Bromeo needs to vent.

[Tinie]

Hey Bromeo. You need to kick this one to the curb, sorry bud.

 

Your story reminded me of one my grandma told me this past summer. Way back when my dad was in his 20s, he married his first wife. This woman resolved conflict by running away for several weeks at a time, cutting my dad off, and would stay at a friend's house or her parents house. Then, when she was done punishing my dad, she would move back. This continued for a year of their marriage until one day, during one such conflict where this woman ran away, my dad called his best friend and said "hey, can you come help me? I need someone to help me take my wife's stuff and dump it at her mom's house........because I no longer want to be married to this woman anymore".

 

Several years after that, he met the woman who is his current wife- my mom. My parents have been married for two and a half decades and are still madly in love with each other after all this time.

 

Nothing good will come of this immature woman running away. She's wasting your time. You could be with someone so much better, who would respect you like you deserve. Make room for a good woman in your life by tossing this nutter out.

[Bromeo]

Gents,

 

Thanks for the kind words. A month ago this would have messed me up bad. She ignored me, played games, and tortured me for a good couple months. Now? It came as a surprise for sure.

 

I also experienced the largest single period of growth in my history. I am seeking to publish a novel, and enrolled in sommelier training, to name a couple things.

 

Closure from her? I asked for it months ago. Now she can get the gift of missing me. Although I'm sure she probably doesn't even care at this point.

 

Honestly, it pissed me off to hear from her. I poured my heart out, and 40+ days later you get around to me? Screw that noise.

 

Whether my Facebook propaganda campaign is working, or her new man didn't work out, or whatever, it doesn't matter.

 

I'm very interested in the communities opinion, and I thank everyone for their continued support.

 

Dave

Edited January 17, 2017 by Bromeo
My math sucks.

[Bromeo]

For the record, I didn't respond to the previous email. My team of advisors at work convinced me not to.

 

Another email tonight.

 

"I can't help but think of you whenever this song comes on.

I truly hope you find real happiness."

 

"Little Big Town - Better Man."

 

Thank god all this is happening now, after I've had time to heal up. I'd be a mess otherwise.

 

One email - a slip.

Two? Wtf

 

Help a worn out ex out here, what gives?

 

Thanks everyone.

 

Dave

[LitTunnel]

Hey Bromeo, I can't help but think I'm somewhat in a similar situation as you. I totally, tooooootally screwed up my relationship back in Jun 2016. I acted totally beta, texted, begged, pleaded like a moron. This girl was all over me at one point and I managed to screw it all up by being this ridiculous clingy, needy bonehead and chased her straight to the hills.

 

She wasn't perfect by any means but I totally took her for granted. Dude, ever since then I've been living in misery. Regretting to the point where I became totally depressed and started having panic attacks because I thought I was going to feel like this forever and it scared the living deaylights out of me. I was a shell of myself because I simply wasn't getting over her. The regret was literally, LITERALLY killing me and I couldn't do anything about it. I read books on self-help, articles, watched videos. NOTHING was working.

 

NO mattter how much I convinced myself that she wasn't the right woman for me my heart would simply say, "SHUT UP IDIOT, YOU STILL LOVE HER AND YEARN FOR HER. YOU JUST SCREWED IT ALL UP AND NOW YOU'VE LOST HER FOREVER. AND NOW SHE'S LIVING WITH ANOTHER GUY HAVING SEX AND ALL BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE A MORON."

 

I can't begin to tell you how crushed I feel. It's been many months and she's long gone but she still haunts me tho this day. Just today I almost had another breakdown, AGAIN!!!

 

We just have to take it 1 day at a time. I have gotten better but man, it's tough.

 

All I know is things like this happen for a reason AS cliche as it sounds. I truly believe now, without a shred of doubt that God is preparing us for a new harvest and the only way for us to be ready to accept it is if we've been tried and tested and THIS I can NOT wait for!!! Waaaahooo!!!

Edited January 18, 2017 by LitTunnel

[Been]

I tell you exactly what she's doing. She has to have the last word and SHE has to be the one to be done with you. She sensed you were moving on and BOOM lets throw out a little breadcrumb to keep him wondering.

