Give me some hope

[eliturbo]

Of course you will find someone else. You are going to meet so many women.

 

You need to trust me on something because I am a lot older that you. Okay? This too shall pass.

 

You are going to look back at this and not even remember this girl's last name. The problem is that because you are 16, you have no frame of reference, you don't know that you are going to go through heartache - and break hearts - many times over. You don't know that it will not kill you, that you will bounce back and be stronger each time.

 

I validate your feelings because I was 16 once and I remember what it felt like to have that angst for a boy. You just need to trust me that this is just the beginning of your life. You are going to meet many women and one of them, you will marry, and you will be happy. I promise you.

 

I want to ask, did you talk to your parents about these feelings? I have a son and I would want to know.

 

Thank you for the reassuring reply. Then I've just got to believe. Indeed I have no frame of reference. I have no idea what's normal and what isn't and how far I'm gonna go in the healing process.

Whether my parents know or not, that depends. They know that I have had a bad time because of this, but the last time they really saw the effects (me tearing up) was about a month ago. However, I'm not telling them the details. Almost none. That's because it's no use. Every time they get angry, they've said twice already that my behaviour "ruined their vacation" and that I really had to stop. About a week or two after the BU I was crying a bit and my mom saw it and said "Is that still because of that girl?" I don't think it's of any use to tell them any more than they know. They'll just get angry and stressed and it doesn't seem like they understand me.

But yeah, thank you a lot .

[eliturbo]

Yesterday evening I went to bed with it and today I woke up with it, only to carry it around the whole day. This time is just pure sadness. No worries, no hopes, no other things mixed up with it, just sadness. I think I prefer to feel like this over the other moments where I worry about a lot.

It has been a while since I have felt like this in school. Actually, the last time I really was about to cry in class was before the BU when I felt like she could break up with me at any moment. After that all emotions have been mixed up with depressive thoughts. Now it feels clean, but it's probably because I try not to think. Now I just miss her. I miss the hour long text conversations every day. I miss someone in my life who I had that much in common with. She shared almost every interest with me. I was really suprised when I found out that we were so much alike in the things we like. When I met her I also got to know a lot of friends of her. Also people with who I had a lot in common, not nearly as much as with her though. Now it's all gone.

Something else has been bothering me but I'm sure it will go away if I give it time. Not thinking about it is hard but it's probably something in my mind again.

I am starting to get fed up with this rollercoaster again but there is nothing I can do. I really hate this all.

[eliturbo]

Is there really an end to this? Maybe after all of the posts this thread has had I shouldn't be asking this but I'm still wondering. For almost 3 months I've been like this. For almost three months I've been going up and down and that seems to be slowing down a bit, but if the pain is lessening, I don't know. Simple things can still break me. I don't see how it is ever going away. I ain't getting her back, just like everything else that made be that happy back then. But then how is this going away? Should I just accept the way my life is right now? With the ever-present feeling of missing something I just feel like this isn't going away. I've been stuck for 3 months because of a girl I knew for just 1.5 months.

And then there's the argument that it is my own "choice" to move on or not. Well, I just can't make the right choice and move on. I feel like that's a battle I've been fighting for too long now. The fact I'm having this much trouble with this whole situation probably says a lot about me. I don't seem to be able to do it. Every time I fall back. I post yet another post on this thread that doesn't have a very positive vibe to it if you know what I mean.

Every night I cry. Sometimes it's about her, sometimes it's about this seemingly inescapable situation. It just doesn't stop. I don't want to fight it anymore, only to find out it's futile. The active fight against my bad thoughts previous week, I'm just sick of it. Always having to deal with this **** ever day. Why can't I just be happy with what I have? The fact this isn't ending, it's my own wrongdoing.

[eliturbo]

Is there really an end to this? Maybe after all of the posts this thread has had I shouldn't be asking this but I'm still wondering. For almost 3 months I've been like this. For almost three months I've been going up and down and that seems to be slowing down a bit, but if the pain is lessening, I don't know. Simple things can still break me. I don't see how it is ever going away. I ain't getting her back, just like everything else that made be that happy back then. But then how is this going away? Should I just accept the way my life is right now? With the ever-present feeling of missing something I just feel like this isn't going away. I've been stuck for 3 months because of a girl I knew for just 1.5 months.

