What does this mean?

[Amyx]

I found out my boyfriend was trying to make his ex girlfriend jealous. Major shock.

 

Then I find out, his sister cousin (one close cousin) and another girlfriend are still friends with his ex girlfriend on facebook and keep contact.

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't care much for social media but I just find it weird they're still in contact with his ex girlfriend.

 

Recently, his cousin liked quite a few posts on her facebook so she did the same. I think this stems from the fact my boyfriend is trying to make me jealous so therefore I think he talks to his cousin about her, hence why she likes her posts etc. She doesn't like her other cousins ex girlfriends posts. So weird.

 

I think my boyfriend is trying to get back together with his ex girlfriend. What do you think or am I making a big deal over nothing?

[smackie9]

The only way to know is to confront him about it.

[Amyx]

The only way to know is to confront him about it.

 

I have confronted about making ex girllfriend jealous but he said he's moved on, says mean things about her and how he hates her lol.

 

I'm confused to why his cousin who speaks to me aswell keeps liking his ex girlfriends posts. The timing of all this just seems weird, I'm afraid his cousin will try and get him back together with his ex girlfriend because she seems to quite like her. I think he also talks to his cousin about her.

[devilish innocent]

Have you seen any other evidence that your boyfriend wants to get back with his ex-girlfriend? Because if it's just that his cousin or sister likes her Facebook posts than that really seems like you're reading too much into things. It's possible that his cousin and her just like the same sort of things on Facebook. Even if they are still good friends, what does that have to do with him? Even if they met through him, they could have hit it off and formed a friendship that they still want to keep. It really has nothing to do with you.

[Amyx]

Have you seen any other evidence that your boyfriend wants to get back with his ex-girlfriend? Because if it's just that his cousin or sister likes her Facebook posts than that really seems like you're reading too much into things. It's possible that his cousin and her just like the same sort of things on Facebook. Even if they are still good friends, what does that have to do with him? Even if they met through him, they could have hit it off and formed a friendship that they still want to keep. It really has nothing to do with you.

 

It's not even that, recently he tried to make his ex girlfriend jealous (a week ago). She's suddenly starts liking her posts.

 

It all seems fishy to me, I just have a gut instinct something's not right.

[ElizabethIII]

Listen to your instinct.

[stillafool]

I have confronted about making ex girllfriend jealous but he said he's moved on, says mean things about her and how he hates her lol.

 

I'm confused to why his cousin who speaks to me aswell keeps liking his ex girlfriends posts. The timing of all this just seems weird, I'm afraid his cousin will try and get him back together with his ex girlfriend because she seems to quite like her. I think he also talks to his cousin about her.

 

Maybe it is only a matter of the cousin actually liking her posts and has nothing to do with your bf. The cousin is allowed to like her posts.

[Amyx]

Maybe it is only a matter of the cousin actually liking her posts and has nothing to do with your bf. The cousin is allowed to like her posts.

 

It's not that, the liking posts has added to my suspicions because recently (a week ago) my boyfriend tried to make his ex girlfriend jealous so that's why I'm worried even more now.

[Amyx]

Listen to your instinct.

 

It's usually right, I feel uncomfortable.

[smackie9]

If it's usually right then breakup. Why are you putting up with this crap anyways. Find someone who doesn't keep in contact with their ex.

[Amyx]

If it's usually right then breakup. Why are you putting up with this crap anyways. Find someone who doesn't keep in contact with their ex.

 

He doesn't speak to her though, that's the issue.

 

He wanted to reconcile with her twice despite being in a relationship for like 18 months with someone else, but he was too scared to stand up to his family.

 

I thought he'd move on by now, clearly I was wrong.

[aileD]

So what did he do to try to make her jealous?

 

 

And why are you with someone who wants his ex?

[stillafool]

 

He wanted to reconcile with her twice despite being in a relationship for like 18 months with someone else, but he was too scared to stand up to his family.

 

.

 

It's pretty clear to me that he is still in love with his ex. Why are you still trying to hold on to him?

[l8estnews]

It's funny how people still keep posting here when they actually know the real score and what solution they can do.

