Is anything going on

[VeveCakes]

Nooo don't confront!

 

Keep using the VAR and wait to talk to the co worker when it's not obvious.

[Drone117]

The contact is female, co-worker. I met her.though my wife, so know her only socially. Her husband became more like a pal to me as we share the same hobby.

 

So I can either call her directly asking for an urgent talk - this will be awkward. Or wait couple of days to meet them socially.

[Nyuki]

Sorry about what you are going through at the moment.What I suggest you do at this time is talk to her yes,about how the move could be affecting her.She has told you that she is happy,her career has blossomed but could it be that the move made her homesick in some way or maybe she is experiencing a lot of culture shock?

 

Maybe try and find out if she could be having a personal issue and kind of scared to talk it out.

 

I see no need to snoop at this time and don’t clench your teeth. It seems that you guys have a good relationship that may require some work at this time..all the best

[MidwestUSA]

Sorry about what you are going through at the moment.What I suggest you do at this time is talk to her yes,about how the move could be affecting her.She has told you that she is happy,her career has blossomed but could it be that the move made her homesick in some way or maybe she is experiencing a lot of culture shock?

 

Maybe try and find out if she could be having a personal issue and kind of scared to talk it out.

 

I see no need to snoop at this time and don’t clench your teeth. It seems that you guys have a good relationship that may require some work at this time..all the best

 

 

Given what he has learned, this will only tip her off.

 

He needs to keep quiet, smile, and go into full, undercover investigative mode. It's been proven here, time after time.

 

I'll agree with your point that she's having a 'personal issue'.

[WilyWill]

I see no need to snoop at this time

 

I think you're not understanding. His wife went on a week-long business trip, checked out of her hotel on Friday morning and came home on Saturday. So where was she Friday night? All of this occurred after he had a gut feeling about possible infidelity.

[aileD]

Put the VAR in her car

 

Then tell her you want to talk and somethings been bothering you. tell her you made arrangements to have flowers sent to her at the hotel and they got sent back because they said you checked out Friday. Say "you didn't come home until Saturday, where did you stay Friday night"

 

She'll confess or lie. but you'll have the VAR in place if she calls anyone

[elaine567]

He needs to keep quiet, smile, and go into full, undercover investigative mode. It's been proven here, time after time.

 

 

Agreed.

No confrontations without real hard evidence, as cheaters only lie and lie and lie and then they say to themselves "OMG I need to be really careful from now on".

They do not tend to stop, they just lay low for a while until it all appears to die down, and then take it all underground and the BS may never know the real truth. It will then be very difficult to catch them cheating, as all bases are covered.

It is not in your best interests to confront now, as you really have no real evidence that your wife IS cheating.

Wait for the VAR results and keep watching, she will slip up, OR a perfectly reasonable explanation for her behaviour will pop up, if she is indeed innocent.

[fenix]

I know it takes some extra cash to do this but if I would be you I would be hiring a detective to follow her moves and get some evidence. You have soft evidence that something is happening, if you want the hard evidence let the detective find out for you what is going on.

[VeveCakes]

Put the VAR in her car

 

Then tell her you want to talk and somethings been bothering you. tell her you made arrangements to have flowers sent to her at the hotel and they got sent back because they said you checked out Friday. Say "you didn't come home until Saturday, where did you stay Friday night"

 

She'll confess or lie. but you'll have the VAR in place if she calls anyone

 

I wouldnt give her a clue you know, she can just prepare her lies and cover her tracks better. VAR in her purse...

[Drone117]

I really appreciate your support. Feels like I'm going to need it. No-one around me believes anything child be wrong. Model couple.

 

I couldn't stop myself and despite good advice (think from VeveCakes) called her co-worker outright. She basically declined to comment. Doesn't want to be involved. But made it obvious something is wrong.

 

Hardest part is pretending I know nothing. Suspect nothing. Not sure for how long I can keep it.

[fenix]

I really appreciate your support. Feels like I'm going to need it. No-one around me believes anything child be wrong. Model couple.

 

I couldn't stop myself and despite good advice (think from VeveCakes) called her co-worker outright. She basically declined to comment. Doesn't want to be involved. But made it obvious something is wrong.

 

Hardest part is pretending I know nothing. Suspect nothing. Not sure for how long I can keep it.

 

Would the co-worker not warn your wife about you calling her? The fact that she doesn't want to be involved implies that there is something to get involved with...

[BetrayedH]

I really appreciate your support. Feels like I'm going to need it. No-one around me believes anything child be wrong. Model couple.

 

I couldn't stop myself and despite good advice (think from VeveCakes) called her co-worker outright. She basically declined to comment. Doesn't want to be involved. But made it obvious something is wrong.

 

Hardest part is pretending I know nothing. Suspect nothing. Not sure for how long I can keep it.