And then there's the argument that it is my own "choice" to move on or not. Well, I just can't make the right choice and move on. I feel like that's a battle I've been fighting for too long now. The fact I'm having this much trouble with this whole situation probably says a lot about me. I don't seem to be able to do it. Every time I fall back. I post yet another post on this thread that doesn't have a very positive vibe to it if you know what I mean.

Every night I cry. Sometimes it's about her, sometimes it's about this seemingly inescapable situation. It just doesn't stop. I don't want to fight it anymore, only to find out it's futile. The active fight against my bad thoughts previous week, I'm just sick of it. Always having to deal with this **** ever day. Why can't I just be happy with what I have? The fact this isn't ending, it's my own wrongdoing.

 

I guess I still can't go without breakdowns. Yesterday night was like the day we broke up. The pain was just like then. I went a bit crazy and I barely slept at all. I hope I didn't wake anybody up.or anything.

This afternoon it was the same. Before dinner I was busy with some school work but at a certain point I just couldn't do it anymore. I was arguing with some friends about a project we have to do together and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was really desperate about what to do with the project, but I think it was more the frustration of this whole mood rollercoaster ride. For half an hour long I've just been messed up. My head was is the state again where I had no idea what to do or what to think. Just emptyness.

After having had dinner, which forced me to put on my pokerface, things went a little better. I gamed a bit to distract myself and apart from the frustrations of the game I guess it was alright. To no suprise I'm feeling terrible again. Yeah, I should sleep but I can't. Its 23:45 when writing this.

I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. There is nothing to do. I know I said it before, but this feels like torture. I have to endure it until in some magical way it goes away. Is that really how it is? I just don't want it anymore, but there's nothing to do. Distracting myself and trying not to think about it feels so useless as it will go downwards anyways. It's probably my own attitude that's holding me back, but I really don't feel like I can do it.

[Sweetfish]

Hope this help...

 

Its in regards to moving.. but relationships follow the same path. Look at the 4 phases.

 

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

[eliturbo]

Hope this help...

 

Its in regards to moving.. but relationships follow the same path. Look at the 4 phases.

 

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

 

Am I really progressing though? I feel like I'm holding back myself. Every time I am down it feels like I'm back at square one.

The feelings I've been having the last three days are frightening. I just constantly lose sight of any positive future. I seem like I just really can't control myself. That way I never get out, do I?

[Logo]

I have this fear that I will stay single for a long time. I've had a few potential prospects, but they fell through. Now I miss my ex. Then I remind myself of what she did to me and how she went about doing it.

 

I did so much for her.

 

It seems like ancient history, but it's only been a couple of months.

 

 

[eliturbo]

You wanna hear a story about an incredibly stupid little boy? Alright, here we go.

 

Todat I went to a Comicon type of event. For the ones that don't know (which is probably a lot), it's a sort of festival for all kinds of stuff, like games, comics, anime etc. This is an event I've been planning to go to for a very long time. During our RS, my ex invited me to this event, which was like 3 months ago. At the time I didn't really give a reaction, as I expected that by that time we wouldn't be together anymore. Some time later another group of friends also invited me, which was after the BU. With that group I have gone to similar types of events before, so I agreed to go with them. However, I knew there was a high likelihood of meeting my ex there, or at least seeing her.

Today I went there and it was the weirdest mixture of feelings I've had in a while. I was constantly alert, because she could be in front of me at any minute. The reason for this is obvious, she's still far from out of my heart. I was actually hoping in a way I would see her there.

I made a huge mistake: I wore a deodorant which reminded me of her even more. I think that smell does something to me as well.

I felt so weird. I was enjoying myself and I felt a bit like how I felt when I was still with her. That happiness. But now I don't know why that is. Is it because I actually enjoyed myself or is it because my brain was tricked by the situation??