When I left mine I blocked her on everything. EVERYTHING.

And I was moving forward. Feeling good. About 2 months latter I get a knock on the door. It's my ex! I ask her what she wants. She wants to talk. I let her in.

She's wants me to read this letter she typed out. It would "explain" things to me. I read it. The contents were basically I'm the greatest man in the world and she didn't know it. But NOW she does. She wants to MARRY me.

We get back togeather. Months latter after she's cheated on me for the 1000 time I break up with her.

Yours is one of those like my ex was to always want to orbit around you-she doesn't want you to FULLY move on unless SHES ok with it.

[jorgeg3d]

Counterfeit love, by Rebeloution

 

That sums up this post, and my ex as well. Lets rejoice guys. There's better women out there!

 

The only caveat is, so many good women out there, but everyone has issues. Its good to see the issues early on and I hate to say it but "judge" them early as its easier to let go sooner than later. I've dated several great women but if I don't find good chemistry or I notice something not right, I tend to let go before things get serious.

 

I've also noticed women falling for me way sooner than expected, which is great on my end, shows my character and well, shows that my ex is missing out lol. But obviously sucks for the women who get attached too quickly.

 

Anyway my point is life is about giving and taking, you'll never find the perfect person cause, they don't exist.

Edited January 18, 2017 by jorgeg3d

[Bromeo]

Community,

 

First let me give my heartfelt thanks to the members here for their support. I experienced a gut-wrenching breakup +-6 months ago, and the care and common sense advice given here truly helped me cope, understand the situation, and cease making endless mistakes and hurting myself further.

 

To summarize, I had an 18 month whirlwind with a gorgeous hippy with severe communication problems, who would abandon and run at the first sign of trouble. I became a soggy, mess of a man as a result. Want a laugh? Read my first thread and cringe with me.

 

Fast forward through all my mistakes to December 20, 2016. Crazy and I talk, she expresses her extreme displeasure with me, has a new man, love is gone, etc. At this point, after months of chasing, I give up and began to finally heal properly.

 

Fast forward to January 16. I'm 90 percent over it, no longer check her FB, dating other women, signed up for sommelier classes, tennis lessons, writers workshops, and am more productive at work. I actually committed to cooking one day a week.

 

As I'm preparing dinner for a lovely lady and my roommate, the following email appears in my box from crazy:

 

"Thank you for the thoughtful email. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I hope you had a nice holiday. I hope you and your loved ones are well. I'm still searching for peace and love. I wish you the best, always."

 

It should be noted that she is referring to an email I sent her 41 days ago. I owe a coworker a steak dinner, as I apparently lost that bet.

 

While taken a bit back, I honestly did not know what to say. So I said nothing.

 

January 17, a second email appears, saying:

 

"I can't help but think of you whenever this song comes on.

I truly hope you find real happiness."

 

With that was a link to a sad country song that is popular.

 

Community, help a brother out here. What gives with this?

 

My cadre of trusted female associates threatened me with painful death if I responded. And promised me if I didn't, she would contact me again, and if not, she didn't care anyway. They did convince me I am better than an email.

 

This woman flayed me emotionally for months. I laugh and cringe about how I acted in October and November. I have no desire to return to that stage, but honestly, I still miss her. We had an amazing connection, and opposites attracted like gangbusters.

 

There is an odd feeling of her trying to stab through my healed up heart.

 

And community, thanks again for listening. I trust everyone had a safe and happy holiday season.

[Ilovepizzalady]

I am laughing over here that you addressed me as Pizza. It made my morning! I am struggling right there along with you, having been left for another woman after a tumultuous relationship of 2 years (and 3 years if you include all the flirting, leadup). I see their pictures on WhatsApp and Instagram of them hugging/clinging to each other in happiness.

 

Well, it seems you in a better emotional place now. Mine happened in early August and I am no where near out of my depression and anxiety over it. You seem to know that she is no good for you.

 

Maybe she is so non-committal that she can't even commit to not committing to you. She just rides wherever the wind takes her.

