Is anything going on

[Jersey born raised]

Please understand the motives of the posters on your thread. We want you to come out whole as possible regardless of the outcome of the flags. That's all. I saw you mention the marriage might be out of sink for a bit, that you are holding off deciding what to do until you do know. That you will construct a post divorce life scenario, that you have moved to discover the truth independentaly. You are ready to handle what life throws at you. Be at peace.

[Whatnotagain]

I get you are thinking the whole team returned Thursday' date=' and my wife stayed with the lover, it is normal for their team to return on different days. [/quote']

If that is the case and it is normal for her team to travel at different times, then she should have given you an explanation as to why she was returning when she did. This is a big red flag. That explanation should have been provided back then and not now, after the fact. It almost doesn’t matter what she says about it now because what are you to believe? If she did not tell you why she was returning when she did then that is a lie of omission. She did not tell you because she didn’t want you to know and she didn’t want to give you an alternate explanation because that would be lying.

 

When my wife and I traveled we would provide each other with information about flights, hotels, car rentals, and sometimes our agendas. If she was going to travel on a Sunday there would be a reason like a meeting on Monday morning she would miss if she flew on Monday. Or she would travel home on Friday morning instead of Thursday night because there were no available flights that would get her home before midnight. The fact that you don’t know why she returned when she did and you’re having to guess and speculate is troubling.

[BluesPower]

Yes, but wait there is more, the hotel for the extra night was not on the corp exp report.

 

That little tidbit is the most damming of all.

[Nirbhao.Nirvair]

If it turns up something is rotten in the Dutch Kingdom

 

Sorry, I'm being pedantic here, but it's Denmark (unless you are in The Netherlands now).

[merrmeade]

Sorry, I'm being pedantic here, but it's Denmark (unless you are in The Netherlands now).

I think he was probably being facetious.

[merrmeade]

Please understand the motives of the posters on your thread. We want you to come out whole as possible regardless of the outcome of the flags. That's all. I saw you mention the marriage might be out of sink for a bit, that you are holding off deciding what to do until you do know. That you will construct a post divorce life scenario, that you have moved to discover the truth independentaly. You are ready to handle what life throws at you. Be at peace.

Awww, I really love this - sort of a rite of passage blessing. I'm not sure anyone could gather all these ducks, much less get put them in a row, but I also feel confident you'll figure out a way to prepare.

 

I would really like to have an answer to this question. Even if it is too late.

i truly pray this question becomes irrelevant.

[Jersey born raised]

Are there any children ? I believe you mentioned married ten years, how long have you known her?

 

By the way your English is amazing. You mentioned several facts that indicate non-anglo background but they where very minor and I didn't pick up on them until I read your thread.

[Drone117]

I think he was probably being facetious.

 

I know the difference between the state of Denmark and "Dutch Kingdom".

[Drone117]

Are there any children ? I believe you mentioned married ten years, how long have you known her?

 

By the way your English is amazing. You mentioned several facts that indicate non-anglo background but they where very minor and I didn't pick up on them until I read your thread.

 

Yes, one child. Know her little over 10 y. Correct, I'm not a native English speaker if it matters.

[fenix]

Hi Drone,

 

What kind of actions are you taking to find out the truth? When is the PI going to start helping you? Have you already planted the VAR?

 

Are you Dutch?

[Jersey born raised]

Thanks for the addition info. Having a child involved changes the focus of what you should be planning. Understand custody issues are in a state of flux and while traditional geared towards woman having primary custody, a change in habits in you, a good lawyer and solid planning can result in you having primary custody.

 

Understand custody and divorce are two separate legal issues. Depending on the divorce laws where you file divorce may or may not involve spousal support for decades and division of assists.

 

Custody is generally based on best interests first and foremost in best interest of the child. Once custody is determined child support for each parent is decieded and is based on time spent with each partner and income level of each parent will determine the payment of Chios support. Even with a 50/50 custody agreement because of the difference in income level you will pay child support. Just less.

 

No it does not matter you are not native English speaking. But cultural differences do. We all enter into marriage with unspoken assumptions. Note the first three letters of "assumption". Knowing what the impulses of the other person will be is vital.

 

I am telling you right now the biggest thing that will keep you sane is your child. The greater the custody the more sanity. I know your job is demanding but you can and must make primary custody your goal. Do not throw it in her face that this is your goal, just quietly do it.

