Bromeo needs to vent.

[Superchicken]

Bromeo, you bring tears to my eyes. I swear, its not because I have been rubbing onions in them. They are real tears !.

You first came to me with egg on your face (I know the mother of those eggs too !), and now, after many wipes of "Douche wipes", you have allowed the force to elevate you above "Loser". I have trained you well Luke.. I mean Bromeo.

 

 

But comedy aside (Its the best source of healing magic anywhere), I'm really glad you stood ground, and didn't give in to the tears, and sad puppy eyes. Its bull, fake, and a real good tool "Some" women (See ladies, I am kind too) use to snag, and toe along.

 

 

Last analogy (Jesus, I have millions of them), Consider this :

Look at your self as the rose that grew from the Horse Sh*t that was below you, and now stands proud and strong.

Albeit with a few bugs, yuck.. Oh, and the smell too. But that may be you !.

 

 

I'd like for you to keep in touch, however, my messages haven't been enabled yet.. I'll figure something out.

 

 

So go forth and yee shall haveth fun, and be blessed yee hath seen thy Superchicken's wisdom.

 

 

Ted.

[keiji]

Ladies and gents, I do completely realize the idiocy of this situation, I really do. I look back now and cringe at I chased and acted.

 

Apparently shes been confused for months. There is nothing else I could do. I walked away for weeks and she didn't call me. She assumed I moved on, and began to date some mope. Then at the bar she was rude, but thought I was handsome, told me to move on, and then sent me a love song.

 

My question remains, what the helly hell is up with that? Lol

 

You don't act like this if you love someone. Ironically, the doormat days are over for me at least. This was so far outside of my normal experiences that I needed a proper rogering to get a grip. And I most certainly have one.

 

I feel much more confident, properly educated, purged in the fire of female emotion, and am ready to move on.

 

Our personal donnybrook rollercoaster has finally stopped, at least for me.

 

No more calls, texts, showing up, stalker nonsense.

 

I tell myself that years from now she may regret letting me go, but honestly, people like that, victims, they never do. And I'm fine with that.

 

Everyone, I have appreciated the support from this forum like no other. Most people don't understand, don't have time, or think you weak for having feelings. This community at LS has been patient, compassionate, and kind.

 

Thanks to everyone, even Ted. Lol

 

That sounds great, but what will you do if she shows up at your doorstep in another wherever-the-wind-blows-episode? What if the cosmos and a bag of strong weed tell her she must be with you until she feels impelled to flow with the universe (or another guy) once again? You seem determined to carry on, but from your messages I don't infer that you'd slam the door shut should she appear as though nothing happened.

[Bromeo]

Well folks, as an update, crazy and I have had two separate 45 minute conversations. Ironically, she had blocked me, and did not receive the aforementioned communications where I finally stood up for myself.

 

She said she loved me, and missed me, but was scared to move forward. She still felt our bond, and cried after I left Monday. You know, the day she made fun and told me to move on, and subsequently sent a love song? That day. lol

 

Those conversations occurred Thursday and yesterday. Today? Nothing.

 

I feel like things are back to where they were before. However, this time around I feel armed with knowledge. Corey Wayne preaches that the dumper must do 100 percent of the pursuing, and I agree.

 

I have come to realization from the support here and from others that people who love each other simply do not treat their partners in a vindictive and punitive matter. Even angry and hurt, they do not wish to see a loved one suffer. That, combined with the continued absence of clear communication makes for unwanted gamesmanship.

 

I finally feel able to communicate clearly with her. I am on vacation in DC, and upon my return Monday will wait for the correct opportunity to present this emotional mainframe update.

 

And, honestly, with everything that has occurred, I can walk away. Remembering the good times truly made me accept a level of disrespect that is impressive. We just fit together, sigh. Lol

 

That time is over.

 

Thanks everyone. Your continued support is invaluable.

[Bromeo]

And community, I feel like all the healing I did during no contact has been reset.

 

So give me a hand today. My head is again swirling with this nonsense.

 

I did a fair amount of research into BPD, and while she fits some of the criteria, in my opinion doesn't completely meet the standard.

 

I also feel like I had the best of intentions for going to see her Monday, and was over this nonsense Tuesday. Early Wednesday morning I received a love song, and we've spoken twice. Both times she expressed hurt and love, but refused to make a date or move forward.

 

In this circumstance, and this is for the ladies, why can't she just let me go?