[Space Ritual]

Amyx,

 

I am very sorry this is happening to you. I just wanted to tell you that Elizabeth III gave you the best piece of advice you could possibly have. And that is to trust instinct.

 

What I would like to say to you is that, for a guy who seems to hate his ex he is going out of his way a bit too overtly to attempt to make her jealous. The social media thing could be anything, however social media is a pretty good determinant of behavior for someone so I would not discount it entirely.

 

What yoru boyfriend is doing is called Gaslighting. The term is from the 1938 play Gas Light He is telling you plenty of things that will drive you crazy even when his actions do not line uo with the words coming out of his mouth.

 

In my opinion, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. If someone is really truly over a former lover, they act indifferent toward them when they are mentioned or seen in person. Taking actions to make the ex jealous or allowing them to occupy any head space at all is not indifference.

 

From what you describe it has all the ingredients of low class drama, from the cousin remaining active friends in the open with the ex, and the protests of ignorance by your BF to anything.That tells me he is not over her by any stretch of the imagination. That also tells me that to that if the opportunity availed itself, he would dump you in a second and go back to her. So you are in a no win situation. I would not hesitate another moment to have the confrontation with him. If I were you I'd be up in his grill today about what the hell he is thinking and what he is going to do. And if he refuses to make a choice, make it for him.

[Amyx]

Amyx,

 

I am very sorry this is happening to you. I just wanted to tell you that Elizabeth III gave you the best piece of advice you could possibly have. And that is to trust instinct.

 

What I would like to say to you is that, for a guy who seems to hate his ex he is going out of his way a bit too overtly to attempt to make her jealous. The social media thing could be anything, however social media is a pretty good determinant of behavior for someone so I would not discount it entirely.

 

What yoru boyfriend is doing is called Gaslighting. The term is from the 1938 play Gas Light He is telling you plenty of things that will drive you crazy even when his actions do not line uo with the words coming out of his mouth.

 

In my opinion, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. If someone is really truly over a former lover, they act indifferent toward them when they are mentioned or seen in person. Taking actions to make the ex jealous or allowing them to occupy any head space at all is not indifference.

 

From what you describe it has all the ingredients of low class drama, from the cousin remaining active friends in the open with the ex, and the protests of ignorance by your BF to anything.That tells me he is not over her by any stretch of the imagination. That also tells me that to that if the opportunity availed itself, he would dump you in a second and go back to her. So you are in a no win situation. I would not hesitate another moment to have the confrontation with him. If I were you I'd be up in his grill today about what the hell he is thinking and what he is going to do. And if he refuses to make a choice, make it for him.

 

I agree with you, I think he will get his cousin to talk to her about a chance of reconciliation. She seems to quite like her from what I've heard. I think he tries to make her jealous for a reaction.

[Superchicken]

If the ex broke up with your BF, then, your in trouble.

At least I, will say, it will be really bad if my ex rocked up to my door, and said hi..

Those feelings for your ex never really die. They just get put away in a draw somewhere in your brain.

 

 

Be on the lookout, and analyse everything twice, and read between the lines.

 

 

The women giving you help in the previous posts know what they are talking about.

You have here, the combined countless hours of experience from these women. Take what they say and act soon.

 

 

He's young, so he's basically a 75% idiot. Watch him.

 

 

Ted.

[Amyx]

If the ex broke up with your BF, then, your in trouble.

At least I, will say, it will be really bad if my ex rocked up to my door, and said hi..

Those feelings for your ex never really die. They just get put away in a draw somewhere in your brain.

 

 

Be on the lookout, and analyse everything twice, and read between the lines.

 

 

The women giving you help in the previous posts know what they are talking about.

You have here, the combined countless hours of experience from these women. Take what they say and act soon.

 

 

He's young, so he's basically a 75% idiot. Watch him.

 

 

Ted.

 

EXACTLY! But my boyfriend broke up with her because his family didn't approve of her. But then he was in a relationship straight after (not me), he was with her for 18 months and during that he tried reconcile with her twice.

 

We've been together for nearly a year now, he's tried to make her jealous. His close cousin is active friends with her in the open despite me being his girlfriend for a year now. I think he's using his cousin to get to her, like she may try and convince her to take him back. She's still friends with his sister on Facebook etc.