[dumbass2]

Well, first off I think you should admit to yourself that you are nowhere close to being over her. Not 90%, maybe 49%. I get the sense that you would like to be back with her. You posted this a few days ago and now a second time. Tells us that it is weighing on you a lot. That's normal. It hasn't been a lot of time. Your heart is still trying to stay in control and until your logic is in charge, you will not have fully moved on. Her emails are a call for attention. Ex's like to know that you're still around just in case. Once you continuously ignore them, they will go away. Those that feel they made a mistake and regret it will definitely let it be known. There will be no questioning the contact.

[jamili]

Well, first off I think you should admit to yourself that you are nowhere close to being over her. Not 90%, maybe 49%. I get the sense that you would like to be back with her. You posted this a few days ago and now a second time. Tells us that it is weighing on you a lot. That's normal. It hasn't been a lot of time. Your heart is still trying to stay in control and until your logic is in charge, you will not have fully moved on. Her emails are a call for attention. Ex's like to know that you're still around just in case. Once you continuously ignore them, they will go away. Those that feel they made a mistake and regret it will definitely let it be known. There will be no questioning the contact.

 

I like this advice, and it brings me some peace of mind in the situation I'm dealing with as well.

 

Bromeo, I think your female associates might be correct - that if she cares enough, she'll try again, despite you ignoring them. These emails... though definitely more substance than my ex gave me in her vague emails earlier this month... doesn't really show any evidence of reconciliation or a willingness to talk. It's true, she might just be trying to see if she "still has you" for some kind of ego boost. Or, she might be testing the waters to see if you would even take her back. But, on thing is for sure - NC has gotten her to feel some kind of loss, and she is definitely thinking of you now. Time and distance have done some work.

 

The way I see it, you have two options here, and both of them are dice rolls:

 

Option 1. Ignore this email, and see if this triggers more fear in her that she might be losing you forever. Maybe she felt she could get you back whenever she wanted, due to your initial reaction from the breakup.. and now she's realizing that might not be the case. Maybe you are stronger than she thought. Maybe this is making her interested in you, and raising your stock in her eyes. Call it being strong, alpha, mature, manly, or whatever you want to label it - you can ask any woman - there is something attractive about a man who can pick himself up, brush himself off, and move on with his life and focus on his priorities, after getting knocked down. You might be gaining her respect back. If you keep it up, she might crack, and reveal something more.

 

A guy on this forum a long time ago posted something I felt was accurate, I'll post it here: "Odd thing; when they don't have to put in much work...they often lose interest anyway. If you open the door too quickly, if you're just sitting waiting to open it...well, it tends to have them rethink walking through."

 

^That's the risk you might run if you respond too soon and she "calls your bluff" so to speak. She must feel that you are completely moving on and over her, and that she's losing you FOREVER. I don't want this to sound manipulative... but she's gotta squirm a little.

 

Option 2. Write back, but appear neutral/distant/etc, no emotion, appear as if you have "moved on completely". Something like, "Thanks, you too. Take care." This might also show strength. It might also show her you are at least willing to talk to her. However, the thing about this, in my opinion, is it has some risks. She may take it as validation, that she still has you, in some way. After you respond, she might up and vanish forever - receiving the ego stroke she might have been after. She could also be priming you to be her doormat, maybe get you in that friendzone, in case she ever needs a favor in the future or whatever. You also risk "easing" any fear of loss she has that you have created in the time you have been NC. That's anxious feeling of "omg is he really gone for ever? Am I ready for this? Did I make the right decision here?" will be purged by your response, and she knows you are still available and in her life in some way. The anxiety might disappear, and you will fade off her mind and out of her thoughts. This is the opposite effect you want if you still want her back, of course, as you want her mind to be plagued by thoughts of you and losing you - which oddly enough builds attraction, wonder and sexual arousal.

 

 

Ultimately, you gotta do what you wanna do. However, I think you are in a pretty solid position right now. You have the power shifted to you now. She has written to you twice, and you haven't given in. You aren't the weak "beta" she broke up with anymore. You are moving on, perhaps better than she thought you would. Perhaps better than her? Time will tell. I tend to agree with your female friends, and most people on this board. I can promise you she likely never has had a guy she dumped do this... 90% of guys out there would have responded to her first email by now. You might be throwing her head for a spin, and surprising her. Keep the NC until you get something a little more... vulnerable... from her emails. Maybe even a text... or *gasp*.. a phone call. I don't think you should expect her knocking on your door one day sobbing on her knees begging for you back in a pool of her own tears and vomit.. like some people like to fantasize... most people don't have that in them lol. I do, however, think it's POSSIBLE that if you keep allowing her to feel that loss, you might end up getting an "I miss you" or something like that.