 

One thing I have noticed is that I have accepted a level of disrespect that astounds me. Begging for breadcrumbs, expressing love and my desire to rekindle, and being met with ridicule.

 

I want to be either moving forward together, or moving on cleanly. This in- between chicanery makes me obsessive, crazy, and uncentered.

 

Does any of the very respected members here have a suggestion for bringing this thing to a point of clear communication?

 

Bromeo needs a hand today. Thanks everyone.

[Bromeo]

And now folks, the endgame.

 

Two days of good calls. Three days of nothing. I left voicemails, one a day.

 

A dribbled text this morning:

 

"I've been getting your messages. I've just got a ton on my mind and I've been busy"

 

"Can we talk?"

 

"I'm busy working all day"

 

"Unless your text says you want to get together to discuss reconciling, do not contact me again. I will cease all calls and texts from here."

 

This felt harsh, but needed.

 

Blocking her calls, texts, and social media occurred afterwards.

 

After hours of conversations with my support circle, this is ridiculous. I am better than this, and I am done. Whatever happened in the past is the past, I am confident I made changes to better myself and address her issues, and I can walk away satisfied.

 

Thanks everyone for listening to me vent and offering support.

[Formerfiveo]

So what are you going to do if she does text you and says she wants to reconcile?

 

By even saying that to her, you gave her all the power in your "relationship".

 

Please tell me the door is shut on this one permanently. Is she blocked and deleted from everywhere? Even if she shows up on your doorstep, please take back your self respect and firmly close the door in her face.

[spiderowl]

I think it's difficult for you Bromeo. The best thing is no contact and the brilliant self-respect you are showing, but anyone with feelings knows these situations are hard to bear. You may have set-backs but you will come through it all stronger and wiser. Yes, let her do the pursuing and only respond if that is what she is doing, nothing else.

 

You sound great fun and I am sure there are girls out there looking for a Bromeo just like you.

[oldbutcurious]

One question, more for the ladies. The chemistry and connection were undeniable, and the sex was meltingly hot. Does chemistry and connection fade with time?

 

Could be age. You're on your most virile stage / age. I mean, you should enjoy sex, and sex should be hot at that stage, especially with someone you really like and want to please. No matter the situation. I had the same with husband for a while. He verbally abuses me, I meltdown, he sweet talks, we have hot sex in a matter of - minutes to hours.

 

But now that I got used to his being away and actually enjoying it, I have no intention of getting him back.

 

Get to look at other ladies around you. Mingle, socialize. If she's not worth reaching out, you'll feel it soon.

[Bromeo]

Ladies and gents,

 

I had this same talk several times today. I think for me, there is enough pent up bitterness due to lack of clear communication that I'm not sure that even with an apology and desire to reconcile if I would.

 

I have resigned myself to several things. Please bear with me.

 

1. She is seeing another man, but doesn't want to sever ties due to not being sure about him. But he's fun and shows her attention, which distracts her. That is insecurity. Love is not punitive, and she should have let me go.

 

2. I myself should have been stronger to let her go much earlier than this to spare myself these feelings. I have damaged other relationships pursuing this nonsense. I am stronger now.

 

3. Online dating sucks.

 

4. Hell is other people. - Sartre.

[Superchicken]

Dude, you said "In this circumstance, and this is for the ladies, why can't she just let me go? "

I will ask you the SAME thing. Why cant YOU just let go.

 

 

All jokes aside, you wont heal until its over.

You are not a fool, so Its annoying, as to why you keep jumping in the pool with all clothes on.

Break the cycle, because, this thread will never end for you.

You'll just keep updating how she this, and that, and how you this and that.

Just like your doing now. Be the better and more intelligent person, and leave this relationship you believe will come to fruition.

 

 

Are you better than that ?.

 

 

P.S. Jokes back on side !.

 

 

Ted

[Bromeo]

Ted,

 

You and the other members here are very wise.

 

I'll be honest, I don't know how I feel right now. I've looked into BPD, done much soul searching, and realized that right now, I just feel empty.

 

I have no desire to reach out, I don't check her FB, and I have reached the letting go point. No more crazy ex back strategies, showing up at her work, professing undying love, or such nonsense.

 

There's a numb feeling, coupled with the realization that I accepted a deplorable level of treatment and game playing because I missed the good times that much.

 

My father, another wise man, stated that we must look at actions, and not listen to words. I have. Additionally, that a marriage to this person would be a disaster.

