DeeplyMissHer Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 Brief History Ex-Girlfriend and I broke up in 2011 after a 9-year relationship. We share a daughter together. After her engagement ended and my relationship ending, she had mentioned us giving it another shot. It took five months before I gave in to my feelings. A few weeks ago I finally gave in to my ex's attempts to get back together with me. We had many discussions where she has admitted she had never gotten over to me and for the five years we were apart, I had always been in the back of her mind. When I started dating my previous girlfriend, she said she felt really jealous because it reminded her of our relationship. I have come to accept and worked on where I had gone wrong in the relationship before. We had both grew up, we are different but more mature. WE had taken four months from the moment she said she wanted to give us another shot and to really see if we can make something work. We hadn't told our daughter our intentions and the 50-50 custody arrangement we have is still in effect. WE text every day and have been going on dates. SO far we hadn't spent any "family" time with our daughter because we don't want to give her false hope. But I do suspect she is catching on. She has made comments about how happy we both have been. Very observant for a 8-year-old. But everything may seem all hanky dory and great, but I'm just having some serious doubts. My girlfriend had dumped me and that feeling of resentment is really coming through. I keep worrying at the next issue she'll leave me again. I no longer party, and my daughter is my top priority. Both issues that according to her led to our break up. How does one shake this fear? Or generally any advice? Also if anyone cares to learn about our history, it can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/554954-i-miss-my-ex-girlfriend-while-relationship Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 DeeplyMissHer, That is why you get married. Makes it harder to just dump something just because you are not "feeling it" that day. I would put down as a marker, that you two will have to marry, and I would also start a once a month talk where both of you can say and disuses anything that is affecting the marriage. Most relationship break due to lack of communication. BTW, I married at 18, and we have been together for 40 plus years. It is doable, but you must want it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted November 21, 2016 Author Share Posted November 21, 2016 DeeplyMissHer, That is why you get married. Makes it harder to just dump something just because you are not "feeling it" that day. I would put down as a marker, that you two will have to marry, and I would also start a once a month talk where both of you can say and disuses anything that is affecting the marriage. Most relationship break due to lack of communication. BTW, I married at 18, and we have been together for 40 plus years. It is doable, but you must want it. Good luck. Marrying her is not a good idea right now. Marriage is not something to just fling around for the hell of it. We have been a part for five years and are just now deciding to dive into it again. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 I'm not sure why the other poster recommended marriage. That is crazy advice IMO. She dumped you, and even though you know and understand the reasons why, it still hurt you. That is understandable. I think you basically need to forgive her for causing you pain. Sure it's possible things won't work out and you'll get dumped and hurt again. Nothing is risky free and there are no guarantees in this life. That is where trust comes in. If you want to find love, you need to trust each other, and put your feelings on the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 There's nothing wrong with seeing her and possibly moving in for a year or two. But, if she just dumped you, instead of cheated on you in the past, then it may be well worth another shot in the future. To me cheating is the biggest betrayal. She's 5 years older, and she's probably seeing the scraps that's out their, and seen what she had was better than what she was getting now. I'd take it slow, and see the reactions. Good luck. Ted Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted December 16, 2016 Author Share Posted December 16, 2016 But, if she just dumped you, instead of cheated on you in the past, then it may be well worth another shot in the future. To me cheating is the biggest betrayal. She's 5 years older, and she's probably seeing the scraps that's out their, and seen what she had was better than what she was getting now. She had admitted to me that she realized she wanted me back about a year before she finally suggested we gave it another go but didn't want to admit it. She was engaged to another man and admitted that she had lingering feelings but was too afraid to act on them because she didn't want history to repeat itself. She said she decided to take the plunge when her relationship fell apart and mine did around the same time. I'm cautious but also optimistic because I'd love for this to work out and have our daughter with both her parents again. We hadn't told our daughter we are back together yet but told her we are getting along and talking more. When the time is right we'll tell her. We do date nights once a week, and lunch once a week. We are going to start sleep overs but we don't want to over due it. We have a lot of things we need to work through. We are in a great place, the attraction is there. But we need to be sure this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Good to hear you are taking it slow. I cringe when people dive in head first without checking the water depth first. There is no rush, and I would take the longest time in moving forward. You are the Casino dealer now, so deal from the top or bottom of the deck, in order to get the results for you and your future family. Ted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeeplyMissHer Posted January 18, 2017 Author Share Posted January 18, 2017 We have been official for a few months again. Things are going really great. We had reconnected and I'm fully in love with her. It almost feels like we were never apart. We text everyday, but still only see each other once or twice a week. We hadn't had any sleep overs yet. We had talked and are strongly considering telling our daughter that we are back together. We are both sure she suspects something, and don't want her to find out from someone else. Does anyone have any advice how to approach this? Link to post Share on other sites
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