Bromeo needs to vent.

[VeveCakes]

How can you see her posts and wall if she is blocked? Not possible.

[jorgeg3d]

Keep it going Bromeo! I too have my setbacks man. I still think about my ex to this day and it burns my ass. Its been about 5 months or so since we broke up, feels like yesterday almost.

 

I keep pushing though, knowing I did everything I could to a have a good, lasting relationship. She decided to sabotage it, so be it. Some people will never learn from their inability to be happy, or have a desire to change their ways because of it. I'm sure your ex and mine are in the same boat.

[No_Go]

How can you see her posts and wall if she is blocked? Not possible.

 

A second anonymous account to 'stalk' her? Super commonly used fb trick.

[VeveCakes]

A second anonymous account to 'stalk' her? Super commonly used fb trick.

 

Well that certainly isn't healthy. Nor would I consider that blocking someone from your life lol

[goldway90]

How can you see her posts and wall if she is blocked? Not possible.

 

Unblock her to check her posts then block again

[goldway90]

I must take a second here to explain that during our 18 months, when something would happen that she didn't like, she would utterly disappear.

 

Giant red Chinese banner right there, sounds like BPD or BD when untreated but that's just a guess.

 

Honestly you should seek some therapy for the emotional roller coaster you had with this woman.

[Bromeo]

How can you see her posts and wall if she is blocked? Not possible.

 

Veve, I just log out and look at her page from a browser. Honestly, I keep hoping to see her with another beau, as it would afford me some hard earned closure, in a situation with none. And believe me, I know that's crazy in itself.

 

Gold, I hesitate to label people, and I also agree with what dew previous thought, in that there is a tendency to demonize exs to offset the pain we feel. What I think after much introspection is that she is simply a coward who can't have hard conversations. By contrast, this taught me the importance of doing just that, and I've gotten much better at having those same hard talks with people. Additionally, until I can objectively discuss this, I'm not sure a counselor will be able to provide effective guidance. I'm toughing it out, and no more long soaks in the tub.

 

Jorge, I appreciate the kind words. I've come to realize the importance of seeking comfort and succor from those further along the path. Previously I never talked about my feelings, and this has taught me the importance of that.

 

Life, thanks. This thing left some scars on me, for sure. I feel for my mistakes in my RS, karma deigned to give me several months of hurt.

 

At this point, I do miss her, miss cigars and snoring. One odd thing I found is that the better I focus at work, and have direction for myself and life, the less I feel confused and uncertain. This time has offered forced intensive study into relationships, and emotions.

 

This community has been like no other. Some lost souls, some tough love, and mostly kind, likeminded types.

[Bromeo]

Friends,

 

I usually try and post bimonthly or so on my own thread. The next couple of weeks plan to be quite busy, so bear with an early post. Plus, as an aspiring novelist, where better to convey thoughts than among likeminded friends?

 

I am prepping my home for sale, just got back from an amazing work trip in Tampa, and have been going out for long runs. This weekend I plan to tear up st pattys day with some Irish catholic cops in Chicago.

 

And most importantly, there has been no contact in either direction.

 

One thing I've noticed as time goes on, is that when I feel a stab of guilt or anger regarding my rather crazy breakup, it's getting progressively easier to push those thoughts out. The time and space are bringing my self confidence back up. However, I did need a counseling a couple nights back from my roomie to assuage some guilt I was feeling.

 

Memories have been creeping up. Ones like:

 

She loved horses. Assisted with acquiring interviews for two horse-related jobs, and helped her acquire a job training horses. She loved it, and quit shortly after we split. Go figure.

 

Similarly, I attempted to bring her family together to start a family equestrian business. Each family member had a different piece, and they would have been fabulous. That didn't pan out either after the split, naturally.

 

Sometimes I wonder if her new mope does the same. Then I realize that while she appreciated the help at the time, clearly she prefers the bar, partying lifestyle at 36. I do not.