[road]

Sorry, I'm being pedantic here, but it's Denmark (unless you are in The Netherlands now).

 

I think he was probably being facetious.

 

Dutch, Denmark, Holland, Netherlands, Tomato, Tomata, any other name still the third world.

[spanz1]

Ok, call me paranoid, but here's an example from this weekend. She doesn't like business trips. That was her main concern when considering new job back then. And when she travels and not able to get back home on Friday midday the latest this is like a small tragedy for her. As weekend starting Friday night is "us time".

 

This trip they finished the work so late on Friday (seems to be truth based on the info I've gathered) they had to rebook flights for Saturday. Yet she came home like nothing happened, not a slightest sign.

 

Never imagined myself being insecure but this is starting to freak me out.

 

 

 

Who is "THEY". If it is a man, and in fact the same man from trip to trip, THEN I would get very concerned.

 

 

If she makes these trips alone, or with different people, then I would just think she is going thru some sort of phase in life, like maybe wondering if she likes her job still, and you are just seeing signs of her being not sure of the career. Traveling for business, for most people, is very tedious and tiring.

[spanz1]

Yes, but wait there is more, the hotel for the extra night was not on the corp exp report.

 

That little tidbit is the most damming of all.

 

 

 

THat is odd! Why, if it was a business related delay???

[spanz1]

 

Had a chat with PI. Coincidentally he told me almost the same thing. That she might be cheating or just checked out. Or in between. In any case he'll be able to start working for me in a week. Have some homework to do in the meantime as he suggested. Some is what you have been telling me before, some is new.

 

S2B: Don't know, no date set.

 

 

 

So get this out of your mind for now. In a few weeks you will know for sure. For now, find a good health club and go work out. You have too much stress over this, and there is no proven reason for it yet.

[BluesPower]

spanz1 that is kind of the point...

 

She spent the rest of the weekend with OM. OP is having a hard time believing that with out total and complete evidence.

 

He will one he gets it. I hope he can deal with it because it just sucks.

[MargR]

I think it is important to trust your instincts. She is smart enough to be hiding the big things from you, but it's the little ones that are giving her away.

 

Chances are she is talking to her lover when she's in the car. Hiding a recording device is the best idea. If you have an iphone, you can also check Frequent Locations. See if any place out of the ordinary comes up.

 

Keep spying. She is not going to come clean unless you have evidence. Most cheaters deny, deny, deny.

[Drone117]

I have good and bad news. Good news are that I won't have to involve a PI. Bad news - she's cheating full scale. Got access to her hidden electronic diary, it's all crystal clear.

 

Not sure if my sarcasm or irony is unusual. Maybe it is the defense mechanism kicking in.

Could've written how floored, heartbroken, lost and crushed I am. Truth is I'm not feeling that way. Maybe it will come but for now I'm angry, bitter and betrayed. And totally pissed off.

 

Best.

[Jump Through Loops]

Oh crap, Drone. I'm so sorry.

I have no words of advice as I've never been where you are now. I can only tell you that my heart goes out to you. Stay strong.

[BluesPower]

Yeah I was afraid of that, too many flags....

 

Just so you know. Right now you are in shock. It will go from that to anger and back to denial and back.

 

You just need to realize that your emotions will be all over the place and for most guys this will just freak you out. Don't let it, just be aware of it and try to deal with it.

 

I know for me the emotional stuff just freaked me out at first until I understood what was happening.

 

Brother, I am so sorry for what you are going and going to go through. Just try to hang.

 

Keep posting and everyone here will do their best to help you. Also, posting in detail how you are feeling will allow you to get your feelings out over time.

 

So, how did you find it? Does it spill everything?

 

Have you confronted her yet? If you have not understand that she will try to lie about all of it. She will try to minimize it if she has not already.

 

What are your plans or have you thought that far?

 

Just understand that you can and will get through this. No matter whether you guys try to R or get divorced, in the long run you will live through it.

 

Right now it does not feel that way, but me and a lot of guys have been through it and we are still here.

 

Be strong and keep posting...

[karnak]

I have good and bad news. Good news are that I won't have to involve a PI. Bad news - she's cheating full scale. Got access to her hidden electronic diary, it's all crystal clear.

