Am I over reacting? Wife kissed/pecked a stranger

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Here's the scene. We were invited to this free dinner at a restaurant by a mutual older friend. It was a group dinner for this friends neighborhood group, but we didn't know anyone else there. It was a mix of older and younger couples. My wife arrives 30 minutes after me. She comes into the private dining room and gives me a kiss, then this older man barks out "where's my kiss". W then b-lines over to him a kisses him on the cheek. Again this is a total stranger.

 

 

My wife knows I got a jealous streak. She came back and said "you're mad now, well he asked for a kiss, what should I do?". I really didn't say anything just gave her that disapproving look and made a lame joke about kissing strangers.

 

 

I wasn't totally upset. He was an older man and it was totally innocent. I have no problem with her doing the same thing to family & close friends. But I don't think she should have done that with a stranger. I'd be really upset if he were in our age group. She should know to respect my feelings. Also, the fact that right after she kissed me hello, he barked out to come to him - like he was the alpha male and I was the beta.

 

 

Am I over reacting? Under reacting and I should now let her know I don't want her doing that kind of stuff?

[JewelD]

Yes, you are overreacting with the alpha and beta crap. He was probably just teasing and didn't actually expect her to kiss him.

 

As for your wife, sounds like she has to sort out her boundaries. Just because a guy asks for a kiss doesn't mean you have to give him one. She could have easily just laughed it off.

 

I think you can ask her not to do things like that in a way that's not coming from a place of jealousy since there's nothing to really be jealous over in this situation.

[Wookin Pa Nub]

Yes, you are overreacting with the alpha and beta crap. He was probably just teasing and didn't actually expect her to kiss him.

 

As for your wife, sounds like she has to sort out her boundaries. Just because a guy asks for a kiss doesn't mean you have to give him one. She could have easily just laughed it off.

 

I think you can ask her not to do things like that in a way that's not coming from a place of jealousy since there's nothing to really be jealous over in this situation.

 

She did at first laugh it off but then he said something to the effect of "i really do want a kiss".

 

 

I didn't want to make a big deal out of it bc of the setting we were in and out of respect for the friend who invited us.

[aileD]

You're overreacting

[Mr R]

Man you're overreacting big time. She's was simply playing I doubt if it would've done it been a younger guy as you put it. Most women see most older men as cute and harmless. Kinda like a big kid. I bet the gut didn't expect her to do anything and she thought she may embarrass him a little. Wife did almost the same thing one time to a student of mine at my karate studio because he of a complement her gave her.

[RecentChange]

This, like the many other threads you post is about YOU, and your insecurities, not HER.

 

Want your wife to be more "devoted" to you? Give her the attention I am sure she craves. LUST for her. F' her brains out.

 

When was the last time you did any of that?

[basil67]

You're over reacting. And enough with the Alpha and Beta male thing - you're human beings - not lions on the savanna.

[Satu]

That peck on the cheek was a totally harmless bit of fun appropriate to the occasion.

 

Loosen up a bit.

 

 

Take care.

[Mr. Lucky]

This, like the many other threads you post is about YOU, and your insecurities, not HER.

 

Beyond that OP, you're obviously looking for a reason - real or not - to be mad at her. Having gone through years of this type of manufactured drama with my first wife, I can tell you nothing kills a relationship quicker.

 

Choose your battles wisely...

 

Mr. Lucky

[aileD]

I just realized who the OP was.

 

Wookin --- you have some serious issues within yourself that aren't conducive to being in a relationship, let alone a marriage.

 

You need to seek help for yourself and stop torturing your poor wife

[dreamingoftigers]

Yes, Wookin. You're a beta now.

 

It's all over from here.

 

Maybe you should try sleeping with your wife more often instead of judging her all of the time. You both might have more fun then. Well, at least she theoretically would.

[understand50]

You're overreacting

 

Ditto, you need to dial this back or you will lose her.....

[What-2-Do]

If you are really asking this then you have some MAJOR insecurities.... You wife was being fun and nothing more nothing less.

[BettyDraper]

WPN, I implore you to see a therapist about your pathological insecurities.

 

You're pushing your wife away with them.

 

Why would she kiss a man on the cheek and in public if he was any threat to you or your marriage?