 

Another oddity is that as I continue to receive clear communication from the ladies I associate with, I still marvel at it. I recently made an error with the current lady. She called me, we met up, she asked me about it, listened, accepted my response and apology, and we had a nice day. She didn't explode, disappear, punish, and ignore. What a nice turn of events. The universe does help sometimes.

 

I do not live in the fantasy of my ex showing up at my door. After she left I remember inviting her over, and she asked if she could park in the garage instead of on the street, "like the help". My little victim ex simply cannot conceptualize that she had a role in our demise, as stated in our final conversation, which in part went thusly:

 

"...the astounding level of disrespect you showed me."

"Sweetpea, you aren't the easiest person to live with either."

"I am a perfect angel. It's always all about you, you always do this, and I don't have time for this."

"Click"

"Sigh"

 

I am satisfied that I did, and was willing to do all I could to save our relationship. That part of this mess is at peace at least for me. However I do get sour over the months of chasing I did, when we could have spoken plainly. Most likely I was simply clouded with emotion, but I asked her repeatedly to simply be crystalline and let me go. And of course, when I backed off, a couple days later she would reach out, pull me back in, and begin distancing again once the chase was back on. I guess she felt comfortable in that zone.

 

So much time has passed that I'm beginning to feel like I was imagining the strong connection we had. For me, I cannot fake that, so perhaps she was. I do miss that strong chemistry, even if it was one sided.

 

We will not be friends, on FB or otherwise. I will not orbit her, for any reason. Like Denzel said, I walk a higher path these days.

 

Be safe everyone. I often wonder during my novel-writing classes if a breakup novel written from a mans point of view would sell, seeing as most are written by or for women. Thoughts?

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Dave

[lovely81]

Have you ever read Jonathan Tropper? I think there's a market for books like the one you're speaking of. You have a good comic tone. (Have worked in book publishing . . . )

[magnesium]

Cutting her off was absolutely the best decision. No doubt she didn't expect that. I wouldn't doubt if she's still playing games till this day - with your block in place i.e. a 1-player game. I'm sure she'll figure it out eventually... that you weren't @#$%ing around. That you aren't a man to be @#$%ed with, placed into orbit, dangled on a string, manipulated, etc. and all the things some dumpers like to do. 100% guarantee, while she'd never admit it, deep down inside she has more respect for you for cutting her off and being a man. I'm glad you have more respect for yourself too, for being self aware and confident enough to walk the @#$% away and not look back.

 

Bromeo,

 

Congrats on your progress since you left booger face.

 

Also, it took me a little over an hour to read this entire thread.

 

Do you think your crazy ex will ever change her ways?

 

Do you think she will ever accept responsibility for her part of the problems?

 

You mentioned she loves pot. Do you think she took stronger drugs (prescription or recreational)?

 

Or are in in a state of mind where you just dont give a f*$# about her enough to question these things?

 

I ask these questions because I was once in a similar crazy relationship that turned my life into hell a year ago. Have been no contact since then, although she reached out 2 times a few weeks ago, but I never responded. I can't believe she tried contacting me almost a year later, but let me tell you, not responding felt soooo good.

 

And I quoted jamili above because reading that made me feel very good about my actions about cutting that girl out of my life.

Edited March 7, 2017 by magnesium

[Bromeo]

Bromeo,

 

Congrats on your progress since you left booger face.

 

Also, it took me a little over an hour to read this entire thread.

 

Do you think your crazy ex will ever change her ways?

 

Do you think she will ever accept responsibility for her part of the problems?

 

You mentioned she loves pot. Do you think she took stronger drugs (prescription or recreational)?

 

I ask these questions because I was once in a similar crazy relationship that turned my life into hell a year ago. Have been no contact since then, although she reached out 2 times a few weeks ago, but I never responded. I can't believe she tried contacting me almost a year later, but let me tell you, not responding felt soooo good.

 

And I quoted jamili above because reading that made me feel very good about my actions about cutting that girl out of my life.

 

Mag,

 

I've learned a ton from this escapade. I've found in life that when you present a scenario seeking succor, advisors will approach the problem differently. Somewhere in the middle of all the counsel is the proper course of action.