 

Not sure if my sarcasm or irony is unusual. Maybe it is the defense mechanism kicking in.

Could've written how floored, heartbroken, lost and crushed I am. Truth is I'm not feeling that way. Maybe it will come but for now I'm angry, bitter and betrayed. And totally pissed off.

 

Best.

 

Unfortunately mine (and many others) suspicions proved to be true.

I suspect that right now you're feeling that the betrayal of friendship and confidence between your wife and you is what's hurting the most.

 

Please keep posting here and be strong. Many people on this forum have been where you're right now. Some have gone through worse. And they're still alive and enjoying their life.

 

One day your pain will vanish. You'll feel stronger, more alert to the dangers of this world and to what human beings can do to one another. You'll be more suspicious, sure. But that knowledge will give you more power concerning yourself and the world around you.

 

One day you'll feel at peace with yourself and the world. And maybe you'll also be here on LS, helping others the way others have also helped you.

 

Whenever you feel like you need to vent, come here. The good people on this forum are willing to listen to you and help you overcome this. Heed their advice. Be strong for yourself (I don't remember if you have kids - I don't remember you writing about it).

 

May the moral of this thread be "written in stone": always trust your gut feelings.

[tinkerbell16]

Yeah I was afraid of that, too many flags....

 

Just so you know. Right now you are in shock. It will go from that to anger and back to denial and back.

 

You just need to realize that your emotions will be all over the place and for most guys this will just freak you out. Don't let it, just be aware of it and try to deal with it.

 

I know for me the emotional stuff just freaked me out at first until I understood what was happening.

 

Brother, I am so sorry for what you are going and going to go through. Just try to hang.

 

Keep posting and everyone here will do their best to help you. Also, posting in detail how you are feeling will allow you to get your feelings out over time.

 

So, how did you find it? Does it spill everything?

 

Have you confronted her yet? If you have not understand that she will try to lie about all of it. She will try to minimize it if she has not already.

 

What are your plans or have you thought that far?

 

Just understand that you can and will get through this. No matter whether you guys try to R or get divorced, in the long run you will live through it.

 

Right now it does not feel that way, but me and a lot of guys have been through it and we are still here.

 

Be strong and keep posting...

 

And girls have too it sucks, you will go through so many emotions and the "stages" may come back even after you have passed them. This is normal. I am a few years post divorce from my cheating husband. The most peaceful time now because I feel NOTHING towards him, no love no hate... thus after 30 years together. He is not worthy of accupying my head space and certainly not my heart space.

[karnak]

Could've written how floored, heartbroken, lost and crushed I am. Truth is I'm not feeling that way. Maybe it will come but for now I'm angry, bitter and betrayed. And totally pissed off.

 

As I stated in a previous post: "the truth shall set you free".

You've reached the conclusion that you're not a delusional paranoid who was seeing things. And that conclusion's giving you some peace of mind and more confidence in yourself and your intelligence. That's perfectly natural.

[tinkerbell16]

I have good and bad news. Good news are that I won't have to involve a PI. Bad news - she's cheating full scale. Got access to her hidden electronic diary, it's all crystal clear.

 

Not sure if my sarcasm or irony is unusual. Maybe it is the defense mechanism kicking in.

Could've written how floored, heartbroken, lost and crushed I am. Truth is I'm not feeling that way. Maybe it will come but for now I'm angry, bitter and betrayed. And totally pissed off.

 

Best.

 

Sorry Drone... road ahead is painful but the other side is beautiful and you will be happy again...you will love again... this won't break you.

[MrBojangles]

I have good and bad news. Good news are that I won't have to involve a PI. Bad news - she's cheating full scale. Got access to her hidden electronic diary, it's all crystal clear.

 

Not sure if my sarcasm or irony is unusual. Maybe it is the defense mechanism kicking in.

Could've written how floored, heartbroken, lost and crushed I am. Truth is I'm not feeling that way. Maybe it will come but for now I'm angry, bitter and betrayed. And totally pissed off.

 

Best.

 

 

Wow, I'm actually shocked and surprised in this case! I thought when you posted your story here, that you were not going to find anything. I'm very sorry to hear about this latest revelation.

 

Stay strong, and good luck along this long and painful journey that you're about embark upon.