[Sweetfish]

I don't know the OP. Never read any other post. Could be riddle with issues

 

But im calling BS on all these overreacting call outs. Sorry!

 

Let's reverse this...

 

Your the wife and your husband walks in late to a party.

Kisses you.

 

Some lady says where is my kiss and he B-lines in front of everyone to the lady and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Walk back and tells you.. "ya mad"

 

All the lady's in this thread would be cool with that..

 

I call total bull... the Internet is a funny place I swear.

 

Like I said I'm not aware of the OP track record.. but that is unacceptable.

 

So if he wasn't at the party and she did it would it be ok?

 

OP, the wife has lost respect for you and now your scrambling to regain it. What you need to do is find out when your wife started losing respect for you and why. Based on all the other LS members it's you and not her.

[Sweetfish]

Ok... read your other post..

 

I absolutely see why she did what she did.

 

You have drain any fun from this ladies life.

[elaine567]

 

You're the wife and your husband walks in late to a party.

Kisses you.

 

Some lady says where is my kiss and he B-lines in front of everyone to the lady and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Walk back and tells you.. "ya mad"

 

All the lady's in this thread would be cool with that..

 

 

This was some old guy and if some old lady did the same obviously in fun like this old guy did, then yes, most woman would be cool with their husband landing a kiss on her cheek.

If it was some "hot" chick who had an agenda then no, in the same way Wookin would be more justified if the guy who asked for a kiss was some younger guy who was more of a threat to him.

Also had his wife snogged the guy then of course highly inappropriate, but a peck on the cheek?

Some people give a social peck on the cheek to just about everyone they meet, it is a cultural norm for them.

Wookin needs to just adopt a more live and let live attitude and get a sense of humour.

 

As for the alpha/beta thing.

There is always a pecking order in life, age, class, education, money etc. matter, but there is to need to get angry about it, it is what it is.

[aileD]

I don't know the OP. Never read any other post. Could be riddle with issues

 

But im calling BS on all these overreacting call outs. Sorry!

 

Let's reverse this...

 

Your the wife and your husband walks in late to a party.

Kisses you.

 

Some lady says where is my kiss and he B-lines in front of everyone to the lady and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Walk back and tells you.. "ya mad"

 

All the lady's in this thread would be cool with that..

 

I call total bull... the Internet is a funny place I swear.

 

Like I said I'm not aware of the OP track record.. but that is unacceptable.

 

So if he wasn't at the party and she did it would it be ok?

 

OP, the wife has lost respect for you and now your scrambling to regain it. What you need to do is find out when your wife started losing respect for you and why. Based on all the other LS members it's you and not her.

 

His wife lost respect for him because he freaks out anytime she has any contact with anyone of the opposite sex

 

I think he believes she should not communicate in any capacity with any male except for him.

[BettyDraper]

I don't know the OP. Never read any other post. Could be riddle with issues

 

But im calling BS on all these overreacting call outs. Sorry!

 

Let's reverse this...

 

Your the wife and your husband walks in late to a party.

Kisses you.

 

Some lady says where is my kiss and he B-lines in front of everyone to the lady and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Walk back and tells you.. "ya mad"

 

All the lady's in this thread would be cool with that..

 

I call total bull... the Internet is a funny place I swear.

 

Like I said I'm not aware of the OP track record.. but that is unacceptable.

 

So if he wasn't at the party and she did it would it be ok?

 

OP, the wife has lost respect for you and now your scrambling to regain it. What you need to do is find out when your wife started losing respect for you and why. Based on all the other LS members it's you and not her.

 

10 characters.

[CommittedToThis]

this older man barks out "where's my kiss".

 

Just because it's an older guy doesn't mean his dick doesn't get hard.

 

What if some old guy asks the wife, "where's my f*ck?"

 

Come on, the wife totally disrespected her husband by submissively accepting a complete stranger's request for a kiss. If the old man had been a relative, that's different, but a complete stranger?

 

A good wife would have responded, "I'm flattered but my kisses are for my wonderful husband."

 

Is that too much to ask?

 

I know nothing of the OP's backstory and maybe he really is overly suspicious, but in this scenario, I think the wife was insensitive although likely not at all serious about the kiss.