 

And please correct me if I am reading her wrong. I think Booger Fartface was receiving some bs advice from her cellar-dwelling friends. She attempted to date post-Dave, found that he didn't measure up, and that went south. I point to her recent emails as evidence, your Honor.

 

I would offer that she probably does miss me, and with time will reach out again. All my advisors agree there. I submit the deleting of years old photos into evidence for that.

 

She and I are truly opposites. She told me that previous boyfriends had gotten her into harder drugs (naturally) but now she only indulged in the keef. And she was respectful enough not to do it around me.

 

Problem is she has a constant stream of proletariat men at her work. Being with me would require reconciliation, work, and communication, and until she is dogged out, abused, or mistreated, will simply not be at that place.

 

Using bar metaphors, I am finally a top shelf liquor again.

 

I reached the place where the push pull and distancing became utter nonsense. I do miss our jokes, memes, talks, and times together. But this breakup Shiite is over.

 

I feel like my emotional discipline went through Parris Island throughout all this. Now, I am no saint, and can say some terrible things when vexed. However, my tale of woe is some garbage.

 

It's amazing to me how some people go through very similar stories.

[dumbass2]

If she contacted you today and asked for forgiveness and to really give things an honest shot again, would you?

[Bromeo]

If she contacted you today and asked for forgiveness and to really give things an honest shot again, would you?

 

Honestly, after all this, I am not sure. An apology would make things very difficult for me emotionally. I have a serious head of steam built up about our breakup.

 

Though admittedly immature, I would take umbrage with the other 9/11 truthers she'd been with in the interim. Trust would be a serious issue, and I'd feel like the only reason she was reconciling is lack of Dave-level options.

 

Herein lies the problem. She once professed, "I want a perfect relationship, where the man never makes mistakes or has to apologize."

 

How has that worked out so far, Sweetcheeks?

 

Realistically, who knows what she is thinking? I am sure of:

 

No one has ever cut her off before. Why would they? Clearly she is perfect and amazing. 100+ posts and 4000+ views are all wrong.

 

At this time, she doesn't want me. Took me awhile, but I'm fine with that. I finally listened to everyone, and I mean everyone who said the "mistakes" I made were not dealbreakers, and could have been talked through with ease.

 

Remember, she is the "all men are liars and cheaters", "men have abused her all her life", type. The one time I did lie to her, I called her immediately back, confessed, and apologized. I felt like hell about it.

 

Dont forget how I drove and offered to marry and conceive babies. To which I was ridiculed and stood up. Later on she stated on thanksgiving that she went home after that and cried for three hours. Right..... In retrospect that act was rash, stalkerish, and emotional on my part, and will never occur again.

 

Time will tell if I get the crying phone call that my best friend swears by. I'll deal with it then, and examine my feelings. Right now I'm focused on selling my home, transferring, workouts, and the other positive things in my life.

 

Yesterday I ran 5 miles again. My abs are tightening up, and weight is coming down nicely. Afterwards I felt like the centered, confident, old me. If crazy ever did want to talk, I would complete that run beforehand.

 

Be safe. Cold in Chitown today. Like winter just can't let go.

Edited March 8, 2017 by Bromeo

[allybaba789]

So much time has passed that I'm beginning to feel like I was imagining the strong connection we had. For me, I cannot fake that, so perhaps she was. I do miss that strong chemistry, even if it was one sided.

 

Be safe everyone. I often wonder during my novel-writing classes if a breakup novel written from a mans point of view would sell, seeing as most are written by or for women. Thoughts?

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Dave

 

Hi Dave, seeing as you posted on my thread I spotted yours.....

 

One thought I have is that we both seem to have dated people who are emotionally unbalanced. I think its important to choose a life partner who is of sound mind, relatively relaxed and doesn't have any crazy behaviours (disappearing in your instance, avoiding labels and turning up out of the blue and confusing the hell out of me in mine). I don't know how you feel about this but I will certainly be looking for 'emotional-mess' signs early on such as your story about her crying the first night she slept over for no reason. Guys dont tend to be that transparent, but that was indeed a sign.

