Is anything going on

[tinkerbell16]

Assuming your story is similar to mine (sorry haven't checked it), I'm sorry and your response is really good, I thank you for it, so are others. I'll use yours to respond.

 

Yes I have saved the copies, so I can read them later. I had limited time to access the diary and just saved all as pdf. Based on the only paragraph I had courage to read, Im certain that. it is full scale and ongoing not some emotional lovey dovey or drunken one night mistake that she's regretting. Shes not. I don't know who/what is he, what are her plans, why she did it, for how long. I'll have to read the rest. I accept what you saying about the exit affair. But she's never shown even a hint she's unhappy and the diary was well protected and hidden. So maybe it was exit, maybe not. WTF? Time will tell. After what I've seen there not only std test sounds like a good idea, I really want to bath myself in chemicals. If she'd wanted to save three marriage she wouldn't have done it. So what's the f..g point of calling me now?

 

My mind is not switched to deal with lawyers and counselling now, but I accept I'll have to force myself into it. For now I need to read the diary, and think how to deal with the kid. I'm not ready to see her or hear from her.

 

If that's what you and others had to go through in your time,, I'm truly sorry, that's not fun at all.

 

You are in discovery phase... I remember it well. It is such a bizarre and painful time.

 

I remember waking up and going wow that was an awful dream then seeing his side of the bed empty (I kicked him.out after discovery) and realizing it was not a dream.

 

Very surreal.

 

Pace yourself in your tasks ahead. Don't push yourself too hard to do what needs to be done but don't be foolish either.

 

Protect yourself. Keep your anger in check so you do not mess up future child custody.

 

She will display all kinds of confusing signs.

 

Mine would treat me like I was the worst wife (justifying his cheating) then fall at my feet (literally) bawling and telling me he doesn't want a divorce... he can't live without me, how he would never love anyone like me.

 

They are a hot mess when their cake eating ends.

[usa1ah]

Hey Drone, have you told her that you know?

 

Part of your last post about her calling you.

[Drone117]

I haven't told her. Reading though the diary, completely paralyzed and WTFed. She's figured out I know at least something. Noirek, I have no clue what healthy choices I have at the moment rather then not getting jailed. Here comes proverbial knife in the guts feeling.

[drifter777]

My mind is not switched to deal with lawyers and counselling now, but I accept I'll have to force myself into it. For now I need to read the diary, and think how to deal with the kid. I'm not ready to see her or hear from her.

I understand what you are saying - it's all so overwhelming right now and you haven't even had d-day yet. Just keep it in mind for a little ways down the road.

 

I know you have to read her journal and I know it's going to be a horrible, traumatic experience. A trusted friend or a professional can be a big help getting you through all this so, again, keep it in mind.

 

Try not to obsess over certain disgusting passages in her journal. Read it through and then try to resist the temptation to go back and read it again. It's going to be ugly and hurtful - you know that - and if you go back and read it again it's not going to change. The disgusting details of her betrayal are not going to get better no matter how many times you read them.

[Drone117]

Looks like my messages don't appearn straight away but get moderated. Don't know why or how to resolve it. Limited stamina to try to fix this now.

 

This one did appear? Anyway. Reading her diary now. Completely paralyzed. She's figured out I know (perhaps not how much I know). Healthy choices for now, not getting jailed.

 

Mods, not sure what am idoing wrong but whatever. Ban me if you want while im finding this site very helpful.

Edited December 6, 2016 by Drone117

[Cephalopod]

Drone make sure you are taking care of yourself. This kind of shock can be horrible (been there done that) and the worst thing you can do is not take care of your health.

 

If you can't eat, get some protein shakes and electrolyte drinks to keep yourself hydrated and some food in you. If you have trouble sleeping, don't be afraid to go to the doc and tell him what is going on. He can give you a sleep aid.

 

Make sure you talk to somebody: a pastor, a priest, a good close friend who you can confide in. Don't keep this bottled up.

[Jersey born raised]

Drone,

 

Now is the time to step outside of yourself, take stock of the "what if" plans you have in place, the best advise you consider to be given here, take a vow not to be a martyr to prove you are a nice guy, chose a path and MOVE FORWARD.

 

Hesitation only causes you pain and loss. Take control of your life and your child's. Talk to family members, and close friends. You will be amazed at how many people been where you are at.

[Marc878]

Do not tell her what you have or how you know. I would stay silent. Her actions will tell you more about what you need to know for your future actions on how you want to handle this.

 

Sorry for what you found and what you are about to go through.

[drifter777]

Let me say this again - don't obsess over that damn diary. Read it, of course, but try not to keep going back and re-reading it. It will not change no matter how much you cry or how badly you want this all to be a nightmare that you can wake up from. I know, I've been where you are.

 

This is horrible to live through & it's going to hurt like hell. No way around it. You should not be alone right now - please go stay with a friend or relative for a night or two. You don't have to tell them what's going on - just that you need some help. You'll be surprised at how many people are willing to help.

[Drone117]

Don't know about you, in our family it was usual for the husband to storm out, telling he's not coming home and go almost silent. Former family I'd guess. She texted she's so sorry.

 

Drifter777, perhaps you are right, bit it is too late. I cannot ever unread it. It's all in there.

[Cephalopod]

DO

 

NOT

 

LEAVE

 

YOUR

 

HOME.....

 

 

She cheated. She needs to leave.

[usa1ah]

I would send back a text letting her know you found her diary. Then asked her to leave the house.

[turnera]

If you have kids, do NOT move out. Install cameras in the house, keep a VAR on you at all times. Make copies of everything. Shut out the bank accounts so she can't take it.

[Drone117]

Kind of hard to think rationally reading all this crap. Like she 'loves' me but finds him 'irresistible'. Does this forum had a smile icon for that?