 

Apart from that, I did realise something. I was there together with a lot of other people that enjoy the same stuff as I do. At school I'm a bit of an odd one. There isn't really anyone in my group of friends who's into anime and they all think I'm weird. Sometimes I miss someone to talk to about the stuff I really enjoy. At this event, there were so many people with something in common. I guess I realised that there are so many more people who like the same stuff as I do, so I'll surely make friends one day who I can talk to about these things.

 

So yeah, really mixed day. I don't know what to think of it. I'm still not close to being over her right??

 

Afterthought: Okay, who am I kidding. I felt the same as I felt back then. I am not a single inch further in forgetting her. I was constantly looking for her. It was like my mind just hadn't accepted the situation yet. This is really terrible. I think it might have been that deodorant that messed everything up. Even now I still feel the same.

Edited December 17, 2016 by eliturbo

[eliturbo]

Hi!

 

I hate doing things like this because it always seems to change, but on other hand I like to share my relief.

So things are going quite well. There are more times where I can say I sorta am happy. It's definitely not the same as before, but it's something.

Remember that rather embarrassing post about the hugging and stuff? I am trying to accept that's just the way I am. Others don't get hurt by it so there isn't much wrong with it. I am a bit tired of trying to change myself because I don't think I'm good enough or that I'm weird. My friends have always accepted me the way I am (even though there are a lot of things they don't know). When I feel that there is nothing wrong with the way I feel it's like someone takes a big load off my shoulders. I don't know why. Sometimes I'm upset and want to talk to somebody and share my thoughts. Sometimes that can be because of the tiniest thing, but I don't care much anymore. As long as I don't bother people too much it's okay I guess. There are a lot of other things I'm a bit afraid of, but maybe that's also gonna be fine. Probably. That had to do with my shyness and future relationships but for now I shouldn't think about that as it's still very far away sadly enough.

So for some reason I suddenly feel okay about myself and I don't have quite a good explanation for that.

 

I'm trying to forget everything about my ex and I have seen a lot of times that slowly the memories fade. It sometimes happens that I suddenly remember something I thought I could never ever forget but I still totally forgot about it. I just noticed that thinking about her still hurts like hell. For a second I thought about some stuff and it still felt like someone poked my in the chest with a sword, so I'll try not to do that again.

 

I just hope I can move on. I just hope I can forget all about her and move on, but that's still a long road I'm afraid. I noticed that a week ago. But at least these are the first couple of steps in the right direction.

 

To all of you, merry Christmas!

[eliturbo]

Here I am again.

I have a question. A couple of months ago, before I even met that girl, there was this show I watched. It was some kind of romantic drama thing. It reminded me of something I once experienced, and for some reason it really helped. It showed to me that I wasn't the only one going through somethink like that. Anyway, I have so often called watching that show the best decision I ever made in my entire life. The feelings I had with it were so amazing. Then I met my ex, and I felt even more amazing. It all came together to form what I can now call the best time I've ever had in my entire life. I was absolutely crazy about that girl.

Now I notice that those feelings have sort of dissappeared. I decided once again to look that series back but now it seems no more than any other I watched. It's not special anymore. It doesn't make me happy anymore. It's just all gone.

What is happening to me now is that I'm forgetting. I don't know how it is to feel like I felt back then. And that's bugging me a lot. I feel like it is impossible to regain that way of feeling ever again. I don't know why it happened, but all I know is that I was the happiest I've ever been. Like 100 times more happy that the second happiest I've been. I was so amazed by everything. It was so great. Why am I forgetting it? It feels like I'm forgetting the thing I want the most. I cannot regain that feeling, no matter what I do. I could before, and that hurt of course, but now I can't do it anymore, I feel weird. Why?

 

There is a difference between feeling just happy, and how I felt back then. So, do you guys have any thoughts on this? Was the way I felt back then probably just because I was in love like that? Was I that happy because I had found someone that I like very much and got close to her? If it's just that, then I'll probably get it back some time. But I fear it's not that. But what are your thoughts?