 

I had a vague sign. My ex used to put down other relationships a lot, he didnt rate any of his friends relationships and thought they were all miserable. One of his friends partners could have done a small crazy thing years ago (like getting jealous over a photo on social media) and he would assume the relationship was a joke. Should have read a bit more into that.

 

It's interesting you think you may have been imagining the strong chemistry - maybe there is a lot of resentment there now and that means you now see things differently. She did sound difficult to deal with so resentment would be natural and quite fair. Or maybe you haven't seen her in a while and that's why you feel that way. I remember when my ex showed up out of the blue our natural chemistry took me aback and I felt like nothing had changed. When time passes we forget.

 

I love reading all sorts of books so would certainly be interested in a break up novel written by a man. If you think you have a unique story, by all means go ahead. You could always write it and then down the line decide if its something you want to share with the world. The process itself will probably help you.

 

Best wishes, A

[Bromeo]

Hi Dave, seeing as you posted on my thread I spotted yours.....

 

One thought I have is that we both seem to have dated people who are emotionally unbalanced. I think its important to choose a life partner who is of sound mind, relatively relaxed and doesn't have any crazy behaviours (disappearing in your instance, avoiding labels and turning up out of the blue and confusing the hell out of me in mine). I don't know how you feel about this but I will certainly be looking for 'emotional-mess' signs early on such as your story about her crying the first night she slept over for no reason. Guys dont tend to be that transparent, but that was indeed a sign.

 

I had a vague sign. My ex used to put down other relationships a lot, he didnt rate any of his friends relationships and thought they were all miserable. One of his friends partners could have done a small crazy thing years ago (like getting jealous over a photo on social media) and he would assume the relationship was a joke. Should have read a bit more into that.

 

It's interesting you think you may have been imagining the strong chemistry - maybe there is a lot of resentment there now and that means you now see things differently. She did sound difficult to deal with so resentment would be natural and quite fair. Or maybe you haven't seen her in a while and that's why you feel that way. I remember when my ex showed up out of the blue our natural chemistry took me aback and I felt like nothing had changed. When time passes we forget.

 

I love reading all sorts of books so would certainly be interested in a break up novel written by a man. If you think you have a unique story, by all means go ahead. You could always write it and then down the line decide if its something you want to share with the world. The process itself will probably help you.

 

Best wishes, A

 

Ally,

 

Thanks for the perspective. I try and post introspective, positive Anecdotes. However you are correct, I have a large amount of resentment towards her at the moment. And as time goes on, and the confusion, emotion and guilt continue to fade, that resentment builds. It's something I know I need to work on. I do think she was confused and didn't know what she wanted. I simply cannot wish her well right now, and I hope indifference comes with time. As previously stated, I would have killed to hear "I don't love you", "I have a new man", "stop contacting me", hell, anything really. And I don't believe for a second that rubbish about the dumper not wanting to further hurt. She has, and is aware from my voicemail that she has already done enough of that. No contact from then on is evidence of her moving on and not caring. Which is fine, I've made my point, and said my piece.

 

Regarding chemistry, I believe it is the reason I am struggling to let go. Perhaps some people can flip that switch on and off, but call me crazy, I cannot. As sensitive as she was, I would love to imagine that she is struggling like me, but then I remember the previous 100 posts. All this wasted time and mental energy.

 

Here it is march, and I am still on this site. The world is crazy. When I transfer out of this state, I can put all this behind me.

[allybaba789]

Ally,

 

Thanks for the perspective. I try and post introspective, positive Anecdotes. However you are correct, I have a large amount of resentment towards her at the moment. And as time goes on, and the confusion, emotion and guilt continue to fade, that resentment builds. It's something I know I need to work on. I do think she was confused and didn't know what she wanted. I simply cannot wish her well right now, and I hope indifference comes with time. As previously stated, I would have killed to hear "I don't love you", "I have a new man", "stop contacting me", hell, anything really. And I don't believe for a second that rubbish about the dumper not wanting to further hurt. She has, and is aware from my voicemail that she has already done enough of that. No contact from then on is evidence of her moving on and not caring. Which is fine, I've made my point, and said my piece.