 

I will eventually feel stronger and wiser. But right now I feel hollowed out and sore. Its amazing to me that I can be accomplished professionally and academically, and yet be so under equipped and naive in this matter. She simply played games and steamrolled me for months.

 

And, I am leery to hear from her again. I can't block all forms of contact like my work phone and cell.

 

I cannot express my appreciation to the good people on this forum enough.

 

I submitted a transfer request today to return to the east coast to be with my family. I need away from this state, and that woman.

 

I'm ready to let time heal.

[Lifeissomething]

Ted,

 

My father, another wise man, stated that we must look at actions, and not listen to words. I have. Additionally, that a marriage to this person would be a disaster.

 

 

This. It's natural to still think about the words just as much as the actions. When my ex left me, I found myself dwelling more on the softeners--ie. "it's not you, it's me", "maybe we can try when again I get myself together (deep down I know she didn't want that)--from the breakup and post breakup conversations, instead of her post breakup actions. Sure I got breadcrumbs, but she dumped me pretty cruelly and felt awful, so said crumbs were really means for absolving her guilt. Those aside, we worked together and at no point did she come to me and say "let's try again!". Yet, I still found myself focusing more on those somewhat empty words, hoping maybe she would come back. This was an inefficient use of valuable brain power!

 

What helped was consciously forcing my thoughts to focus on the actions. Sometimes, this required a little 'bait' as I termed it, in which I would focus on something horrible about her--a flaw, something awful she did, something I hated about her--and then would use those negative thoughts of dislike to bridge into thoughts of the present moment, of being dumped (cruelly) and how I deserved far better than this present situation and treatment. It got easier with time, but I still have a reminders(set backs) from time to time.

[Superchicken]

 

What helped was consciously forcing my thoughts to focus on the actions. Sometimes, this required a little 'bait' as I termed it, in which I would focus on something horrible about her--a flaw, something awful she did, something I hated about her--and then would use those negative thoughts of dislike to bridge into thoughts of the present moment, of being dumped (cruelly) and how I deserved far better than this present situation and treatment. It got easier with time, but I still have a reminders(set backs) from time to time.

 

The only Achilles heel here, it just takes ONE moment of remembering her in a sweet way, and BANG goes the whole wagon full of manure.

 

 

I suppose, it has a better chance at working when you are mostly past your pain.

But, freshly out, I don't see this working 100%. But, there is those that can do it. Yourself, myself, and people, I assume, with VERY strong will power.

 

 

Ted.

[Bromeo]

Friends,

 

I spent the evening last night with an old flame, not the one referenced in the lunacy of the previous posts.

 

I brought over some flowers and wine, she prepared dinner. I provided the music, and we laughed, told stories, made out, and had a wonderful time. I then slept the best I have in months.

 

Last night made me realize that issues delineated above are not me. I was silly and courted a woman, and she responded with affection, not ignored, blamed, and outright disrespected. What a contrast.

 

Communication, maturity, and respect were not present during the above fiasco. The situation was unique and poignantly acute for me.

 

Today I feel back to the old me.

 

One question for the community, and this is for my own edification:

 

When at the airport, crazy and I had a solid, hour long chat. I then flew home, texted her before I went to bed early (due to doing the mountain of dishes), and subsequently missed two calls from her. The next day I received a rather awful text, then we had another good call, then nothing for three days until I finally walked away from her gameplaying for good.

 

What gives with this?

 

My analysis is that crazy, while she doesn't want me, was worried I would interact with my ex, as she indicated that in her text. But she clearly stated she was with another man, so whatever the reason is, I'm properly over it.

 

Friends, the support here has been invaluable. Today I feel much, much better. Time, space, and distance truly is the key.

 

Dave

[Slimtripper]

Friends,

 

I spent the evening last night with an old flame, not the one referenced in the lunacy of the previous posts.

 

I brought over some flowers and wine, she prepared dinner. I provided the music, and we laughed, told stories, made out, and had a wonderful time. I then slept the best I have in months.

 

Last night made me realize that issues delineated above are not me. I was silly and courted a woman, and she responded with affection, not ignored, blamed, and outright disrespected. What a contrast.

 

Communication, maturity, and respect were not present during the above fiasco. The situation was unique and poignantly acute for me.

 

Today I feel back to the old me.

 

One question for the community, and this is for my own edification:

 

When at the airport, crazy and I had a solid, hour long chat. I then flew home, texted her before I went to bed early (due to doing the mountain of dishes), and subsequently missed two calls from her. The next day I received a rather awful text, then we had another good call, then nothing for three days until I finally walked away from her gameplaying for good.