 

I get I am a bit annoying on this forum. Always posting random thoughts. Sometimes I've just got to calm down a bit and putting it into words helps. But could you please say what you think of this?

[eliturbo]

It's most likely gone forever. I think that the feeling I had didn't have much to do with her. My reason to think that is that it started before I even knew her. I don't know why it started but I don't think it's ever coming back. It's best if I just assume it will never come back.

 

That's the thing, this is my first time experiencing all of this. I have no point of reference at all.

What I'm writing probably seems like gibberish to you all right? Sorry for that

[eliturbo]

Why is this the 62th post already? Am I doing something wrong? I guess I am.

 

What I notice I'm doing again is treating my situation as somethings special, different from others. Probably when I speak with others I'll find that it's not that different at all. But still I think "What if it's actually different?". Right now I'm all stuck on that amazing feeling I had a couple of months ago. I'm not sure if that's caused by me being so in love or anything. I have no way of referencing this to any past experiences. I don't know if that's normal, and I have no idea if it will ever return. The happiness I'm feeling now (or rather at the moments I'm actually feeling good) feels different. The way I felt 4 months ago was way stronger. It felt literally like a dream had come true (perhaps that's exactly what happened) and I was overrun by everything I felt. Everything I experienced was so amazing, it's undescribable. All that is happening over time is that I forget about it. But that doesn't cure the wound. I still very shattered every time I think about it and realise it's something that might never ever come back. It feels like I've had the best part of my life and all that's left is "less".

 

I'm immature, dumb and probably very annoying. Every time I fall back into the pit and bother you guys with gibberish. I'm really sorry if that's the way you feel. I honestly wished that I didn't feel the need to write here as often but I feel like I need an outside opinion. I don't feel like this small little brain of mine is strong enough to deal with this all.

[DarrenB]

Just continue documenting and venting your thoughts and emotions. Try not to analyze the negatives and even in the more difficult times, proceed to be an optimist rather than a pessimist; there's always a better outcome with the right mindset

 

You'll forget about her, when the time's right and essentially when you choose to. The quicker you do so, the easier it will become to cope and move forward. Lessen the grief and turn it into acceptance.

 

My PM's are always open if you wish to discuss anything on your mind, confidentially.

 

Merry (Belated) Christmas/Boxing Day Eli.

[eliturbo]

I wish all memories of what happened would just disappear. Without a trace. Sometimes I seem to be looking for ways to relive everything by for example listen to certain songs. I don't know why and I wish I didn't. It just hurts like hell. It's like I think that if I do that it'll come back, which is utterly ridiculous.

I notice everything fades. All memories fade away. For example, right after the breakup I could remember countless conversations we had had. I was still thinking about them and occasionally I would look back in our chat history and read everything back. At random moments random memories popped into my head, and that would happen hundreds times a day. Now I can only remember a few, which is good I suppose. But it's those moments when I go looking for those memories that I question what I'm actually doing. 3 seconds of a song are enough to break me. Why does it still hurts that much? I just wish all memories would vanish.

 

I keep on dreaming to ever find that same happiness again. To find that same feeling again. But I've come to a bit of a stop. It's useless. It's never ever coming back. That time is behind me. To keep on dreaming to go back is just so stupid. There's no way I'll find that again, because to fully replicate the feeling is need the same person. The truth is, times change. I'll never find the same feeling ever again because that time has passed. Next time (if that's even going to happen lol) it'll be different. I'm a bit afraid it'll be less good, but I don't have an answer to that. To will be totally different, and to script that the same thing is never coming back, that just hurts like hell. It still does. Even though the memories are fading, the pain I have when I remember something isn't. And it will probably never go away.

 

For now, I've got to stop looking to relive the same feelings, because it hurts every time. I don't know what else to do. Rollercoaster is still happening I'm afraid to say. The last couple of days I've felt like crying at random moments again. I guess it'll get better in a couple of days...

 

Oh yeah, and sorry for the weird post. I thing I'm rambling a bit again but I just had to clear my mind a bit...