[dreamingoftigers]

Just because it's an older guy doesn't mean his dick doesn't get hard.

 

What if some old guy asks the wife, "where's my f*ck?"

 

Come on, the wife totally disrespected her husband by submissively accepting a complete stranger's request for a kiss. If the old man had been a relative, that's different, but a complete stranger?

 

A good wife would have responded, "I'm flattered but my kisses are for my wonderful husband."

 

Is that too much to ask?

 

I know nothing of the OP's backstory and maybe he really is overly suspicious, but in this scenario, I think the wife was insensitive although likely not at all serious about the kiss.

 

I think we can generally guess that she's not going to give him sexual favors if he asks "where's mine?" Well, not yet anyway. Considering the OP is trying to avoid sex with his own wife. Yet is oddly concerned about alpha/beta standings.

 

So wife's actual needs? Nada.

 

Wife's potential perceived interaction with the opposite sex that is good-natured and innocent? Three-alarm fire.

[CommittedToThis]

I'm just saying, the wife could have laughed it off and made her husband feel good about his standing at the same time. Would she have sacrificed anything meaningful if she had not kissed the old goat?

 

I need to read the back-story because I can only comment on this particular situation, in which I feel the wife could have easily disarmed the old man with a nice comment about her husband, without compromising anything on the wife's part whatsoever.

 

One gets the feeling common decency and respect is too much to ask sometimes. It was a strange man asking for a kiss, and she acquiesced. Yeah, it was a goofy moment and no harm was done but considering her husband was right there, wife could have been a bit more sensitive.

 

Switch places and husband would be getting reamed, I'd imagine.

[Noirek]

Switch places and husband would be getting reamed, I'd imagine.

 

I'm sure there would be that one person (like you) who would defend the wife and say the husband was out of line. But most of us women would not see it as a big deal. I most certainly wouldn't care if my husband kissed an old lady in public in front of me as a joke. Everyone would laugh, I'd laugh at the surprise and probably pleased look in her old eyes at getting that small bit of attention and then we'd move on an enjoy a pleasant evening.

 

i have no idea about this poster's back story but my advice to him would be to chill. It wasn't on the lips, it doesn't happen daily, he was there, it was an old guy not some hot young thing, it isn't a coworker or someone she has a relationship with. He is making a mountain out of not even a mole hill.

 

And it sounds like from the other posters he has his own issues to worry about.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm just saying, the wife could have laughed it off and made her husband feel good about his standing at the same time. Would she have sacrificed anything meaningful if she had not kissed the old goat?

 

That would be the more typical response, sure.

 

But I see what she did as pretty light-hearted. I mean, when we start talking hyperbole like "it doesn't mean the guys dick can't still get hard" I think we are getting into weirder territory here.

 

Even as soon as 25 years ago, the culture wasn't anywhere near as power-driven and sexualized.

 

People could easily understand a good-natured joke and it wouldn't be made into something perverse or severe. Now we have a husband worrying about crap like "alpha" and "beta" while pushing aside actual sexual intimacy. And frankly, that isn't all that unusual anymore.

 

I need to read the back-story because I can only comment on this particular situation, in which I feel the wife could have easily disarmed the old man with a nice comment about her husband, without compromising anything on the wife's part whatsoever.

 

One gets the feeling common decency and respect is too much to ask sometimes. It was a strange man asking for a kiss, and she acquiesced. Yeah, it was a goofy moment and no harm was done but considering her husband was right there, wife could have been a bit more sensitive.

 

Switch places and husband would be getting reamed, I'd imagine.

 

Honestly, if my husband kissed an old lady on the cheek, I wouldn't feel "disrespected" or wondering if the old lady was "getting wet."

 

I would actually find it one of those hilaeious bit of things he does that I would retell. He would probably be more embarrassed about it as he's become more introverted as the years wear on, like myself.

[aileD]

Just read the backstory.

He isn't attracted to his wife and doesn't want to have sex with her. His wife is a normal woman and yet he freaks out everyone anyone with a penis is within 10 feet of her.

 

It's the same posts over and over, I'm sorry for saying it, Wookin. But you're the problem, not your wife