 

Keep us updated!

Edited January 21, 2017 by jamili

[Sweetfish]

Thanks Ted. I have a range of female advisers that I conferred with. The overall analysis is:

 

1. She wasn't fully with the other guy during the time I was chasing her, causing her to vacillate between both men. Keep in mind I asked her multiple times if she was seeing anyone the whole time (opinions divided).

 

2. While I visited and also broke No Contact, I was the soul waiting for a breadcrumb, and decided to act affirmatively. Because she had been with new man for weeks, she felt much more confident being rude to me. However, I plainly stated my intentions, got stood up, and left with enough anger to carry me through (opinions divided).

 

I know full well Corey Wayne says over pursuit leads to rejection, but as I was facing a transfer at work back to my family in D.C., I needed some closure.

 

3. If she had been in love with me like I was with her, and I showed up after weeks of being gone wanting to rekindle and profess marriage, she would have melted. (Female Marine)

 

4. There is no excuse for being rude, especially when I was in there pouring my heart out. (unanimous)

 

5. She is emotionally immature, but still cares. Give her a short window to process it all, move on with your life, and during that window give the following response to any outreach:

 

"Unless you are contacting me to apologize, and meet up soon to discuss reconciling, we have nothing to speak about."

 

I'm spent. Opinions are appreciated, and thanks for the support.

 

 

Please stop listening to Corey Wayne...

[Bromeo]

Friends,

 

I had intended to start a new thread in second chances regarding breadcrumbs, and the mods moved me back to my original thread. I don't think I've received them before, and was looking for guidance. Hence the awkwardness of my latest post. Lol

 

To wit, before the aforementioned emails, I was honestly doing fine. I've since regressed a bit over the last week, but am feeling stronger today.

 

Jamilis' thoughtful advice is congruent with what I've received on and offline. Therefore NC is how I shall continue. I've had enough trauma over this woman. Time for her to work if she wants me. I've have found when various people give the same advice, it almost always is correct.

 

Regarding Corey Wayne, when I first started watching him, he made some excellent points about relationships. Now with further research, his methodology doesn't apply to every situation. I think his heart is in the right place though.

 

Its amazing how much this situation affected me. I can't remember a period in my life prior that has.

 

Thanks everyone for their continued support.

 

Davd

[jamili]

Friends,

 

I had intended to start a new thread in second chances regarding breadcrumbs, and the mods moved me back to my original thread. I don't think I've received them before, and was looking for guidance. Hence the awkwardness of my latest post. Lol

 

To wit, before the aforementioned emails, I was honestly doing fine. I've since regressed a bit over the last week, but am feeling stronger today.

 

Jamilis' thoughtful advice is congruent with what I've received on and offline. Therefore NC is how I shall continue. I've had enough trauma over this woman. Time for her to work if she wants me. I've have found when various people give the same advice, it almost always is correct.

 

Regarding Corey Wayne, when I first started watching him, he made some excellent points about relationships. Now with further research, his methodology doesn't apply to every situation. I think his heart is in the right place though.

 

Its amazing how much this situation affected me. I can't remember a period in my life prior that has.

 

Thanks everyone for their continued support.

 

Davd

 

Another thing I noticed about those emails, is that both of them appear to be rhetoric. She isn't asking for a reply/response. She's almost like journaling her thoughts into your inbox; "I hope you are well", "I hope you had a good holiday", "This reminds me of you". Contrast that with what she could have said; "How are you?", "How were you holidays?", "doesn't this song remind you of old times?". They aren't even worded to warrant a response, so far. So, more of a reason not to respond IMO. Even a short/cordial/unphased response wouldn't be the logical response here, since she didn't ask you anything. I think this makes it more likely that she is seeing if you will jump on anything she throws you like thirsty puppy "OMG I MISSED YOU WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY HOLIDAY IS GREAT HOW WAS YOURS I LOVE YOU", etc.

