Husband's lady friend too flirty

[miltie1916]

This is not a good situation. It is the rare man who can have a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex and not get too friendly with her. it would be best if he would sever all ties with his childhood friend. You need to feel secure in your marriage. You never will so long as the "other woman" is out there in cyber space.

[kismetkismet]

Your husband shouldn't be responding at all at this stage. I can understand that he would feel very awkward brushing off someone he's known for so long, but they cannot be FRIENDS in any capacity once she's done that kind of thing. She clearly has no respect for your relationship and she should have no place in your lives. Your husbands 'rejections' are still leaving open a line of communication and connection and friendship that aren't necessary.

[CommittedToThis]

OP, tonight please tell your husband in no uncertain terms, "Please stop having all contact with that woman immediately."

 

You do not deserve this treatment. Make it clear you are dead serious about ending this so-called friendship now. Demand proof he is doing it!

Edited November 22, 2016 by CommittedToThis
To remove bitterness.

[Mz. Pixie]

It seems as if he is triangulating you with her. If you're not familiar with the term look it up.

 

He is enjoying the attention he is getting from her or he would have ended the text relationship.

 

Tell him give her up or you're gone.

[Killerqueen85]

Thank you for the advice! Two weeks ago this chick was telling him about her sex life then once again she brought up her crush on him.... just this past Sunday we talked about it....I actually asked him to cut contact off with her. He agreed. But we ended up having an argument about it...he was upset that I didn't trust him even though he has told and shown me everytime she has texted him... then we REALLY BROKE IT DOWN he was more upset that I asked him to cut contact with one of his friends not that he even cared about her. So he told her he won't be contacting her and won't be responding to her anymore. She threw a fit about it.... well via text anyway.... said that she didn't understand why their relationship had to be black and white....and that she was disappointed that he didn't fight for her friendship.... Anyway...I'm glad it's over... I hope this 8s the end of that

[mikeylo]

So he cut her off because you asked him and not because he wanted to. He is going to hold it up against you and WILL throw it in your face down the lane. It's over just for now. It's temporary, I can bet you on that.

[S2B]

Why would he be so upset about it to have an argument with YOU?

 

Why would it be that important to him - to the point of being mad at you for needing to end it?

 

Doesn't make sense does it? The only way it makes sense is if he was intimately involved with her... and that is also why she was upset that he was cutting her off... for now.

[mikeylo]

Why would he be so upset about it to have an argument with YOU?

 

Why would it be that important to him - to the point of being mad at you for needing to end it?

 

Doesn't make sense does it? The only way it makes sense is if he was intimately involved with her... and that is also why she was upset that he was cutting her off... for now.

 

Aren't that difficult to answer. He himself wants hookers around. He WILL replace this cheap woman with another cheap woman. Then when OP will object to it, he will say ; you are the problem. You always find fault with my 'friends'. You are insecure, jealous etc etc. It was because of you I had to be rude and dump my first cheap friend. So it means I can't have any cheap women as friends ?

 

And the cycle will repeat.

 

The guy is not relationship material. Lacks basic sense

[darkmoon]

she has gone, hooray, do not sour your marriage now with arguing

[JHandy]

With the woman gone, you should make this episode constructive to your marriage. You should ask him to give you very honest answers to these questions:

 

What did he like from the attention from the woman?

 

Does he feel there is something lacking in your marriage?

 

Is he interested in things you two can do together you haven't done before.

 

What could you two do to spice things up?

 

Then brace for impact!

 

Then ask yourself the same questions.

 

Are you willing to let your hair down so to speak? Today, with all the distractions and permissiveness, marriages can get pretty boring if you and your husband don't shake things up a bit.

 

You may be a great wife. Try to be his babe on the side too! I think with all the stuff out there, it's a great time to be wild and crazy and married!

[S2B]

With the woman gone, you should make this episode constructive to your marriage. You should ask him to give you very honest answers to these questions:

 

What did he like from the attention from the woman?