 

What gives with this?

 

My analysis is that crazy, while she doesn't want me, was worried I would interact with my ex, as she indicated that in her text. But she clearly stated she was with another man, so whatever the reason is, I'm properly over it.

 

Friends, the support here has been invaluable. Today I feel much, much better. Time, space, and distance truly is the key.

 

Dave

 

Because she can sense you're happy she now wants to ruin it.

She doesn't want you back. She just wants control. This is a BAD woman and you are a nice guy. I think too nice.

Go read a book called "the game" by Neil strauss.

A lot of it is cheesy but there are some good points about the push pull dynamic of relationships and meeting women.

Block this girls number. You will be in this cycle until her new bf finds out and then she'll drop u like a hot potatoe.

She currently has all the power. Block her, take that away and please go read that book. I promise it will change ur life

[sooshi]

I'm glad you had a good night, Bromeo, and that you're feeling much, much better.

 

We can speculate on your ex's actions, but it would be futile. It's done. In the past. Let it stay there, and focus on what's ahead of you. Focus on allowing space for positive experiences and relationships to come into your life.

 

Take care.

[Bromeo]

Sooshi, thank you, you sound very kind.

 

Today is the best Ive felt in a very long time. Finally things are looking and feeling better.

 

I was doing some personal benchmarking against previous relationships, and determined that this one was so far outside of the reasonable, clear communication that I previously experienced, that I was doomed to fail from the start. lol

 

This has left scars for sure. But I'll be ok.

 

Thanks everyone.

[Bromeo]

As an update, I wanted to say thanks to this community.

 

Over the weekend, I spent time reading and posting on the BPD forums. Of course I am not qualified to make a diagnosis, but I will say that the similarities are STRIKING. All of the earmarks are there, the splitting, abandoning, hoovering, and emotional immaturity.

 

In my naivete I simply didn't understand.

 

I spent the entire day feeling a sense of camaraderie there from the other members that was absolutely amazing.

 

I finally feel like I have my head wrapped around this thing. There is a clarity of understanding that previously was absent. The heartache has been replaced by a measure of peace.

 

As I continued to feel good, I sent crazy a short text. She responded. Now, as I know I broke NC, I did this to see if all of this was resolved for me. I felt no anxiety, no heartache, and no pain. And, no need to further chase. And best of all, I didn't care if she responded or not. It was for me, and not her.

 

For me, time and distance were not helping. Now that I finally understand, I am ready to move on from it.

 

My birthday is in a couple of weeks, and I am looking forward to time home with my people over the holidays.

 

To my friends here, I wish to express my heartfelt thanks for everything. Without the wise advice, I would have never navigated over there and had a renaissance of understanding.

 

I hope to be able to offer the same kindness and support that was given to me.

 

Happy holidays, and it does get better. Chins up, knuckles down, and power through.

[Bromeo]

Friends,

 

Just wanted to check in after roughly a month. It's amazing what time, space, distance, and the holidays can do for self-healing.

 

For perspective, I found that I was still holding out hope for my ex. Even after months. Same long-term ex mistakes, checking FB, pictures of us still up, etc. You would not believe the contrasting advice I still get from people, even after all this time. Even now one friend swears that she isn't done with me. He is kind of a nut though.

 

We spoke two weeks ago, where I was informed how I disrespected her, how happy she is now, became flustered at me, new man, etc, and hung up on me. Remember ladies and gents, I'm the narcissist.

 

I found from then forward, my self-healing really began, as I finally let go.

 

It's funny, while I am in a much, much healthier place emotionally, I still at times vacillate between angry, guilty, bitter, and get short stabs of sadness. I absolutely cringe at how I acted over the last couple months. Feelings truly sneak up on you.

 

In retrospect, I should have asked more questions at the beginning. During the checking FB phase, I saw she was out of a 6 year relationship for only a couple months before she messaged me on POF. Ah, naïveté. So many red flags ignored due to her being very attractive. Sigh.

 

As a humorous anectdote, after I was notified she was checking my FB page, let me tell you how GREAT life is. Parties, trips, Xmas trees, selfies, girls, wine classes, running, etc. The new iPhone takes great pics with the depth option checked. Call it a passive parting shot after months of games. Immature yes, but it does make me smile. Far from the more active horror stories of revenge I've read here from embittered exes. Thanks to LS for that idea as well.