 

Maybe soon she'll realize you aren't f'ing around, and that you are seriously gone forever.. if that's the case she might up her ante and her messages might eventually evolve into actual questions, or more intimate/personal displays of vulnerability (e.g., "i miss you Bromeo..."). I think that's how you know if this is starting to become more sincere and less of a guilt/ego deal.

Edited January 22, 2017 by jamili

[Bromeo]

Friends,

 

Its amazing the difference 5 days makes.

 

As a reminder, concerning my debacle I sent Booger-Face (BF) a short text asking to talk if she wanted after some heavy debate on other LS threads.

 

BF then sent a quote stating shes having a hard time getting over me. Breaking from LS tradition, I called and left a voicemail.

 

Summary?

 

"We either need to talk, and reconnect, or quit playing games, and love each other from afar. I was done with you, you reached out, I asked to talk, then nothing. I'm transferring away from here, and wanted to take you with me, obviously now I cannot. So make up your mind, because I'm done with the games."

 

That evening? Her first text in 4 months - "I need to understand what went down between the two of us, and if you considered my feelings at all."

 

A short conversation ensued thereafter, with me not whining or begging, just chatting.

 

I think in my case, the breadcrumbs were her testing the water to make contact, and if I had ignored her, she would have disappeared. I fully understand this is not true in all cases, however.

 

Be safe everyone, I'll keep transcribing here. I find it cathartic.

 

Dave

[RecentChange]

I don't understand why you keep inviting this chaos back into your life.

 

But it's your life - I guess you must like the drama, because you keep choosing it.

[jamili]

I don't understand why you keep inviting this chaos back into your life.

 

But it's your life - I guess you must like the drama, because you keep choosing it.

 

I think his intention is to reconcile with her, not for drama/games.

[RecentChange]

But this woman has proven time and again she is all about drama and games. Inviting this woman back into his life (someone who has shown him little respect or regard I might add) is asking for chaos.

[jamili]

But this woman has proven time and again she is all about drama and games. Inviting this woman back into his life (someone who has shown him little respect or regard I might add) is asking for chaos.

 

Well, maybe the time apart/NC has changed this and perhaps she actually wants to reconcile this time and get back together. I guess we will see.

[niji]

If I truly wanted a 6 pack (women can have them too ), I would have woken up at 6AM and gone to the gym to work out. However, I stayed in bed til late because I don't truly want a 6 pack.

 

If Bromeo truly wanted to end this mess, he would have ended it. We do things not because they're good for us, but because we want to do them.

 

The drama and humiliation and disrespect must not be that bad, to you; otherwise you would have called it a while ago.

 

Vague quotes from books, movies, and songs, I've seen them all. After a while they become meaningless as they can be sent to just about anyone - and after a while, you become tired of being that replaceable pawn people can play around with when they're bored or in their pensive mood.

 

Only one advice for you, Bro: be real. I've followed your thread for quite a wihle now and you remind me of myself when I was trying to break it off with a "friend" who was interested, but not enough. Breadcrumbs are breadcrumbs for a reason, I hope there will be a point where you want a whole baguette, much more satisfying.

[Purepony]

Are you really kidding me ?!?!

 

This woman tramples you like a doormat does whatever she wants you claim to be a Baller and you're still putting up with this ?

And then on top of that you come over here and asked for validation and support ?

 

Look this woman is not going to change no matter what just let it go already she has a new guy it's obvious the new guy replaced you MoveOn forget about her crap and if she emails you or texts you tell her to screw off!

 

She wants to keep you as a Plan B in case her and her new guy doesn't work out for god sake man all this education you claim you have and you can't figure this out

 

Run fast and run far this woman is crazy you will have to buy her and convince her to stay for the rest of your life and even then there's always that chance you'll lose her

 

The next post I see from you better be a no contact progress !

[Bromeo]

Quite a range of thoughts on my debacle. Please allow me to convey my rebuttal.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure whether I would reconcile or not. I'd like to meet booger face in person to see if the feelings are still there after all this time.