 

Regarding chemistry, I believe it is the reason I am struggling to let go. Perhaps some people can flip that switch on and off, but call me crazy, I cannot. As sensitive as she was, I would love to imagine that she is struggling like me, but then I remember the previous 100 posts. All this wasted time and mental energy.

 

Here it is march, and I am still on this site. The world is crazy. When I transfer out of this state, I can put all this behind me.

 

I'm new here and am finding all the threads really helpful. I've read quite a few articles on relationships but never forums. It's interesting getting different people's pespectives on situations.

 

I carry a lot of resentment aswell and I think it is absolutely natural and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. I also think its partly our minds forcing us into self-preservation mode and making us avoid that person. I definately feel a combination of resentment but I'm still in the stage of fantasizing about us getting back together. I look forward to the day I don't do that.

 

I believe that some relationships you only truly get over when you are happy with someone else. It's nothing to do with being needy, it's just the reality that when you are single you have more time to think about them. For instance, a bad night out can make you miss them as all your friends go home to their partners. These scenarios are common when you are single as you miss sharing your life with someone and makes you wonder why it couldn't have worked out. I'm sure when I am happy with someone else I will reach apathy, I can't see it happening before that. But I can see myself thinking about him less and less each day (in two months I've gone from constantly thinking about him to him crossing my mind 5-10 times a day due to the usual daily reminders).

 

I also would have loved to hear 'I'm just not that into you'. A bit of closure would go a long way. I think there are nasty people out there who want to hurt other people but I don't think many people are like that. I think what is common is people not realising how much their behaviour hurts others. That's the impression I got of your ex, and I think that's how my ex was too. I could see how upset he was when I told him he really hurt me and he did voice he was surprised I was that hurt (self-absorbed idiot).

 

Regarding chemistry, I think some people can put their feelings into a little emotional box and lock it away. The feelings will certainly resurface at some points, but some people can certainly do this. Once someone has done it a few times (and likely has had to do it in childhood), they become very good at it. I don't believe chemistry ever goes, but you start to forget about it as you aren't faced with it regularly. I have an ex who I see out and about occasionally who I dated for 5 months when I was 17 (9 years ago) and the chemistry has never gone for us. In a room full of people we will always be drawn to each other - it's innate.

 

I'll probably stick around on this forum for a couple of months then I'm going to start dating in the summer. Might give online dating a shot. Whilst I think these forums are fantastic for support I do think over time it can bring up feelings that are best left in the past. I feel the same way about talk therapy - I think it should be done in bursts when you need it, but I don't agree with regularly weekly sessions because sometimes it just bringing things up that don't need to be. I think its always important to move forwards.

 

A fresh start for you in a new state sounds super exciting. Best of luck with it all.

[Bromeo]

Ally,

 

Thank you for that very insightful perspective. Its fascinating to hear the ladies weigh in on these matters.

 

I do agree that it probably never crossed my ex's mind that her actions were hurting me that much. She was simply very emotional and going where the emotions took her. However, she very much did, and I brought it to her attention, and never heard back from her. It takes more ballz then she currently has access to. Plus, lets be honest, its easier to flirt with hoodie-wearing morlock orbiters, than to apologize for hurting someone.

 

I clearly have taken responsibility for myself and my role in the RS demise. At times I will submit I was not my best self. However, I haven't encountered a person yet (and I've spoke with many about this) who said that her actions (delineated in detail above) post-breakup were appropriate.

 

That, coupled with the clear, calm communication from the other women I have been dealing with lately, and the perspective from non-involved third parties who I gave a brutally objective overview to, and asked for the same in return, has done wonders for my self-esteem.

 

The combination of the above keeps my resentment high.