 

Does he feel there is something lacking in your marriage?

 

Is he interested in things you two can do together you haven't done before.

 

What could you two do to spice things up?

 

Then brace for impact!

 

Then ask yourself the same questions.

 

Are you willing to let your hair down so to speak? Today, with all the distractions and permissiveness, marriages can get pretty boring if you and your husband don't shake things up a bit.

 

You may be a great wife. Try to be his babe on the side too! I think with all the stuff out there, it's a great time to be wild and crazy and married!

 

I disagree.

 

This is not about the wife needing to do more to entice her husband - this is more about the husband needing to figure out why he needs attention outside their marriage.

 

Stop blaming the wife - she isn't the one who displayed the bad behavior and poor boundaries - he is.

 

HE has issues and needs to fix those himself.

[LexiCat29]

Thank you for the advice! Two weeks ago this chick was telling him about her sex life then once again she brought up her crush on him.... just this past Sunday we talked about it....I actually asked him to cut contact off with her. He agreed. But we ended up having an argument about it...he was upset that I didn't trust him even though he has told and shown me everytime she has texted him... then we REALLY BROKE IT DOWN he was more upset that I asked him to cut contact with one of his friends not that he even cared about her. So he told her he won't be contacting her and won't be responding to her anymore. She threw a fit about it.... well via text anyway.... said that she didn't understand why their relationship had to be black and white....and that she was disappointed that he didn't fight for her friendship.... Anyway...I'm glad it's over... I hope this 8s the end of that

 

If he doesn't care about her anyway then why does he care about having contact with her? Especially since he knows it bothers you?

[JHandy]

I disagree.

 

This is not about the wife needing to do more to entice her husband - this is more about the husband needing to figure out why he needs attention outside their marriage.

 

Stop blaming the wife - she isn't the one who displayed the bad behavior and poor boundaries - he is.

 

HE has issues and needs to fix those himself.

 

Sorry, I wasn't trying to blame the wife. Not really trying to blame anyone actually. The wife is the OP and thus I'm talking to her. All my questions are equally directed to the husband as well, but he's likely not here reading the posts.

 

People venture outside their marriages because they want something they aren't getting. I suspect nearly all of those cases, the other spouse would have wanted the same thing.

 

Just throwing out the question to the wife to see if she could see what her husband wants and then move on from there.

 

Again, the same thing could be asked of the husband.

[Cephalopod]

Thank you for the advice! Two weeks ago this chick was telling him about her sex life then once again she brought up her crush on him.... just this past Sunday we talked about it....I actually asked him to cut contact off with her. He agreed. But we ended up having an argument about it...he was upset that I didn't trust him even though he has told and shown me everytime she has texted him... then we REALLY BROKE IT DOWN he was more upset that I asked him to cut contact with one of his friends not that he even cared about her. So he told her he won't be contacting her and won't be responding to her anymore. She threw a fit about it.... well via text anyway.... said that she didn't understand why their relationship had to be black and white....and that she was disappointed that he didn't fight for her friendship.... Anyway...I'm glad it's over... I hope this 8s the end of that

 

This situation is not all the fault of the other woman. Your husband likes the ego gratification he gets from her pursuing him. Any man likes it when an attractive woman hits on him and chases him. And when two women fight over him? Oh boy!

 

Your husband got mad because you asked him to give up a fount of ego kibbles that he drank from that made him feel good, and he doesn't like it. Yeah, maybe he was being transparent with the activities that were going on, but he's not being transparent about his motives. I think he secretly enjoys seeing you jealous and pissed off, which further feeds his ego.

 

If this is allowed to go on, his need for ego gratification will get harder and harder to satisfy, until he does eventually snap and agrees to meet her in secret and have sex. I can see that happening very easily if she keeps the pressure up.

 

All he needs to do is block her calls and unfriend her from his social media. That is all he has to do to put an end to this silliness. The fact that he has not done so tells you what you need to know.

 

You and him need to have a Come to Jesus Meeting.