jessgirl23 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 (edited) Hello everyone, Soooo.. I have been living with my boyfriend for a year now and we've been together for 2 years. We've been fighting alot lately and he's become less affectionate, wanting to have sex. Idk if it's because of his new job working construction that makes him so tired? This week he's been working later... and stopping by at his friends house on the way home a lot more than usual. Or it could be the fact that he works with his ex? (bosses daughter, that he had a thing with when he worked there when he was 18/had sex with multiple times) It all started a few weeks ago when we went to a work party. I went with him.. but I originally wasn't even supposed to go because I had other plans. An hour into the party, she shows up. I had only seen a picture of her once, so I had NO idea who she was. A couple minutes into petting her dog and saying "hi" and such, and my boyfriend talking to her, I clued in who she was. no introductions, so I just said to him that I'd be right back and went to the washroom. I was livid so I talked to him after about him, he claimed he didn't know she was coming, etc. She stayed for like 10 mins and left. Today, 4 weeks late, I dropped the keys off at his work, only to see her walking back from the coffee shop back to work. He said he didn't work with her..... that she was working somewhere else. I don't know how to handle this situation (he's lied about alot of things in the past that have been red flags).... Help Edited November 18, 2016 by jessgirl23 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 First off, instead of running to the bathroom in a huff, you should have just taken the initiative to introduce yourself. He senses tension from you about her working there, so he avoids confrontation by lying to you. I don't know you or what your fights about, I can only assume you can be difficult/jealous. So much so, he now wants to spend less time as much as possible at home, and not because of wanting to see her. How to handle it? Lay off the arguments and just make your home life welcoming instead of hostile. If he is tired, let him rest, give him his space. Maybe even go out without him, bring him back a snack. If he has lied a lot before she came into the picture, then why the hell are you still with him? Breakup with him already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 What else has he lied to you about? She might represent no specific threat, but it sounds like you relationship isn't going well. Him pulling away and spending less time with you indicates he's checking out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jessgirl23 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 (edited) What else has he lied to you about? Texting this one girl (deleted message and contact when asked about it later) Girl that he had a picture with on his phone (year ago) What he did some nights (found out from a receipt or he wouldn't have said he was at the bar) Why he couldn't answer his phone some nights when we were in a long-distance relationship while he's away at work, or why his phone was off (suspicious acts) Relationship with this girl he works with. Has called her babe drunk in front of me. Always so excited to see her (had video of him and her singing to a song together) no other videos or pics with others girls. either than me.. was weird Was so close that they used to talk about her relationship. he told her to break up with her ex. (weird for a guy in a relationship to do that and talk about our relationship to a girl) Used to pause and stare at an instagram pic of her while I'm right beside him. ETC, all I can think of right now, but I know there's so many more just my minds elsewhere. ALL red flags. Edited November 18, 2016 by jessgirl23 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 Texting this one girl (deleted message and contact when asked about it later) Girl that he had a picture with on his phone (year ago) What he did some nights (found out from a receipt or he wouldn't have said he was at the bar) Why he couldn't answer his phone some nights when we were in a long-distance relationship while he's away at work, or why his phone was off (suspicious acts) Relationship with this girl he works with. Has called her babe drunk in front of me. Always so excited to see her (had video of him and her singing to a song together) no other videos or pics with others girls. either than me.. was weird Was so close that they used to talk about her relationship. he told her to break up with her ex. (weird for a guy in a relationship to do that and talk about our relationship to a girl) Used to pause and stare at an instagram pic of her while I'm right beside him. ETC, all I can think of right now, but I know there's so many more just my minds elsewhere. ALL red flags. Which begs the question, why are you still with him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jessgirl23 Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 What else has he lied to you about? She might represent no specific threat, but it sounds like you relationship isn't going well. Him pulling away and spending less time with you indicates he's checking out. Which begs the question, why are you still with him? When it's your first love, it makes leaving so much harder. You just keep believing him because you want to. but this relationship has made me insecure and jealous to the point it's ugly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 If that is her father's place of business she will be in and out. Your bf can't control her comings and goings. It's wrong to be angry with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 So it's all clear to me...this is your first relationship. You lack experience and have tunnel vision. You can't expect him to not socialize with others of the opposite sex. It is foolish of you to think you should be the only one he can be attracted to. We all will go through life crushing on others, admiring others, fantasizing about others....as long as we don't act on it, it's perfectly normal. Whatever goes on in our minds is nobody's business. It's reality. Guys especially like variety, they are going to look, check out boobs, pretty faces, etc. BUT this doesn't mean they love you any less. A person can only take so much from a partner that is jealous and insecure...it truly wears them down emotionally and they will pull away..... Link to post Share on other sites
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