[DarrenB]

I wish all memories of what happened would just disappear. Without a trace. Sometimes I seem to be looking for ways to relive everything by for example listen to certain songs. I don't know why and I wish I didn't. It just hurts like hell. It's like I think that if I do that it'll come back, which is utterly ridiculous.

I notice everything fades. All memories fade away. For example, right after the breakup I could remember countless conversations we had had. I was still thinking about them and occasionally I would look back in our chat history and read everything back. At random moments random memories popped into my head, and that would happen hundreds times a day. Now I can only remember a few, which is good I suppose. But it's those moments when I go looking for those memories that I question what I'm actually doing. 3 seconds of a song are enough to break me. Why does it still hurts that much? I just wish all memories would vanish.

 

I keep on dreaming to ever find that same happiness again. To find that same feeling again. But I've come to a bit of a stop. It's useless. It's never ever coming back. That time is behind me. To keep on dreaming to go back is just so stupid. There's no way I'll find that again, because to fully replicate the feeling is need the same person. The truth is, times change. I'll never find the same feeling ever again because that time has passed. Next time (if that's even going to happen lol) it'll be different. I'm a bit afraid it'll be less good, but I don't have an answer to that. To will be totally different, and to script that the same thing is never coming back, that just hurts like hell. It still does. Even though the memories are fading, the pain I have when I remember something isn't. And it will probably never go away.

 

For now, I've got to stop looking to relive the same feelings, because it hurts every time. I don't know what else to do. Rollercoaster is still happening I'm afraid to say. The last couple of days I've felt like crying at random moments again. I guess it'll get better in a couple of days...

 

Oh yeah, and sorry for the weird post. I thing I'm rambling a bit again but I just had to clear my mind a bit...

 

You're still completely in-denial and that's fine, for some people it takes much longer to process the loss of someone they 'loved' and cared about.

 

The sooner you 100% accept the fact that it's over, the easier it will become. The more you mope around and grieve and do things that you know are not going to benefit you in any way, you can't expect any good results from it... only the opposite.

 

You can't just keep being in the mindset of hope, especially false hope. You need to actually make a genuine effort. If you're going in halfheartedly it's just not enough. You need to invest your entirety of yourself in order to conquer and surpass your disturbances and hardships.

 

...

[eliturbo]

You're still completely in-denial and that's fine, for some people it takes much longer to process the loss of someone they 'loved' and cared about.

 

The sooner you 100% accept the fact that it's over, the easier it will become. The more you mope around and grieve and do things that you know are not going to benefit you in any way, you can't expect any good results from it... only the opposite.

 

You can't just keep being in the mindset of hope, especially false hope. You need to actually make a genuine effort. If you're going in halfheartedly it's just not enough. You need to invest your entirety of yourself in order to conquer and surpass your disturbances and hardships.

 

...

 

Accepting the fact it's over... I don't quite know how far that goes. I clearly see it's over and I've totally given up on any hope that it gets fixed. Really. She's gone. It's as simple as that. And even if she would get back to me(which of course is ridiculous) I wouldn't want it anymore. No way. It's not like I have any hopes left in that sense. I'm glad I don't anymore.

The hope I do have is hope that one day I'll find someone else. That's not wrong, or is it? I dunno.

Indeed I've got to stop with doing those things that get me down and I'll try my best. But what else can I do? What am I missing here?

[eliturbo]

I'm done. I'm feeling terrible. I've just written something that should never see the daylight. I just wrote down my thoughts on the situation, but it's not very positive. I just feel like I can't take it. I can't do it. I don't know what it takes to finally get out of this mess of the past ~4 months, but it seems like I haven't got it. Something as simple as a relationship has totally wrecked me. Broken into a million pieces, beyond repair. I'm holding on to a certain hope that is useless. I'm just hoping that someday I meet someone who could let me forget my ex and allow me to move on, but it's ridiculous to constantly hope for that. If that's gonna be the thing that'll get me out of this mess I've got a long road ahead of me, or even worse, none at all. Like someone said already, this is heartbreak, something that is gonna happen many times. Then why am I wishing for somebody to help me if I'm the end it will come crashing down again? Why am I putting myself in a position again where I'm dependent of someone? Answer, because I don't seem to be able to do it on my own. 4 months, still as broken as the day she left me. And someone as broken as me, nobody is ever going to attempt to save.