 

My best friend (an Irish Catholic, Chicago copper, veteran, and true American hero in every sense of the word), due to his own drama a decade back, has been right about everything, and I mean everything so far concerning this debacle. He offered that due to being supremely emotional and sensitive, she needs time to work through her feelings about everything, this thing will flow on its own timetable, and I can affect exactly nothing.

 

He also theorizes the crying phone call, but states I will be so far over her by then due to the work on myself, it won't matter. When he received his two months after he finally went NC from his ex, according to him he could have salvaged things, but she, like mine, had caused so much damage post-breakup he couldn't do it. I'll deal with that then if it happens.

 

Regarding chemistry, I agree. She told me that she couldn't meet with me, due to her fear of falling right back into the relationship. Then I would back off, she would text, pull me back in, and begin distancing once the chase was on anew.

 

Example - After we met up and she collected the gift box full of romantic stuff I prepared, held hands, kissed neck, blah blah. I didn't hear from her for a couple days. I texted a pic of my outfit, she responded much later - "Looks great, love you!" Nothing for days afterwards. Ditched the plans we had to go volunteer, and told me to move on with my life when I challenged her about it. Went NC for three weeks, and then the fateful trip to her work occurred.

 

Jesus H, even writing that out makes me feel stupid. How insane that I tolerated all this.

 

This right here, boys and girls, is why we listen to advisors on LS.

 

Finally, I was thinking to myself that too much time here on LS is a way of breaking NC. By constantly posting and remembering, you are not moving on completely. I am working to get myself to that place.

 

Yesterday was rough on me for some reason. Although tired, today I am much more focused.

 

Thanks everyone.

[PLT]

"...the astounding level of disrespect you showed me."

"Sweetpea, you aren't the easiest person to live with either."

"I am a perfect angel. It's always all about you, you always do this, and I don't have time for this."

 

 

Our exes are so alike it frightens me that there is more than one of them out there!

 

It's great to hear you are doing so well. It gives me hope. Isn't it lovely when you do have those regretful or sad thoughts that they no longer spiral down into a dark rabbit hole, potentially for days. I'm just hitting that now. I can push those thoughts away, because they really don't serve any purpose anymore. I realised I hadn't shed a teat for her in weeks now, nor do I feel it welling up inside over the preceding days. I like that you are dating again and seeing that not all women are like your ex. Probably something I should do but after dabbling a bit in speed dating and the only other real option being OLD, I just can't really be bothered to deal with all the crap you have to filter through.

 

Keep going man. You're doing great.

[keiji]

Finally, I was thinking to myself that too much time here on LS is a way of breaking NC. By constantly posting and remembering, you are not moving on completely. I am working to get myself to that place.

 

I must disagree on this. While I feel better than I've felt in a long, long time, I think that reading other people's experiences can be extremely enlightening. I haven't had any serious relationships since I landed here on Feb. 2016 and I'm glad I haven't, because I dodged a couple of bullets and saved myself a lot of trouble by reading and taking in all the advice given here.

[Bromeo]

I must disagree on this. While I feel better than I've felt in a long, long time, I think that reading other people's experiences can be extremely enlightening. I haven't had any serious relationships since I landed here on Feb. 2016 and I'm glad I haven't, because I dodged a couple of bullets and saved myself a lot of trouble by reading and taking in all the advice given here.

 

Point taken. I was more thinking that constantly posting, while therapeutic, may mean I am ruminating too much on the topic, while I need to focus on letting go.

 

The tales around here are indeed eerily similar. Its amazing that just the same as a persons positive traits are celebrated and well known, no one compiles how atrocious someone can act during these scenarios, adding to the value of the international perspective of this online support network.

 

I hadn't felt that crazy ever. It felt like my heart was racing and I had a fever but wasn't sick. Believe me, my emotional discipline is much better aligned now. Nowadays its more or less a haze at times.

 

Today I can focus at work.

[la74219]

Point taken. I was more thinking that constantly posting, while therapeutic, may mean I am ruminating too much on the topic, while I need to focus on letting go.