 

I plan on checking in as the months roll on, it's healthy to journal progress and solicit comments from the helpful souls here. Thanks to everyone for their support. I was truly unconsolable for awhile.

 

I trust everyone had a safe and happy holiday season. Mine had its ups and downs, but ended on a high note.

 

To close, just like madea said, if someone wants to walk out of your life, "let dem go". I should have been stronger many times, but I have learned a tremendous amount as a result.

 

Be safe everyone, I look forward to the months ahead.

 

Dave

 

And gents, wear nice shoes. In the middle of telling me about her new man, she was still checking out mine. Allen Edmonds ftw. Lol

Edited January 2, 2017 by Bromeo
Typo. Sigh.

[Ilovepizzalady]

Read whole your thread. Sometimes I think that we get most attached to the people who are most different than us, and the situations that are more traumatic and burn into us (like her leaving for a month), and then we get used to that anxiety/burn and it's hard to let go. Whereas, previous relationships that were healthy don't have everlasting burns. It's not that we love them more it's that the situation lets us think and feel things that are more hurtful and deeper. That's not love, that is addiction and attachment. I read two books that were helpful "Attached" and "Exaholics" (only partway through that one) and Attached completely clicked for me. She probably is an avoidant person who keeps secrets and steps away to create distance. She isn't going to change. She has a problem and you are not the solution.

[Bromeo]

Pizza,

 

Thanks for the kimd words. I certainly made my share of mistakes. I often wonder if I had been stronger, and gone no contact right at the beginning of this final fight, things would be different.

 

Although, in the same vein, I should have let her go when she left the first time. I truly didn't understand what was happening. We live and learn.

 

What a rollercoaster. Glad it's my turn to get off.

[DeepVibeZ]

Brom I've been through this.

Give up the fantasy pal, it can NEVER work, not with you, not with the replacement, not with anyone.

She has an empty void which no one can fill. You could be a the sexiest, richest, most charismatic, loving, understanding and loyal bastard on the planet, or a fat, cheating curry house toilet cleaning piss head. It makes no odds.

 

Accept this and you'll soon truly move on without the endless limerance.

 

These wise words should help too:

 

"Depression is thinking about the past.

 

Anxiety is thinking about the future.

 

Peacefulness comes by being present."

 

Get mindful bruv!

[Bromeo]

Deep,

 

Believe me, I'm there brother, just looking at things in retrospect.

 

I just had that thought about the past and the future the other day. Very astute thoughts.

 

For me, I've been practicing positive self talk. It's helped a ton.

[Bromeo]

Community,

 

First, thank you for all the support. I feel like my stress is light years behind me.

 

Now, on to the good stuff.

 

December 5, as previously mentioned, I sent crazy a long, poetic email. All of my editors loved it. No begging, just introspection.

 

Of course there was no response.

 

December 20, bad conversation. No love left, I had disrespected her, etc. and of course she hadn't read my email, told me so, etc. oh, and she's seeing someone.

 

JANUARY 16 - received the following email:

 

"Thank you for the thoughtful email. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I hope you had a nice holiday. I hope you and your loved ones are well. I'm still searching for peace and love. I wish you the best, always."

 

I have no plans to respond, but help me out here. What gives? Is this an elusive breadcrumb? This woman tore me up for months.

 

I am way more healed than before, but I can't fathom why she would bother after ignoring me on my bday, Xmas, New Years, etc.

 

Thanks for all the advice.

 

Dave

Edited January 17, 2017 by Bromeo

[jamili]

Community,

 

First, thank you for all the support. I feel like my stress is light years behind me.

 

Now, on to the good stuff.

 

December 5, as previously mentioned, I sent crazy a long, poetic email. All of my editors loved it. No begging, just introspection.

 

Of course there was no response.

 

December 20, bad conversation. No love left, I had disrespected her, etc. and of course she hadn't read my email, told me so, etc. oh, and she's seeing someone.

 

JANUARY 16 - received the following email:

 

"Thank you for the thoughtful email. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I hope you had a nice holiday. I hope you and your loved ones are well. I'm still searching for peace and love. I wish you the best, always."

 

I have no plans to respond, but help me out here. What gives?

 

I am way more healed than before, but I can't fathom why she would bother after ignoring me on my bday, Xmas, New Years, etc.

 

Thanks for all the advice.

 

Dave

 

Probably just guilt for ignoring your email. Probably knows you aren't a bad guy. I don't think there is much more to that one. Keep NC for sure.