I'm ridiculously wishing for some kind of magical thing to happen to save me. I'm ever riding this rollercoaster and sometimes I think it might not ever stop. I don't know what to do anymore. I just don't. I really don't...

 

Sorry for this load of negativity, I've just totally lost it.

Somebody, please help me.

[eliturbo]

Hi! I'm back from the pitts of hell, or at least a bit.

I feel dumb now. I mean, why does it keep on going all the time? I must be doing something wrong. Actually, I know for a fact I am. You're right, I just can't seem to accept the situation as it is and I don't know what it takes to do so. I'm too hung up on what I've lost. Always hoping to get it back, which is basically no different from not accepting the way things are.

Someone said that you should try to love yourself more, but 1) that feels impossible for me and 2) it's different. Yeah, I'm getting too analytical again, aren't I?

 

What is the way forward now? Just go on like I have been for the past few months? I sure hope I'm not doing it all wrong and just messing up myself for forever...

[eliturbo]

I don't know what had hit me, but it's great. I've decided I'm done with this feeling down. I don't want it anymore. From this point on there isn't going to be a single tear shed because of this stupid situation. Done. No thinking about it anymore.

 

I feel like I've been making a bit of a fool out of myself here. I mean, I'm a bit lost on this crazy rollercoaster of mine, which probably makes me look out of mind. Anyways, something I haven't done enough is thank you guys. Thank you for the time you've spend trying to help me get through this, even though I'm a bit of a fool. I still don't know why after 4 months I'm still in this bag of a shape, but I really appreciate that you haven't given up on me yet, even though sometimes I do. So thank you a lot for your advice! Let's see how this new plan of mine is gonna work out for me

[eliturbo]

So I hope this is the last time I'm gonna post for a long while, hopefully forever. I believe it's gotten to a point where I can take it on my own. Sorta.

It's not that the pain is gone or anything, 'cause it still hurts like hell. It's just that I feel like I understand enough about it all. The rollercoaster is slowing down, but I also accept that it's still moving. I notice the time between the breakdowns is getting longer. I must say that it's still as bad every time, but at least less often.

 

This week's been bad. Let's just get that out there. I have been thinking about stuff I hadn't thought about for 3 months, and that's painful. It even feels like I'm more hung up on my ex than ever before. You forget stuff, and then remembering what you've actually lost is painful. But I can look beyond that. This comes in waves and every time, no matter how bad, I still got back on track.

 

Every time I've been trying to analyse everything, desperately trying to get a grip on the situation, but there is no real structure in a wave. Apart from it's regular up and down movement every up and down is different. I'm always thinking ahead, or at least trying to, in order to "fix myself". Always looking for a solution. But now, I'm gonna trust that time is going to fix it for me. I'll just continue doing what I'm doing, and I trust/hope that that's enough.

 

Every thought about the future I try to ignore. I'm still really scared about it all, and well, quite pessimistic. That's why I try to ignore it. I hope for the best, but that's it. I try not to think about all the fears I have. When I do start to worry about them, that's fine. I have a great friend who's always open to help me.

I'm just gonna bear this and sit it through. People keep on saying it'll get better, than it must be true. For me it takes quite some time, but I'm fine with that. It's annoying, but it sure won't last my entire life.

 

So hopefully this is goodbye

[eliturbo]

Hi, I'm back. I managed to last 2 weeks. Pretty sad.

 

I notice that a part of me just doesn't want to give it up and realise it's over. Once a week I go to the city for my piano lessons, and every time there is just a part of me looking if I can find her there. I guess my brain just sees that place as the highest possibility to ever see her again, which might be true. I also go past a school which her little sister goes to. I also always check if I see her when I go past it and school has ended.

