face [] and he wouldn't and she started saying he doesn't love her... pretty extreme, but whatever. He said that's just one of the things she's tried to get him to do, we both agreed I didn't want any more details. He told me he loves her. He doesn't want to hurt her. He's not that kind guy. He doesn't even like it anymore and wants to go back to how they use to be but he is afraid to tell her. I didn't have any advice for him, but I want to see if I can get some... so how can someone tell their partner they aren't happy with a certain aspect of their relationship without the other one freaking out? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 because i'm a smart ass i was going to say that i would hit her. then i remembered a co-worker that was in a new relationship and they were making out on the bed and getting it in when the guy asked her to smack him in the head. so she did. time went by and they broke up. i remember thinking that it was kind of healthy for the guy to ask for what he needs and for the girl to know that she didn't want to continue. if your dad doesn't want to hit your mom with his hands, perhaps he could use something else, like a pillow or a feather? i hope he sticks to his guns about this, but, we all know if a partner needs something to get there the chances are that it's not going to change. im sorry your dad has no one else to confide in. maybe he can google it and find a s&m website for the elderly? good luck Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 im sorry your dad has no one else to confide in. maybe he can google it and find a s&m website for the elderly? Is that supposed to be a joke? S&M for the Elderly? He probably needs to see a therapist, perhaps couples counseling for the two of them. At the very least they need to be communicating better and trying to understand each other's needs. OP, you can't fix it and you shouldn't be in the middle. I hope they can work it out between them. I think you should recommend counseling and then step back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jc nico Posted November 17, 2016 Author Share Posted November 17, 2016 I definitely don't want to be involved. I wish I didn't know about it at all really... It was hard seeing him that. I'm actually a little mad at her for putting him in that position. So I think I'll recommend counseling to him and hope they go. I know they love each other, and I feel bad that something this stupid is an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
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