mothergoose Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 I need some Mens opinions on this one. I have a boyfriend of two years..our relationship is dead and disconnected! I met "his" friend three months into the relationship and it was Love at first site! I never believed in any such thing but he broke all the rules. Not a day since then, has gone by that I don't think of him. I have been around him on a few occasions and there has been some intense eye contact and open flirting on his behalf. He now has a girlfriend. I asked him for his email address and wrote him in a friendly manor. He responded back and was surprised that I wrote him. The second time he responded he said it was nice to see me again, even though we didn't get a chance to talk. (we were all at an event together recently) I'm wondering if there is a chance of an attraction on his behalf? I don't want to go through the rest of my life wondering..What if? I want to tell him soo much how I feel without hurting anyone. I struggle with this everyday and just want to reach out to the person I really feel for. Would it be a good idea to tell him how I feel? No strings attached of course! I really need some men's input on this one. I feel like I am drowning here. Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 I'm not a guy, but if you're going to tell him you need to be ready for the consequences. Are you still with your boyfriend? There could be a chance that his friend just tells him straight out, and then you'll be dealing with a whole lot of trouble. If you're no longer if love with your boyfriend, then break it off, and then possibly let his friend know how you feel. If you do still love your boyfriend, maybe you should try and make it work with him. You're playing with fire, and this could turn very nasty for everyone involved. Be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ You're playing with fire, and this could turn very nasty for everyone involved. If your Bfs friend is a standup guy he will blow you off anyway. It's the unwritten rule that you don't date your friends Exs. I would never date one of my friends exs. If I did I wouldn't be a good friend Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 "You're playing with fire, and this could turn very nasty for everyone involved. Be careful" words of wisdom, let it be. things will turn ugly Link to post Share on other sites
Author mothergoose Posted July 13, 2005 Author Share Posted July 13, 2005 Thank you for the quick responses readers! How can I just let this go when I have had this bottled up inside me for almost two years! Easier said than done. My bf and I are on the verge of breaking up. Its not fair to Him or Me! Like I said Im not into this to hurt anyone.. especially Me! I just wondered by the responses of his emails that maybe there "IS" something there. If he wanted to just blow me off..wouldn't he of not responded at all? signed a very confused mothergoose. Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 (How can I just let this go when I have had this bottled up inside me for almost two years! ) You have had feelings for his freind for 2 years? either way your boyfreind will be hurt. tough situation, if i was with a lady and she dumped me for my best mate i would be extremely upset. But if you are no longre hapy with your boyfreind, maybee you should go ur seperate ways, taking up with his best freind is not a wise move IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mothergoose Posted July 13, 2005 Author Share Posted July 13, 2005 AndrewJ... You seem very interested in my problem and thanks for the input Mate! Yes I have had these feelings for him for almost two years. Im not dumping my boyfriend for him. Im letting go of him because our relationship is Dead. Its been that way for quite sometime now. He knows Im unhappy...and I have been for a long time. I have tried very hard in the relationship. Its not fair to him or to myself..don't you agree? You can't help how you feel for someone. You can't really control who you are attracted to either. If I were dumping him for the other guy I would of left along time ago. I stayed and tried to work on things. Its not working though. Life is just too damn short to be unhappy! Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 You should break up with your current boyfriend because the relationship is dead. You should pursue the other guy because your are really hung up on him. I did not see where this other guy was mentioned as a best friend. Just a friend. Go for it. Just know that it may well bomb out. But, your current relationship is not working and you have obviously had your eye on someone else for over a year and a half now. Wow, I`m surprised the current relationship has lasted so long. I wish you the best and hope the other guy is the man of your dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mothergoose Posted July 15, 2005 Author Share Posted July 15, 2005 Thank you Neptune for your support and Input! I still haven't gotten my question answered though...Could him writing me..show some interest? This is why I wanted some men's opinions on this topic. Its very hard to read someone..and Im just not sure. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