 

If we weren't struggling with the breakup and the loss of a person we cared about, we wouldn't be on this forum. Validation and support have been appreciated each time it has been offered. Personally, this has been the most emotionally trying time I can remember, so I greatly appreciate the communities patience.

 

I understand now breadcrumbs, bs, and game playing. I'm getting there, I really am. I felt better after I called, and will bring this to a close. I simply remember better times, and those times are what I miss, keeping me holding on far longer than I should have, i know.

 

I'm transferring stares in a couple months, which brings for me a hard stop to all this.

 

A tough learning experience for sure.

 

Thanks everyone.

[niji]

If we weren't struggling with the breakup and the loss of a person we cared about, we wouldn't be on this forum. Validation and support have been appreciated each time it has been offered. Personally, this has been the most emotionally trying time I can remember, so I greatly appreciate the communities patience.

 

Oh of course. All of us who are encouraging you to cut it off are not IN it, hence we can say it with ease. You're the one who's struggling, and only you know how hard it is to cut it off with this particular woman.

 

That being said, please think about how awesome of a human being you are, and whether you deserve to be treated this way. I'm not saying she doesn't still have feelings for you; she may very well do - and that's probably the hardest thing to come to terms with. But what's important is, she doesn't not love you ENOUGH, not enough to abandon her old ways, never has. And nobody deserves a "not enough" relationship.

[Purepony]

Quite a range of thoughts on my debacle. Please allow me to convey my rebuttal.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure whether I would reconcile or not. I'd like to meet booger face in person to see if the feelings are still there after all this time.

 

If we weren't struggling with the breakup and the loss of a person we cared about, we wouldn't be on this forum. Validation and support have been appreciated each time it has been offered. Personally, this has been the most emotionally trying time I can remember, so I greatly appreciate the communities patience.

 

I understand now breadcrumbs, bs, and game playing. I'm getting there, I really am. I felt better after I called, and will bring this to a close. I simply remember better times, and those times are what I miss, keeping me holding on far longer than I should have, i know.

 

I'm transferring stares in a couple months, which brings for me a hard stop to all this.

 

A tough learning experience for sure.

 

Thanks everyone.

 

 

Yes I agree many of us are struggling but you're prolonging the pain and struggling more because you keep messaging her and You go after the breadcrumbs she throws at you

 

We already told you what to do to MoveOn and you don't listen

I understand you are in pain, I'm in pain too but I deleted her number and all 600 pictures and blocked her

[Bromeo]

I finally grew some hair on my privates.

 

Summary - after a frustrating couple of days of 4am texts from her, and a Sunday of distant breadcrumb nonsense, all of the frustration of the last seven months came through in an angry rush. All of my friends got behind me in a line, said to say my piece to her and be done. So I did.

 

I made a highlight list of everything,

 

1. Her breaking into my home, twice, and bringing other people with her;

 

2. Collecting her diamond bracelet, having sex with me, telling I love yous, then disappearing for a week;

 

3. Never responding to anything in three months, and only meeting me to collect gifts, and ditching me repeatedly;

 

4. Making fun of me at the bar, when I was there telling her I wanted to marry and make babies with her;

 

5. The December 20 phone call, when I decided to finally move on with my life, and the emails from her a month later, starting this over.

 

And that's just the highlight reel.

 

So I left a voicemail and calmly let it all out. I ended with she didn't deserve someone as crazy in love as I was with her, for her not to contact me for any reason, and I hoped she gets herself together some day. Then I hung up, blocked her and was done. No more FB games, breadcrumbs, or bs.

 

The irony of the thread title just hit me. I guess in end I really did just need to vent. I just absolutely couldn't take it any longer. I couldn't walk away and wonder, I was sick of tiptoeing around her, and scraping for a 4am meme. So I proactively took closure. And hell with looking weak, I did it for me.

 

7 months of this, I couldn't believe it when I did the math.

 

Thanks everyone, clearly it took me a minute(s), but I got there.

 

Dave

Edited January 30, 2017 by Bromeo

[Purepony]

Hopefully this time you will stick with this program !

Good job now go out and have some "you" time