 

He's 23 by the way, I'm 23 and his ex girlfriends 21. She was his first love. As serious relationship.

[Superchicken]

Oh boy, not good. Family made them split, then, I see trouble in the future. The fact he "Had" to dump her for family reasons, means he may well, still be holding feelings for her.

 

 

If I were in your shoes (I'd be Gay first of all), I would see how guarded he is with his phone. If he is, oh boy..

If not, grab his phone, and say you want to use the "Camera Function" or something like that. Say yours produces crappy unsharp images, and he's is better. Pretend to take some shots of some pages in a book, cloths in your wardrobe, etc.. Something where he cant see you actually using it clearly. Maybe go to the toilet with it, etc.. Then go to town on his phone !. search images, texts, his facebook app (May have another account on his phone).

 

 

Hope you don't find anything...

 

 

Ted.

[aileD]

Oh boy, not good. Family made them split, then, I see trouble in the future. The fact he "Had" to dump her for family reasons, means he may well, still be holding feelings for her.

 

 

If I were in your shoes (I'd be Gay first of all), I would see how guarded he is with his phone. If he is, oh boy..

If not, grab his phone, and say you want to use the "Camera Function" or something like that. Say yours produces crappy unsharp images, and he's is better. Pretend to take some shots of some pages in a book, cloths in your wardrobe, etc.. Something where he cant see you actually using it clearly. Maybe go to the toilet with it, etc.. Then go to town on his phone !. search images, texts, his facebook app (May have another account on his phone).

 

 

Hope you don't find anything...

 

 

Ted.

 

or use the time to add your thumbprint to it so you can get it in the future anytime you want

[Amyx]

Oh boy, not good. Family made them split, then, I see trouble in the future. The fact he "Had" to dump her for family reasons, means he may well, still be holding feelings for her.

 

 

If I were in your shoes (I'd be Gay first of all), I would see how guarded he is with his phone. If he is, oh boy..

If not, grab his phone, and say you want to use the "Camera Function" or something like that. Say yours produces crappy unsharp images, and he's is better. Pretend to take some shots of some pages in a book, cloths in your wardrobe, etc.. Something where he cant see you actually using it clearly. Maybe go to the toilet with it, etc.. Then go to town on his phone !. search images, texts, his facebook app (May have another account on his phone).

 

 

Hope you don't find anything...

 

 

Ted.

 

Okay I will try to do that!

 

I think he does have feelings for her because he tried to make her jealous. He also keeps cropping me out of his profile pictures ? despite his sister and cousins knowing about us!

[Amyx]

or use the time to add your thumbprint to it so you can get it in the future anytime you want

 

Thanks ? I will try to do that!

[Superchicken]

Remember, its not you causing the problems.

Its that idiot you call your love..

 

 

Just keep reminding yourself this, if you get a little upset.

 

 

Ted.

[Amyx]

Remember, its not you causing the problems.

Its that idiot you call your love..

 

 

Just keep reminding yourself this, if you get a little upset.

 

 

Ted.

 

Do you think he still loves his ex girlfriend and wants to get back with her?

[Superchicken]

That's a loaded question.

Look, I can really "ONLY" speak for myself, but I'm pretty sure, being human, we fall under the same stupid emotions.

Yes, I really think he does still love her. BUT, its a faded love, which, sadly, and hurtfully, is being re kindled.

Just when you thought the camp fire was totally out, a fresh wind some time later, causes a flame to occur, and this sadly causes the passion and want, to restart.

 

 

I still think you have a chance to stamp out the fire, but just like the real thing, you may get a little burnt, or a lot.

The only thing going for you, is that you really have NOTHING to loose.

I think your going to lose him soon, but again, these are my thoughts, and so please take it knowing this.

Please also balance everyone else's comments. They all have experience in these matters, as they wont be on this forum if they didn't.

 

 

Sweetheart, put on some sweat pants, and come out swinging and fighting. Don't let up.

Go away for 2 or 3 days, and show him you mean business.

 

 

Let me know how you go.

 

 

Ted.

Edited November 24, 2016 by Superchicken