Are you ugly ?

[olivetree]

Yeah, I'm ugly.

 

My weight compounds that tenfold.

 

I really only wanted one person on the planet to find me pretty anyway. Too bad it wasn't my husband. Live and learn I guess.

 

I saw this comment, noticed you had a pic and checked out your album.

 

You are not ugly!!!!

 

You're pretty.... and far prettier than your hubs.

 

I thought it was okay to say that last part b/c from your posts, it seems like you might need to hear that.

 

[thecrucible]

I think you are super cute and pretty. I saw your old avatar. Plus you have intelligence and are very humble sounding. Sure beats a conceited girl who has been told she is pretty and had her behind kissed their entire lives.

 

And the majority of men are innately attracted to curvy women.

 

Most men I know go gaga over slightly heavier pear or hourglass shapes rather than thin waifs.

 

I have been the thin waif and get way more body love from mem and women- as a curvy woman.

 

Thanks Leigh. That does cheer me up on my birthday. I think it can be really hard for us ladies who can't always maintain our weight at the slimmest we can be. I think it can sometimes be harder for women to stay as slim as men even when eating the same amount of food. I don't mind if I don't look 100% perfect but I want him to love me as a whole person and still find me a little bit sexy. I don't want my looks to be so unimportant that he loves me 'in spite' of them. And I certainly wouldn't do the same to a guy. I would fall for a guy who gave me a compliment on my personality (you rarely hear that from a guy). I love my curves though.

 

Personally I get told I'm pretty sometimes but I didn't get it very much growing up. I really only take it as people being polite when they say it. I don't let it go to my head or read too much into it. When I was a teenager, I wasn't confident and I didn't enhance my looks so I didn't get tonnes of attention. At university, I had bfs and love interests but my university was very international and there were very beautiful women from all over the world. I was average among them and this has kept me grounded. I had my fair share of unrequited crushes as well! And average is cool for me (I can see what you are getting at).

 

Nowadays I have more self-acceptance even though I do fully admit my lack of confidence in my looks. I've been through the rut of it all - depression, social anxiety, personal disappointments. But I'm proud of the way my life experiences have made me well-rounded in certain ways. Thanks for your kind thoughts.

 

But do you ever meet a cute guy and get imposter syndrome? That's me. I've experienced dating guys who seem out of my league and well it didn't get very far. Sometimes a guy I find attractive in terms of looks/personality does like me back genuinely and I wonder if it is really happening and I tell myself he can't possibly see me that way. It's no false modesty I promise.

[Wade Lamare]

 

Also....and this is very important....

 

Women are just far more attractive than men,.......Not all, but if you take a random sampling of 1000 people off the street, attractive women would outnumber attractive men 25:1...And that's at ANY age.

 

Not sure I agree 100% with this. It depends (IMO) on what you term as attractive. Yes, men are not attractive in the way that women are. The majority of men are not 'pretty boys'.

 

There are huge differences between the sexes. I'm muscly and physically strong compared to my wife. My chest and shoulders are broad, my tummy is (relatively) nipped in. I don't have a six pack but I am also not fat.

 

My wife loves this. She finds it very attractive. She loves the fact that I can do 'strong' things that she can't. She loves my flat tummy and regularly will run her hand over it in passing. I know that other women also find it attractive based on comments I've received and from being 'hit on'.

 

I'm reasonably hairy. my arms, legs and chest have a good average covering of hair. Again, my wife finds that attractive. In her eyes it makes me male, a man, not one of her girlfriends.

She often, while we are chatting in bed at the days end will run her fingers across my chest.

 

High levels of testosterone cause my bones to be thicker including the bones in my face which makes most men look more 'rugged' and muscles are bigger overall.

And again, my wife finds me attractive, and so do other women to the extent of being told quite blatantly that "you're a good looking man". Bear in mind that this is in regard to a man (me) that, for whatever reason, was not regarded as attractive as a teen right up to my early twenties. Attraction between humans is both simple and complex at one and the same time.

 

(hetero) Women are genetically pre programmed to find male features attractive. There'd be very few babies born otherwise.

 

I do 'man' things, both in general and around the home. And again, my wife finds this attractive and I assume that other women would too.

Seeing me do man things seems to flip a switch in her head that makes her realise that I'm a man, her man, not one of the kids or one of her friends. I also help out with household chores, I do most of the cooking and shopping.

 

However, women are people and one thing I know about people is that we are all different.

So although my wife finds me attractive, and so do other women, it is just as likely that yet another woman will look at me and be totally turned off by what I have to offer. The very things that my wife finds attractive would be a total turn off to other women. They might prefer more cuddly men. They might prefer pretty boys, they might prefer their guy to shave their bod. They may prefer a more metrosexual man.

 

I do agree that, in general, men have a far wider window on what they view as attractive.

 

I'm not that young, but there are guys I have known that are below average looking that have never in their entire life had a woman come on to them....never....Can you imagine?. That's why a man can kind of "gauge" his level of attractiveness by how much attention he gets from women.

 

 

 

TFY

 

I also know some women that have never had a man come on to them. It happens.

In my opinion this can be down to many factors. If you have a face that looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp then yes you'll struggle with people just hitting on you out the blue. This was me in my younger days, I just couldn't seem to attract women for romance at all and got quite despondent about it.

 

You just have to accept it as a fact of life and work with what you have, accentuate your positives.

 

I'm a bit stubborn and I knew I had value, so I kept on keeping on and eventually things changed for me. Suddenly from my early/mid twenties either I changed, women changed (or a bit of both) and I became 'not ugly'. Never quite worked out why although I have a number of theories.

 

 

 

Sometimes I think we can be our own worst enemies. You can be below average looking and still get hit on.

 

There is more to being attractive than mere facial features. Are these 'below average' guys in any kind of shape?

 

Dress well?

 

Put themselves out there with some confidence?

 

Have interests and hobbies, do any sports?

 

I suspect that there is more going on with them than simply being 'below average' in looks