[Marc878]

If her other man is married you should inform his wife. No warning!!!!

 

Let them deal with the fallout

[merrmeade]

Looks like my messages don't appearn straight away but get moderated. Don't know why or how to resolve it. Limited stamina to try to fix this now.

 

This one did appear? Anyway. Reading her diary now. Completely paralyzed. ....

Drone, it's probably something about your IP address rather than that you're being moderated. Happened to me recently. There's a thread explaining this phenomenon somewhere (URL given in the guidelines I think). You could also use the Alert button to ask. It's your thread

 

About feeling "paralyzed" - normal (for this abnormal). You're experiencing the discovery as a trauma. You're in shock. It's what happens. That's why everyone is trying to advise you about the basics - health, house, money, etc. - so you can act optimally. Be sure to sleep, eat and get exercise to be effective and clear-headed.

[Jersey born raised]

Remember: YOU DEFINE YOURSELF no one else. Read up on the 180 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce and become this person.

 

Your emotions are scattered read this to help clarify what she has done to you and the marriage http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/365269-things-every-wayward-spouse-needs-know. I know it is directed at WS but discusses the range of emotions you are feeling.

 

Finally get back into the house!!! She cheats and gets rewarded with custody and then house ???? Hell no, she finds a new place to live on her own. Let OM step up and deal with her. Custody ??? You both work, she travels you don't explain to me WHAT she can do that you can't. Note I said CAN DO, not what you don't know how now or have not in the past.

 

You define you!!!

[Jersey born raised]

It may seem like a long journey, but how long is actually up to you. Please provide us with some more details or purchase a membership so you have access to PM so you can contact individual posters you feel may help.

 

We really need more nuance information.

Edited December 7, 2016 by Jersey born raised

[road]

Kind of hard to think rationally reading all this crap. Like she 'loves' me but finds him 'irresistible'. Does this forum had a smile icon for that?

 

 

 

Try this

[elaine567]

Finally get back into the house!!! She cheats and gets rewarded with custody and then house ???? Hell no, she finds a new place to live on her own. Let OM step up and deal with her.

 

Thing is, that he may not legally be allowed to turf her out and many courts do not take cheating into any consideration whatsoever in financial matters.

If for instance he is in the UK,(we don't actually know where he lives) then if he forces her out with threats or aggression then she can get an occupation order to ban HIM from the house.

It is not in his best interests to get all fired up and morally outraged as that leads to hot headed, reflex, unthinking behaviour and as we have seen before on this board that path leads to arrests and court orders against the BH.

[BetrayedH]

Thing is, that he may not legally be allowed to turf her out and many courts do not take cheating into any consideration whatsoever in financial matters.

If for instance he is in the UK,(we don't actually know where he lives) then if he forces her out with threats or aggression then she can get an occupation order to ban HIM from the house.

It is not in his best interests to get all fired up and morally outraged as that leads to hot headed, reflex, unthinking behaviour and as we have seen before on this board that path leads to arrests and court orders against the BH.

 

Yep.

 

Make decisions with your head, not your emotions. Very hard to do. Focus on it.

[karnak]

Kind of hard to think rationally reading all this crap. Like she 'loves' me but finds him 'irresistible'. Does this forum had a smile icon for that?

 

It's not as ridicule as it may seem. She loves you, yes. As one can love a parent, a brother, a cat or even a car.

You're probably an honest guy, an hard-working guy. Someone who knows how to be a true friend and comrade.

 

Alas... She has a lot of sexual desire for the other man, not you. Hence...you're inferior in a certain respect.

 

Sorry to put things this way. I don't mean to be rude.

Unfortunately there are lots (and I do mean lots) of men and women who think Lust and Love are the same feelings. And really don't know how to differentiate the two. These sort of people can't be reasoned with (I tried - several times). When their penis gets hard or their vagina gets really wet for someone (sorry for the graphic image) they seem to think that only True Love could create such extreme sensations.

 

I know many folks don't agree with such a view. But as I grow older, I've been more and more surprised by how many people who are smart and very successful in their social and professional lifes can be so emotionally imature. People with 40+ years acting like teens.

[anna121]

Drone, I suggest you put the diary aside for now and make a simple to-do list for the next few days.

 

1. Consult a lawyer. You don't have to make any permanent decisions, but get information about what a divorce would look like.

 

2. Secure any vulnerable assets. I would do this after getting legal advice. It could be as simple as getting documentation about the state of your assets right now so that you can have recourse if she does anything funny. If you have any joint credit instruments, you could probably freeze those without any risk.

 

3. Get a support network. A couple of friends or family members who will have your back and will provide a soft landing place.

 

4. Again, STOP READING THE DIARY.

 

There will be more to do, but start with this if you haven't.

 

One day at a time, Drone. You need to rise above the emotional maelstrom and be hyper logical.

[BuddyX]

Drone, I suggest you put the diary aside for now and make a simple to-do list for the next few days.

 

1. Consult a lawyer. You don't have to make any permanent decisions, but get information about what a divorce would look like.

 

2. Secure any vulnerable assets. I would do this after getting legal advice. It could be as simple as getting documentation about the state of your assets right now so that you can have recourse if she does anything funny. If you have any joint credit instruments, you could probably freeze those without any risk.

 

3. Get a support network. A couple of friends or family members who will have your back and will provide a soft landing place.

 

4. Again, STOP READING THE DIARY.

 

There will be more to do, but start with this if you haven't.

 

One day at a time, Drone. You need to rise above the emotional maelstrom and be hyper logical.

 

Agree with everything. But if you haven't read the entire diary, finish it and don't read it again. Gather all info.

[anna121]

Agree with everything. But if you haven't read the entire diary, finish it and don't read it again. Gather all info.

 

Good point. IF you can truly just "read" it, and not linger over every painful word.