 

The tales around here are indeed eerily similar. Its amazing that just the same as a persons positive traits are celebrated and well known, no one compiles how atrocious someone can act during these scenarios, adding to the value of the international perspective of this online support network.

 

I hadn't felt that crazy ever. It felt like my heart was racing and I had a fever but wasn't sick. Believe me, my emotional discipline is much better aligned now. Nowadays its more or less a haze at times.

 

Today I can focus at work.

 

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels crazy at times. It's like no matter what I say, she flips it on me and I become the bad person. I don't understand it, and at times I question whether it's me. She literally tells me one thing one day, and a few days later it's completely different.

 

Example: Stay out of my life I'm happy with someone else and I never liked you and regret everything. Ok done. Next day..I didn't mean it when I said I didn't like you. I really don't know what my heart wants. 2 days later..you are such a jerk I am very happy with my life and my heart is with someone else. Ok done again. I mean what's next?

[Bromeo]

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels crazy at times. It's like no matter what I say, she flips it on me and I become the bad person. I don't understand it, and at times I question whether it's me. She literally tells me one thing one day, and a few days later it's completely different.

 

Example: Stay out of my life I'm happy with someone else and I never liked you and regret everything. Ok done. Next day..I didn't mean it when I said I didn't like you. I really don't know what my heart wants. 2 days later..you are such a jerk I am very happy with my life and my heart is with someone else. Ok done again. I mean what's next?

 

That is very similar to the push/pull I received. Mine wasn't quite as blatant though.

 

There are days I feel like I didn't fight hard enough, how awful a person I am, and what would life be like together. It feels like a breakup fog and very slight nausea on my brain that keeps me from being able to focus and concentrate.

 

Then I remember all the good things that happened, how much fun I had with her, how I tried to help in areas I could, and how destroyed this whole thing left me when she would disappear, or most recently post breakup.

 

I found myself clinging to any bit of decreasing contact. A dribbled text message, photos on FB, a dribbled email, a 4am picture quote. Just shows you how far down you can get in these things.

 

Then it hit me that I am worth so much more than that. This took me a very long time to realize. Like a coward, she walked out of my life without a word. I chased her, and got beat up emotionally as a result. Then I backed off finally, and she didn't like that either.

 

I am fighting hard to regain my self confidence and respect. I remember oozing confidence not even 9 months ago, now I have spurts of feeling really good. Usually after long runs.

 

Another thought I had was that the dumpee detaches in different ways than the dumper. I chased hard, then backed off, then cut contact, then blocked social media, and finally when I move I'll block her number. She will then be memories for me. Its been extremely difficult at times, but like other things in life, I'll be the better for grinding through it.

 

Lately, instead of asking the universe for another chance or more contact, I've been asking for the strength to let go.

 

Many lessons learned in short order.

[la74219]

That is very similar to the push/pull I received. Mine wasn't quite as blatant though.

 

There are days I feel like I didn't fight hard enough, how awful a person I am, and what would life be like together. It feels like a breakup fog and very slight nausea on my brain that keeps me from being able to focus and concentrate.

 

Then I remember all the good things that happened, how much fun I had with her, how I tried to help in areas I could, and how destroyed this whole thing left me when she would disappear, or most recently post breakup.

 

I found myself clinging to any bit of decreasing contact. A dribbled text message, photos on FB, a dribbled email, a 4am picture quote. Just shows you how far down you can get in these things.

 

Then it hit me that I am worth so much more than that. This took me a very long time to realize. Like a coward, she walked out of my life without a word. I chased her, and got beat up emotionally as a result. Then I backed off finally, and she didn't like that either.

 

I am fighting hard to regain my self confidence and respect. I remember oozing confidence not even 9 months ago, now I have spurts of feeling really good. Usually after long runs.

 

Another thought I had was that the dumpee detaches in different ways than the dumper. I chased hard, then backed off, then cut contact, then blocked social media, and finally when I move I'll block her number. She will then be memories for me. Its been extremely difficult at times, but like other things in life, I'll be the better for grinding through it.