DakotaDan Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 I met "his" friend three months into the relationship and it was Love at first site! I never believed in love at first site. maybe lust at first site lol. One thing that struck me about your post is you say you made eye contact and it makes me think of an experience i had with a co-worker. I think she was under the impression that i had a thing for her because in our daily communications i would always make direct eye contact with her. She later told me one night when we were all out that she thought i had a "thing" for her because of our long and intense eye contact . whew. Wrong ! i'm just the kind of guy who looks at you whenever i'm talking and i'll make eye contact until we're finished with our talk. So you could be reading something into the eye contact thing. It says something that you had the opportunity for this contact, but yet now he has another girlfriend? If you're not sure what the true message is but he seems to be open and receptive then go for it. Send him another email and tell him what you're thinking. or ask him if he has firm commitment with his current girl and if he's open to going out with another, for instance, you Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by mothergoose Thank you Neptune for your support and Input! I still haven't gotten my question answered though...Could him writing me..show some interest? This is why I wanted some men's opinions on this topic. Its very hard to read someone..and Im just not sure. Thanks I agree with the last part of the previous poster. Mention to him that you definately feel something for him, and are wondering if he felt it too. Tell him you are aware of his current girlfriend and are curious if it is serious. Don't email him UNTIL you and your boyfriend are completely over. Link to post Share on other sites
infinitehorizon Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 How would you not be hurting anyone? What about your bf? If you are unhappy with your current relationship then you need to end it before asking "his friend" anything. When you start having feelings for other people and begin to wonder if you have a chance with that person, it is NOT okay. The right thing to do is to end the relationship then ask his friend. It is obvious that you don't love him so give your bf the opportunity to find someone that is worth his love - don't waste his time. Karma - what goes around comes around! NoOne. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mothergoose Posted August 9, 2005 Author Share Posted August 9, 2005 In regards to Infinitehorizon: I have no Intentions of telling "him" untill my bf and I are completely over!! Breaking up is not easy for either one! It's hard on both people! If you read the post all the way through..you will have noticed that Im the one who chose to stay and try to make things work! Like I said before..you can't control your own feelings and emotions..if we could I guess we would be Robots! If only Life were that easy! MG Link to post Share on other sites
InfiniteHorizon Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 Originally posted by mothergoose I need some Mens opinions on this one. I have a boyfriend of two years..our relationship is dead and disconnected! I met "his" friend three months into the relationship and it was Love at first site! I never believed in any such thing but he broke all the rules. Not a day since then, has gone by that I don't think of him. I have been around him on a few occasions and there has been some intense eye contact and open flirting on his behalf. He now has a girlfriend. I asked him for his email address and wrote him in a friendly manor. He responded back and was surprised that I wrote him. The second time he responded he said it was nice to see me again, even though we didn't get a chance to talk. (we were all at an event together recently) I'm wondering if there is a chance of an attraction on his behalf? I don't want to go through the rest of my life wondering..What if? I want to tell him soo much how I feel without hurting anyone. I struggle with this everyday and just want to reach out to the person I really feel for. Would it be a good idea to tell him how I feel? No strings attached of course! I really need some men's input on this one. I feel like I am drowning here. I did read the entire post. At no time did you mention that you were going to first end the relationship prior to asking this guy! Originally posted by mothergoose In regards to Infinitehorizon: I have no Intentions of telling "him" untill my bf and I are completely over!! Breaking up is not easy for either one! It's hard on both people! If you read the post all the way through..you will have noticed that Im the one who chose to stay and try to make things work! Of course breaking up would be difficult especially when you have invested so much time into the relationship but if you feel so disconnected, unhappy, and longing for this other guy then you need to end it. Why stay when you are already having feelings for another guy - this to me is illogical. Originally posted by mothergoose Like I said before..you can't control your own feelings and emotions..if we could I guess we would be Robots! If only Life were that easy! MG I must disagree. In my opinon feelings and emotions can be controlled. I think it mainly depends on the person - an individual with a relatively high intelligence, motivation, and ambition can control their sentiments whereas the norm would be unable or unwilling to attempt it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mothergoose Posted August 11, 2005 Author Share Posted August 11, 2005 To say it takes intelligence,motivation and ambition to control your Human feelings? Wow! Thats Amazing! Your life must be "Perfect!" I Never said I was going to tell "HIM"..I said I "wanted" to tell him (big difference) and I was seeking advice on if I should or not! Thank you for figuring my life out Infinitehorizen Link to post Share on other sites
Cookie Puss Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 how is this a business relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
MattB Posted August 24, 2005 Share Posted August 24, 2005 You have 2 issues to deal with that you're trying to treat as one. The first one is you're not happy with your current boy friend. You need to deal with this FIRST. If you aren't happy with him and you know you want it to end, then end it. Just don't immediatly run to the other guy. You need to give it time. Don't ignore the other guy either, stay flirtatious friends. When the time is right, and if he is into you like you are into him, it will happen. Trust me on this one. You will never find happiness if you search for it. You just have to be comfortable with your life and let it find you. Link to post Share on other sites
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