I'm having conversations in my head with her, thinking what I would tell her if we would ever speak again, which is never going to happen. I deleted everything about her on my phone, which was surprisingly terribly difficult. I can't remember her phone number so there's no way I'll ever talk to her again. But still, a part of me doesn't want to give up.

It's not like it's a conscious part of my that thinks this. I know it's never going to happen. But not everything within me agrees.

 

I often think about how things will be in 2 years time. How I'll look back at this, if I've gotten over it, how my life is then or maybe it's all the same. Sometimes I feel like this might just be here forever. I don't know why this has hit me as hard as it has, but this is so much more difficult than anything I've ever experienced. This is the biggest challenge I've faced. But what if I'll never win? It's hard to see any progress I've made for the past 4 months. I don't really see any. I have no idea why I'm even thinking that it might be over in 2 years time.

 

Anyways, I think I'll try to be posting here again. Sometimes I think that maybe I can't do this by myself. I hope you guys can help.

[eliturbo]

Seems I've landed on the "missing her" part of the rollercoaster once again. I'm trying to see a pattern, but maybe I'm being too analytical again.

 

I just miss her being there. Having someone to talk to all day, whenever I was bored. I miss her kindness, always knowing exactly the right words to say. I even miss the awkward times whenever I'd finally get to see her again. Even though she never cared (I think), she kissed me for some reason which I will never understand.

The only reason she responded positively to my confession was because she felt sorry for me. The wanted to build a lie, just so I'd be happy. Whenever she thought about quitting and when it would really start to bother her, she never wanted to tell me. When I said that I was worried about what was going on inside her head, she'd lie to me. Everything was one big lie which I still don't understand. Still, I can't help but to miss the thing we had terribly. I don't feel like I can ever let it go. It's just too much. I don't see how anyone is going to top everything she had. Even though it was just a lie. I had an amazing time. One that I don't think I'll ever top. And having to live without that all, that's just too much to handle.

[eliturbo]

Whenever I read around this forum U often see people saying that being upset over a breakup stops whenever you name it stop yourself. Stop feeling bad about it and move on. Leave it behind you. But those thoughts often scare me.

It sets out a goal. Something you've got to achieve. I often say to myself to just stop feeling bad about it, but it doesn't work. Having that attitude only demotivates me. I see that even after a long time I still don't manage to get over it. It makes me question why that is and what I'm doing wrong. It doesn't seem like I can just let it go.

The path I'm taking right now is just going with the flow. Whenever I feel good, I feel good. Wherever I want to cry, I cry, which happens way too often. I'm a little scared that's not enough though. What if that way I'll never get over it? That's why I don't want to think about it. I start to think that I may not be strong enough to get over this. But still, I wonder whether going with the flow is the right way or if I'm doing something wrong. I'm still broken after 4.5 months.

[Nowty V]

How do you want this 'Hope' delivered?

 

Get to the gym, find a Muay Thai boxing school.

 

Learn to kick a$$ in a controlled environment.

 

Who cares if you don't get over it, at least you'll be able to kick a$$

[eliturbo]

Hi

 

Here I am again. I know nobody really reads this, but still I want to update how I am doing.

Everything is still a wild ride. Too wild. At this point I am really, really, really desperate. I don't understand what's going on with me. The extreme wave pattern of feeling good and feeling bad is just not stopping and I have no idea why it's happening. Right now there are a thousand things I am feeling really depressed about, but I don't think it's of any use to share it here. But I am not doing well at all.

I think that this is more than just the heartbreak, which is what I wanted to believe at first, Maybe that triggered it or something, I don't know. But what I do know is that it isn't stopping and I am absolutely done with it. At some moments I just feel like I'm going crazy or something.

My final attempt to fix things is to start talking to a therapist again​. Maybe it's extreme, and it's never going to work, but it's all I see what I can still do. At this point it's really keeping me from doing things that I need to do and I'm just really​ depressed.

 

If there was anyone who read this, thank you for making it through. I know my posts are long and foolish, although this one might not be too long.