 

A confrontation accomplishes nothing, unless your goal is for her to delete and hide everything going forward so you'll never know what's going on. You may envision getting some truth from her or perhaps even some emotional satisfaction but you'll get neither.

 

The best confrontation is made with divorce papers, after you know enough to make a confidently informed decision.

 

Make decisions with your head, not your emotions.

[BluesPower]

Wow dude, I am sorry...

 

I am not sure that was the best decision to make, but I completely understand.

 

So, don't you think that the co-worker is going to tip your wife off. That is kind of chicken **** for her not to say anything.

 

So is this going to be a deal breaker for you now? I doubt that your wife will confess, she is probably deep in the affair fog now. She will want to keep it going as long as she can.

 

Do you think that you should just file for divorce or what. What you will find out is that as bad as it hurts for your wife to be sleeping with another man, is that the lying and disrespect for you and your marriage will actually hurt much more.

 

I wish I had been wrong about all the flags for your sake. I am so sorry man.

 

As you decide what to do, you have to keep your **** together. As hard as it is, people do this to each other all the time. You have to take as much emotion out of your decisions as possible and I know that is hard.

 

Keep yourself together and make good decisions, and take care of yourself.

 

None of this means that life is over in any way, it just makes it suck for a while.

 

I am so sorry...

[elaine567]

The coworker will just warn her.

That may be not the best move you could have made, as again there is no hard evidence.

"No comment don't want to get involved" implies something is going on, but does not confirm it.

She may just have gone "OMG, I don't want to get stuck in the middle of this row here" and she actually knows nothing at all about anything, but saying that, she will most likely tell her friend ie your wife that her husband suspects something.

[BluesPower]

Come on, don't you think that any human being that KNEW nothing was going on would tell him that. No comment is a comment.

 

I think that means that everyone or most everyone at work knows that thye are screwing around.

 

I do agree that she will tell the wife though.

[WilyWill]

I disagree about the co-worker. If the co-worker really wants to stay uninvolved, she'll say nothing to OP's wife.

 

If she does say something, OP will probably notice small changes in his wife's behavior, for example, nervously looking at his face to assess his mood. OP should watch for these changes, but stay poker-faced himself.

 

OP needs to get the VAR in place ASAP, if he hasn't already.

[VeveCakes]

I think a PI might be a good call in this case....

[TobyBoy]

Ask the the coworkers husband, he's your pal...so maybe he knows what's going on!

[Noirek]

A var would have done nothing for my husband. I never once talked on the phone. I think talking to the coworker was a big mistake. Hire the PI. It seems overboard but honestly if this is an out of town or work fling it will be far more effective than you pawing through her things or driving yourself crazy. Research your PI though and check reviews because some of them are experiences in infidelity and some are not. Also, cover your own tracks because you tipped your wife off.

[Drone117]

I know calling her was a mistake. Just couldn't resist. Not sure if she's going to warn my wife or not. At the moment she (my wife)'acts like nothing is going on. She is either totally innocent or the best actress in the world.

 

Anyway with what I know now plus changes in her parents and behavior I have enough for var, pi and whatever.

[Drone117]

I disagree about the co-worker. If the co-worker really wants to stay uninvolved, she'll say nothing to OP's wife.

 

If she does say something, OP will probably notice small changes in his wife's behavior, for example, nervously looking at his face to assess his mood. OP should watch for these changes, but stay poker-faced himself.

 

OP needs to get the VAR in place ASAP, if he hasn't already.

 

Exactly. I will also call her husband, great suggestion. I will see him this weekend anyway.

[Drone117]

Come on, don't you think that any human being that KNEW nothing was going on would tell him that. No comment is a comment.

 

I think that means that everyone or most everyone at work knows that thye are screwing around.

 

I do agree that she will tell the wife though.

 

That is how it looks and feels.

[BluesPower]

I hear in some of your posts that you still have doubts that she is having an affair.

 

Don't. Just Don't. She is sleeping with her coworker, there is little doubt. You need to realize that as get used to the idea and stop lying to yourself trying to make yourself fell better.

 

You need to do whatever you need to do to find enough hard information to confront her with.

 

Just hold it together and stay strong...

[fenix]

Drone, be careful, usually if it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck it is a duck... but lets still hope it is a swan...

You still don't have hard evidences that your wife is cheating therefore treat her like she isn't cheating but go ahead with a PI to get yourself either hard evidences or the relief that she is not cheating. Don't destroy your marriage till you know more...

[Buckeye2]

Anyway with what I know now plus changes in her parents and behavior I have enough for var, pi and whatever.

 

You "kicked the ant nest" without a VAR in place. She may be on to you now and stop all activity for a month or two. Do not give her a clean bill of health if you find nothing for that long.