 

Lately, instead of asking the universe for another chance or more contact, I've been asking for the strength to let go.

 

Many lessons learned in short order.

 

Very very similar it's insane. Just last night (as expected)..her heart is all over the place and she has a lot of confusion she needs to figure out. But she doesn't see why me and her can't be friends. My answer....wait for it....NO.

 

I told tell her I want to heal in peace without her in my life, and the only way I ever want to hear from her again is if she wants to work things out. And even then I don't know if I'd want to talk to her. So that was that. It felt good to tell her that. She really left me in pieces, but I've got to get my life back together. I can't let this keep bringing me down. I know I'll likely hear from her again probably sooner than later, but I've got to stick to what I said. It's just crazy how these situations can get this far. I am like you in the sense that you are either with me or not. I won't be 2nd place to some other guy who she claims is just a "friend". No person is worth that much to lose self respect over.

[keiji]

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels crazy at times. It's like no matter what I say, she flips it on me and I become the bad person. I don't understand it, and at times I question whether it's me. She literally tells me one thing one day, and a few days later it's completely different.

 

Example: Stay out of my life I'm happy with someone else and I never liked you and regret everything. Ok done. Next day..I didn't mean it when I said I didn't like you. I really don't know what my heart wants. 2 days later..you are such a jerk I am very happy with my life and my heart is with someone else. Ok done again. I mean what's next?

 

With people like that the only thing you can do is stay away from them and let them make up their own mind. When they realize that perhaps we weren't that bad, it's too late.

 

I had an awfully toxic relationship with a girl for three years, of course, an on and off thing, and she behaved exactly like that. In one of those off periods, which sometimes lasted two or three months, I learnt from a friend that her father was terminally ill. I contacted her immediately to let her know that I'd be there if she needed me. Her answer: "If you dare coming to my dad's funeral and get near me, I'll spit on your face". Not bad considering I hadn't cheated, been abusive or anything of the sort.

 

After this episode, I didn't talk to her in two years. When we met again after she insisted, she confessed that she had been expecting me during the funeral, that I was the only person she really needed there. Talk about push and pull. She's been chasing me since then and I reply as politely as I can, but I won't willingly put myself in a situation where someone is going to drive my crazy with her "I love you/I hate you" bull***.

Edited March 10, 2017 by keiji

[la74219]

With people like that the only thing you can do is stay away from them and let them make up their own mind. When they realize that perhaps we weren't that bad, it's too late.

 

I had an awfully toxic relationship with a girl for three years, of course, an on and off thing, and she behaved exactly like that. In one of those off periods, which sometimes lasted two or three months, I learnt from a friend that her father was terminally ill. I contacted her immediately to let her know that I'd be there if she needed me. Her answer: "If you dare coming to my dad's funeral and get near me, I'll spit on your face". Not bad considering I hadn't cheated, been abusive or anything of the sort.

 

After this episode, I didn't talk to her in two years. When we met again after she insisted, she confessed that she had been expecting me during the funeral, that I was the only person she really needed there. Talk about push and pull. She's been chasing me since then and I reply as politely as I can, but I won't willingly put myself in a situation where someone is going to drive my crazy with her "I love you/I hate you" bull***.

 

Thank you for your insights keiji. Bromeo, I hope you don't think I'm trying to hijack your thread haha. The situations are just so similar, and comparing them helps confirm that I'm not just losing my mind.

 

Keiji, toxic is a great word for it. I mean it's like I don't know what to think of it. As soon as I found out she was happy with someone else (who she claims is only a friend, but apparently he's such a great guy), I backed off. Didn't chase or anything. And like Bromeo says...they don't seem to like the backing off part either! They want us to be around, but I don't understand why. She screamed at me, and told me to accept that she's happy and to move on. So I listened..something she claims I never do. When I listened, she then decides she's confused and doesn't know where her heart is. So similar to the push/pull dilemma you guys describe in your situations.